#wow long

I think that if Keith didn't like competitiveness at all, he wouldn't compete. As I see him, he likes friendly competitions, also people can challenge him (if he interested, of course) and a little bit of showing off is not alien to him too. He likes to fly, but he wouldn't mind audience, you know. 

James, as I see him, wasn't really competitive, he just wanted to become better (if not the best) and, I believe, worked hard on it. He wasn't so naturally gifted as Keith, and it was hard to him to see that “this delinquent”, without effort, was already on the level he only dreamt to achieve. He was proper, hard-working kid and was deeply hurt by this unfairness. He and Keith were rather in antagonistic relationship (and, I'm sure, they were) than competitive, especially after that unfortunate early incident at the Garrison. 

As to Lance, I'm sure, he was in awe of Keith's piloting talent, but he didn't forget this incident too. He pretended to himself that he was Keith’s rival and played this game to the extent that he believed it was true. But they weren't in any relationship at the Garrison. After Voltron happened, at first, Lance and Keith were in a little bit of antagonistic, a little bit of competitive relationship - because of Lance, of course. But since they both understood that they're a team, it stopped (I'm sure that friendly competitiveness remained though). 

But why Lance still was so unkind to Keith sometimes (like, in Blades of Marmora episode)? Because he remembered what Keith was at first at Garrison: cocky, rebellious, unfriendly, violent. (I believe though, he admired the rebellious part of him. Not liking to follow rules is their common trait, I think. Rules can be stupid, right?) They weren't in the same class, so Lance didn't see that Keith changed because of Shiro, that he became more patient, that he started to keep the impulsive part of him under control. Lance only knew that Keith was banished from school because of his behavioral issues. He didn't know what was the cause of this behavior. He thought he was the same cocky and violent kid, and that's why he was expelled. He started to change his mind about Keith with time, when he had known him better, but he still couldn't trust Keith to hold his temper. And they were really different. 

Lance, - who was the youngest child in a big family, on the one hand, was surrounded by affection, on the other, wanted desperately to be more independent, to be better than others in something, - being in space, started to feel that he was not that good as he had thought. His game in Keith and him being rivals came to its end. He knew Keith was better than him in many things, and it hurt his ego. Also he missed attention (of classmates, of family members, of passer-bys) and communication with more people than just them, team of the Castle (he was always public person, he needed this, it’s hard when you lose something important to your nature) - he just couldn’t understand Keith’s lone-wolfness. Also Lance’s cheerful nature clashed with Keith’s grumpiness. 

But why Keith was like that? Because his life wasn’t easy. His childhood, he spent in isolation, far from people. He only had his father, who died when Keith was too young, and after that not a single soul seemed to understand him. Kids probably saw him as grumpy but also naughty boy who they didn’t want to be friends with. Adults clearly didn’t care about him much. He learned to be alone. But he couldn’t not care himself. It hurt him. He remembered his father who died trying to protect people. He cared for people and he needed them. Maybe he had known that he was somehow different, that he was faster and stronger than other children, but he wasn’t aware why. He didn’t brag or something - it was a natural thing to him to be this way. If only he could be more friendly with others! They’d love him. But he didn’t know how to do it, and adults around him couldn’t teach him, because the only person that knew how special he was was his father who wasn’t around anymore. And teachers and caretakers were too busy to look at him closely, to see where the problem was. They most probably gave him lectures that had no effect except of making him tune out more and more. 

Only Shiro could find the way to his deeply closed self. Shiro made him feel better. He became his only friend, his only family, he cared about him. And it was crucial to Keith. But he didn’t start to like others right away... Cadets, teachers, they still were not caring, at least most of them, and Keith still didn't know, how to approach anyone, and thought probably, that he didn't need it. He knew, that people weren’t bad, just for some reason they didn’t like him, because he was a little different. He started a little bit to open up to others, but what he really cared about were Shiro and their time together.

