two. personal

so my wonderful work ( and i swear that's not sarcasm i really do love my job and the sunshines i work with ) but also because it's a spin class/yoga studio/juice bar it means we try to be healthy and i have been trying to be much healthier lately but ...

i also struggle with working out in groups/public because i always struggle and well sweat a lot and wind up berating myself but, my bosses are awesome and encouraging, everyone i work with it super sweet and i am bound and determined to have a good time !

which means I have put on muscle

i feel very confident now about my ability to bulk another 15 pounds.  like.  i can.. do this?  this is just, easily in my power.  

I’m proud of that because it’s really hard and I did it.  even if it doesn’t actually work in terms of making me Attractive, and all that, whatever!  I achieved a difficult goal and I meta-achieved it so I can now achieve further goals.

in a way i feel disappointed, because I don’t actually want to bulk that much; today, at least, I feel like I will get where I want to be quickly now that I know what I’m doing and have nowhere else to go from there 

I do have big goals in terms of lift amounts, but that’s complicated; having to modify my workout to avoid repetitive stress injury really, really interferes with increasing numbers on a specific lift even if I’m still building muscle.