#directioner

likeee a lot of you weren’t even there fr fr

(also pls don’t let someone steal this and put it on tiktok)

i’ll always mention one direction on my account because they are THE all time band ever for me, ever.

prompt: harry styles drops a new album. the surprise single is a song about y/n y/l/n.

in this: angst, yearning?, zarry love triangle?, 5hsosmix references for fun

this is definitely just part one :) more coming, pls lmk what u think

it was unfortunate having harry styles as an ex-boyfriend.

it was brief, forgettable, complicated. really. completely utterly unexpected and childish. a summer thing. blink, and he was gone.

really—reaaaaaallly—you were over it.

that’s what you told yourself in bathrooms and back seats and long lines at airports where no one quite recognized you but everyone kind of looked twice.

that’s what you told everyone.

god. life was strange.

and new york was too busy, even for the busiest of minds.

you knew to leave when zayn started rambling about pennsylvania—about land and quiet and the way nothing asked anything of you out there. you didn’t want quiet. the australian boys never complained about los angeles, though there was so much to complain about. too much sun. too many cameras. too many distractions.

you kept in contact with some of them. not all. and never really at the same time. it felt safer that way—like keeping all your windows cracked instead of open. a text here. a like there. an “i’m proud of you” sent at 2 a.m. and never acknowledged again.

it was a simple routine. anxiety-ridden, sure, but not impossible. acting made it easy to steer conversations differently. you learned how to answer questions without answering them. how to smile like you were in on the joke even when you weren’t sure what the joke was. you had press training. and a therapist. so, life was different now.

everything was different.

different apartments. different hair. different friends who only knew the polite, sanded-down version of that summer. you dated, you didn’t date. you pretended you didn’t flinch when his name came up in interviews, in playlists, in grocery store speakers and car radios.

you didn’t keep the photos. therapist suggestion. and you never really had any use for them, anyway. if you ever needed proof—real, tangible, incriminating proof—of the two of you existing in the same space, smiling like idiots, you could find it in the corners of pinterest and google.

what took more time was everything else.

the messages. the letters. the gifts.

they were nice. fucking of course they were. well-written. academic, even. he loved references… footnotes in the margins of affection, little citations of poems you’d mentioned once, films you watched half-asleep on his couch. he knew all your favorite things. remembered them and was proud of himself for it. wrote them down like they were facts worth preserving. you felt bad about leaving them in some storage box in new york.

“that’s a waste of money. you could leave it at mine,” zayn pointed out over the telephone, voice crackly and distant, like he was pacing somewhere with bad reception. he was only four hours away, trapped in some strange part of vegas, but still, you cared for his company.

“your apartment doesn’t have extra room for storage,” he added. “could barely fit a cup of tea on that table. who moves to la for peace of mind, anyway?”

you huffed, nudging the coffee table with your foot. he wasn’t wrong. nothing fit. not furniture. not silence. not memories.

your friendship with zayn didn’t make much sense. you didn’t have much in common or see eye to eye on things. he disappeared when things got loud; you leaned into the noise until it swallowed you whole.

but you couldn’t help liking the fact that he and harry didn’t like each other. it was petty, maybe. childish. but comforting. a small, selfish sense of relief. you didn’t speak about him often, but it was nice knowing you could. and that you could be an asshole about it.

“i have a life here, zayn. you’d know if you had one,” you quip, smiling despite yourself. “plus, we’re set to start production after supergirl comes out…”

you trail off, gesturing vaguely at nothing. all these technical things kept you present, right in the middle of hollywood. call sheets. fittings. table reads. being lois lane. franchising. contracts that stretched five, seven, ten years into the future…

it was the hamster wheel of production—fast, relentless, impossible to step off without consequence.

no chance you were falling off.

it was the hollywood dream, after all.

“hold on,” you say, pulling away. “i’m getting a call.”

“right,” zayn hums. “call me before the residency’s up. i want to see you.”

your manager, lenny, hardly ever called when you were free from press and script obligations or cancellations.