Some time ago, Keith was hurt, lonely, and started to accept this fate, when Shiro came and saved him. He gave all his feelings to Shiro, and when Shiro had gone missed, he became hurt and lonely once again. His feelings turned to anger, and it was too much for the Garrison. He was expelled. He was left alone. But this time, something was different. He had learned to love what he did with Shiro, he loved flight, he loved space. He felt something when he returned home, which he might feel in his childhood too but hadn’t pay attention. Now he felt importance of it, and it gave him new purpose to be, filled his lonely days with searching. Being part galra, he was dedicated to what he instinctively felt was important (I see galra this way, dedicated dudes). And when Shiro escaped and Keith found him, along with the others, and they all came into space and into Castle of Lions, the absolutely new life started for him.

But despite this absolutely new life, he didn’t become absolutely new person (right away). He was still old grumpy and lone Keith, but the circumstances made him so close with this group of people that he couldn’t escape interactions with them. He became a (more normal) boy who speaks, laughs, jokes, competes, argues, expresses his concerns, cares about people - does everything other people do, that he hadn’t done much in his life. 

With time he understood what responsibility ment, how hard it can be. He learned and realized many things about himself too. That he cares about those who’s close to him, and about Earth (though he felt somehow his difference and wanted to find his own lot), and about peace in Universe. And that he only can be true to himself: he would give his life to save those who’s dear to him, and it won’t be much of a stretch because he couldn’t let them die. (His Shiro’s saves were something.) I know, he found his purpose in life - to save the Universe, to free it from the evil empire and its remainings, to free Galra from themselves.

When he returned to Earth he was another person: grown up and not seemingly self-centered anymore. So we can say about James Griffin, too. He not only became super-duper first-class fighter pilot, but also learned to work in team (like, truly work in team, not just because they were designated to work together). He went through hardships too and learned to prioritize people. They both was surprised to find each other this way, and though they disliked each other back then, they genuinely respected who each of them became. There wasn’t place to any competitiveness, but I think they wouldn’t compete. There was no time for this, and it’s child’s plaything, not forbidden for grown ups of course, but still not the time. Keith/James issues were resolved.

What about Lance/Keith issues? They weren’t. At least the season 7 left this kind of feeling. I hope the last season will address it. I’m glad Keith created new bond with Hunk in the season 7. It was so heart-touching and important! I just want him to do the same with the others too (he’s been in the center of the show enough to consider him the main character of sorts). What it would be like? We’ll see.

but not every reason is ableist and in the end nobody should feel obligated to interact with things that make them uncomfortable (whether cause they don’t know the other person well, or it’s bad for their own mental health, or they don’t have the energy or anything else). i don’t know how much of this is me internalizing certain messages or what but i keep wondering about the dynamic of venting online in places like tumblr or twitter vs the dynamic of venting to a friend/confidant. it’s so different to be able to just voice your thoughts in a text post/tweet without having to specifically initiate a conversation with a specific person/group. 

i wonder how that affects my relationships with other people, or how it affects relationships online in general (not necessarily negatively, just how it’s different). i do tend to worry that i’m throwing my emotions at other people without their consent, in the sense that even if someone follows my personal tumblr, or personal vent twitter, they don’t control when i say things or necessarily get to tell me what times are good for them or what times would be detrimental to their mental health to see a particular tone or topic, and i know lots of people, myself included, have a hard time feeling ok unfollowing people even for my own mental health especially if we have some kind of acquaintance. 

all my life, i saw many attractive men. my cousins are handsome. i have handsome classmates and coworkers. but there's no obvious reverence like in stories lol. mostly when we're talked to each other, we just admit that yes he is handsome. we're not treating him differently from other males around.

but maybe because the appareances of many men around me are above average, i kinda dense about differentiating them from others? (my friend scold me about this in junior high school lol). because i know that they are no different than others. the silly are silly, the naughty are naughty, and the smarts are smarts.

