When Yaku got his first kiss at 18.
But it wasn't with his long-time best friend and fiancée Kuroo Tetsurou.
Instead it's a secret he's held between him, the moon, and Sugawara Koushi.
--
Yaku taps on the wooden table impatiently. He looks out the window again. Then back to the clock. It reads 3:38 PM.
He checks his phone. Suga's last message was forty minutes ago saying he was running late.
Abruptly his phone rings. Yaku sees the contact and presses call.
"Suga? You okay?" Yaku asks as he hurriedly brings the phone to his ear.
He had already been waiting thirty minutes at the café they agreed on. Suga said his university tour would end around 2, but now he's nowhere to be seen.
Yaku glances at the clock on the wall. It's 3:40.
"Yaku...I'm lost. Help me."
"Huh? What happened?"
"I think I got on the wrong train. Again," Suga cries.
"Send me your location, I'll come get you," Yaku sighs.
"Thank you! You're a life-saver, Yakuuu!"
After what took almost 2 hours of tracking and traveling, Yaku found Suga, who had accidentally traveled to the opposite side of town. When Yaku spot him, he was waiting patiently at the station, but anyone could see he was frantically trying to keep it together.
"Yaku I'm so sorry!!" Suga repeated for the third time, on the verge of tears.
"Suga, please don't apologize! It's really okay! I shouldn't have chosen a cafe so far from the campus," Yaku attempts to reassure.
"But you didn't choose one far! I'm just hopeless!" Suga cries, his head falling into his hands. "What was I even thinking! I'm just not suit out for Tokyo."
"Hey, you're not hopeless. Sure, you're not good at the train system. But that's because you're not used to it yet. I've lived here for as long as I have, so of course I know how to use it. It's practice, that's all."
Yaku holds Suga's hand and begins walking towards the upcoming train. The doors open and they begin to enter. Yaku turns his head back to Suga and gives him a smile.
"So, don't be so hard on yourself. There's always room to improve. I'm sure you know that."
Suga wipes his eyes, smiling back, "Yeah, you're right. Thank you."
"No problem."
---
After 20 minutes of quietly watching passing lights in the night of Tokyo, Suga turns to Yaku.
"Hey, I know you said not to apologize, but I do wanna say I'm sorry we didn't get to hang out today. I really wanted to go to that café with you. I wish we still had time, but it's gotten so late now."
At that, Yaku thinks to himself. He doesn't want Suga to beat himself up over this all night. It would suck if this is what his experience in tokyo becomes.
Yaku's expression lights up.
"Suga do you have something going on tomorrow?" Yaku asks.
"Tomorrow? No, why?- Oh, wait I don't think I'll be able to come to Tokyo again, I'm sorry."
"Ah, no, that's not what I meant. I was trying to ask if it's possible if you could stay over the night. At my place. If that's okay with you?"
"Oh! That's so kind of you! Is that really okay? I didn't even pack any clothes!"
"Don't worry! My parents are totally okay, and I'll let you borrow what you need. Besides, I'm worried to send you home so late."
"Aww, thank you! You're really too kind Yaku!" Suga chimes, before wrapping his arms around the smaller boy.
----
Suga shifts, unable to sleep. His hands are playing with the soft fabric of Yaku's T-shirt.
"Yaku?" Suga calls out quietly.
He rolls on his side, facing Yaku's back. Originally, he was going to sleep on the futon Yaku had set out for him, but then Yaku changed his mind and told Suga to sleep on the bed instead.
They ended up going back and forth on the subject until Suga suggested they both sleep on the bed. Now, they're lying quietly on Yaku's cool mattress, but Suga still feels restless.
"Yaku? Are you still awake?" Suga asks again.
"Hm? Yeah. Are you uncomfortable?" Yaku turns to face him.
"Oh, no. I'm perfectly fine, I just can't sleep."
"Do you need anything, or are you not tired?" Yaku asks, concerned.
"Geez, you really are a mom," Suga teases.
"Not you too," Yaku pouts.
"I'm not tired, that's all," Suga reassures.
"Okay. Would you like me to stay up with you?"
"Only if you want to! I wouldn't want to keep you up."
"It's fine, it's boring to sleep on a sleepover anyways."
"Haha, you're right," Suga giggles.
For some reason he feels like a little boy again, giggling under the sheets on a sleepover with a friend. He finds spending time with Yaku to be a nice change of pace. It's fun.
"Did you want to tell me something?" Yaku questions.
"Oh, because I called out to you?"
Yaku nods.
"Hm.. sorta? But..." he hesitates, "yeah, actually I did. Although I'm a bit nervous to tell you."
"It's okay, you can tell me. If you want, I won't even say anything. I'll just listen."