“i’ll see you, z,” you hum.

you brace yourself before you answer.

he doesn’t say hello.

“the song,” lenny blurts, breathless. “the surprise single. it—it’s your name.”

your mouth goes dry in a way that feels dramatic even to you.

“what?” you ask, stupidly.

“it’s directly about you,” he continues, words tumbling over each other. “talking about missing you. wanting you back. references to your movies and—” a pause. “it’s very public.”

“what the fuck?”

who releases a single on a fucking tuesday?

everything about it is irritating immediately.

“we were barely in a public relationship,” you point out, already pacing. then, because irritation loves company, “we were barely in a relationship. you know he told jade we were just friends?”

“well, if it’s any comfort, he calls you his best friend and his lover in this. so that’s sweet.”

is it?

you stop walking and stare at your reflection in the microwave door. you look fine. really normal, in fact. as if you weren’t someone whose life is not about to become a tiktok think piece.

you want to strangle him. not harry—lenny, maybe. no. harry. definitely harry.

this would get in the way of your entire life, and he knew that. he knew you’d see it and that you’d mind. he knew it would follow you into press junkets and late-night couches and “lightning round” questions meant to feel spontaneous and fun and silly.

so, that song—

he knew you wouldn’t have answers unless someone called. unless someone swept through their contact list and unblocked the other.

it wouldn’t be you.

that part almost makes you laugh.

of course it wouldn’t be you. you are a real adult with a color-coded calendar. you have a franchise to protect. you have contracts with clauses and media training waiting at every turn.

you do not impulsively respond to public longing set to guitar.

he does, though.

he has to.

you picture him in a studio somewhere, earnest and open-throated, thinking this is romantic. thinking this is brave. thinking this is a love letter.

he’s likely sitting there nodding at himself, convinced he’s done the mature thing. the evolved thing. the artistically pure thing.

your anger flares.

you can almost hear him explaining it—soft voice, thoughtful pause, hands gesturing and those perfect fucking eyes.

it just felt honest. i didn’t want to hide it. sometimes you have to be vulnerable, y’know?

he couldn’t say something vague and classy that lets you pretend this mess wasn’t related to you?

no—he had to be clear. efficient.

your phone buzzes almost immediately. then again. then again. a text from your publicist. a missed call from your agent. three messages from people you haven’t spoken to in weeks and another three from ones you haven’t seen in years.

“i’m not calling him,” you say out loud, though nobody had asked you to.

lenny laughs, a bit entertained. “it’s undoubtedly strange. i could have someone here reach out to his team—”

“no.” you say, adamant. “this has nothing to do with us.”

“it’s only your first name,” lenny jokes.

“every one has a name,” you try to contest. ouch. you’ll have to iron that put in media training.

lenny laughs, a little entertained despite himself. “it’s undoubtedly strange. i could have someone here reach out to his team—”

you began to think technically. “if it helps, i won’t really be in the public eye for a while. there’s a gap, and when i am back everyone seems way more excited about the dc things anyway.”

“i’ll send you his new number.”

you close your eyes. it always changes. over the years you learned that the hard way—blocking and avoiding strange new voicemails, unfamiliar area codes, texts that start polite and end too familiar. you blocked him on instagram. muted his name where you could. you don’t see him anywhere but headlines and the radio now.

he is longggggg gone.

or he was.

“i don’t need it, len.”

“no,” he agrees easily. then, after a beat, “but someday, you might want it.”

