#wsoed

MISSION:   STARTER  CALL. RE:   @wsoed​

slender  fingers  find  themselves  hovering  over  black   &   white  keys.   gears  are  turning  in  her  head  with  an  attempt  to  visualize  the  keys   &   trying  to  hear  the  note  each  one  makes.   her  head's  a  bit  fuzzy  with  the  mix  of  distant  memory   &   liquor,  fingers  stroking  the  keys  gently,  trying  to  find  the  right  note  while  other  keys  play  simultaneously.

someone once told her that pondering on regret is neither useful or productive - but from time to time the shadows of doubt creep across her mind, tendrils that extend from her memory and coil their way annoyingly into her waking thoughts. regret for things she’s done to others, things she should have said or done --- but more often than not it’s the things she’s missed that fill avi with the most weight. sinking straight to the pit of her stomach. heavy stones of opportunities that have passed her by. steps she hasn’t taken. times when she’s stepped back from the edge instead of leaping like she knows she should, knows she could. just like she knows there is no line. avi shrugs, her shoulders rolling gently as she throws him a look that she hopes says more than words ever could. 

❛ thanks for the ride home. ❜  it’s heading beyond midnight as they sit inside vera ; clouds that roll in from the coast covering the slither of moon that hangs way above the road that runs in front of her navy housing. this is beginning to feel routine - the dance they perform at least twice a week now. one way or the other - though she prefers going over to his place because they get to do the ride home ritual. rob opens the passenger door for her. he lets her pick a tape - he drives the long way around so they can get more songs in. she tries not to sing along but inevitably ends up at least humming. she winds the window down to feel the breeze from the coast. she tells him it’s to help her stay awake - but really it’s because the alternative is staying fixed on him and the sound of the ocean feels distracting enough to draw her attention. 

she can see the hard swallow when they park up, the way his adams apple catches at the wave of light stubble cutting across his throat. even under the orange glow of the street light overhead , he still seems so far away -- and everytime they do this, she wants to close the distance more and more. she can feel herself doing it now, the click of her seat belt - the way she slides a little across the long front seat of the chevy silverado towards him with soft wanting eyes and a hand that reaches toward his own. finding it resting on the gear stick as if he doesn’t know where else to put it.  it takes her a moment to summon more words, to fight the deep thud of her heart within her rib cage - to drown out the fuzzy pulse of blood that presses swirls at her ears as she moves closer and he looks back to her - not moving a millimeter. 

❛ you ever wonder about choices ?  i wonder all the time ... ❜  it could have been more a little more poetic, maybe a little more suggestive - but when she looks, really looks into the deep ocean blue of his eyes she knows there isn’t another way. choices. regrets. they tend to go hand in hand. 

when she leans in to press her lips against his, she thinks he tastes like how hope should. it takes a moment for him to move, rob’s knuckles flexing against the stick shift - pushing against the worn leather as her fingers follow and he suddenly presses back into their kiss with more pressure than she’d expected - his mouth parting just a little with a faint whine she assumes indicates something very good  - filling her ears and coaxing out a small smile. avi can’t help the way her other hand moves to his jaw and then back further to card through the hair that curls at the nape of his neck , her breathing becoming shallow for a second as her eyes flicker and their hands move together from the console, his palm tentatively resting against the curve of her waist, rob’s fingers knotting at the soft worn cotton of her oceana t-shirt as if he needs to anchor himself. 

somewhere, across and out over the pacific just after midnight - an engine roars as it pushes up away from the shoreline. somewhere a pilot looks at a picture of her family, of the kids she’s left at home and the husband she misses more than anything. she wonders if all of this is worth it. if it’ll ever be worth it. 

pondering on regrets is never useful. certainly never productive. definitely not worth spending time on--- and when avi moves back, their kiss softening into nothing more than another memory she might have to cling onto - she realises suddenly that this isn’t going to be a regret. this is going to be something worth holding, keeping safe. worth cherishing. the orange streetlight overhead flickers as glenn miller plays on the tape still turning in the car stereo. the silence between them speaking volumes. his hand is still wrapped in her shirt. her fingers are still dragging gently at the curve of his neck as the music fades and only the sound of waves though her open window cuts through the tension that finally breaks between them. she notices the way his eyes move - lingering on her lips, the red flush that rises up from his throat to burn at his cheeks. she realises she’s been holding her breath. 

