#wmtw

Oh snap, new opening. Soft music as Ed and Al stand together in Central, looking at the lit-up castle until Ed looks away to blue pictures of Roy’s Crew wait I just saw Hughes in there. Oooh no. That’s not a good sign. Ok it’s including everyone from Armstrong the Great to General Grumman so unless this show’s heading towards a Total Party Wipe (which is not as unlikely as I’d like) it must just be stylistic. Wait what that was a white Truth outline that looked a heck of a lot like Winry. Please tell me she’s ok. Aaaand now it’s all red and black as someone (Ed?) screams and other flashes of red souls oh it’s the Goths. Aw hell it’s the Goths! And Uncle as well looking annoyed until GAH it’s one of those freaking Golems. Ok back to calming blue pictures of the Good Guys, then Al’s Soul still sitting at the Gate of Truth with his empty armor behind him, and Truth laughing like the jerk he is. Winry! Wi- wait why are you standing in a white dress at the edge of a cliff? Young lady that’s far too close, step back right now. Also stop crying and/or point me in the direction of whoever made you cry. We get a title for this song (“Rain”) as townspeople and villagers look up at the storm clouds in concern, and Military soldiers run out alongside tanks whaaaaat is that? What is that there’s a hunched figure standing in flames, zoomed in to show glowing white eyes and very big teeth. Now it’s Bradley in a bloodied white shirt sitting in the rain acting all calm and collected, switch to complete opposite of Scar tossing aside his jacket ooooh are we gonna get Scar fighting Bradley in this arc? Yeah I know that the trailers always lie but there tends to be elements of truth like the arms that grabbed Al coming up in a later arc. Now it’s the Chimera Army (sadly not under the command of General Al), and the Armstrong Siblings standing alongside each other and Mrs. and Mr. Curtis! Good to see you guys again! Wait Roy why do you look so upset? Riza why are you crying in an alleyway with your dog? And now Ed and Al are standing on opposite sides of a tree damnit are they gonna get separated again? Ok finally the sun’s broken through NOPE NOPE DEAD PERSON ALERT THAT LOOKS LIKE MAMA ELRIC BUT IT PROBABLY ISN’T EITHER RUN OR PUNCH IT ED. Nevermind he was just dreaming. While being watched over by Winry. Kinda cute, but kinda creepy too. Episode 51 - “The Immortal Legion” Oh great, this episode is gonna focus on those creepy Golems. Just what I wanted to start the new year with, yay. So a bunch of pipes are disconnecting from the gasping artificial zombies who land kneeling on the floor, before standing GREAT they’re in that uncanny 3D modeling that Titan!Envy used. Officer laughs at the labcoat’s insistence that they needed more tests, pointing at the undying, obedient, invincible soldiers. [Officer]: “We have our Title Drop, at long last!” Now he’s ordering the Golems (“Papa” NO) to deal with the renegade ele- Uh What So… One of the Golems walked forward and just… tore out his throat with its teeth. And a bunch of other Golems have pounced on the screaming Officer. Who’s no longer screaming. Aaaand now they’ve stopped, and turned with bloody mouths to the labcoat. … … … How fucking stupid are these guys? I mean really. REALLY. How has Amestris lasted as a country this long if this is what its leadership and researchers are like? How could the labcoats have failed so spectacularly to create Zombies when the goal was to create Golems? What kind of shoddy “tests” were they running to not figure out that their supposedly obedient soldiers were mindless killing beasts? Was there no prototype? Did they literally build an army of these things just assuming that they would all work? You fail, my good sirs! You fail at Science! And you, Officer! You completely ignored the guy whose job it is to know things, who told you that the weapon wasn’t ready, and you just set it off? You were so blinded by your arrogance and desire for command over others that you unleashed this army of Zombies without any assurance that they wouldn’t kill you for standing in front of them? Uncle. I get that you’re a bad guy. I get that you view humanity as a lesser species, no better than fuel for yourself and your Goths. And frankly, after seeing this Kimblee level of incompetence, I can see your point. But you have to have seen this coming. You had to have known that your minions were this stupid, this incredible level of dumbfuckery that has me storming around my room, ranting at the utter failure of this Officer and researcher. Clearly this is the reason you made your Goths, because if this was the level of ability you led before you made more competent henchmen? It’s a miracle that the whole country hasn’t gone up in flames without even the slightest effort by the Conspiracy.

