#wisewizard96

I have been with my boyfriend for six years and I’m at the point where I can’t tolerate this situation anymore, I keep feeling like I’m ready to leave, but I can’t seem to bring myself to actually do it. My boyfriend has been unemployed before when he randomly left a job, that lasted maybe six months. He got another job he held onto for two or three years before he was laid off. From what he said to me, it sounded like he wanted to get laid off and wasn’t doing much work. It’s been two years now and he still hasn’t found one. I work full time and pay for the rent, council tax, most of the bills, and most of the food. It’s put so much financial pressure on me that I had to take out a loan and get into some credit card debt, trusting that he would find a job and pay me back. On top of the financial pressure, he barely does any housework. He might chuck a pizza in the oven for me, he might go to the shop to buy me a drink and cat food, he feeds the cats, he very occasionally does the dishes, he very occasionally changes the litter, and sometimes will take out the trash. I do the laundry but I focus on my own for the most part, he still doesn’t do his and wears the same thing for days. Mopping, real cooking, actual cleaning, all of that stuff is also left to me. I took a backseat from housework half because I’ve been unwell, half to see what would happen. The house devolved into an absolute tip and it’s getting gross. I also went away for a week and came back to literal cat leavings on the kitchen floor, just left there. For the longest time I blamed myself, thinking I was lazy and a failure because the house was often messy, even when I worked hard to sort it out. And then I realised, hold on, it’s not just my responsibility and he has all the time in the world to do this. And yes, I have had many very serious conversations about this with him, pointing out the toll on me and the real threat to our relationship. He promises change and doesn’t follow through. It got to the point where I went to view a property yesterday to see how it would feel, just having my own space. It felt exciting, relieving. It was a property with shared kitchens but people are living there and it was immaculately clean. Bills are also all included in the rent. It was a gorgeous place and I honestly want to start over and live there, even though they don’t allow pets. I love my cats but I’m at my wit’s end. The problem is, I’m moving forward in my head, but I can’t seem to actually end things. There’s never a good time (I guess there never will be). I was fully ready the other day but I walked in and he’d done all the dishes, hoovered and cleaned part of the living room. It threw me off and I couldn’t do it. Last night he was worried I’ve been off and I said it’s the housework and unemployment. He expressed relief, saying oh that’s good because I can and will fix it. He said he really wants a job now (why he didn’t before is the question) and that he will sort out the house. He’s cleaning the litters now which is a big job as they’re a mess, but he let it get like that while I was sick. I’ve sorted them literally every time before and never made a big deal out of it like he is. I feel like it’s too little too late, if he could have he would have long ago. But I’m being silly and holding onto hope that he means it this time. I want to know people’s thoughts on what I should do. Do I give him one more final chance and make it clear it’s a final chance and I will leave, or do I just leave. I’m swaying towards the former because I’m still attached to him, but swaying towards the latter because I don’t want to lose more of my precious time and miss out on that gorgeous apartment.

He saw your searches/realized what your emotional distance meant, realized you were gonna abandon his mooching ass, and panicked. As soon as he's positive you're gonna stay, he's gonna go right back to taking advantage of you. But. Some things you can't be told. Some things you have to go through and experience for yourself.