#with experience

Me now: Huh. That’s a good shape, I’ll use him/her. 

Sometimes, even for a long time, you just have to be okay with not being okay. That’s when you learn the most, and when your happiness finally comes around, which it will, it’ll feel that more amazing. 

Today marks 31 days without you. These thirty one days have been the biggest blur of my life. I miss your smile. How your laugh went perfectly with Emily's. I miss how ugly you made everyone look compared to your beauty. You didn't deserve your choice. Your brother is doing okay. He's over my house everyday. He misses you a lot. But he pretty much is the same James you left one month ago. Just a little bent. I don't think your sister will ever be the same, though. She still misses her little sister. I've visited you two times. Your setting in beautiful, completely covered in flowers and candles and ribbons. We made you your own bracelets. The truth is, I miss you. I mentioned you at dinner tonight and the whole table cried. We all miss you. 14 is too young to die. Too young to have as much weight on your shoulder that you have no other choice then to leave. You had barely started your life yet. And before we knew it, you were gone.

Ugh.

⠀

What makes me so undesirable?