Work has been so stressful this week it makes me want to cry or be sick or something. BUT I WILL NOT GIVE UP. I've had this ear ache that really only makes itself heard when I am already feeling not so great.
I am trying my best, I tell myself. Is that the truth? There are so many roadblocks that I seem to hit. Every time I want to take something in one direction I'm stopped.
I am trying my best to do the work that people are asking me to do. I feel frustrated and anxious about it. I hate not being able to make creative changes. I hate that my ideas are dismissed sometimes, the wind taken out of my sails before it's even had enough time to fill up properly. I know I'm perfectly capable of executing this stuff. That's not the issue. It's like hot water, treading hot shark infested waters very carefully in here. Maybe that's an exaggeration. But I am trying not to piss anyone off while somehow still coming up with ideas, still speaking up about my ideas, slowly, considering every angle or manner or way to approach something.
What a challenge it has been to navigate this world.
I am trying my best. My eyes squint when I think these words. My eyes, they are wanting to weep but my mind tells them, "No, not yet. I am an adult now. Crying doesn't solve anything. It just makes people respect you less (in the workplace)." I will cry in my shower at home. Or something. I tell myself.
It's a struggle. Being 25 and trying to figure out your life goals and plans. Trying to figure out what kind of person you want to be. What kind of life you want to lead. What kind of relationship you require or desire or adore.
People always say that if work is going well then your relationship isn't, or vice verse. This can't be the case. Can it? That would be such a sad state of affairs. I want both. I want both to be great. My relationship is wonderful and healthy and I feel adored and appreciated.
Now it is time to make the work world my bitch. It is time to go hard. It is time to work my ass off no matter what people say or the reactions that come or the office politics that ensue.
I'm not afraid of anything.
This picture is an inspiration to me because she's so workplace chic. She's got it figured out. She's a girl that no one messes with, period.
I'm not afraid of anything.
