#writer'snotes

The variety of things authors find themselves researching is batty. Today, in the thick of it, I found myself opening tab after tab while looking for plausibility. One would suppose that when I'm writing complete fantasy I don't have to do much in the way of research. Alas, not true. Research bookmarks for the Lady Warrior Saga include Heat Colors for blacksmiths, garden and plant dictionaries, heraldry, and The Three Body Problem wiki entry along with several computer generated options for how one could solve a Three Body Problem. One of which happens to mimic the star system of the planet that hosts the Saga. I was quite chuffed to see it. Go here to see the solutions, read more about the physics problem, and see if you can pick out the solution of the Fiery Sisters and the Ghost Moon.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three-body_problem#/media/File:5_4_800_36_downscaled.gif

For Milia, because it is set in the 1980s, I dig through historical newspapers and old maps, some of them as old as the 1970s. She's always fun to research. I also have to grab old calendar programs to find the full moons in each month the story will cover along with major news stories that gripped the United States at the time. Even in My Time of Dying, which is a simple story on its surface, I had to dig deep for the mythological creature that Bean is based on and I researched chickens so often that Google started serving me chicken ads, convinced I was going to start a backyard flock!

Darius and her Dragon, though, they are killing me. The story is set in the near future so I am constantly pulling up future tech websites. Space Elevators, Space Stations, VTOLs, Hydroponics, and megastructures. Additionally, it is set during the climate apocalypse, so I have climate and weather prediction models at my fingertips. I am also using Google Earth's program that allows me to draw on an overlay of the planet. The most recent rabbit hole I fell down for Darius and Drake was looking up fat deposits on reptiles. Right about the time I realized I was trying to decide what modern reptile a dragon was most like so that I could pinpoint fat deposits on Drake's body, I realized I'd better stop and do something else for a moment.

To the lovebirds that is my only epitome of true love, you have set the standards so high. High enough for me to wish for the kind of love you both have. 

I am forever in awe on how amazing your partnership is. Truly, there is no perfect marriage, but yours became one because of your experiences together as years go by. 

You both mean the world to me. Happy three decades and a year church wedding anniversary! I love you.

Since January 14, 1990

----------Aremisse----------

(via https://open.spotify.com/track/3aDLQfcTV8c3zVFEYE1mHb?si=6_2CAp7wQDWtUb0UzugUbg)

I sit on the patio watering the plants.

It must be nice to have someone look after you.

They'll water and trim your weeds,

They'll tuck you into bed,

They'll love you like the ebony dusted sky.

Do you remember when I brought you?

How little you were back then.

I was so happy to have brought you home,

I consider it my greatest moment.

Before, I would wander around, trying to guide you,

But I often lose myself.

Don't you think it was funny,

That you were the one who guided me instead?

I don't think I can imagine a life without you.

I was really happy you called this home.

I swear I'd water you dutily,

And tuck you into bed every night.

When I sit out the patio during summers,

You always waved to me.

I'd smile and listen to your silly stories,

I've never been fond of anything else.

I sit on the patio watering the plants.

Should I have taken that chance?

It was a wonderful opportunity, once in a lifetime to seek wisdom truly.

No, I wouldn't have, I don't want to leave you alone.

I want the best for you, of course,

I just don't think I showed it well.

I forgot to water you on long weekends,

Though I thought I had whispered good night.

I paced on the patio whispering angrily.

How dare he toy with me?

I loved and trusted him wholly,

Yet he opened a dark brink in my chest.

I forgot to water the plants.

I forgot when was my last visit.

I can't bring myself to go.

Tomorrow, I promise, I'll water the plants.

I forgot to cut your weeds.

I always forgot to do that now.

But when I looked at you to the patio,

You waved at me cheerfully.

I water the plants for the last time,

Your dead leaves swayed limply.

Did I go too much at the beginning?

Or was it the neglect that snapped?

Maybe I wasn't meant to tend to you,

To trim, to tuck, to water.

Maybe I wasn't fit to be your gardener,

After all, I overstepped a lot.

I was very happy you came home.

I have never been fond of anything else.

Yet, as your sister, I take personal blame.

Forgive me and tell your stories again.

Excuse me, I'm going to take notes.

When do you feel happy? Is it when you eat your favorite food? Is it when you watch your favorite TV show? Is it when you're surrounded with the people you cherish? But when people wrap their arms around me, I do feel happy. For a while. When they leave, I gradually sink again. When I eat, I get reminded by the beauty standards of the society. And I definitely don't want to watch the same shows again. Happy people say they do their favorite things and they stay happy. Now the question is, what is my favorite thing? Do I read? Do I dance? Sing? Do I sleep? Do I idle? .... Nah, I don't think they satisfy me much. Or anymore for that matter. When did I stop doing the things I love?

People say their significant other makes them happy. So then, do I have to download a dating app and find myself someone? Pfft, someone that can handle me? I don't even know the whole me. Dating is a lot of trouble. I'm such a mess, I don't want to burden people with my trash.

Now, when you feel happy, were you talking to your parents? Just chatting idly about how your day went? Or were you watching a funny clip? Send the link to me, in case it makes me happy too. Or do you just feel happy? Is that even possible?

And then, how do people stay happy? I want to know the answer. Teach me the formula and I'll try to follow. It should be easy enough because a lot of people know how to execute it. Or maybe show me the procedure, guide my body and my body will bend. Wait, but then, do you do this everyday? Oh, I thought you only do it once to have numerous happy days. I guess it's not as easy as I thought.

Someone said instead of finding happiness elsewhere, you must love yourself first, they call it self love. What is self love? How do you do it? Is it a ritual? Do I have to take a class somewhere?

What? Self love is taking care of youself? But I am! I'm studying really hard for my future. I'm developing good habits such as sleeping early. I'm trying to work out every weekend now.

Rest? No, I can't rest yet. What kind of a question is that? I have to finish editing the business plan, then I have to submit my android app. I also need to play with my little brother because he feels lonely. I don't have time for rest.

How did you know my body is suffering? Well, yeah you're not wrong. Everytime I'm done with my tasks, I crash. I sleep. I wake. The cycle repeats. I don't even have time to edit the three stories that I'm simultaneously writing right now. I need more time.

Hmm? Maybe I'm not being truthful to myself? That's old news, when was I ever honest to myself. Lying is second nature to me. It's always the big things that I have to lie about.

******************

Maybe I'm corrupted. You gave me your answers in earnest. I followed every one of them, bended my body and all. But I'm still not happy. I feel...drained, empty. I'm not suppose to feel this, am I? Where is my gooey yellow happiness? Oh. Maybe, I wasn't given one. Was I excluded from the list of people who was given happiness?

Ah, wait, that can't be true, 'cause I know happiness. We exchanged our names before. Her name was Then.

>>>>>>>> natsukashii <<<<<<<<

Waters above my dedicated eyes

Startes its continuous downfall

As I marathon the laughs

Ought to drag me down

Shall the optimism clear thy

Cotton, consuming the togs?

Yes! Roar the cheer

Of adrenaline rush to perfection

Its all about the hips

And two talking lips

A raising eyebrow

But will never be a frown

The black tux

Pair with high socks

With sweet smiling teeth

Humming to the beat

Classic, its shouts

The saxo's too loud

But nevertheless

Will leave you speechless

-SHEGONEROGUE