#xiaoxo

urs

loosely based on urs by niki

pairing! lee haechan x reader

synopsis! in which you’re not able to read how haechan feels about you and you’re left second-guessing about his true intentions, but you’ve completely fallen for him and acknowledges that it is unhealthy for yourself. in other words, your situationship with lee haechan.

notes! situationship!haechan, angst, fluff, suggestive themes, profanity, he’s kind of an ass, non idol au, inaccurate depictions of party culture/hookup culture etc,

status! completed

one; 6:42 pm

two; 12:31 pm

three; 9:07 pm

four; 9:26 pm

five; 11:03 pm

six; 11:11 pm

bonus [6.5]

seven; 7:22 pm

eight; 9:58 pm

nine; 5:14 pm

ten; 7:07 pm

eleven; 8:12 pm

twelve; 1:27 am

bonus [12.5]

thirteen; 10:35 am

fourteen; 3:18 pm

series m.list

"who was that guy you were with earlier?"

"can i have a minute to breathe before you start interrogating me? i'm still naked," you sighed, feeling slightly frustrated.

haechan just shrugged, a hint of curiosity in his eyes. "just wondering."

"you mean you're just jealous," you playfully teased, a slight smile forming on your lips. although you and haechan were only friends, there was an unspoken connection between you two. one text, and he would show up at your place in no time, but lately, those encounters had become less frequent.

"mark is a friend from college, remember? lee minhyung? you guys were practically roommates for a semester... he recently moved back home and wanted to catch up, that's all," you reassured him, hoping to ease any concerns. he responded with a muttered "okay" before grabbing his clothes. it had become somewhat of a routine, his presence in your home dwindling. he stayed for shorter periods, making you feel somewhat unsettled.

"the guys are planning to have breakfast together this friday. you’ll be there, right?" you asked, trying to break the awkward silence that seemed to taint your recent one-on-one encounters.

"yeah, i think so. renjun will give me an earful if i don't show up for another group outing," haechan replied, chuckling lightly. maybe things weren't changing after all. satisfied with his response, you murmured a quick "good" and left it at that.

"alright, i’ll be heading out now, got shit to do," he added without any endearing nicknames—no "babe," "angel," "baby," or "honey." nothing.

"oh, okay. see you friday then," you said, offering a half-hearted smile, hesitant to lean in for a hug, let alone a kiss. but he didn't seem to share your hesitation. he simply left, hands in his pockets, giving you a solitary nod.

as you fell back onto the bed that suddenly felt much larger than it did just ten minutes ago, letting out a shaky exhale, realizing you had been holding your breath.

what is happening?

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series m.list

haechan was a mess, the last encounter with you haunting his mind. no one had seen him in weeks, his self isolation driven by the humiliation and regret.

how’d he let it get this bad?

he’d ruined the one good thing he had going for him, the one thing that could've ever gone right in his life, gone.

he caused you so much pain, so much anguish, you were sick of him, quite literally. all for what? because he couldn’t admit he wanted to be yours?

it was his turn to make himself sick. walking down to the 7-Eleven for the fourth time this week to stock up on booze, he glanced out the storefront window as he waited for his transaction to complete, and spotted you, hand in hand with choi yeonjun, as you exited the bistro across the street.

it felt like a punch to the gut, a harsh reminder of what he lost. you deserved happiness, he knew that. but the thought of you finding it with someone else, while he suffered in his own misery, was almost too much to bear, he deserved this.

all haechan could do was sigh, grabbing his items and heading back to his apartment, a sort of walk of shame, as he dialed up minjeong.

“...hello? haechan? it’s almost 10 pm.” her deadpanned tone rang through the receiver.

“y-yeah… sorry,” he croaked. she was the first person to hear from him in a while, not that she of all people was worried. “just wondering if you were maybe free tomorrow, just to hang out… i guess.”

minjeong only sighed. “listen, haechan, i don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

“o-oh, yeah, i guess… i guess you're right.”

“it’s not you! well– no, yeah, it is you,” ouch, “but we both know it just wouldn’t have worked out, right? you’re too focused on y/n, and we were both clearly just using each other as a distraction.” he could only listen as she went on, too afraid to say anything, to face the truth.