Ok. Ok, we need to move on. So while that whole mess is kicking off, Ed’s reached the Door beneath The Third Laboratory. Oh hey, Barry’s still there! Miss you, you were funny when you weren’t killing innocents or trying to flirt with Riza. Giant door, check. Now how to open it. Actually, do we want to open it? Is it connected to the Transmutation Circle, is opening it playing into Uncle’s hands? Ah well, Ed’s gonna try anyway, struggles for a bit pulling at the seam (maybe it’s a push door?) until Scar gets bored and prepares to HoD it oh hey it’s opening CLOSE IT CLOSE IT CLOSE IT ZOMBIES CLOSE IIIIIIIIITTTTTTT Oh hey Armstrong the Great. Still haven’t killed the second General? Yeah he’s more useful as a bullet shield right now, and he’s still a General so he can order the Central Forces to stand down. Only he’s not giving the order? Huh. I’m actually kinda impressed here, guy’s been stabbed multiple times and has a gun to his head but he still gives an order to seal all entrances to Central. Still a bad guy and Armstrong the Great’s absolutely going to kill him now, but still. Ooor instead of Armstrong the Great, it’ll be Sloth literally crushing him. Ouch. Oooh dear, seems Sloth’s been ordered to kill Armstrong the Great for interfering, and she doesn’t have a tank or a snowstorm this time. She’s still laughing though, thanking the Goth for opening up another General seat, and brandishes her blade. [Armstrong the Great]: “This sword was passed through the Armstrong Family for generations. Now I don’t have to sully it with his filthy blood!” Adventure Strings continue as Ed’s fighting the Zombie Horde, the Chimera’s are throwing punches and Scar’s breaking out the HoDs to kill… oh dear. Scar’s One Hit Kill isn’t killing. That’s not good. The Zombies groan and shuffle around them- [Zombie]: “Big Brother!” NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU, WHOEVER WROTE THAT LINE YOU DO NOT TARNISH ONE OF THE SADDEST MOMENTS IN THIS SHOW WITH THESE MONSTERS SCREW. YOU.

