For a mere $1595 dollars you can get shoes that purposefully look like you had a kid wear them for a month of running in the dirt and then hired the same kid to   hot glue on a bunch of cheap fake jewels you bought at the dollar store. 

“Crumply, hold-it-all-together tape details a distressed leather sneaker in a retro low profile with a signature sidewall star and a grungy rubber cupsole.”

What’s that? You need something even more expensive to prove you have more money than all types of ‘poor people’ and want to make fun of them at the same time? Don’t Worry! Golden Goose Brand Fuckery™ has you covered!

For a pittance—just $1645 with FREE SHIPPING—you can buy shoes that are literally covered in hot glue, and look like they’ve been Frankensteined together by taking only the worst parts of worn out shoes and then painting them with spray paint. And then setting them on fire and painting them again.

It’s a delightful steaming pile of expensive hot garbage:

“With style pieced together from an array of options, this eye-catching Italian sneaker offers an edgy twist on a classic look.”

Guh.