“the same reason you and i would never work out is the same reason mark and y/n won’t work out. we don’t have feelings for each other, haechan. it was never there.” he sucked in a breath.

“you gotta figure yourself out. we both know you can do better.” the line went dead.

haechan slumped against his front door, the weight of minjeong's words crashing down on him. the silence of his empty apartment echoed his loneliness, the low light from the streetlamp outside mocking him as he sat there. every sip of alcohol burned down his throat, but it didn’t numb the ache in his chest. the empty bottles around him were a testament to his attempts to drown out the guilt, but no amount could wash away the regret. he needed to change, to make things right, but where could he even start? he replayed your last conversation in his mind, your tear-streaked face, the hurt in your eyes. how had he been so blind?

unlocking his phone to scroll through his unopened messages, stumbling on his chats, or lack thereof, with you. they’d been dry, barren of any feelings for weeks. and it was his doing.

the unopened voicemails, mostly from jaemin about missing cafe dates and more of johnny’s parties, but there was a new one he hadn’t noticed before.

from mark.

hesitantly he pressed play, mentally bracing for the new lecture he was about to endure.

”hey man, uh— i’m not calling to apologize or anything, just so you know, i don’t feel bad for the things i said, neither does jun. i’m still really mad at you, we both are, but you're still our friend just as much as y/n is, even she’s a little worried, renjun told her not to be and i probably shouldn't have told you but whatever. the guys have been asking about you and no one really has an answer. uhm,” mark clears his throat, “jeno said he saw you outside 7-Eleven a couple nights this week already, smoking a new pack of cigarettes each time…” he sighs, pausing for a moment. haechan can feel the lump forming in his throat from the embarrassment.

“dude just because we ‘sided’ with y/n, doesn’t mean we don’t care about you and your well being anymore. obviously you feel stupid finally, and you clearly know you were wrong, but you’re going about things the wrong way, again. you can’t keep living like this, hurting the people you care about, hurting yourself, in the process.” he pauses for a bit, and haechan thinks maybe the message had ended like that, “whatever, uh, i don’t know what else i’m supposed to say bro, just let us know you’re okay, i guess, bye.” the beep signaling the end of the voicemail rings loudly against his ear, sighing shakily as he shut his phone off.

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series m.list

“bro… why do you keep throwing parties? we’re not in a frat anymore…” mark side eyed johnny, who looked more crazy than excited.

“dude! are you kidding– i’m gonna be thirty! i have to party while i still have time, duh!” mark could only roll his eyes at his dramatics, turning to engage with renjun and jeno, who were already busy arguing over some game.

sighing, he turns his head, catching a glimpse of you at the snack table, as you turned to reach for a handful of chips, you bumped into someone, nearly spilling your drink. you looked up, surprised to see haechan standing there, looking equally startled.

“oh, sorry,” you said, stepping back.

“no, it’s my fault,” he replied, his voice tired and soft, barely audible over the music.

you both stood there for a moment, an awkward silence hanging between you. he looked like he hadn’t been taking care of himself—dark circles under his eyes, hair a bit messier than usual. he seemed thinner, almost sickly, and the sight of him tugged at your heartstrings despite everything.

“didn’t expect to see you here,” you finally said, breaking the silence.

“yeah, me neither,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “kinda got dragged out by the guys.”

you nodded, not sure what to say. the conversation felt dry, and you could tell he was struggling with it too.

“how’ve you been?” he asked, his eyes flicking away from yours, unable to hold your gaze.

“i’ve been... okay,” you replied, feeling the weight of the understatement. “just keeping busy with work and stuff.”

“that’s good,” he said, nodding absently. “keeping busy is good.”

another awkward silence fell between you, the noise of the party feeling distant and muted. he shuffled at his feet, looking like he wanted to say something more but couldn’t find the words.

“i saw you with yeonjun the other day,” he blurted out suddenly. “h-how’s that going?”

you blinked, caught off guard by the question. “oh, that…we– it’s good.” you already stopped seeing yeonjun.