Ed’s reacting in shock, realizing that they used human souls to make the Zombies, even somehow poor Nina’s. And for all the Zombies already, more and more come pouring through the door. Scar’s right, if these things escape outside to where civilians are just standing around wondering at all the Military soldiers running around, it’ll be a slaughter… Oh. Ok, I get it. Uncle deliberately set this up so the Officers (who are still IDIOTS) would set off a slaughter of the Central populace, probably to fuel the Transmutation Circle like Kimblee orchestrated the Drachman’s destruction up north. Back inside, Ed seals off the exit to keep the Zombies in ok sorry I have to say something, did the animation budget get cut for this episode to focus on the Zombies? Because for whatever reason Ed just seems off-model today, his face keeps looking rounder and younger. Anyways, the Chimeras are eager to let loose in a fight and transform, the group charges towards the Gate to plow through the horde and reach “that bearded bastard”. Outside Military forces are trying to close off roads and keep the Armory Ice Cream Truck from escaping, until a certain Briggs Officer arrives to express his displeasure. [Central Officer]: “A- a bear! A bear with a mohawk! Aaaa-” So Roy and his Crew are safely out of town, but now they’ll have some trouble getting back in. Although the Military are looking for an ice cream truck specifically. Almost makes me wish Ed was here to Transmute up a disguise for the vehicle. Almost mind you, things aren’t so desperate we need that just yet. Lion’s still at the Dome, wondering how things are going with the others. With nothing better to do he goes to talk to Al, ask what that annoying tapping noise is FINALLY thank you so Al didn’t know but Lion with his military experience was able to identify the dot dot dot dash dash dash dot dot dot and realize that Al needs to shut Pride up, NOW. He’s been broadcasting your loca- Uh oh. Kimblee’s here. And as much as I insult the guy, I think he’s probably strong enough to brush past an injured Lion and break Pride out- Or straight up kill Lion while knocking a hole in the Dome. Damnit. Pride is loose. Mid-ep pictures of Zombies (“Mannequin Soldiers”) doing the See-Speak-Hear No Evil poses, and Alphonse Elric looking pissed. Aw shit May’s getting chased by Zombies in the tunnels! Run May! Run Shao May! Screw Envy, leave him to get eaten by the monsters! She screams at Envy for tricking her while he yells that her source of Immortality is still further inside, then she takes a moment to lay a beautiful if ineffective beatdown on some Zombies before catching oh shit I was joking about Envy getting eaten nobody deserves- Uh oh. [Envy]: “I’m baaaack!” Soooo, Envy’s kind of… melded with the Zombie, who ate another Zombie and then melded with all of the other Zombies to make Titan!Envy, who shrunk down into standard Envy. Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a Goth back in play. Crap. In the village near the Dome, Yoki’s panicking at the Military presence, trying to persuade Marcoh to stay quiet and not draw attention to themselves. But Marcoh’s upset at not doing anything. Also, what’s that smoke coming from the Dome? Pride’s sauntering out, Kimblee actually sounds a bit unnerved at the news that Pride ate another Goth. Pride’s justifying it as them coming from the same father, they’re just in a combined form again. Oh hey, Lion’s still alive! Kinda. Not looking or sounding too good, though. Al rushes forward damnit he just got grabbed by Pride’s shadows, he’s gonna get possessed again and Ed’ll have to fight him damnit. But Al transmutes the ground for a Big Boom, ok so dust to block out the shadows? Or not, Pride still has Al’s feet… aha! He only has Al’s feet! Al pulled a Lan Fan! Back to Battle Drum music as Armstrong the Great’s fighting Sloth, who’s smashing up the room with his chains. Armstrong the Great, honey, don’t waste your bullets on Sloth, it’s doing nothing. Maybe your sword? Damnit Military grunts, stop bothering Armstrong the Great by threatening to shoot her for treason. See, that’s what you get for threatening Armstrong the Great, she just dodges so you take the hit from Sloth. Thanks for the grenade, btw! So that’s not going to do much to Sloth (besides be funny as he “Huh?”s at the grenade right in his face, but maybe Armstrong the Great can use the smoke to- [Sloth]: “Hey, look! I caught you! And this time, I won’t mess up.” Well that aint good. Sloth’s got her trapped against a pillar and is squeezing her to death, Armstrong the Great’s actually in pain and-

YES [The Mighty Armstrong]: “HEELLLOOO, SISTER! AAAARRREE YOOOOOU ALLLRIGHT?! HAH HAH!” *sparkles and explosion because AWESOME* He’s back! The Mighty Armstrong is back, and after sending Sloth flying with a single punch is ready to fight alongside his snarky sibling! Armstrong the Great updates The Mighty Armstrong on the plot (that’s a Goth, bullets are useless, I want my tanks back). [The Mighty Armstrong]: “You don’t say? *sparkle* Fortunately dear sister, that is my specialty! Why don’t you let your brother have a crack at it! I’ll take this atrocity down! Come on, you monster!” [Sloth]: “Ugh. What a pain.” Hey! Hey hey hey don’t you skip away from the Armstrong Fight! Go back to Best Characters! Ugh, ok fine Al’s current situation of trying to drag a grievously wounded Lion away from the dome while his own legs are stumps is sufficiently dramatic enough I’ll accept the scene switch. This time. But yeah, Al and Lion are in a tough spot. Lion’s even telling Al to leave him behind, which Al is having none of. But really now, Al’s down a few limbs, when the dust clears they’ll be facing Kimblee and Pride together, and Lion’s coughing up blood. Now Al’s knee has blown out and he’s resorting to beating the crap out of it in frustration. [Lion]: “You brothers… are really something else… You’re still determined to help another person, even when you’re falling to pieces yourself.” Now Al’s talking about his promise, to never let anyone else die. So now the show’s going to either force Al to break his promise abandon Lion at the Chimera’s insistence, or he’ll keep trying until the dust fades and Pride walks up and kills Lion before repossessing Al’s armor anyway. This sucks- wait, what’s Lion have in his pocket?

HOLY LETO IT’S THE PHILOSOPHER’S STONE! I completely forgot that Lion pocketed it ages ago after Ed’s injury. Has the dude been carrying around one of the setting’s most prized MacGuffin’s in his pocket this whole time? Dude. Also, is this going where I think it’s going?