"No, I'd rather hear what you have to say, honestly."
"Okay."
A beat.
"Yaku, I think I like boys."
"Oh."
"Haha, you don't hate me now, do you?"
"What? Of course not!" Yaku quickly replies. "I'm sorry, I was surprised. I don't think what you said is a bad thing at all!"
Suga chuckles at Yaku's panic. "That's good. I would hate it if you hated me. I really like you. Not as in 'like', but y'know, I'd like to stay your friend."
"Yeah, me too," Yaku replies, the corner of his lips pointing upwards.
"You have a really nice smile."
"W-what?" Yaku stammers, causing Suga to giggle.
"Haha, that's so cute, Yaku. You fluster easily," Suga laughs as he ruffles Yaku's hair.
"Stop, don't call me cute." Yaku's frowning, but doesn't try to stop Suga's hand.
"Suga, why did you want to tell me that?" Yaku asks, his voice shifting a bit more serious.
"Hmm, I don't know. I've never told a friend that. I guess I just really wanted to say it out loud for myself. To witness it," Suga replies. "Plus, I trust you. I've only known you for a short while, but I know you're truly a genuine human being, Yaku."
Yaku doesn't know what to say to that, so he just nods as a way to show appreciation, but also for Suga to continue.
"Even if you hated me for it, you wouldn't hide your feelings. I would still appreciate that," Suga chuckles.
"I'm glad then," Yaku replies. He remains quiet afterwards, as he tries to formulate his words.
"Suga, what do you mean by witness?"
"Oh, I guess that's kind of confusing, isn't it?" Suga hums to himself. "What I mean is, you know when there's something you really want or have never seen before?"
Suga turns to face the ceiling, "Like you could totally get it or go that destination. It's in your grasp, but you refuse it. Because it's scary to give it a chance. Or what if you do it, but it's not what you imagined?"
"It's more disappointing than what you anticipated?"
"Yes, exactly that," Suga states. "When you don't allow yourself to witness it."
Yaku watches the boy in front of him. He finds himself in awe. Suga has realized something in himself in a way most people would hope to realize for themselves too.
"I think I'm starting to understand," Yaku whispers. "It's those doubts that prevent you from figuring out how you really feel."
"Yeah. I knew you'd understand." Suga smiles brightly under the moonlight.
"Your smile is nice too, Koushi."
"Thanks, Morisuke."
-----
"You said think. Why only 'you think you like boys' and not that you just 'do'?"
"I'm probably making it overcomplicated, but I guess I'm still not sure," Suga replies uncertain. "I'm like eighty percent sure I do, but I'm not a hundred."
"Eighty is still quite a lot," Yaku points out. "What's holding up the twenty percent?"
"Well, okay, another secret, but I have huge crush on Daichi."
Yaku tries to pinpoint the name to a face. He remembers hearing a slurred 'Sa'mura' in Kuroo's voice. A sturdy, reliable, but loud young man pops into Yaku's mind.
"Daichi? Your team captain, right?"
"Yup. He's the whole reason I even think I like boys in the first place. And that's the problem."
"That's a problem?"
"Yeah, because if he's the only boy I've ever liked, then how do I know if I like boys or if I just like Daichi?" Suga groans. "It's dumb, but it's honestly so confusing and I want answers. I want to know for sure, especially before I decide if I want to stay in Miyagi or not."
"I guess that makes sense," Yaku agrees, nodding. "So you've never thought about other guys before?"
"Not really, I mean I can tell who's conventionally attractive, but it's never to the extent to how I feel towards Daichi."
"Well, maybe try imagining it? Imagine, I don't know, kissing some random dude."
"Ew, no. They have to be attractive at least."
Yaku laughs at that. "Alright, imagine kissing an attractive dude."
Suga closes his eyes, he tries to imagine someone attractive. Well, he likes dark hair. Not too long, so nice, short, and evenly cut. Strong jawline is a must. Tan skin, dark eyes, nice thick eyebrows- wait. This is just Daichi.
"Agh! It's not working! I keep picturing Daichi!"
"Bahahaha!-" Yaku quickly covers his own mouth to muffle his laughter. He takes a moment to settle back down.
"I'm sorry, I guess that wasn't very helpful," he whispers.
"Haha, it's alright I appreciate you trying," Suga chuckles. "If it was that easy, I would've figured it out by now."
He lets out a sigh, "Honestly it'd be so easy if had a boy right in front of me to kiss so then I'd know if I hated it or not."
The room goes unexpectedly quiet.
"Morisuke?"
"I'm a boy," a voice says quietly.
"What?" Suga asks, unsure if he heard correctly.
"I said, I'm a boy. Right in front of you."
