#written proof

I’ve been reading Bobby Hundreds’ book “This Is Not A T-shirt” and there’s a paragraph where he talks about when he started blogging. Sitting at a local diner, waiting for my strawberry waffle, reading this paragraph I halfway drifted into memories of when I first started blogging. Writing, on blogger. I often revisit my old blogspot. Often to remind myself how long it’s been and yet not much has a changed. And then lingering on the thought of if that’s good or bad. Bobby writes in his book “there was something voyeuristic about wading through a bloggers stream of consciousness as it happened. We take this for granted today and given our familiarity with social media, but blogs were the first tool to tear down the invisible wall between storyteller and audience”. 

I look back at my old blog and it didn’t feel at all like the “blogs” we’re familiar today. A blog back then was basically an online diary. Nowadays well, nowadays nobody really keeps a blog unless their travels, outfits or selling us something. Even my Tumblr has turned more into portfolio than it has been a story of my life. I used to write about my day, my sneakers, what music I was listening to etc. I used to write about my opinions of the moment, my current thoughts, my current and past heart breaks and loves and FEELINGS. I don’t know why it’s so much harder to cuddle those thoughts and emotions and let it cry out of your chest. Maybe it’s 2019 and we’re afraid to say something that will haunt us 10 years from now. Maybe we just don’t have enough time to sit own and dedicate 15 minutes to writing a blurb about our day. Maybe we’ve gotten so used to receiving some sort of gratification for our online output that starting a blog that no one reads or listens to just doesn’t fuel us. These are all thoughts I’ve had the past couple years when revisiting my old blog and deciding if I should continue writing in it. 

“If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?” Remember that question? Sometimes I think that we think we’re the tree in the forest. Who falls and no one is around to hear us so we feel what is the point? As an artist, I feel like, I just gotta trust what’s in me to do. Fall, grow, make noise, regardless of who is around to listen. Anyway, here’s to more blogging. Feels weird to call it blogging to be honest, I’ll say, journaling. This turned out longer than I thought so here’s some stuff I used to do on my old blog.. 

Currently listening to:

 “Chasing Summer” (album) - SiR  “Juicebox” (album) - Mac Ayres 

Currently Reading: 

A friend of mine asked me, “how can I tell if a guy just wants to get in my pants or actually really likes me”. I feel like this is a question that I see asked a lot on television and on tumblr haha. Honestly, at first I didn’t really know how to answer that. I’ve heard a bunch of different answers, some that make sense and some that don’t. I’m not saying my answer is the best or any better than yours or another persons but if anyone is reading this, this is my answer: 

First off, I’m not a girl. That’s obvious. I’ve never felt what it’s like to have been “hitted and quitted” for lack of a better phrase. Unless a guy actually straight up tells you, “I just want to have sex” then there ya go. If that’s what you want too, then cool, do your thing. If that isn’t what you want, then you can leave. Simple as that right? I think the best way to decipher his intentions is to not ask them what their intentions are, but to tell them yours. I know women too also have urges to want to engage in physical activity but in most cases women must know they have most of the control in whether or not ya’ll get down to it. Ya’ll women have to use that self-control because in most cases, ya’ll are the ones getting hurt. Now I am not saying it’s the woman’s fault that they are hurt because it is the man that was not truthful about his intentions. Anyway, If you let the man know what your intentions, beliefs, plans etc. are in seeing him then there he knows what he’s getting himself into. It’s in your control as woman to decipher his actions from then on. I strongly believe that if ya’ll can express each others like or love for each other without that sexual physicality, when you truly believe that by each others actions that ya’ll really love each other, the sex, is only complimentary to your love. That love will be far, far greater than sex. I really really believe that. 

People think that the whole “No sex before marriage” is old fashioned or deemed “for religious people”. Not only is it biblical, it’s scientific. You do not feed the body before you feed the heart. Sex is what our body, our flesh desires but as people we are DEEPER than that. Much much deeper. If a man or woman can fill your heart, fill your mind, fill your soul... then he or she may be worthy of feeding our body. If you’re not confident if that man or woman loves you and you have sex, it’s ruined. You’ll then have larger amount of doubt with each other. If you don’t truly love that person then you won’t have the desire to feed their soul because we’re feeding each others bodies but in the end we never get full. You don’t want to doubt. You don’t want to regret. No one wants that. I’m telling ya’ll it takes a lot of will and a lot of patience to do this but if you want to experience Love at it’s finest... man... is it ever worth it. Be careful with your hearts ladies and gentlemen. Be careful with each others hearts ladies and gentlemen. 

replied to your post:

“I love how you notice I'm into Le Petit Prince”

:

Correction: You are my crush

Me: I am the most awesome at doing certain things.

Friend: You're the most awesome at doing everything.

Me: I am the best at EVERYTHING! Can I get that recorded somewhere?