and besides the common courtesy they treat me as a female, almost none of them treat me like the opposite gender lol. as in a bit flirty and whatnot. they're not disrectpectful like talked about H things or something like that but they do talked more freely about games or movies or common topics to me than they talked to other girls. maybe because i don't do girly talks like about boys or makeup at all. even with the girls. i like to listen to them but my frequency is out of charts, haha.

about lwj being chief cultivator in cql...

i imagined the cultivation world decide this for the same reason as they chose jgy after sunshot campaign: someone who has done the most important contribution. based on that, wwx is more fitting, but he's sectless, his reputation is just recovered, and i'm sure he himself like his novel version self doesn't want to do anything with cultivation world anymore. at least with the cultivation sects business.

both he and lwj are on this case even since before resurrection, so if wwx isn't keen, lwj is the second best choice. and i think all people in guanyin at that time more or less legible as the candidate but lxc is a sect leader (plus most likely went to seclusion after that like his novel self), same as jc, jl will be the next jin sect leader plus he's still very young, nhs didn't do much and not really interested (based on his last convo with wwx), wen ning is a fierce corpse, and sizhui just arrived at almost last moment doing almost nothing. lwj involved longer and done much more than anyone sans wwx.

but why lwj agreed? lwj isn't interested in political world, most likely resented cultivation world that condemned wwx in the past at some degree, emotionally constipated, and very much not a social person. that's why i'm surprised he became chief cultivator. but i assumed he accepted because he realized no one else will do better. the people in guanyin arc, like i mentioned above, can't do it, and they are most likely won't do much harm like if other got the position. lwj saw the other sects in this case and know they won't handle the post case matters right. so i think he will stay in the position until it's stable enough for him to resign because i think he himself know he won't fit the leader role permanently with all his issues towards cultivation world.

Ok but for real? Let’s look into this.

First of all, quartzes. 

Based on various lines from Peridot which I really should look up and cite and maybe I will later, all quartz gems are from Earth. We meet a quartz, we can assume she is from Earth. Also, all quartzes are (supposed to be) large, loyal warriors built for fighting. 

Ok, so homeworld gems was building an Earth colony, and making quartzes. LOTS of quartzes. It’s even possible that various forms of quartz were the ONLY types of gems that had been made on Earth. 

When homeworld makes new gems, they make them for a purpose. That is a core theme of homeworld that we have encountered again and again - gems are FOR something. So those quartzes? They were also FOR something.

When Earth-as-colony didn’t work out, the Diamonds decided to make a huge geo-weapon. Now, it would probably be easy to say that the Diamonds just wanted to destroy the Earth and punish the rebels and that’s why they did it buuuuut... I’m not buying it. First of all, there are no “bad guys” in SU. There are antagonists, yes, but no one is “bad.” Also, the idea that gems have to be FOR something is so thoroughly embedded in gem culture that I am inclined to say that the geo-weapon is FOR something as well.

My conclusion - homeworld is fighting an enemy. An enemy that first got them not just making but INVENTING a whole new type of fighter - the quartzes. And when they couldn’t make any more quartz soldiers, it was worth the time and effort to make an enormous weapon. Something else is out there, and homeworld/the Diamons are fighting it/them.

Ok, but why snakemen? 

Because Ronaldo has always been right. He is incredibly easy to dismiss, but he is so right so often. Polymorphic sentient rocks. The great diamond authority. Here to hollow out the earth. A human zoo. At this point he has been correct often enough that I am inclined to take his paranoid thoughts on snakemen seriously.

Oh, and that one Ronaldo episode. The one where he interviews the mayor, who proceeds to freak out over the word “coverup.” Yeah. We’re going to get back to that, I’m sure of it.

( cont / mindblown how we managed to get this far and not kill each other or more like how u managed to stick with my anxious lousy ass that keeps forgetting things and can’t shut up about taeil. either way, know that i do love and appreciate you, you’ve become such a vital part of my life. genuinely, i feel like i need you and!!! that’s something entirely new for me so feel free to do with this vulnerable patch of personhood that i have granted u access to as you see fit. happy late valentines day ♥ )