#wiok

     “What do you mean? Why would I think it was me?” Kurt says, feigning confusion, but Blaine can see the hurt and disappointment in his eyes.

     Blaine looks at him and says, “I heard what you said to the cashier.” When Kurt says nothing, Blaine continues, “I’m sorry, Kurt.”

    “Why, Blaine? Am I not attractive? Is that it?”

    Surprised, Blaine says, “No! That’s not it at all! I like you—you’re my best friend! I just don’t like you in that way. You’re too close to me; I love you like a brother, you see.”

     “Come on, Blaine,” Kurt persists, “Can you honestly say you don’t feel the attraction? Why else would you sing flirty songs with or to me?”

     Blaine replies automatically, “What are you talking about?”

     Rolling his eyes, Kurt answers, “You know just as well as I do that you were singing ‘Teenage Dream’ to me the day we met.”

     “I was just looking at you because you were ‘new’ and I was curious.”

     “Okay, then what about Christmas? You specifically asked me to sing ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’ with you. You can’t deny that you were flirting then.”

     “But … ” Blaine trails off, staring into space. Maybe … Maybe that explains it—the feeling of butterflies in his stomach when he talks to the other boy, the impulse to hold Kurt’s hand, the way they sit so close to each other, the way he feels a little down when Kurt can’t make it to one of their coffee “not-dates”, even his plan to serenade Jeremiah …

     “Earth to Blaine? You know what? It’s fine. I’ll just leave.”

     For a few seconds, Blaine can’t move, for he is still not completely there. Then, his brain is saying “Run after him, you idiot!”

     When he catches up to Kurt, he is at a loss for what to do. Leaning against his car, taking deep breaths with his eyes closed, Kurt has not noticed Blaine standing there.

     “Uh, Kurt? I just realized something.”

     “What is that, Blaine?” he asks, not opening his eyes.

     “Um, uh, I, uh, you’re right.”

     At that, Kurt’s eyes shoot open. Before Blaine has time to lose his nerve, he leans in, thinking, This is it! As he kisses Kurt, he realizes that he has been wanting this ever since he met Kurt (well, almost). When Kurt responds finally, Blaine smiles so widely he has to break the kiss.

     After they pull away, Kurt gestures to his car. They both get in and Kurt sighs contentedly. After a few moments of comfortable silence, Blaine hears Kurt stifle a giggle. “What’s so funny?” he asks.

     “Blaine,” Kurt laughs breathily, “I hope you don’t actually kiss your brothers, if you have any.”

     Confused, Blaine asks, “What?”

     Kurt laughs again and replies, “You said you loved me like a brother … and then you kissed me.”

     “Oh,” Blaine laughs, “no, I don’t. I just … changed my mind.”

     “Well, I’d kind of hoped," Kurt jokes. He adds, "Want to come to my house?"

     “Sure!” Blaine replies quickly, causing Kurt to laugh all over again.

       “Blaine!” Kurt screamed again, and this time he sounded distressed—worried, even.

       The shorter boy stopped for a moment; he wondered why it was such a big deal to Kurt. He held it behind his back and studied the other boy intently. “Fine…” he agreed slowly, reluctantly.

       “Give it!” Kurt said, holding out his hands.

       Chuckling, Blaine gave Kurt the notebook. The taller boy snatched it away from Blaine immediately, putting the notebook securely away in his messenger bag. “It’s time for practice,” Blaine told him. The two boys walked to the choir room together.

      They sang and danced as usual, but Blaine couldn’t help but think back to the notebook. “Blaine? You seem distant,” Wes said, sounding both annoyed and concerned, if that was possible.

      “Yeah … I’m fine …”

      Wes didn’t buy it, but said, “Then pay attention! Focus!”

 ***

      When Kurt left to go to the bathroom, Blaine edged toward the couch. Just as he was trying to figure out how to find the journal without looking suspicious, David called to him. “What are you doing?”

       “Nothing! I just … need to take a break.”

      Blaine sat down, made sure no one was looking, and slowly opened Kurt’s bag. He looked around once again before taking the notebook out. The boy heard footsteps and quickly hid the book under a pillow before standing up.

       “Dude?! What was that?” David asked.

       “Uh … nothing.”

***

      When practice was over, Blaine stalled, drawing out every movement to where it was almost ridiculous; he waited until Kurt left before taking the stolen—borrowed—notebook from its hiding place.

      Blaine walked to his dorm quickly. He would finally find out what Kurt was hiding. He sat on his bed and flipped open the book, excited. In the back of his mind he felt guilty, but Blaine just had to know.

