#xbenjy

Caitriona was beginning to consider the possibility that she had made a miscalculation. She’d thought nothing could be worse than staying in her townhouse that did not quite feel like home where she had so many things to do but nothing to hold her attention; she’d been wrong. She still didn’t know what was in the punch, but it was clear that it was having a marked effect on those who’d imbibed. It seemed like every other conversation she found herself caught in was a stream of consciousness-esque inner monologue made outer. It was giving Caitriona a headache. 

When she started to feel like she couldn’t take it anymore, Caitriona slipped out of the main room, through a set of double doors to a shadowed, open air balcony. The winter night was cold, colder than Caitriona would normally have preferred, but it was bracing, too. Caitriona leaned against the railing and closed her eyes, breathing deeply, trying to gather herself before she began to shiver. Perhaps it was simply time to leave. She’d spent a couple hours at the party by now, that, at least, was time she wasn’t wandering her empty rooms in Kensington.

when: Summer, 1977

where: Birmingham

who: Caitriona and @benjyxfenwick

Caitriona was nervous, an entirely unwelcome and still largely unfamiliar state of being for her. She’d put almost as much preparation into this day as she had her OWLs, except instead of revising her notes and reviewing her text books she’d been practicing converting muggle money in her head and memorizing the timetables for the train. It had been worth it, as she’d successfully purchased her ticket and boarded the appropriate train, but then she had over two hours sitting and staring out the window to worry about everything else. Her dress, which had seemed casual and youthful when she found it in a muggle shop in Galway, now felt fussy and matronly. Despite her best efforts, she kept coming back to the fear that her relationship with Benjy might not stand up to the light of day, that what worked so well in private would fall apart in public, even wrapped in the protection of anonymity. Worse still was the possibility that Caitriona’s ignorance of the muggle world would negatively affect Benjy’s opinion of her. What if he liked her best when she was capable and knowledgeable? What if he only liked her when she was confident and in control?

 The what-ifs haunted Caitriona all the way from London to Birmingham, but she refused to give into them. She was not going to cower on the train like a first year afraid to go to Hogwarts, but she did undo a few of the buttons near the bottom of her dress, which made her feel better in an odd way. It was enough for her to disembark with the rest of the passengers and it turned out that was all she needed. Almost as soon as Caitriona set foot on the platform she saw Benjy, and exactly as soon as she saw Benjy her worries were washed away in a wave of excitement. For a moment she stood very still, the instinct to pretend he didn’t mean the world to her taking over, but then she remembered that the entire point of this trip was putting aside the need for secrecy. With that Caitriona was moving, pushing through the crowd in an unladylike way that was incredibly freeing. By the time she reached Benjy she was very nearly running, with just enough momentum to jump into his arms. Wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, she kissed him like it had been months since she’d seen him, instead of mere weeks.

It wasn’t until some of the other travelers began whistling and clapping that she pulled away, breathless and pink cheeked and unwilling to disentangle herself entirely. “Hi.”

Caitriona had spent most of the past four years feeling like she didn’t recognize her life, but for the first time, she didn’t mind. Having Benjy had always been an impossible dream, and even when they’d been younger, even when she’d tried to ignore the fact, she’d always known she wouldn’t be able to keep him. Even in her wildest dreams, she’d never imagined they would find their way back to each other, that he would ever want her back. She felt as if she’d stolen someone else’s life, and she was just selfish enough to not want to give it back.

So many things had changed for Caitriona in the five months since the book launch, and just one of them was her morning routine. She’d always been an early riser, out of bed as soon as she woke, and usually before the sun was up, and practicing her Wing Chun before bathing and dressing for the day. Now she found herself lingering in bed, especially when she woke up next to Benjy. Even when they spent the night apart, she would still pause, basking in memories that weren’t bittersweet, and then she’d check the enchanted journal she kept on her bedside table. Her days were bookended by the little notes Benjy left her, scribbled in his own half of the set. 

This morning had been no different. She’d started the day flipping through the journal before moving on to the rest of her routine, but she’d kept the journal nearby, waiting for the tell tale scratching sound that announced a new note.  When it finally came, she’d been expecting a good morning message, or proposed plans for that evening. Instead it was, ‘don’t go to Gringotts tomorrow.’ That gave Caitriona a moment’s pause as alarm bells went off in her mind. The next moment, she was moving, changing her shoes, locking her front door, traveling the now familiar route to Benjy’s flat. She knocked as soon as she arrived and barely waited for him to open the door before pushing in and demanding, “why can’t I go to Gringotts?”​

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