I miss a sense of community
2020. The world was rocked by COVID-19. My life right before then was an unmitigated disaster personally. Relationships were toxic, and bad decisions were made. The company I worked for had to find ways for us to work from home so we couldn't spread the virus. Luckily, I didn't contract it. After a while, our team thrived in the work-from-home setup and occasionally went to the office to shoot campaigns revolving around health safety. At this point, I was already fed up with the negativity of the people around me, myself included.
2022. I have been with the company for 5 years and I was a beacon of light, a source of inspiration and laughter. The life of the party. That's just who I am. As an extrovert, a people pleaser, and a peacekeeper. I was fed up with the petty fights. The adamant fawning. "Plastikan". And my salary isn't going up as I thought it was supposed to. I worked so hard and did so many innovations. Always going the extra mile. Always thinking outside of the box. But the recognition is not enough. The team culture is still toxic. I can't keep up the mask anymore.
I was bitter. I needed a change so badly. At this point, I have been convinced that I can work in the comfort of my own home. So there must be jobs out there that have less toxic people, can work from home, and have a higher salary. My self-diagnosed depression had been going on for years. Even after I got the perfect job that fit my preference at the time. I'm still doing it and I'm very grateful for it.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not 100% alone. I have a good support system. She was the true light that guided me out of the darkness. Along with our cats. They are truly my saviors. In 2024, she convinced me to go to the gym and right then I turned a 180 on my life for the better.
I still feel lonely now but I have come a long way. I got rid of bad habits and replaced them with good ones. I repaired some of my relationships and left some of them.
Ever since I left the previous company, I never exercised my extroversion. I miss having a lot of people around and feeding off their energy.
That could be the cost of being selfish. These are the consequences of my actions and decisions. I never have been the one to reach out. I was forced to do it because of work duties but personally, I didn't actively do it. It costs to be out of touch. Aside from my best friends, who are miles away, I have no sense of community to practice on. I feel that I have no purpose.
