#witchdiary

3 days of high school left now.

Feeling pretty weird about it but I know that my life will play out the way that its meant to.

Written sometime after Diary #1 per instruction of her master.

I’m back with this pen and paper again, most other pages in this book are just notes of spells and quotes. Things from people I meet, but here I am again told to write my feelings out for the last few days.

How do i start with this one. Its been sometime since I killed that young man by accident, and ever since then we’ve been dealing with increasingly hostile bounty hunters. Master has instructed me not to fight, but sometimes I’m forced to.

I don’t want this, I don’t want to kill anyone. I just want to learn the magic and prove to everyone, that people can learn this stuff and not lose it. That Master isn’t just an anomaly who resisted everything. That we and this magic can be good.

No I’m, distracting myself. This is a normal part of life now, and I can’t be dwelling on things I’m forced into. But today I have to, you know how every bad is followed by a bit of good, and every good the same? Why am I asking it like a question, or this. Wow okay, reminder to scribble this all out if I make it a memoir.

After the last incident, we decided to stick closely to the border towns, especially those in the neutral zone. Trading hubs, cities and towns that have their own rules, that exiles like myself and master can freely walk around in.

My master went to procure us provisions while i took some time to relax, I used some money to treat myself. Get my hair done too, a nice drink, and to watch some sporting event they had going on. It was there that I met a kind girl, watching the game we bumped shoulders a few times.

It felt nice honestly, to bump against someone and smile, not worrying about being attacked or anything. 

After the game I asked if she wanted to come with me to have a drink while Master informed me of where we were staying. One thing led to another and we hit it off wonderfully.

This girl was so pretty too, a little shorter than me, a soft slender face with a medium curved body. I remember every little bit about her, green eyes, short brown hair with little curls at their end. She was just, so kind. Part of a family that got caught in a trade scandal and was given the choice to face charges or exile.

They chose exile and that’s why she was here. I told her about my story, and parts of it she knew, other’s were new but she seemed to understand. It was so nice, even while writing right now I feel like I could cry I felt so happy.

We hung out for another few days before finally we had to move on, on the last night we. Well that’s more my business but it was soft and kind. She was my first you know. And the next morning we had to depart back to our home, away from the city.

I asked my master who I’m sure had already caught onto what we did, if I could ask if she wanted come with us. Of course as all wise men do, Master questioned if I truly felt for her, if it wasn’t just a fast fling. I think honestly, I really did love her. Or I was beginning to.

I asked her if she wanted to come stay for a week. She said yes, when she said that I was so happy. I felt like all the problems of the last six ish months just vanished. 

I was stupid honestly, now that I think back on it. If its too good to be true, then it probably isn’t real.

The first few days took some getting used to for her, our study sessions and practiced couldn’t be changed just because she wanted to spend time with me. But I loved that she wanted to be with me, and each night we were able to sleep with each other happily. Even if it was just a momentary thing, I would of been happen for years to come even if she left to go home by weeks end and never came back.

But that wasn’t what happened, and I should of known. Again, I’m so stupid so careless.

On the 6th day she offered to make us dinner, using the skills she learned for hunting and scavenging she pulled together quite a dish. Tasted just like home, cooked and seared meat to perfect. Lots of happy things to write about but, I wish I could keep saying it as happy.

After dinner we all felt tired, figured it was because we ate too much. Master went to sleep in his room, and myself and Alisa. Yes Alisa was her name, I never did mention it in the entry did I. Now I did, Note to edit that higher up.

Anyways, that was the end of the good. During the night I woke up unable to move, my tongue was dry and I couldn’t see straight. I thought I was sick, forcing myself up just barely to try and move to the washroom.

That’s when I noticed it, Alisa standing in the corner of the room. She said she was surprised I was even able to get up, that any normal person would be comatose by the poison in our food. She said sorry to me, and I tried to speak, to yell back. 

That’s when my vision cleared and I saw the larger picture. Multiple masked men in the room, wearing cloaks of the Imperial guard as they raised their hands.

Alisa did as well, and that’s when I noticed myself moving. Moving against my own will. Walking from my bed and picking up my blade at the door, forcing me to blade my hand over its blade and mouth the enchantment for one of my very own spells. One designed to kill regeneration so that healing types could die.

I thought they would make me move to kill my master, but that isn’t what happened. Alisa and the Imperial casters forced me to turn my own blade towards myself. And slowly by their magic. They. Dammit. They forced me to impale myself.

That girl, she watched, she added to the casting power as I tried to fight back. I loved her, why was she doing this. Looking at me like the others as if I was some sort of monster. What was she getting from all of this, perhaps no longer to be exiled? But why, why love me, why come into my life and make me smile.

I couldn’t fight it, and I felt my body weakening, my own curse stopping it from trying to fix itself. I thought I would die, die to someone who loved me. 

As you can tell in writing this, I didn’t of course. My master had stirred from his drugging rather easily once he opened his eyes. Clearing all effects off his body and coming to save me. The door crashed open and in a blink, all of the casters and Alisa were gone. 