So they’re discussing the dilemma: with their own Stone they might be able to fight against the other guy armed with one and the ‘kid’ powered by two, but if they use the Stone they’ll be using the souls used in making it. And if I remember, this was Kimblee’s first stone, the one made with Ishvalan Sacrifices. Lion talks about Ed’s conviction to not use Stones on their bodies. Instead, he says to “use it to save the entire world instead”. [Lion]: “You deserve it. Because even if they’ve been put into that Stone, you still recognize them as people. I know… those people… even though they’re trapped in Stone, they still want to fight to protect what matters to them. Let them fight. They deserve the chance!” I’m picturing the Ishvalans in the stone cheering. “Heck yeah let’s kick some ass! That jerk in the tacky suit used us to murder our own people, we want to tear him apart!” Al agrees. They’ll fight together. Thank you. For all my ranting at not using the Stone to heal Ed back then, I can appreciate this take. Using a Stone is Wrong, and it cannot be something that our Protagonists ever truly accept. But when faced with no other options, and using it specifically to help others, not themselves, it is acceptable that Al uses the Stone to fight back. Outside the cloud Kimblee asks if he should blow it away, but Pride’s overconfident and says they’re trapped without Al’s legs- BOOM! Flash of red, Kimblee loses his hat in the windblast, and Al strides out on newly-Transmuted legs. Kimblee smiles. New Outro! We’ve got… I can’t tell if it’s Beardless or Al, going by the stonework I’m going to assume Beardless. Still Beardless, hair blowing in the wind...still Beardless...still Beardless...what is the whole Outro just Beardless never mind it just switched to Mama Elric’s grave, then a crowd of Xerxes folk hey it’s that picture Keaton used to show Xerxians have no black outline to their hair. Then either Beard or Uncle walking through the desert in a white cloak, and the Elric Household complete with the swing that Beard nearly broke his back setting up. Whoop speaking of we have a grumpy Beard surrounded by white light and shattering stone, then Homunculus sulking in his flask. Also, A+ on putting the only credit this screen (Mixing Engineer Adrian Cook) right in front of the one-eyed circle monster.

Episode 50 - “Upheaval in Central” We’ve got the Beret!Officer from last ep talking over the title, saying that they can kill everyone besides Roy. Cue gunshots… Yup, the Officer’s just standing there in shock while all of his men are on the ground, clutching busted kneecaps or wrists. You fools pulled guns on Riza, what did you- Oh ok there’s a bunch of plain-clothes conspirators up in the rafters, and another guy with spiky hair putting a gun to Officer’s head. Where did all these guys come from? While that’s going on, Mrs. Bradley is facing two unfortunate possibilities; either the country is attempting a coup against her husband… or her husband has abandoned her. Roy “doesn’t know”, but promises to continue to protect her. Also, if she could maybe possibly use her position as spouse of the Fuhrer to pardon them once this is all over, that’d be greeeeeat. Now they’re on the move to avoid the commando’s backup, Roy’s being updated by Spiky Hair who apparently knows him (manga character?), learns he’s still at the wreckage and confirms Mrs. Bradley doesn’t know the truth just yet. Now, back to scaring off the hapless mooks! Said mooks’ boss is very upset that his men haven’t killed the five meddlers of the Conspiracy yet. Then reports start coming in that they’ve got a full platoon of rebels now, and that while they have a bunch of casualties there haven’t been any deaths. Whaaa? You mean the Good Guys are trying to fight nonlethally? Who would ever think of such a thing? Apparently not the rest of the Amestrian military, the mooks keep spending so much time wondering why they aren’t already dead that our heroes keep incapacitating them while they talk. Central Officer takes this as a personal insult, orders even more mooks out to get wounded.

The remaining Generals in the War Room are whining about how their troops getting systematically whittled down, until Armstrong the Great points out that it really should be expected. Think of it like the Military Police of Attack on Titan: While you’ve got more troops along the borders fighting in wars with other countries, these troops are in the very center of Amestris, with not nearly as much experience as those who are fighting daily on the borders. Armstrong the Great even points out their feeble performance against Mr. Freeze in the first episode, how a single rogue Alchemist decimated them and nearly froze over the entire city. Now they’re facing a rogue Alchemist with experienced and determined soldiers behind him.

