“I know..life would be different if I held on, held on.”
I know...I could be something if I held on, held on.”
So it’s been a while since I posted any poetry, make it last year. I’ve kinda had to go through a lot since the new year started so my inspiration has been weirdly nada. I do have a couple poems sitting backlogged in my notebook. I don’t wanna taint them with half-assed effort though because that sucks in my opinion. That said, I’ve begun to do more than just freely share my words like I’ve done so for many, many years. I’m starting a new chapter.
I’m finally putting myself out there in terms of submissions. My career path isn’t a favorable one, to say the least. It’s both frustrating and discouraging. But. I made this long-overdue decision because of a depressing epiphany. When I lost Lizzie, it shook me in terms of realizing that words are precious. You’d think I’d know that being a poet and all. But it’s oh so easy to lose sight of the overall picture when I write dozens of words every single day of my life.
To know that I’ll never hear a word again from my favorite writer in the entire world. I’m choked up. So I decided that I need to get my ass out there. For her and for myself. It’s funny I never told her that I was a writer. I feel like she’d be championing me either way because we’re one of the same. I recently found out via the New York Times that her landlord was raising her rent despite the obvious financial burden that is cancer. The literature world doesn’t really get you the big bucks and even if it does, it’s certainly not forever.
And oh boy, over the past few nights. I’ve come to know how hard it is to even get your foot through the door. I never thought it would be easy. Still a little naive though. Sure, I can send my book to publishers. But most of them don’t accept unsolicited manuscripts let alone ones from overseas. If you want any kind of a chance, you get yourself a literary agent. It costs nothing, honestly. All you have to do is find somebody who sounds right for your field of work and doesn’t have any sketchy qualities of an ill-intentioned business partner.
They are meant to be your personal cheerleader. The one who handles all the complicated shit. They always get a percentage of royalties but when the chips are down, they are always meant to have your best interest at heart. It just so happens that what I want to share with the world isn’t so popular, lol. I’ve looked at every agent online in Australia who takes clients with a non-existent career. But believe it or not, all of them are sure to note that they do not accept poetry.
It’s understandable. We’re all here to make money. It’s not exactly marketable nor is it the most profitable genre of literature. I can see the boomer point of view that poetry isn’t what all the millennials are reading. It’s true to a high extent. Sure, we have the one-sentence “modern poets” whose books are a decor piece for a hipster’s coffee table. Those who read them are easily impressed, finding their simplistic nature to be oh so deep and relatable.
It reads like a conversation for lonely people. Poetry isn’t a conversation piece though. It’s an art form that is created with intricate care and thought. It’s supposed to have imagery that you can see clearly in your head. It’s meant to be more than just a page that you’re reading. It’s meant to be beautiful. Not something you post on Tumblr and get 1000 likes for. Call me pretentious, I do not give a crap. You are the ones who make it hard for our work to be taken seriously. A single dull sentence is just constipated fecal matter.
Anyway. It’s not an easy living by any means. So as for now, I’m building my invisible resume. I have two slightly impressive things already on the list. But in order to take it up a notch, I’m finally entering competitions and giving my work to people who have a written authority to professionally judge it. But even this is a whole other kettle of fish. There are always barriers that need to broken in order to obtain success. Writing competitions/awards are quite an example.
Over the last few nights, I’ve searched high and low for any competitions that I can push myself into. I was astounded to find out that you actually have to pay a fee to enter most competitions these days. Which is insane to me for many reasons. To assume that we have money is cheap, lol. We are paying for people to judge our work. Even agents don’t have a reading fee. And they are the largest stepping stone. Most of all, I’m giving a generous sum of money for something that I may not even win. It’s not like we get the money back.
The other problematic piece of this somewhat corporate practice is that most competitions want to take all the rights away from your own god damn work. To sign over your rights to something that may not even see the light of day on their side of the table. It’s copyright infringement in a sense. Hell, most competitions refuse to accept any work that’s been published ANYWHERE. Yes, even your own social media or personal blogs. God forbid you share your own art.
Alas, it is the system. You have to comply sometimes. I’m sick of being undiscovered by the people who can actually help me. It’s a risk that I’m carefully debating. There will be an abundance of opportunities the more I put myself out there so this isn’t it. Ya girl is determined to make something of herself. This is the year that I succeed.....I hope.