I was saved but in the end I don’t understand why, I don’t get any of this. I blacked out after and woke up a few days later. Master must of healed me but he doesn’t talk again, simply telling me to write out my story. To make a record of it to learn from.

Master says writing all of this will help, but I only hurt more. My heart aches like never before, and I sit here unsure what to do. Master says its moments like this that define us, that see us fall only to rise up. That recording all of this will help us remember what we’ve beaten and how far we can go. What makes us human and retains our humanity as we delve into the abyss and horrors to learn magic.

How does he do it, how does he maintain such a strong spirit. I feel worse writing this but maybe, I’ll look back on it in a few months and he’ll be right.

I miss her. I shouldn’t, I know i shouldn’t. But I miss her. Why.

Written 2 months after exile, long before peace conference set up and world’s end.

It’s been about 2 months since I’ve started traveling with master, often we’ve met many rather hostile individuals due to the nature of his magic. Yet very rarely do any of them engage us or attempt to arrest us, however today that wasn’t exactly the case.

Just outside of the small mining town we often frequent a trio, possibly a travelling band of comrades, approached my master and I. The trio, comprised of a younger gentleman with a fine blade, a younger Miss who seemed to be lightly equipped, and an older man who is stench wreaked of foreign Magic, demanded my Master surrender himself.

Of course as you would expect my master did not accept this offer, nor was I willing to allow them to take him. Despite the heavy topic my master and this foreign man seemed rather friendly with each other, in fact they even offered each other an agreement. A small battle, and whoever won the other would have to respect it. Both of them being masters of their own art knew how to hold back, the master wishing not to add too much malice to our names, and the foreign magician preferring to bring my master in alive for a better reward from whoever hired them

What would surprise me as the two experts moved off to have their competition, is that the young man wished to test his skill with my own given our masters were doing the same. While swordplay was not my greatest strength, I had grown curious to see how far along I’d come.

With appropriate distance from the rather explosive competition beside us, myself and this young man staged overselves a small duel. To my surprise the young man was somewhat like me, trained lightly in the blade but with a grand curiosityin the magic of our masters. Happily with the young woman watching over us, we began our small battle. He was definitely a far better bladesmen than I was, yet with my magic being a bit superior to his I was able to keep up.

As we locked blades pushing against each other, the young man encouraged me onwards. We had both been fighting in a rather tame manner, no offensive magics and no non-bladed attacks. With a small taunt towards getting serious I happily obliged, switching my stance to one where I could make the best use of my blade and my off hand.

We both had great Masters, great magicians who could heal any of the small damage that we could do to each other. It seemed both of us knew this, each attack getting more creative and each sword swing followed by a kick or a punch. Another Clash of our swords and we were face to face, the young man happily taunted me more, even saying such nice things like wanting to have more matches with me.

Perhaps, now that I look back on it, he was rather charming, maybe I should have controlled myself a bit better.

Anyways back to our little match, with our swords locked and his nice comments I made a jest towards keeping his focus in battle. His friend behind him seemingly so happy to watch this all unfold, at least she was right then.

I didn’t want to lose, so with this sword pushing against mine I swung my fist at his face, enhancing my strength just a bit to be able to keep his sword against mine. He seemed like such a durable fellow and I expected him to leap back, sort of like those Heroes who take a punch to the face and laugh it off.

Yet he did not. The moment my fist connected with his face, the young man’s head snapped left as it should have on receiving a punch. But his head did not snapback, his gaze did not return, nor did his body try to leap back.

He fell straight to the ground, eyes Hollow. In my excitement without truly grasping how far I’d come, I had killed the young man simply through Force. His friend screamed in panic, I could not possibly imagine what she had just witnessed. What seemed like an even battle between two students, abruptly ending with one dead on the ground.

Her scream did not go unnoticed, our masters seeing the commotion. His master exploding into rage, attacked mine no longer under the mentality of a friendly competition. His friend pulled a contraption from her bag, firing at me. I tried to apologize but neither would listen, a friend and master blinded by revenge we obviously only had one option.

Master easily handled the other magician, and the young lady despite her interesting gadgets was simply not outfitted to fight someone head on. Neither survived for long now that it was life and death, I tried to make it quick for the enraged girl..

This is not the first time that I’ve killed someone and the most likely will not be the last. However it was the first time I killed someone on accident, without the intention to do harm.

Master hasn’t talked to me since we got back, but his face tells me everything I need to know. It’s almost like he knew this would happen, whether it was my move or his, it’s almost like he knew those three people were not walking away from us alive.

Master is wise and I will have to apologize later for this, I doubt we will have any trouble considering the three were most likely foreigners and there was no one else around .

I suppose, this is just part of learning all that he knows, that the price for these forbidden secrets can include casting away your compassion and concern.

Still this is all the more reason to retain my Humanity in situations like this, so that I can show the world that one can dive into such horrible Paths of magic and still be as human as anyone else.

One day, I’ll return home not as red smile, but as the red magician that everyone knows will protect their country.