WIG REVIEW: BATTLE OF THE SEXES
We all know who wins at the end of the Battle of the Sexes, the 1973 tennis tournament/public spectacle between 29yo Billie Jean King and 55yo Bobby Riggs and yet it is a win that we all needed to see again in 2017 in movie form. I really wish this movie had come out on November 10, 2016. It would have been cathartic to see the reaction shots of misogynist men seeing a lady reign supreme and, well, it still felt cathartic now, almost a year later. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE WIGS? Let’s discuss:
When we first meet Ms. King as played by tanned insect Emma Stone, she has subtle Farrah waves. This wig isn’t terrible. Meanwhile, Sarah Silverman serves up Jacqueline Susann realness with some extra frosted action in this gingham fantasy cocktail dress. YAYYYS MA’AM. I think I need to renew my wedding vows so that my mom can recreate this lewk. Â
 Anyway, after getting no respect from Bill Pullman (yes, BILL PULLMAN), Billie Jean decides to start her own damn ladies tennis tour (wurrrrrqqqqqqqq!) and nothing says the start of ladies tennis tour like a trip to the salon, amiright?
There at the salon, BJK realizes that she might have some feeeeeeeeeelings for the lady hairdresser. This is also where the movie gets really boring (nothing against lesbian love, obvs - sadly it is expressed as really moody and boring in contrast to the fun of the rest of the movie!)
 Anyway, whatever - you go, gurls. Again, this wig is fine.
As is this shorter shag the lady hairdresser/new mistress gives her.
Oh meanwhile, BJK was apparently married at the time to a blonde Ken Doll and possibly the most supportive husband of all time. Dude straight up looks the other way at lesbian affairs, will totally ice your knees, lawyer up all your Virginia Slims tennis deals all while looking like he’s going to escort Barbie to a date at a 70s disco ski lodge or something.Â
Back to Emma Stone’s wig, I guess my biggest problem is that is just doesn’t look like BJK’s real hair. HERE is the real BJK and Bobby Riggs (who looks pretty much exactly like Steve Carell - a good dude wig for once!) But BJK? NOPE. I don’t know why it’s so hard to find a feathered 70s shag wig that has the body and texture of this hair. WHY IS THIS SO HARD TO DO?!
THIS DOES NOT LOOK LIKE BJK HAIR! OK? OK.
The other ladies of the Virginia Slims Tennis Tour all serve up (that is actually a pun here - ugh TENNIS) some good lewks - most of them wiglessly. Oh and if you look into the center of this picture you will see a Becca/Jules SuperBad reunion! They’re also apparently really good friends in real life - thanks internet!Â
These lady tennis players also serve up FASHION. JUST LOOK AT THESE EFFING TENNIS DRESSES. Here is where we get to the true stars of this movie:
ALAN EFFING CUMMING and also Wallace Langham (aka Josh from Veronica’s Closet) play the dudes who design these glamorous tennis gowns and also provide support, wisdom, and general sassiness. If this story were a fairy tale, they would obviously be the fairy godmothers (all puns intended).
LOOK AT WHAT THEY’RE WEARING TO AN AIRPORT IN HAWAII.
LOOK AT THEIR VAGUELY MATCHING LEWKS AND PORTABLE CHAMPAGNE GLASSES. I WANT TO BE THEM WHEN I GROW UP.Â
I think that Alan Cumming’s hair is just styled into the coif it should always be and Wallace Langham is wearing a wiglet but DAMN IT WURQS SO WHATEVER. Also at the end of this movie (absolutely no spoilers) Alan Cumming absolutely does his best Rupert Everett in My Best Friend’s Wedding impersonation and it makes me wonder what Rupert Everett is up to and can he be in a movie with Alan Cumming please? Thanks.
Oh also - basically everyone is in this movie INCLUDING ELISABETH SHUE. She doesn’t wear a wig but I just want everyone to know that she is getting work and looks AMAZING.
EVERYTHING SHE IS DOING IN THIS PICTURE WURQS. I amend my previous statement: I want to be Elisabeth Shue in this picture when I grow up.Â
VERDICT: WURQS
