#x lbl

jj, as usual, still has too many questions and not enough answers. usually, they're about mundane, unimportant things, for example: what is the exact weight of a propeller sturdy enough to lift a pig into the sky? has there ever been a case of a demon dog? is it too late to find out who the zodiac killer was?

a more important question, and the one most present in his mind these days: what the hell happened to me out there?

maybe he has some answers. he has more than he did a few months ago, at least, but he thinks he has some extra questions now too. whatever happened to him is related to kaiser, surely; he doesn't think seeing him would've caused such visceral dread that he threw up if he didn't have some unfathomably terrible memory with him. he doesn't think he would've had new dreams of that same white room-- with bright lights, trapped, and the muffled voices --if kaiser didn't have something to do with it. he doesn't think he would hate the med wing and balk at the mere mention of meia's science labs if it wasn't all connected.

so, he was probably kaiser's science experiment. that's one answer. it comes with more questions, too, though: is he why i lost my memories? was it an accident? did they erase them so i wouldn't remember what they did to me? do they have my memories in a jar somewhere in their creepy lab? will i ever know the truth?

maybe he's better off not knowing. people have told him that before, and maybe they're right. jj doesn't necessarily do what's best for him all the time, though; there's a lot he'll sacrifice in his pursuit for knowledge, and maybe all he'll unlock is misery and more trauma alongside his memories. maybe, this feeling that he is missing a part of himself-- that he isn't truly himself without his memories --will give way to a him he doesn't like.

there's a lot he doesn't know, and he hates that.

there's someone new that knows a lot, though, mainly because she can leaf through other people's brains. well, she's not really new, apparently; she's just essentially back from the dead, and she's already the new leader of team crow. jj finds how much meia trusts her interesting; he finds her interesting, so he decides he'll find her himself-- in person, face to face.

he has to think, if i were someone that could hear everyone else's thoughts all the time where would i be? somewhere quiet, probably, away from people so he could hear himself think. he looks around some other places, then sets his sights on the roof. he's seen her around a little bit, he thinks, so he's pretty sure he recognizes her when he arrives.

"hey," he calls. "you're the new telepath on the block, right?" maybe he should engage in some small talk, or exercise good manners, but he decides to cut to the chase. "you see, you can hear people's thoughts or whatever, and i'm missing some. memories, to be more specific. i don't particularly know where they went but i'm wondering if they're still in there--" he taps the side of his head with a finger, "-- at all. would you be able to tell that if you dig around in my brain?" that's what's most important, but he remembers he forgot something else that's far less significant, but still important. "oh, i'm jj by the way."