The other General takes offense to the truth and her offer to step in and help, barks that she’s only there as a hostage to ensure her loyal troops toe the line (oh he is so dead). Armstrong the Great just laughs as Skyrim Chanting starts up.

[Armstrong the Great]: “Hahaha! You don’t understand a single thing about the resolve of my troops! Your plan is useless. The only law the men of Briggs know is Survival of the Fittest. They know to abandon me if confronted with a crisis. Even if you were to murder me in cold blood, my troops would simply write me off for being too weak. They don’t need me! Those men can act as their own force. That’s the strength of the Briggs army! Don’t even begin to assume that you know the soldiers I’ve trained!” Mowhawk. White Uniforms. Sandals? Ok so Buccy’s standing with some other unique Briggs troops and soldiers in the white Briggs coats in an apparent cellar. But sandals? And there’s a space in the back with two glowing red eyes. Who are these new people? Guess we’ll find out later, because the Briggs soldiers are on the move and the Oh Shit alarms are going off in Central, as Armstrong the Great “wonders” if her bear-killing soldiers will have any trouble with the dolls of Central. Let the curbstomp begin! But seriously, where were they? They mentioned a cellar but I don’t think they’d all fit under Madame Christmas’ bar even it wasn’t blown up. [Spiky Hair]: “The Armstrong Mansion?” Oooooh, duh. They even ‘subtly’ pointed it out when Roy visited Armstrong the Great after the timeskip, of course that’s where the Northern troops hid. Ok so apparently Spiky Hair is Charlie, one of his own subordinates comes running up asking for ammo. What, you aren’t getting enough spare bullets from the soldiers you’ve wounded? Or the dead now, seeing as the Briggs troops are in play. Or they’ve got a supply unit that hasn’t shown up yet. [Roy]: “Look guys, if it comes down to it just leave me behind.” [Charlie/Other]: “Roger that!” [Offended!Roy]: “You could at least pretend like you’re willing to die by my side!” Uh oh, but it looks like the Military’s realized they’re out of ammo. They make a push- and nearly get run over by a Funny Bear truck. Ooh, here’s that supply unit! With a familiar face, it’s Riza’s friend Rebecca! And oh my Leto that was certainly worth the wait, rifles bullets and bazookas galore! Roy gets a new rifle from the driver, a lady with a covered face? Someone who knows the Colone- … … … [HELL TO THE FUCK YEAH]: “Second Lieutenant Maria Ross, returning to active duty without permission, sir!”

