today is my birthday and I'm one year clean of sh, i quit smoking too lol. i feel so proud of myself for getting this far, because i thought my life would end at 15 or 16 or 17, but then boom, I'm freaking here and some parts of my life did get better. i got my answers, my struggles and my feelings are finally validated by my parents, I'm not afraid to speak my mind, open up and come out to people. I'm not entirely changed as a new person, who's way better or have it all together and figured out, but I'm at the very least acknowledged what i did wrong and learnt how to handle everything. I would not say I have finally found myself, because I thought I found myself too when I was 14, or 16, or 18, whatever, and losing it, it happened all the time. I changed my mind on the daily, I am a paradox, a contradictory, everything i said i wouldn't be. but well, life is full of dramas and unexpected shits. We'll never know what might happen around us and how it'll affect us anyway, but all we must know is how to handle and react to it, right? So, if life gets worse again, I'm drowning in guilt and regrets again, or everything is not going as planned, at least i know i am the one taking my own reins, not my paranoia or whatever going on inside my head, let alone people around me. And i don't mean it in a bad way, as in that "i could take me out if i want to" mindset, but I'm a bit more optimistic this time. The 366 days have changed me a lot tho, brought me to the state i would never thought i would be in. So, here's to one more year for my existence that i hated since age 9
