Update to my will for a funeral in the event of death
Previously, it has been recorded with the most recent update that there would be a mariachi band singing "Oh Danny Boy" in Spanish at the event during the rite of passage.
That is in accompany with the main event, which is hanging my body from a gallows above a running wood chipper, and then shooting the rope from a distance of two hundred paces with a personal long rifle by none other than a very neply maiden, to drop my corpse into the maw of the roaring machine. My remains will then be ejected as a mostly liquified form with small chunks of bone and meaty bits into the soil as fertilizer for a special honey crisp strain apple tree that has genetic engineering extra-applied to make its apples magic and "psychedelic". (I just added that last detail now)
I'm not sure whether the tree should already be planted, or planted after my rescue, but I will defer to the authority of the science team on the subject for what is best for the tree on the day it is planted. ...oh choombasa.
wait... I seriously forgot. This has been happening a lot lately, and I think it's a good sign of progress as the first cycle of an ever unpredictable plan comes to its first reunion with the source, myself.
Ah, yes, here it is. Coming around like 9's on the ferris wheel, pink like a peach as though something happened up there.
I will also have my naked corpse expertly flayed entirely of skin before I am hanged. Like Pyramid Head.
The purpose is preserve a portion of my mortal essence eternally into a material object, and have the most essential words of my texts and scripture, printed upon that object as the pages of a book. Using ink that is mixed with a sample of the soil after my liquefaction that has been tested to observe the values of its qualities as applicable to the tree.
Have that sample tested and when it is done, recycle it by donating it to the ink experts who can mix it in with whatever is best for longevity when writing on human skin-parchment, and then... print the words of Death on the pages of human flesh bound in the skin of the man who wrote them.
A testament of my death to remind everyone not to do a very specific kind of evil with their lives, and empower them with the knowledge of my mystical secrets and arts in self-defense and life-mastery to resolve the real life plot conflict expertly, if it happens again anyway.
That is the only thing that can possibly "fuck with me". Don't do it.
Then the book will be bound and sealed, transported to the designated 9S1D sanctum and maintained however until the time comes to relinquish care of the relic to the storytellers of the way of the story, as they will be most capable of securing the integrity of our mutual interests henceforth after, on account of their close affiliation of trust with the authorities of civilization and their weapons of violence in the hands of brutes, entirely ignorant of their own disgrace until they realize what it is they did that affects everyone else in the way they are forbidden to do. A social crime with real consequences because of how those injustices are enforced by divine authority of justice.
That day will come, and it is not worth making yourselves more miserable over if they are asking for too much. There will be a good one, if not a handful, at the Way of the Story always. Even in the darkest of times when nobody even remembers why they need to know what the Story is, and who started it.
One will always be where he is required to be when the Lord needs us to switch sides.
