#workerlife

“Life is about choices. Some we regret, some we’re proud of. Some will haunt us forever. The message: we are what we chose to be.” —Graham Brown

A lot of people I know keep asking me “How’s the country? How’s work? Do you think you could find a Filipino boyfriend now?” I usually choose not to give a direct answer because I know that I have no obligation to answer. Very seldom people asked how am I doing, how’s my life, did I eat well, do I have friends? Which I was actually hoping for. 

Working overseas it tough. Really. Especially when you live alone, with no friends or relatives you can hang out with, it’s all about office and apartment. If you are a friendly-type kind of person, who can easily start a conversation with strangers, this should not be an issue, but for an ambivert person like me, it’s really lonely. 

Over a year ago I was excited being offered a job abroad. The first couple of months were hard, as I had to start over the organization and supported with the internal and external team. The target given was beyond what I was expecting- “There is no single possibility I can do this”, I told myself. But I was there. I committed to the job. No way out. I have made the decision. 

“The problem will keep following you, as long as you are alive”, my dad said many years ago when I shared about my work to him. “The only solution is to settle it down, not by avoiding it”. I tried so hard to enjoy my everyday work in the Philippines. It was my own decision, so I should be responsible for both my life and work there. Some people were nice and honest but some other have made the distance since day one. It bothered me as it was affected the day to day work/operation. I realize I was just  a guest there, so I tried not to feed my ego, and lower myself most of the time. 

“Do not take it personal”. Easier said than done. I couldn’t stop thinking of what mistake did I do to deserve that kind of treatment from some of the coworkers there. I came to support and my goal was to develop better things to the company. I have never had the intention to steal the limelight. You will never understand how hard was it for me, all I have was me, myself and she, who I called with Ate. She was very helpful and nice to me. She helped me with my personal stuffs, grocery shopping, took me to the hospital when I was sick, accompanied me over a glass of wine when I was down and cried a lot at night. But I couldn’t share the whole stories to her because “I am the guest”. I should not talk bad things/stories about her fellow Filipino, no? 

10 months. I saw hell. The works felt like h.e.l.l

I will not write the details of the work problems here as it might affect my current employer’s credibility. I guess? But I told my bosses “ I want to quit. I can’t take this anymore. I feel that I dedicate my life for this company, and I have no time for myself. I was not happy. I wanna go home”... 

Couple of weeks after, someone from the top management texted me “ I read your message very carefully, and I want to talk to you” and I replied “Pak, I am not giving up. I just need to be fair to myself”

I am now back in my home country and not a single chance that I regret the decision I have made. It was hard. Nonetheless, I admit that was a great learning experience for me, in building my character. I left after I succeed bringing good value to the company. I developed and implemented good things that I am sure the team can use for the next couple of years. I am proud of my achievements. After all the struggle.

Gamer struggle? Heck yeah.