. . .

going to zayn’s vegas shows was a low blow. you knew that.

you didn’t pretend otherwise. you booked everything with a kind of calm that only comes from bad intentions wholly and 100% accepted. whatever it was harry wanted from you, he wasn’t going to get it.

it was a little mean, dragging zayn into it. you could admit that. but it was also stupidly entertaining, and zayn, to your mild surprise, embraced it. zayn sang like nothing was wrong. like everything was fine. you clapped. you laughed. you let yourself be seen.

at first he was cautious. asked all the real questions. worried and tracked the emotional aspect, about whether it would reopen things he’d worked hard to bury. he never liked squabbling, especially over small things like a song or a tweet or a girl.

these things had nothing to do with him.

but part of him missed the old way.

the mess. the petulance. the way people used to fight in public and mean it. and seeing as they were brothers—were always going to be brothers—he assumed no real harm done.

play stupid games, win stupid prizes. he said with a shrug, a rush of the younger, more carefree version of him washing in for a brief moment. it was fair. harry got his song. zayn got his spectacle.

and the media lost its mind. completely, cartoonishly out of control.

if harry wanted to be the innocent, sweet prince the world loved, he certainly got it. always the tortured artist. the wounded romantic. writing songs about lost love and youthful ignorance.

you knew to turn off your notifications but couldn’t help it. your name looked different everywhere. somehow it only sounded gentle in your ex’s mouth. even you had a knee-jerk reaction to it now. fucking everyone had something to say.

you needed a walk. a break. a change of temperature.

you stepped into the hotel hallway like a lost teenager, stupid board games swinging from your hand, already regretting it.

another difference between you and mr bradford: you hated vegas.

you had absolutely no interest in gambling or specialty foods or water fountains, so there wasn’t anything calling out to you here but zayn. despite the time of night, you hoped he’d stay up for a bit of fun.

it was dark. not unlit, just dim in a way that made distance feel longer. the energy in this city was sharp, electric, always asking for something.

you never liked vegas. zayn never liked board games. an even exchange.

harry answers the door.

harry.

not zayn. not an assistant. not anyone neutral enough to buffer this.

harry.

barefoot, leaning slightly into the doorframe like he’s been there a while. he’s changed since the hallway. showered. hair still damp, curls looser, less intentional, which somehow makes it worse. black t-shirt, soft and worn, sleeves pushed up just enough to show his forearms. rings back on.

familiar. disarming. super fucking annoying.

he looks surprised to see you. genuinely.

then something else slips in behind it—interest, relief, something complicated and unexpected.

you shift the boxes higher in your grip like armor.

harry’s eyes flick to them. then back to your face.

“board games,” he says, lightly.

“don’t,” you warn, immediately defensive.

harry smiles despite himself. it fades when he realizes you’re serious.

“i didn’t know you were coming up,” he says.

“i didn’t know you were answering the door,” you shoot back.

his eyes drop to the box. then back to your face. the corner of his mouth twitches.

“he’s asleep,” harry says. “completely out. wouldn’t wake for a fire alarm.”

“oh.” you should’ve expected that. “he said he was tired, but—”

“show wiped him,” harry adds quickly. “he barely made it to the bed.”

you nod, awkward. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. how long has he fucking been here?

harry shifts, leaning more fully into the doorframe, but he doesn’t block you. doesn’t invite you in either.

“winds are bad,” he explains, unnecessarily. “la keeps cancelling flights. i’m stuck.”

that part made sense. but the rest of it didn’t.

“you chose to stay with zayn?”

harry lifts a brow, slow and deliberate. there’s something maddeningly handsome about the way he does it, like he knows the effect and is bored by it.

“well,” he says lightly, “he was my friend first.”

“well, he’s my friend now—”

“since when did that become a thing?”

“i—”

you stall. it annoys you that you don’t have an answer ready. it happened somewhere between harry’s disappearance and zayn’s rebellion. between tours and divorces and complications and changes.

zayn had changed. he’d been brighter after the breakup. reckless in a way that felt earned. aspirational, even. like someone who’d survived something and decided to celebrate instead of sulk. you’d liked that version of him. maybe more than you’d meant to.

harry watches you, jaw tightening almost imperceptibly. he notices your pause. he always does.

“i always forget,” he murmurs, “how unpredictable he can be.”

you bristle.

“i’m not accusing you,” he adds, too fast. then, after a beat, “i don’t think.”

well, that’s too bad.