      After he was about 3 pages in, he stopped. He blinked, trying to figure out if he really was seeing what he thought he was. Inside a valentine heart, “Blaine + Kurt” was written. Unless Kurt knew someone else named Blaine, he was pretty sure Kurt had a crush on him.

       Blaine couldn’t believe his eyes. Kurt felt the same way? Oh my goodness, he thought, I’m going to have to do something about this!He opened the door to walk to Kurt’s dorm. He was outside Kurt’s door when he realized he would have to tell Kurt that he was snooping. Blaine told himself to just own up, knocking on the door.

       “Just a second!” Kurt yelled from the other side.

       Blaine took a deep breath. You can do this. Remember, the feeling is mutual.

       Kurt opened the door and exclaimed, “Blaine!” giving the other boy a hug.

       “Kurt,” Blaine laughed, “you just saw me 20 minutes ago.”

       Kurt pulled away, saying, “I know, but …” He didn’t even bother finishing his sentence, having noticed the notebook in Blaine’s hand. “Uh…come in… ” he said.

      Nervous, Blaine followed Kurt, who closed the door. “I’m sorry, Kurt,” Blaine began before Kurt could say anything, “I shouldn’t have snooped. I just have this strange need to know everything. I could barely keep from opening my Christmas presents early as a kid.”

      Kurt, also nervous, sat next to Blaine on his bed. “Blaine, you knew I didn’t want you to look.” He avoided eye contact, looking around at everything but the boy next to him. “So…why have you come here?” Kurt knew it was a stupid question, but he didn’t know what else to say.

      “Well, I … uh, it appears you have a crush on me,” Blaine answered. A second later he added, “That was a stupid choice of words…”

      “No, it’s fine. Was there anything else?” Kurt said, looking down at his feet.

      “Uh, well…yes. I came to tell you that I may or may not have drawings similar to this one in my own notebooks…”

      Surprised, Kurt looked up. Just to be sure, he asked, “About me?”

      “Yeah…so now there’s no point in going on like we were…”

      Kurt grinned and said, “Blaine Anderson,”

      At the same time, Blaine said, “Kurt Hummel,”

     ”Kurt? Hey, it’s okay. Don’t cry,” Blaine was saying.

     What? Kurt came back down to Earth and realized his face was wet—he was, indeed, crying. Feeling pathetic, he wiped the tears away. “I’m so sorry.”

     ”What are you sorry for? There’s no need to apologize … though I’m afraid we do have to talk,” the shorter boy said apologetically.

     ”Don’t we have Warblers’ practice?” Kurt asked, sniffling.

     ”Yeah …” he answered, “but this is more important. I don’t think they’ll notice.”

     Kurt snorted. Of course they’d notice if Blaine wasn’t there.

     Blaine laughed, “Okay, they probably will, but I don’t care.”

     ”Coffee?” Kurt asked sheepishly. The subject was coming back around to him and that stupid drawing.

     Blaine gave him a small smile and replied, “Sure.”

     Kurt let out a shaky breath, got up, and made to take Blaine’s hand out of habit. He then shied away. He picked up his notebook and motioned for Blaine to follow. Kurt held the door open for him and they began to walk.

     ”So …” Kurt started, breaking the awkward silence, “are you going to tell the Warblers you’re not going?”

     ”Nah. They’ll figure out what to do without me.”

     ”More like cancel the meeting …” Kurt mumbled.

     He bumped into a figure as they turned the corner. It turned out to be Wes. “Blaine! Come on! We’ve been looking all over for you!” He looked at Kurt, seeming to notice him for the first time, despite having literally run into him just seconds ago. “Oh. Hi Kurt.”

     ”Yeah, hi, Wesley,” Kurt snapped, irritated. He had better things to do than chat with someone who could barely remember he existed.

     Before Wes could respond, Blaine cut in. Kurt was not to be messed with when he was upset. “Wes … we can’t come to practice today …”

     ”WHAT? You’re the one who organized this meeting in the first place! What about Jeremiah?”

     Kurt raised an eyebrow at this. Who in the world is Jeremiah?

     ”We can reschedule the meeting,” Blaine began.

     Wes cut him off, “What’s so important, anyway?”

     Kurt glared at him. “None of your beeswax, Wesley.”

     ”Would you stop calling me that, already? And I was just asking.”

     ”Next time, just keep your mouth shut,” Kurt said in a diva-like fashion. He then continued to walk down the hallway. “Come on, Blaine,” he yelled behind him.

     Blaine shot an apologetic look to his confused friend before running to catch up to Kurt.