Yessssssssssss Sorry, give me a minute. I need to walk around with a stupidly large grin on my face for a while. Ok, I’m better now. Let’s continue. Aw, Rebecca’s all upset that she came all this way only to find a bunch of “sissies” restraining themselves since they’re in the city. As she loads a friggin mortar Leto damn woman how is Grumman still alive? Oh ok it was a smoke bomb, just enough to disrupt the military so they can load into the truck and drive away. Rebecca’s showing off all the cool Xingese weapons Ross brought back. But she procured the rest of the conventional weapons through someone else? She says she’ll let “him” tell Roy, they hook up a radio. [Roy]: “This is Colonel Roy Mustang speaking. I’m honored to have your support.” [!!!]: “Heh heh, man, whose ass do you think you’re kissing?” [Roy]: *shock* [!!!!!]: “I’d prefer if we kept things casual!” Oh my Leto it’s Havoc! Running a General Store/Conspiracy Quartermaster! yessssss [Havoc]: “So, who do I send the bill to?” [Roy]: “The office of the Fuhrer. And start a tab!” yesssssss Mid-ep pictures of Ross and Havoc being awesome (all my babies are coming back I’m so happy!) and Beard pushing up his glasses. Seeing smoke and hearing sirens in the distant city, Ed and the crew (minus Greed and Al) are preparing to make their move. Ooh, and Beard says he has a countermeasure if the TC gets activated, but just says he’d rather stop it in the first place. So we’ve got two unspoken plans going on, this is looking better and better! Wait no Beard’s saying they need to destroy Uncle’s “flask” in order to defeat him and free the souls he gathered. Eh, just vague enough that I won’t count it as a stated plan. As for finding the guy, Scar’s going to show them the tunnel he and May found way back when I thought Beard was the bad guy. Lion’s staying behind because of his injuries, as is Marcoh for his wanted status and Yoki because Yoki. Ed takes a moment to say goodbye to Al still stuck in the Dome, they bump fists against the earthwork as Pride is still tapping Al’s helmet with a stick wait. Wait wait WAIT NO LETO-DAMNIT the Goth is clearly doing quick taps and longer taps it’s obviously Morse Code he’s sending a signal to the surviving Goths damnit Al take your helmet back! Ugh ok so while that ticking timebomb counts down we’ve got May running through Central with her covered jar, urged on by Envy to reach Uncle before he reveals the secret of immortality. She slips into the tunnel just before troops arrive to block the area off. Back in Central oh buddy you really don’t want to do that. The Military Police General is pointing a gun at Armstrong the Great, demanding she call off her soldiers. She’s all “What? But you stripped me of my northern command, remember?” But the General just whines that they’ve been chosen to ascend with Uncle and all the sacrifices are necessary- Nope! Just like with Raven, Armstrong the Great’s gotten bored of listening to their stupidity and stabs his arm while drawing a pistol on the other general, chiding them for being Armchair Generals who don’t dirty their own hands, espousing the “necessity of sacrifice” while never making any of their own. Also, you threatened Armstrong the Great, so die. The Mighty Armstrong? What are you- oh shit, did nobody tell you about the Promised Day? Holy crap, if The Mighty Armstrong wasn’t updated then he’s still working for the Military, just sees his comrades apparently go crazy and start shooting up soldiers and setting the city on fire. Someone please update this poor man- Oh hey, it’s Brosh! Speaking of updates, someone tell this guy that his partner isn’t dead, he’s had to spend all this time thinking she was killed by Roy! [Brosh]: “That devious coward! First he murdered Lieutenant Ross and now he’s kidnapped the Fuhrer’s wife?! The man has got to be pure evil!” Ooof, even if he doesn’t know the Promised Day plan The Mighty Armstrong did know Ross was alive, he’s probably feeling a bit guilty for not telling Brosh. Fu’s off to the side, overhears The Mighty Armstrong being told about his sibling’s actions, and heads off to try and find Ling in the chaos. But he can’t sense his new Goth nature, what with Uncle giving off Big Bad Vibes underground. That have grown stronger? Uncle’s sitting in his pipe chair, lounging as machinery rumbles and pounds, disturbing mice and dogs even outside the city wait nevermind it’s not the machinery that’s making that noise. It’s the Littlest Goth with his helmet and stick, tapping out a message. Al, take you Leto-damned helmet back!

Episode 49 - “Filial Affection”

Beard’s trying to wake Al up from his forced nap, while Pride WHOA NELLY his artwork seems a little harsher than I remember and you can definitely tell he’s got the power of two Goths in one package, the Shadow Blades are back with ferocity as he tries to draw Beard out by attacking his other son. Ed’s dodging and weaving yikes!

…

Ha! As much as I’ve been crowing about Ed growing taller, he’s still short enough to duck under Pride’s Shadow Mouth attack that chops the tree he was against. Now it’s Greedling’s turn to backflip to safety, and hoo boy. Lan Fan I know you have a massive crush on your young lord but in the middle of a battle against an upgraded Pride is not the time to demand Greed surrender control of the body. And cripes I’d forgotten about your arm, as much as you want to help now you’re no good if by trying to fight you aggravate your injury and turn yourself into a liability.

See? Ed agrees with me, Lan Fan tries insisting she doesn’t need help right after Ed kicked her away from a Shadow Mouth, as much as I like her she needs to back off until she can help without hurting herself. The other ninja is helping away Lion who’s apologizing for not killing Pride earlier, but Greed brushes it off.

[Greed]: “Heh! Don’t sweat it. Can’t exactly fault you for that one. Even I consider him to be a monster.”

Beams of light? Hey, Al’s back! Poor kids a bit confused on waking up halfway across the country, and understandably upset that Pride hijacked his friggin soul. Beard’s taking an analytical approach to the issue, thinking that as aspects of his own counterpart they’re close-enough “relatives” they can influence Al’s seal through his blood. Cheery!

