Lately, it felt as if Caitriona’s life was nothing more than a series of disasters, strung together by brief reprieves in the storm. Caitriona tended to tell herself things first fell apart when Xavier died, but if she was honest things had begun to crumble two and a half years before that. So in a way, it made sense that the incident that finally galvanized her to make some changes was not her former mother-in-law’s abuse of her reputation, nor her parents’ mortifying matchmaking efforts, nor even being arrested, but seeing Benjy at the gala with someone else. To put a finer point on it, it was after leaving the gala and returning to Burke Lodge wanting to scream and rage and break things but instead sobbing into her pillow in the hopes that no one would hear her that Caitriona finally determined to move out and find her own place, no matter what her parents thought on the subject. 

It had been surprisingly easy to obtain the services of a realtor and narrow her options down to three different townhomes, each in equally desirable boroughs of London, but it was then that things became more difficult. Caitriona had spent her entire childhood at Burke Lodge, and the home she lived in with Xavier had been a Yaxley family property; she’d never purchased real estate before. Caitriona was confident in her ability to succeed at any task she set her mind to, but one of the reasons for that was that she knew when to get a second opinion. Caitriona did not know many people who had experience in real estate, most of her peers had always lived in inherited homes just like her, so her options were limited. 

Alecto Carrow was not Caitriona’s first choice to go to for advice, but the other woman had the experience Caitriona was looking for. She’d kept her letter vague, hoping to pique her former roommate’s interest while also limiting the gossiping she could do, only saying that she wanted Alecto’s assistance with an errand that would take most of an afternoon. Caitriona still wasn’t sure if she was glad that Alecto had accepted, but she had and a date was set for them to meet at the Green Dragon. Caitriona arrived just as the last of the midday rush was draining away, and the maitre d led her back to Alecto’s office.

Dear Alecto,

I’m sorry. I’m not sorry that I left. I can’t ever bring myself to be sorry for running away even if you may view that as the cowardly way out of things. I am, however, sorry that leaving meant that I had to leave you as well. When things changed it seemed as if I changed and had an entirely new life that didn’t include all of the people I once had in it. I’m sorry that you weren’t apart of the change I made in my life and I’m sorry I couldn’t keep the promise that I made you. I’m sorry for a lot of things I don’t think I could ever quite bring myself to actually apologize for—even if you’re one of the few people who deserve one.

I never know what to say to you just because there is a part of me that will always want you in my life. Things are just so different now that I know life doesn’t seem to have that in it’s plans. If I could do something to change it I would just because every once and I while I do miss how things were at one point in time. I suppose I can’t have everything though.

Sincerely,