     They spent an awkward ride in Kurt’s car listening to Kurt’s iPod. As the chorus of “Defying Gravity” began, they pulled into the coffee shop.

     The two boys walked into the Lima Bean, suddenly craving coffee (surprise, surprise). It’s just that even though Kurt suggested coffee, he wasn’t actually thinking about what that meant—actually drinking coffee—it was more like he wanted to go to the place itself.

     Blaine and Kurt walked to the counter to order; Blaine ordered a medium drip for himself and a nonfat mocha for Kurt. “Blaine, you don’t have to pay …”

     ”Kurt, we have this argument every single time; you know I always win.”

     Kurt replied, “Fine.”

     As they sat at the table, Kurt became more aware of how real this actually was—he remembered exactly why they were here and not practicing a song for Blaine to sing, though he hadn’t really forgotten.

     ”So … Kurt …” Blaine said, unsure where to start.

     ”What do you want me to say, Blaine? There’s not much I can tell you that you don’t already know …” Kurt said tiredly.

     Blaine took a sip of coffee and sighed. “I don’t know … we need to talk … I just don’t know exactly what about …”

     Kurt opened the notebook and turned to the very first page. He handed it to Blaine. “Here. Here are all the doodles and drawings …”

     Blaine flipped through the notebook; when he was finally done, there were only five or six pages left blank. Every other page was filled with doodles and things; the page he was on currently showed what he had caught Kurt drawing. His fingers absently traced the outline of the heart around their names.

     ”Kurt … I … um …”

     Kurt suddenly exploded, “I can’t take this! I-I like you Blaine. It’s obvious, now that you’ve seen all the drawings … JUST TELL ME! I CAN’T TAKE IT! I CAN’T—CAN’T TAKE I-IT!” Kurt sobbed loudly.

     ”Hey, hey calm down …” Blaine said soothingly. Kurt had started screaming somewhere along the way, and now they were the center of attention; literally everyone in the coffee shop was watching, trying to figure out what was going on. “Now, what exactly are you asking me to tell you?”

     ”H-How do you … do you … do you feel the same way? If you don’t, then … just tell me. I’ve been rejected before.”

     Blaine said, “Don’t talk about yourself that way, Kurt. You’re a great guy, it’s just … well that’s the problem. I just don’t want to ruin our friendship … I mean, what if we broke up—then things would just be awkward.”

     Kurt laughed bitterly at that because things already would be awkward. “If you don’t like me you can just say it. You don’t need to cover it up.” Blaine went to interrupt but Kurt wouldn’t let him. “If that’s the way you feel then why are we even having this conversation in the first place? What else is there to talk about?”

     ”Kurt … can’t we go on like we were? Can’t we still be friends?”

     Kurt told him, “Okay …” sadly, because he knew that things would never be the same.

     They got up with their coffees and walked away together. “So, Blaine …” Kurt started.

     ”Yeah?”

     ”You never said whether you liked me back. I just told the guy I’m in love with the truth and he didn’t even say anything back.”

     Kurt turned to Blaine, who was gaping at him with wide eyes. “What? I didn’t say anything new; I just told you everything inside the coffee sh—OH MY GAGA, I JUST USED THE L-WORD!”

     Blaine nodded slowly. “Um, okay …” Kurt said nervously, getting into the car. “Can we just pretend I didn’t say that?”

     I guess we’re just friends now, Kurt mused, I wonder if it’ll still be awkward tomorrow …

     ”Kurt,” Blaine said when they were almost halfway there, “I think we’re going to be alright. Our friendship, I mean,” Blaine backtracked.

As he started walking out, he caught tidbits of their conversation. “Mr. Schue! … doing here? …”  Oh, that made sense. Mr. Schue was Kurt’s old glee club teacher. Maybe he’s here to get the Warblers’ set list from Kurt, Blaine thought jokingly. He knew Kurt would never cheat; from the way Kurt talks about him, neither would Mr. Schuester.

"Someone special?"

What he heard next, however, Blaine was not prepared for. “… love with him and he’s actually gay …”

The boy stopped dead in his tracks. Wait, what? Blaine heard that last part loud and clear—he just couldn’t believe it. Pacing, Blaine wondered what to do. Should I tell Kurt I heard him?…Or maybe I should keep it to myself…? I’d be embarrassed about eavesdropping, but, then again, I just overheard. Telling Kurt would probably make him—both of us—feel awkward. I don’t want to lead Kurt on, though…

“Excusé moi,” an irritated and slightly amused voice said behind Blaine. Pausing in his pacing, he turned around. With a raised eyebrow, Kurt asked, “Just what are you doing?”