The genetics lesson’s interrupted by Fu and Lion arriving with news. Good News: they’re down to one Goth. As for the Bad News… Al angsts about getting caught oh poor baby it’s not your fault. This is freaking Pride, the First Goth we’re talking about here. Backed up by Gluttony and with your fainting spells, they’re the ones to blame, not you. Fu reports that Pride’s got plenty of light for shadows with the spreading fire and he’s out of flashbangs. They need to think of something before the villagers oh-so-helpfully show up to put out the fire and get slaughtered by Pride. Time for Beard to show his powers?

Al’s hashing out an idea with Beard, so we cut to Greed and Ed getting batted around by Pride. Unfortunately the Goth’s done a bit of gardening, no more trees to take the hits for our heroes. Lan Fan’s hanging out by the edge of the clearing nope never mind Pride’s got her pinpointed with his enhanced sense of smell… hey, Ed! You got any more dynamite stashed somewhere?

[Greed]: “Ugh… dammit! Hey, you still breathing over there?”

[Ed]: “Does wheezing count?”

Oh neat, Prides calling Greed out on caring for others. And notably Greed didn’t argue against that, say something like “I’m just protecting my possessions” or whatever. He just called Pride a monster. Aw, is Greed getting character development?

Ew ew don’t call yourself Greed’s brother you little gremlin. You don’t get to claim family ties (oooh I just got the title ok then) when you’re getting ready to eat your “sibling”.

[Greed the First]: “Just don’t blame me when I give you a stomachache! You did it to yourself!”

Pride’s sniffing? Adventure Strings? YES. Beard is entering the fray! Show us what you can do, Papa Elric.

Wait what? “The hero always waits until the last second to make his move.” Pffft no. Buddy, if you think you’re the Protagonist of the show then I’ve got some bad news for you. Unless this is just grandstanding for Al’s plan…

But now he’s just standing there, cheerfully saying that he could never possibly fight Pride. Which unnerves the Goth so much he withdraws his Shadow Mouths and focuses all his attention on Beard NOW AL ATTACK FROM BEHIND damnit.

[Pride]: “Are you joking? This was your pathetic plan?”

Uh I kinda have to agree with Pride here, your plan was to charge screaming across the field to try and punch Pride in the face? This can’t be it, but Beard’s holding Ed back and Al’s forced to his knees among Pride’s shadows.

Oh hell no you did not just call Al stupid. Ed, push past your father and kick his-

[ShinyGlasses!Beard]: “That’s crossing a line, Pride. Don’t ever mock my son!”

RED ALERT RED ALERT RED SPARKS BEARD’S IN THE FIGHT NOW HERE WE GO

Hooooly Leto. So while standing completely still, Beard’s tearing up the ground to form a giant dome over Pride and Al, and if the dome blocks all the light and Al’s right there now without any shadows to bind him, then Al can pick up where Lion left off!

Huh. So Al’s plan wasn’t to finish Pride off, but just to trap him? Huh. I mean, there’s no way this is going to stick until the Promised Day is over, you can’t just shove the secondary Protagonist in a cage a dozen episodes before the finale. But what about the comment of Al’s body not needing food or water or air? Is little Selim going to start choking and Good Guy Al will have to decide between breaking the trap or watching an apparent little child suffocate?

Whatever happens the dome is holding for now, and Beard’s explaining that Al told him not to warn Ed, who’s a little upset that his brother’s stuck in a cage with a Goth. Beard goes to put the fires out, while Ed yells through the stone at Al who apologizes for the bad reunion. Sorry kids, hopefully this will blow over soon.

Greed? Greed what are you doing? Why are you leaving the good guys… aw, damnit! Dude come on, I was just complimenting you on your character growth earlier this episode, don’t go and pull a Vegeta on me now!

[Ling]: “Hey Greed! What the hell are you planning?”

[Greed]: “Heh. I’ve told you; I’m planning on ruling the entire world.”

Mid-ep pictures of Pride and Kimblee damnit not this guy again. Uuuuugh. Fine whatever he got mildly competent again after tricking the Drachmans into attacking and dying so I’ll try to cut him some slack.

