I set a wallpaper on my ipad of a photo of one direction after their last performance on x factor. I probably set it 10 years ago now. It’s been the home screen on my old ipad and transferred to my new one.

I was probably around 15/16 years old when I set that. my younger brain made a vow to myself that I would never ever change that wallpaper until they came back. we were promised 18 months. and when that dream faded away, the delusion lifted and months turned into years, I knew that we’d be waiting a long time, if not forever. as I grew older I knew that wallpaper, if I stuck by it, would be there for a long, long, long time. maybe forever. maybe we’d never get them back and I would have done that for nothing. but it felt like a good omen, like a manifestation and a comforting thing to remind me of my childhood self, of who I was and who I grew up to be, and of those five people who shaped me into who I am. I thought, maybe there would be some sort of reunion, an interview or a show or a post even one day.

and then, Liam died. and everything felt so final, so broken. you’ll see a lot of directioners say that the day liam died, one direction officially ended. there was no coming back from that. and a piece of me died with him too.

but I was never going to change that wallpaper. that wallpaper was the one constant. it was the one thing that remained from the good old days, from the most important and formative years of my life. it symbolised so much. it felt like the only piece of them I had left.

I was just trying to change my lock screen (NOT the home screen) and with the way it works now, it automatically changed both.

I cried for 30 minutes.

It’s not about a silly wallpaper or a photo or a childish dream. it’s about the little girl who believed she’d have her favourite band back. it’s about the girl who would be absolutely devastated to know that Liam was gone, and there is no hope in the world of ever seeing her favourite band together ever again. It’s about what it symbolised, about what it represented for me.

I don’t have the photo saved, I dont know where it’s gone, it’s been years and I’ll probably never find it. And even if I did, would I reset it as that? Doesn’t that completely defeat the point? What does it represent now?

Harry Styles Just Revealed What Song Was Playing When He Lost His Virginity

Did Zara McDermott Really Cheat on Louis Tomlinson? Here’s What’s Going On

🔗 https://www.thepoptales.com/65649/zara-mcdermott-cheat/