“that’s good,” he said, his voice tinged with something you couldn’t quite place. “you deserve it… good things, i mean– to be happy.”

“thanks,” you said softly, not quite knowing how to respond. you both stood there in awkward silence, the noise of the party feeling distant and muted.

he looked down at the floor, swaying awkwardly, his expression conflicted. “i... uh, i’ve been doing a lot of thinking... about everything. i know i uhm–” he swallows thickly, “messed up, i–i didn’t handle things well.”

“no, you didn’t,” you agreed, your tone blunt. you didn’t want to sugarcoat it for him.

he winced at your honesty but nodded. “yeah, i deserve that.”

he looked like he wanted to say more, his mouth opening and closing a few times, wanting to say more—apologize, explain, anything—but the words tangled in his throat, nothing coming out. the frustration and regret in his eyes were clear, but he seemed so unable to articulate them. his heart raced as he felt the weight of your eyes on him, searching for something he couldn’t give.

“i should… um, i have to go,” he mumbled, turning on his heel before he could change his mind.

“hyuck-” you started, but he was already retreating, leaving you alone once again.

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two weeks barely crept by.

an unbearable two weeks of virtually nothing, half-assed dms, shared instagram posts, before haechan just stopped altogether. the hangouts and nights spent together no longer existed. as if your friendship no longer existed. the most contact you had beyond whatever this could even be considered was stolen glances at the group’s regular cafe meetups and apartment hangouts that jaemin so very obliviously insisted on both of you showing up to, and neither of you would dare to break jaemin’s heart.

johnny threw another party, doyoung taking initiative soon after and promising it would be chill this time. it was the only way he could convince everyone to show up after the last one.

“stop crowding me!” your speech was a bit slurred, having drunk a lot more than usual. choosing to stay around mark, chenle, and jisung was proving to be a poor decision on your part with the way they’ve successfully managed to box you in near the back door. mark sighed, giving chenle and jisung a look, effectively sending them off to give you some space as he rubbed your back in a comforting gesture, but you shoved him off, grabbing another beer and stepping out onto the porch for some fresh air by yourself.

another poor choice on your part as you were unaware of haechan exiting from the other door as well, stepping out for a smoke break.

“so you and mark, huh?” he broke the silence. god, why does he have to speak?

“what does... what do you care?” you mumbled, taking a long sip of the cheap beer.

“think prim and proper gentlemanly mark is gonna appreciate you drinking that much?” the audacity.

“what. do you. care? what does it matter to you or mark?” silence. he’s taken aback by your tone, only now is he picking up on the inebriated state you’re in. “‘s not like you ever did.” you’re not making any sense.

“huh?” now he’s playing dumb, of course, looking at you like you grew a second head.

“what are you goin’ on about?”

“why do you get to react to all that i do constantly? why are you the only one allowed to be jealous, say- say all your bullshit and make me feel bad!” you scoff, “mark was never the problem, right? i was. w-what does she have... that i don’t?” any snide remark he had ready to fire, died on his tongue as he watched your glassy bloodshot eyes glare back at him.

“it’s not fair, donghyuck.” he flinches, hearing his own name leave your lips in such fashion. “you don’t get to act like i’m yours if you won’t show me, it’s not fair for you to act like we were nothing. i gave you everything, hyuck, and you left me.” why are you telling him all of this? he’s just standing there in stunned silence, without a care in the world, and your words just keep pouring out, one for each sip of that disgusting cocktail taeyong mixed earlier.

“you were doing so well at leaving me alone before, but you’re really fucking bad at it right now.”

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series m.list

“did he pick up?”

mark sighs heavily as he walks back into the living room, dropping down onto the couch with a soft thud. he shakes his head at you, “nah, straight to voicemail.”

you can’t help but pout. despite all he’s done, your feelings for haechan remain steady, unyielding. you pull your knees up to your chest, resting your chin on them as you stare off into space.

mark purses his lips, watching you with a mix of concern and frustration. “don’t make that face, it’s not your fault. he’s just in a mood because he finally realized he fucked up.”