A couple of hobos are around a bin fire, talking about all the Ishvalans who have moved into the neighborhood. Kind of like that murderer with the distinctive scar on his well look who it is! Scar politely asks for directions, but gets a little upset when he learns that May Chang came back through wait a few weeks ago?! Jeez I keep forgetting there’s been such a large time skip. But where is she? And for that matter, where’s the Goth she was carrying?

Scar also doesn’t like his people being called terrorists and accused of blowing up Bradley’s train. Because they’ve got that whole Honorable Warrior Race thing going on where even Scar justified his killings with the fact that he faced people directly. But soon enough they’ll be seen as allies and heroes of the Amestrians!

...well, other Ishvalans will be seen as allies and heroes. These guys seem to have come down with a case of death, courtesy of someone humming to the Sinister String Music yup it’s Kimblee, skipping over bloody corpses and berating himself for getting his tailor-made suit dirty before the scheduled “fun” starts.

In the Dome, Pride’s trying to tunnel out with a stick before Al tells him it’s pointless. So of course he drops the wood and goes for Al’s discarded metal helmet with the sharp point on it, nice job getting the baddie to upgrade again. Although now Pride’s stopped moving as Al points out the biggest flaw in the Goth’s plan: the humans. They’re needed as “sacrifices”, but the whole thing would have fallen apart if they had just said Fuck It and joined ARMSTRONG SR. and family on the vacation to Xing.

Oooh, but the Goths were banking on the Protagonists to be that selfish and leave them to cause havoc in their wake. Pride even brings up Mrs. Bradley, who once got between Pride and a car crash. She obviously didn’t know the truth, but she still risked her own life to protect what she loved. And the Sacrifices were chosen specifically because they were “a step above that”, with souls so strong they would never turn their backs on those who needed help.

[Pride]: “So explain to me again, how were our plans so sloppy?”

While Pride and Al are debating humanity and compassion, Roy’s visiting Hughes’ grave when Riza comes to check on him.

[Afterlife!Hughes]: “Alright, you guys are going into the final fight. Riza, now’s the time to- wait no Roy stop! Damnit man she was just about to say something but you had to put on your Commander Face and walk right past her! You were going to have a moment dude! Get back here and confess your love, you idiot!”

Alright so Scar’s crew have reached the clearing ooooh no. No no no crap dudes don’t notice the Dome and get close and get tricked into opening it. Whew ok good, the respective Chimeras of the groups have met up and spent so long accusing eachother of still working for Worst Boss Ever that Ed was able to run up and get them to face Shorty as a common annoyance. Later they’re catching up over the campfire-

[Toad]: “Once the sun comes up, things are going to get rough.”

[Gorilla]: “I know. Let’s just hope that everyone makes it through the day alive.”

Welp you’ve signed your death warrant. Nice knowing you, Gorilla.

Fu’s heading off to do some recon in Central, I predict that’ll last right up until he finds Greed pulling a coup and is torn between helping the Protagonists and siding with the Goth inhabiting his charge’s body. In the meantime, you gonna explain your strategy? Nope? Relying on the Unspoken Plan Guarantee? Alright then.

Aw there’s that Red Jacket that got tossed aside a few episodes ago. I’m sorry, I just got really attached to the White Jacket and the character growth that the outfit change symbolized, but I’ll agree that the original look is closely tied to Al’s character. I’ll try to get over it.

[Ed]: “Al’s doing everything possible to keep us safe. The rest of it… That’s up to us!”

End-credit music kicks off as Ed dons his jacket and the sun rises on The Promised Day.

After-credits: A young blonde girl is yelling at her sleepy older brother to get up or he’ll miss the solar eclipse. But Older Brother wakes right up when his younger brother sees smoke, which turns out to be Roy destroying government property. An officer’s getting the update that they know it’s Roy’s group doing the damage but they’ve got Mrs. Bradley as a hostage so they can’t never mind Officer just said they were all expendable except for Roy. Cue troops in berets smashing through windows, even as Riza holds a gun to poor Mrs. Bradley’s head.

[Beret!Officer]: “The only one we need alive is Mustang. Kill the rest.”

Mrs. Bradley is not pleased to hear that.

…

Gunshot?

Gunshots?

…