❛  ... did you wanna come inside ? ❜  she finally exhales and it doesn’t take a second - his nod telling her more than words ever could as he moves away from her suddenly, the drivers side door flying open as he moves quickly. feet hitting the asphalt to get around to her side of the car and open her door. his cheeks are still burning.

a meme but which meme i do not remember  ||  accepting  ➜  @wsoed

It was the endless waiting that truly would be the end of him. Jake had been sitting in the same spot in the small room for about 45 minutes now, he knew because he kept checking the time about five times per minute. Debriefing had been as methodical as one could expect, one all the chaos of having them all land had calmed down. This, however? Getting a psych eval of state of mind on the way home? He could do without it. Sure, he understood the necessity of it, given the circumstances and the mission, and how it had just gone about every other way then according to plan for a long while. Still, it didn’t make him more include to sit in the small room with no windows, what had he expected? A carrier only had so many windows to offer.

Green eyes seemed to attempt the impossible with glaring at the clock, willing it to move faster than the snail pace which seemed to be counting down to his very end. Each slow tick felt like another dull hacking of an axe which couldn’t be seen, but certainly was coming for his head all the same.

“Alright…”

The voice that cut through the palpable silence had Jake almost jump out of his own skin, completely oblivious to the fact that he was by no means alone. Wide eyed and in shock he stared at Bob, head having snapped away from the view of the click with such force it actually hurt.

“… I have to ask…”

Oh, this was worse. So much worse. Alarms was going off in Jake’s head as he attempted to get any sort of eye contact, which he was denied with his Bob seemed to prefer looking at his own hands. Where his hands shaking? Where his own hands shaking?

“… is this thing gonna happen?”

Had he always been breathing this loudly? Should someone check on that? Was this normal?

“… you and me?”

Finally, he got eye contact and all he could see was the uncertainty that seemed to live permanently in Bob’s eyes. His own was certainly no better as Jake blinked dumbly back, feeling like he must have missed several parts of his own life in this very moment. Was this what out of body experiences was all about?

Looking around the room, seeing it was empty except for the two of them ( were they the last two ? ) Jake ended up simply staring at the wall ahead of him yet again. Back to the clock, that suddenly seem to be running at an increasing speed. Running away from him.

a meme but which meme i do not remember  ||  accepting  ➜  @wsoed

Was it not ironic that the person he had hurt the most was the one actually coming around? Well sure Javy had said he might, and Jake had said no he wouldn’t, and so it went on and on until Jake had barely even said where he was. But that was not the point, frankly it was beside the whole matter of things. What did make a good point though was accepting defeat ( finally ) and simply doing as he was told. Which was exactly why he had been coming with Penny to the Hard Deck so he could be seen. Babysitting aside, Jake didn’t mind too much.

When enough guests had started to fill up he tapped out to sit outside instead, the volume indoors quickly mounting up the lasting headache ( which truly he was more than deserving of ). It was warm enough that he didn’t mind sitting outside if anything it was nice. Sitting with his back against the wall, and not at one of the deck benches to avoid being seen. He’d honestly been a bit surprised when company joined him at it wasn’t either Penny or Amelia.

Blinking up at the shadow when it covered his face, he managed to make out Bob’s silhouette against the sun. It took him a genuine moment of confusion before he moved slightly to the side, making space for Bob to sit should he choose to do so.

He doubted it.

He was also wrong.

Glancing sideways at the WSO Jake didn’t even know where to start. Sure, he had apologized, and they had also texted since. But that barely shone any light over where they stood regarding each other, after all he had attempted to burn down that bridge. Or more like; blow it sky high. Chewing on his lips to muster the effort to speak up, with what he honestly didn’t even know at this point, but he wanted the silence to leave. It was pressing more than the pounding in his head. It seemed Bob was reading his mind, though. Because the silence was disturbed, and it left Jake feeling chilled to the core.

“we aren’t friends. friends don’t do this kinda thing.”

To put it lightly and repeat what had been ringing true since the day before; he’d had it coming. Letting out a shuddering breath ( not through his nose, no no, he was still a mouth breather by practice for the sake of comfort ) Jake nodded slightly, letting his head tip back against the wall. Was he accepting defeat? Was this even how it was done? He was rather unfamiliar with the concept after all.

The swollen nose is a look that couldn't possibly fit anyone, and still it isn't denting too much of Jake's general appearance, though he has some serious black eyes going as well. As he knocks on Bob's door, he waits a step back to not be too close once it opens. "Wait-" he manages just so the door wouldn't be thrown shut right away. "I want to apologize.” Keeping straight seems to be harder than jake remember it being, but he is doing his best to keep on discipline no matter the state of himself.

“I went beyond what is okay, I do realize that” a small pause lingered as he inhaled deeply as if he needed to inflate himself. “My intentions were far from appropriate at the time, and I should have considered the situation before speaking. It is by no means good enough in terms of reasons, and I realize it sounds like poor excuses… and that is because they are.”