#writingforself

 I am Ashley Oliver and I was born and raised in Queens New York. I started college 3 years ago, in the hopes of finding myself and starting a career path that I would like. I have always had difficulties staying the course on anything I have attempted. Most of the jobs I’ve tried, I have never been able to stick with. I often feel that I have wasted valuable time in my life. I’ve been hoping from thing to thing and not enjoying my best years, but stressing during most of that time. 

 At 24, I decided to go to school after years of many dead end jobs, and after years of trying to figure out what direction to go in. I dropped out of high school after experiencing a dark period in my life during junior year, and I’ve been slowly putting the pieces together since then. Making such an impulsive move put me in an almost temporary paralysis, where I just watched others live out their lives and I simple had a front row seat for the show. (But things get better) 

What college has done for me is it’s shown me that I have potential to do better and that my past did not have to write my future. I did more than just make the grade, I exceeded my expectations. I aced my first year and every year since then. I made it a goal to do my best and I have made myself proud doing that and seeing something through for once. Excelling in writing particularly has shown me how much I like to write and that I can make something of it.       

I was reading passages from letters where I talked endlessly/stupidly about purple skies. Magic clockwork when you rustle the pages and your phone starts ding-dinging with the same names that snuck life-reminders across the wires to you then and now. “Little one” they read, ”where were you over Christmas?”

I worked until my eyelids started twitching at the scroll of a screen. How funny now to write for a living, in a roundabout way. Instruction manuals for social media enthusiasts, penning bad news from legal in an empathetic voice. Sorry asshole, we don’t support control+z. 

and

 i spent 6 months chasing that person

 until it became clear to me

that

 when we first met,

 you showed me the person that you wished you were. 

and by the end of our “relationship”

to grow, or

to plant flowers. 

You love with the intention to hide.

to bury yourself 

within the depths of her soul's boundaries 

in hopes that parts of you

remain undiscovered, 

and

 unrefined.

of

me.

neglecting my soul's call for herself

in desire

and

in reason

and the space to engage the two interdependently.

to regain her energy 

to be in balance 

to be center

to be

 back.