“i know,” you drawl, “i just… i don’t know…” you start picking at your cuticles, an anxious habit that’s become more frequent lately. your mind races with thoughts of haechan—his smile, his laugh, the way he used to look at you when he thought you weren’t watching. the anxiety over the whole situation eats away at you, making it hard to focus on anything else.

mark notices and grabs your hands to make you stop, reminding you that he’s there for you. he clears his throat awkwardly,

“i– uh… i hope you know hyuck’s insecurity when it comes to me is baseless. i don’t want you to think… like, that i meant to impose on your relationship– or… well, whatever it is you guys have–” he stammers, his cheeks tinged with a slight blush. his sincerity makes you genuinely laugh for the first time in a while.

“mark,” your hand rests reassuringly on his shoulder, “i know, you were never a threat to hyuck and i’s… arrangement,” you cough awkwardly at the label, “the first time you spoke to me in college was literally to ask about my roommate.”

he laughs at your deadpan expression, “yeah, i still don’t know i would've been able to even make eye contact with yeri if it wasn’t for you.” his admission makes you giggle, the memory of mark’s awkward attempts to get yeri’s attention bringing a smile to your face.

“plus we all kinda thought you and haechan were already dating, when we found out you weren’t, we were all rooting for you anyway. chenle and yangyang might’ve put bet on it too… chenle blames jeno for losing since he figured out you guys were only hooking up as ‘friends'.”

shaking your head at the boys antics before you sigh, i just don’t get why he’d take it that way, you especially always steered clear of him, i thought your crush on yeri was more obvious anyway.” you shrug.

“oh? you mean like your super lowkey subtle crush on haechan? for…,” his finger rests on his chin, pretending to think, “six years?” men (mark) can be so evil.

“hey! not fair, you took just as long to ask out yeri!” your childish protests echo down the hall, mingling with mark’s wicked laughter, his eyes sparkle with mischief.

“dude, i’m just saying! how did you even agree to be haechan’s fuck buddy, your best friend, if you liked him so much?”

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series m.list

three months later

“i haven’t seen haechan this happy in months.” mumbled jeno, watching the scene unfolding across from him. there you were, animatedly explaining some workplace drama to haechan, who definitely wasn’t paying attention to anything coming out of your mouth, too busy staring at you with hearts in his eyes.

“i know, right… it’s disgusting.” renjun deadpanned.

“c’mon jun, acting like you weren’t also rooting for them back in school.” mark chided. “he finally got his shit in order, now look at him, like a lovesick puppy.” he teased.

“are you guys gonna keep to one corner for your date the entire afternoon or are you gonna tell us how haechan finally romanced you.” chenle sighed, waiting impatiently for the story.

“oh he romanced me alright,” you gushed, ready to fill them in, while haechan only grumbled, sinking in his seat, not wanting them to know the nitty gritty details of three weeks prior when he finally asked you out.

ᵎ

“so are we gonna go on a date yet or what?” haechan couldn’t hide the jittery excitement even if he tried, his leg bouncing like he was ready to jump at any moment now.

it had been two months since you made up with him, accepting his apology, and vowing to rekindle your friendship at the very least.

“hm… well i don’t know, i haven’t been properly asked…” you sigh dramatically, looking around with a rather bored expression. something finally clicks in his brain, you can almost see in the corner of your eye, a lightbulb over his head flickers.

what does he do?

“oh my dear y/n, please please please please can i take you out on a date? y/n i promise, cross my heart, swear on my nintendogs, i will make it worth your while i will wine and dine you so hard, we could do a classic romantic dinner and a movie i heard inside out 2 is doing super well right now… would you do me, lee donghyuck, the honor of going on a date with me?” the room is silent save for the literal panting he was doing, having said it all in one breath, on his knees, hands clasped together as he begged for a proper date.

your mouth was agape, you should’ve expected such theatrics from haechan, but it wasn’t any less surprising to hear such a sincere level of dedication and desperation.

“inside out 2 sounds like a good plan,” you murmur, which is immediately met with haechan doing a victory dance of sorts.

ᵎ

“check out romeo!” even jisung took part in the teasing, making haechan’s ears burn bright red.