“did you know i’d be here?”

“i had an idea,” harry says. calm. almost gentle. he’s always been good at this: letting things stretch, letting other people unravel first. patience was his goddamn superpower. “just didn’t know how long you’d stay.”

“could’ve asked zayn,” you point out.

“could’ve,” he agrees easily. “but we’ve got more important things to talk about than you.”

it lands exactly where he intends it to. a clean, deliberate nick to your ego. it works, but you don’t give him the satisfaction. your expression stays clean. neutral.

his green eyes wash over you again—too slow to be polite. too familiar to be innocent.

“i’m guessing you heard the song,” he says.

“i heard of it,” you correct.

“semantics,” harry hums. “but i’ll take it.”

harry already has the world. whatever the song does or doesn’t do, it won’t be because of you.

sunrise slides through the open windows, pale and careful, settling on his uneven skin. it finds the familiar places first—his cheekbones, the line of his jaw, the tired shadows under his eyes he used to joke about when you’d both been up too late, talking in half-sentences on uncomfortable hotel beds. he looks worn now. not broken. just older in a way rest doesn’t seem to satiate.

after all this time, you still can’t help but stare.

“i’m sure it’ll do great,” you say finally.

his smile comes slowly, a small tilt of the mouth you’ve seen a thousand times.

“you think?” he says.

the sun climbs higher, filling the space between you with light and old warmth. neither of you reach out. neither of you leave.

lauren and jade had told you a million times. then a million more after his sudden, inconvenient re-emergence back into your life. everything about harry was a bad idea. anyone who could abandon someone like that—so suddenly, so cruelly, so quietly—was trouble.

he was either completely senseless or a goddamn war strategist.

you’ve always believed it was the latter.

harry liked pressure points. he liked watching people squirm. he liked watching a room shift because of all he didn’t say. even back then. especially back then. now it was hollywood he was needling, pushing, daring to react. the spectacle of it all. it had nothing to do with you.

the harry you knew—really knew—was never careless. he was the boy who stayed up too late reading interviews with writers he admired, underlining sentences in library books he never checked out. the one who listened more than he spoke, who asked questions that lingered. the one who loved small rituals: coffee the same way every morning, notes scribbled in the margins of lyrics, socks folded into neat little squares.

you remember how he used to sit cross-legged on the floor, guitar resting against his knee, playing the same progression over and over until it felt right. how he’d stop mid-song to ask, “does that sound like a lie? does that feel real to you?”

you think of nights on the floor, his guitar out of tune because he kept rewinding and rewriting and recording. messy hair, cold takeout you both forgot about, dog-eared books splayed open beside you, stupid gossip.

the world had been small. ordinary. yours.

“who are you staying with?” harry asks suddenly.

he looks at you as he says it, then almost smiles at himself, like he knows it’s none of his business and went on anyway. “you always hated vegas,” he adds, softer. “used to take hours to convince you to come anywhere near here.”

you shrug, a small movement. “i don’t live that far anymore.”

he breaks eye contact, runs a hand through his hair.

"is that really all it takes?"

you watch him carefully. you keep the eye contact. the glare.

“distance was never the problem,” you say.

harry’s eyes drop to the floor, then lift again. there’s something there—regret, maybe—but it’s too late and you’re done translating.

“i didn’t mean to hurt you,” he says.

you raise your eyebrows.

“i thought leaving would make it cleaner,” harry continues, slow, careful, almost practiced. “like ripping off a bandage.”

you laugh softly. not amused. you step back, the moment loosening its hold. right now wasn’t time for this. you were almost completely sure there was never a right time for this. there were good, real things waiting for you back home. good, real things that had nothing to do with harry styles.

“i’m not that person anymore,” harry says quickly. desperately.

“take care of yourself,” you say, and mean it.

his mouth opens, like he might say your name. he doesn’t.

you turn and walk away before nostalgia can talk you into staying. before the room can warm any further.