#xtjna

This is only the first out of a series of messages. Let’s look at the continuation, shall we?

2/3: literally every 60/70 notes i have someone who is all for sex positivity and bdsm and “no kink shaming” which lets all kind of abusive people get their actions swept under the rug and im responding to you specifically bc i have that kind of time right now

3/3: like i dont have the time for any of you people in your feelings reblogging my post that was specifically about a rapist in my area who was supposed to be upholding a safe space for survivors and was manipulating and abusing them? go away you are a stain

Let’s talk about this.

So first of all, you didn’t make it clear in your post (or in any way even once directly reference) that you were speaking of a predator in your area. If you or those close to you have been personally victimized by a sexual predator, I am genuinely very sorry. That is a horrible thing to go through, and you deserve support and understanding. Sexual assault or abuse is never ever okay, and if you feel as though I somehow condoned it, know that that was not my intention.

THAT SAID. I never condoned abuse. I don’t need your childish insults, either, but if you’re hurting, I’ll let it go. But please, I want to start discussions, and you seem like you’re only trying to end one. Also? I never said anything about kink shaming. I’m not really sure where you got that. While I do oppose shaming of any kind, you’re projecting others’ responses onto me. I honestly don’t even know why you messaged me, to be honest. You don’t have a real argument. But here goes anyway.

Your statement, in your original post (and here), is that sex positivity is essentially a venue for predators. This is simply not true, and it is a very harmful idea to perpetuate. I said that in my original reblog, and I stand by it. I think maybe you don’t understand what sex positivity is, so here’s the definition, via the Source of All Internet Knowledge TM, Wikipedia: "The sex-positive movement is a social movement which promotes and embraces sexuality with few limits beyond an emphasis on safe sex and the importance of consent.”

There you have it, in its simplest form. The most basic tenant of sex positive feminism is consent. What do predators and abusers not ask or care for? What do they override and oftentimes never even think of? Consent. If you have been sexually assaulted or abused, it is due to someone not gaining your enthusiastic, uncoerced consent. If you enthusiastically consented the entire time, you were an active part of the sexual encounter and there was no abuse. Therefore, sexual predators/abusers definitely do not love sex positivity, because they do not love consent.

If a predator takes language from sex positivity and warps it to manipulate young women or men, they are not sex positive. It is terrible that sexual predators exist. It is terrible that they do what they do. But no matter what words are available, abusers and predators will make use of them to abuse. Sex positivity aims to teach young women (and men!) the principles of safe, sane and consensual sex (SSC, by the way, is the tagline for the very same kink community that I did not mention before but which you seem to hate, for some reason). If people are taught that their consent matters, and what consent is, they will be less vulnerable to hearing the lies of a predator who warps language in the way you’re talking about, because they will understand what it means to be a consenting (or non-consenting!) member of a sexual interaction. It also means they will know when they have been assaulted. I don’t know about you, but I want that for everyone.

idk i saw ld at bonnaroo and they were boring af the whole time i walked away like 3 songs in

sheesh!

target