"Oh- wait- I didn't- I wasn't suggesting-" Suga panicks. "Please don't misunderstand."
"I'm not," Yaku assures. "If anything, it's simple isn't it?"
"No! It's really not!" Suga cries. "Telling you is one thing, kissing you is another! I really don't need you to hate me."
"I told you I would never hate you! And you're not forcing me to do anything. I'm just offering help, of course, you don't have to accept it."
"Wait, you're offering? Why would you do that."
"You're my friend."
He says it so simply, Suga isn't sure to be in awe or in distress.
"Morisuke, you don't go around kissing all your friends do you?"
"Of course not! This is a one-time case!"
Suga laughs at his defense, finding this conversation to be bizarre. This whole day has been bizarre.
"But aren't you straight, Morisuke?"
"I ...am."
Odd.
"Morisuke, what was that."
"W-what?"
"I'm not crazy. You totally hesitated."
"I did not!"
"You did!"
"Didn't!'
"Is there something you're not telling me?" Suga asks excitingly.
"What! No! I am straight!" Yaku urges, "...at least I thought so... until about five minutes ago. I don't know! Forget everything I said!"
"Oh, come on! What's that mean?"
"I'm not sure! This makes no sense! I don't even know why I'm questioning myself. I do like girls. I swear. I've always liked girls. I'm sure of it," Yaku exhales. "But all of a sudden as we're talking, a dumb idea crawls in my brain and makes me wonder about things I've never even thought about before!"
"Hey, it's not dumb and it's totally natural to be curious," Suga encourages. "Why the change in perspective?"
"I don't know. I can't pinpoint it. Maybe it's just because of this conversation?"
"So you want to kiss me to find out?"
"No- it's not because of that. Not because of me. I swear it was only under intentions of helping you."
"Haha, it's okay, I'm not offended," Suga laughs. "Still, would you like to find out?"
"Huh?"
"I was opposed to kissing you before because I didn't want to cross your boundaries, even if you're trying to help," Suga meets Yaku's eyes, "but now, maybe we can both figure something out. We can witness it for ourselves."
"Then we can decide how we feel about it?" Yaku says softly.
"Exactly."
The two slowly sit up and face each other. The moonlight pours into the room through the crack of Yaku's curtains. It frames Suga's face gently, highlighting the beauty mark under his lower lid.
Yaku inhales quietly, suddenly afraid to make a noise. The shudder of his breath can be heard in the silent room.
"Relax, it's just me."
"I know. It's- this is my first time."
"Me too," Suga hums softly. "Do you have a problem with that?"
"No. Do you?"
"Of course not, it's you after all." Suga shares a kind smile.
"I'm glad it's you too." Yaku smiles back.
Yaku holds Suga's hand, their fingers intertwining. Yaku shivers lightly as Suga's hand slowly cups his cheek. Yaku shuts his eyes closed and waits in anticipation.
Yaku hears a deep breath, before Suga leans in closer to his face, and whispers, "Thank you," before placing his lips gently against Yaku's.
The kiss ends almost as soon as their lips touched. Yaku's eyes flutter open and he feels his face heat. He's sure that his cheeks are as red as his game jersey.
What surprises him, however, is to see that Suga's face is as red as his. Suga is looking down and has yet to face him.
"That.. I didn't mind that." Suga mumbles to himself, placing two fingers onto where their lips just met.
Yaku chuckles. "I didn't mind that either."
Hearing him, Suga looks up and chuckles back. "I guess I like boys."
"I, I guess I like boys too."
A moment.
"Wanna try again?"
"Okay."
This time, Yaku feels a bit more confident. He can tell Suga feels the same by the way he's caressing Yaku's cheek with a bit more weight.
Then, their lips meet again, and they stay longer than before. It's soft, but as it continues, Yaku decides to press a bit harder. Suga lets him. They focus on the feeling of each others lips, separating just a little, before meeting again shortly after. Suga feels Yaku's breath against his own. He decides he likes this. Yaku does too.
When they separate fully, they just look at each other for a minute to breathe.
And in a burst, giggling fills the air. They fall onto to the mattress, letting out unintelligible noises of laughter. Their hands still interlocked and the moonlight splattered on the sheets.
Suddenly a knock.
"Mori? Are you and your friend still awake?"
The two boys still, their laughter dying at the sound of Yaku's mother's voice outside. They stare intensely at the door for what seems like an eternity. Then, one step. Two steps. Until they can't hear them down the hall anymore.
The boys sigh and fall back onto the mattress. Suga makes eye contact with Yaku. The stare at each other silently, until they find themselves burst laughing yet again.
Here, Suga finds that he feels like a little boy again, giggling under the sheets with another boy over a secret they share. A secret first kiss only for the two of them and the moon.