“okay, cut it out! i thought it was cute, that’s all that matters.” you pouted at their relentless teasing.

“i thought that was a great way to ask someone out, i expect nothing less from a real man!”

“sure, jaemin.” renjun muttered.

“it’s fine, y/n,” he grabs your hand softly, “i can put up with the jokes, as long as i’m yours.”

“barf.”

“renjun!”

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cw; suggestive lol,, | series m.list

“it wasn’t supposed to be complicated,” you admit, your voice softening. “we were both stressed with school and work, and it just… happened. i thought maybe, eventually, he’d see me as more than just a friend. but now… i don’t know what to think.” you feel a lump forming in your throat, the weight of unspoken feelings pressing down on you as you recall the day your arrangement with haechan started.

your tiny apartment was filled with the scent of coffee and the sound of pages turning. you and haechan were huddled at the coffee table, textbooks, notes, and highlighters spread out before you. finals week was taking its toll, and the exhaustion was evident in both your expressions.

haechan stretched, letting out an exaggerated yawn. “ugh, i can’t take it anymore. my brain feels like mush!”

not glancing up from your notes, stifling a yawn of your own. “just a few more days, and we can sleep for a week.”

he smirked, leaning back on his arms where he sat on the dingy rug. “or, you know, we could find a more fun way to relieve some stress.”

you raised an eyebrow, too tired to fully engage with his antics. “like what? please don’t say more coffee, because i’m pretty sure it’s running through our veins at this point.”

he leaned forward, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “nah, i was thinking something a bit more… intimate.”

your pen paused mid-sentence, finally looking at him, trying to gauge if he was serious. “intimate, huh? like what, a hug?”

he chuckled, shaking his head. “we could fuck.”

you stared at him, dumbfounded, your fatigue momentarily forgotten as your mouth felt incredibly dry, “a-are you serious?”

“dead serious,” he replied, his tone playful as he shrugs, “we’re both stressed, and we’re best friends, what better way to work it out?”

you blinked, trying to process his suggestion, not that the offer wasn’t tempting, the amount of times you pictured kissing his perfect pouty lips, but still! “donghyuck, i don’t… what if it makes things weird?”

he reached across the table, taking your hand in his. “it won’t, i promise. we’re adults, we can handle this. besides, if we can’t help each other out, who can we rely on?”

you chewed on your lower lip, his words doing little to ease the anxiety bubbling up inside you. “i don’t know, hyuck….” all you can think about is your feelings bubbling over, and he finds out in the worst way possible.

“come on, y/n,” he coaxed, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on your hand. “trust me, it’s fine, it’ll be fun!”

you sighed, feeling a mix of nervousness and curiosity. “okay, but if this goes badly, i’m blaming you entirely.”

he grinned, joining you on the couch, “deal. now, let’s get out of study mode for a bit. my brain needs a break from all this academic torture.”

the air between you charged with anticipation as he sat down beside you, feeling a mix of nerves and excitement. you hesitated for a moment, your mind racing with what-ifs, but haechan’s gentle touch and soft smile as he leaned closer gave you the reassurance you needed.

“still okay?” he murmured, his breath warm on your skin.

“yeah,” you replied, your voice barely more than a whisper. “just... nervous.”

“don’t be shy,” he said softly, his fingers brushing a stray hair from your face. “it’s just me, remember?”

you nodded, his lips brushing yours softly at first, testing the waters. your heart raced as you kissed him back, the familiarity of his presence merging with the freshness of the situation, it almost felt natural. he deepened the kiss, one hand finding it’s way to your waist, pulling you closer, while his other held your face, thumb caressing your cheek.

kissing him was everything you imagined it would be—gentle, yet intense, filled with unspoken emotions and years of hidden feelings. as his lips moved against yours, you felt a mixture of relief and uncertainty, the weight of your decision pressing down on you.

just as the kiss began to deepen further, you pulled back slightly, your forehead resting against his, breathing heavily as he continued, kissing down your neck.

as if he’s done it a million times before.

“can i keep going?” he whispered against the column of your neck, his voice low.

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