❝ you have to kill me. ❞ even as bucky speaks the words, he knows that steve is going to protest. steve is doing all of this, betraying his friends, betraying *everything*, to keep him safe. ❝ don't argue with me, steve. please. my death is the only way this ends. HYDRA is still in me. you kill me, or i don't *stop* killing — and, you *know* i'm right. ❞ he flexes his arm in the vise, wishes the bird weren't here to hear this, but steve deserves it. ❝ i love you, steve. nobody can kill that. ❞
BUCKY SHOULD KNOW THAT steve is most certainly going to protest bucky’s pleas, just as he ought to know that steve doesn’t give up on anybody. the way steve sees it, he’s not betraying anybody. he told tony and natasha exactly where he stood, and that’s just the way the cards fall. if he were to give up on bucky, turn him in, sign the accords —— now, that would be a betrayal. he’d be betraying himself, all that he stands for. and whether or not bucky agrees with him matters little to the fact that he’d be betraying his best friend, too.
he cannot possibly let his best friend die ; cannot possibly turn him in, let him be killed by people who refuse to see the whole picture. and he cannot possibly be the one to kill him, for the very thought tightens his chest so uncomfortably that he can scarcely breathe, makes his eyes sting with tears that he blinks back very quickly, because he has to be the one to stand firm, can’t have a full - blown anxiety attack about the situation in front of bucky and sam.
he wants so badly to get through to tony — because he knows they were so close to reaching an agreement, had he not been holding wanda inside the compound like a prisoner, making her feel like she’s a monster to be feared when she’s just a kid —
he was so ready to come to an agreement, because even if he firmly believes the accords won’t work, he cares deeply for his friends just as much as he cares for his own beliefs, and he was willing to find a compromise.
but, then, first they disagreed —— and now he and sam are on the run with someone who is perceived to be a fugitive, and he wants to believe that if he calls tony to explain everything will be put back in order, but he has to be realistic. even if he did get through to tony, he would have to get through to t’challa with little to no evidence ( for now ), and then he would have to get through to the secretary of state ; and steve knows he’s on that man’s shit list, now.
there’s no easy way out of this, but he does know that bucky is innocent, and he has to clear his name. he would sooner die than let bucky be killed for something beyond his control ; than kill bucky himself.
he stands, tall, firm.
“ you’re not right, ” he answers, resolutely. “ we get rid of that book, burn it, and that fake doctor, and hydra’ll have nothing on you. ”
he approaches bucky without even so much as a hint of hesitation, releases his metal arm from the hold it’s been stuck in. this is bucky. he knows he won’t hurt him.
“ we’re going to fix this whole thing, and then we’re gonna get out of here. i’m not killing you, buck. we’re getting through this, together. ”
he settles his hands upon bucky’s shoulders, holds them firmly, grounds him. finally, his voice softens, as though maybe sam won’t hear. truth be told, sam has likely turned away already, likely isn’t listening.
“ i love you, buck. and i’m with you ‘til the end of the line, just like you said. i haven’t turned my back on you yet. i’m not about to start doing it now. ” @nevertame
