With Grim Eyes || Candice Self
Tagging:Â Candice Self Para
Location:Â In the shower
Time:Â After talking to Kate and figuring out Quincy is in on the murder (Afternoon? Evening?)
Notes: Candice comes to terms with the hard truth.
Candice closed her eyes, letting the heavy cascade of water thunder over her tiny frame. She took a gasping, shuddering breath. The brunette still couldn't believe what she'd heard, what she knew was true. Quincy would help to kill an innocent girl, all in cold blood. Candice scrubbed away at her skin, desperately trying to wash the sickly, creeping feeling from far underneath. It didn't help. She was so fucking useless. An inadequate muggleborn failure. Weak for needing other people, for feeling so hurt. For giving Quincy a second chance, for believing he was good. Her mother had been right, she was pathetic. Candice clawed at her skin, trying to rip all feeling from underneath. She scratched until she bled, scarlet hues blending in with the water, streaming down her pallid legs and into nothingness. "Fuck," she muttered. "Fuck, fuck fuck, FUCK." Her fists clenched, eyes wide and crazy. She punched the wall with all her might, knuckles staining with crimson drops. Stinging like needles as again and again she drove it into the tiled hindrance. Pain shot up her arm, every nerve telling her to stop, but it was a brilliant pain. One she deserved. She had brought this upon herself.
A strangled sob made its way out of her mouth, and the girl collapsed under the weight of it all. The truth had become too hard to bear. She cradled her throbbing hand, holding it close. "Fucking cunt, useless piece of shit, how could you trust him? How couldn't you see?" Her body wracked with sobs, shivering as the cold water hit her skin. She hated herself. Hated her weakness, how she'd trusted the boy with her life. How she'd defended him all this time, given him chance after chance. How she held onto him, let herself believe he'd stayed the same. Teardrops streamed from eyes, blurring her vision. The snake didn't care, she was done, so done with caring. Candice couldn't trust anyone, not even her best friend. And now when she'd have to face him, the Slytherin would have to pretend that nothing was wrong. She'd have to look him in the eyes, smile without betraying the fact that she knew, that she knew he was a killer. Candice yanked at her hair with her good hand, pulling it by the roots as she cried out to no one. Her mouth curled into a scream, a cathartic shriek that echoed her agony through the walls, filling the air with a ponderous melancholy. The water streamed down, oblivious to her pain. Candice closed her eyes, breathing to the best of her abilities. She would never trust again, never believe she could count on anyone. There was nothing else she could do.
Her body felt hollow, deprived of all emotion. The way she liked it. Candice turned off the shower head, letting the water drip from her hair, slowly. Falling. She closed her eyes, mentally rebuilding her emotional barriers. But as Kate said, there were many more deaths, many more betrayals to come. Candice couldn't let herself break down every time someone changed. It would make her weaker than she already was. If war was truly coming, she'd have to get used to it. Candice wouldn't let anyone get close her, never again. She had to assume everyone would turn on her, that she would always have to keep her guard up. She had to survive. If worst came to worst, Candice needed to focus on one thing, herself. Other people were simply distractions. Even the ones that she cared about, especially those. The snake's grim eyes turned cold again, her exterior more frigid than ever. War loomed on the horizon, creeping slowly but surely towards them all. Her eyes glinted, gelid enough to send shivers down your spine. She was ready for the worst.