“Um, Kurt…I wasn’t eavesdropping, I promise, but I heard something I wasn’t supposed to hear…” Blaine said, panicking.

Sounding annoyed, Kurt started, “What are you going on abou—” The older boy suddenly broke off; a look of understanding crossed his face, and he blushed a bit as he realized what Blaine had heard.

“Kurt, I …” Blaine struggled, “I … uh, I’m sorry, but I have to tell you … I love you as a friend, and only a friend.” It was true; he loved Kurt, but in a best friend kind of way. But he never asked you! Blaine thought to himself harshly.

After a few moments, Kurt responded, “I never expected you to feel any different, Blaine.” However, Kurt’s hurt facial expression betrayed his words. The way Kurt looked like he was about to cry forced Blaine to have to look away, knowing he caused that.

“I’m so very sorry, Kurt,” Blaine said again. For what? he wondered. It was true—he was sorry, but he didn’t know what for.

Kurt seemed to have similar thoughts, for, upon hearing that sentence, confusion showed on his face. The brunette, however, kept silent; he knew Blaine was an over-apologizer. The two boys stood for a while, wondering what else to say, when suddenly a voice was heard behind them. “What’s up, guys? Wanna hang out?” It was David; it was so very typical of him to show up at a moment like this.

Kurt didn’t acknowledge the new arrival, while Blaine barely registered the footsteps making their way toward the couple. “Why, Blaine?! I just don’t understand!” Kurt suddenly shouted, causing the other two to jump slightly and Blaine to finally meet Kurt’s eyes again.

“I’m not quite sure what you mean…” Blaine calmly said, confused. What does he mean “why?”? “Why don’t you love me?” doesn’t seem like a very…Kurt thing to say and just doesn’t make sense to ask in the first place. It would be the same if I were to ask Kurt why he felt that way about me.

 “Um, guys?” David questioned, but neither boy heard.

“Why do you do this to me? Why do you insist on confusing me? You’re sending me mixed messages all the time!” the boy answered, getting louder and more upset with each sentence. David looked around, wondering what to do, nervous that Kurt would get so loud people would hear and come out to see what was happening.

Frightened, Blaine almost covered his ears. Kurt was upset and angry; he didn’t want anyone to be angry, especially with him. He especially didn’t want Kurt to be angry with him. Blaine answered in a significantly quieter voice. Trying to calm his racing heart, he replied, “What do you mean? I never meant to confuse you, I promise. That’s why when I heard what you said, I immediately told you; I didn’t want to lead you on.” Blaine hoped he sounded calm.

“Guys,” David said again, louder, getting impatient.

“What?!” Kurt and Blaine both asked, exasperated.

“You’re getting kinda loud…you should probably continue your conversation in one of the rooms before people start trying to figure out what’s going on…”

Blaine blinked. Oh, yeah, we’re still in the hall… “Uh, oh, right. That’s a good idea…Thanks…” he said awkwardly.         

“No problem…”          Once they were in the room they’d just come from, Blaine started again. “So, as I was saying, what mixed messages?”          Kurt looked at him disbelievingly.

“Did you or did you not just flirt with me for the entirety of ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’?”         

“What? I—oh…” Blaine realized how that may have come across; he had just invited Kurt, out of the blue, to sing a duet with him—a flirty duet, and told Kurt he was better at singing it than the girl would ever be…

“Yeah, oh,” the taller boy mocked. “And you just…you hold my hand all the time, and…”

At that point Blaine stopped listening, even though he knew he should be. Yeah, I guess I do, don’t I?…

“And I don’t know if you realize this, Blaine, but—” Kurt stopped. “Blaine? Blaine, are you even listening to me?”

“Um, I-I’m so, so SORRY, Kurt!” Blaine said, starting to cry. Kurt’s eyes widened; why was Blaine crying? Sure, this wasn’t the happiest situation to be in, but it wasn’t that bad…just awkward.

Blaine tried to speak again, saying, “I can’t believe I really … I … I just …” but he couldn’t continue, his only thought beingStupid, stupid, stupid!

How could you do that to him, for all this time? How could you be so oblivious? You idiot! You stupid— 

“BLAINE!” he heard. Kurt was holding onto his shoulders, shaking him. Concern was showing plainly on his face, as well as bewilderment. “Blaine, honey,” he paused, realizing his slip-up, but quickly decided now wasn’t the time. “What’s wrong?” Kurt led the other boy to the couch, sitting next to him. “You shouldn’t be this upset…” he said, partly thinking out loud, “You’re more upset than I am about all this…”          

“How could I be so stupid?” Blaine asked, not realizing he said it out loud.          

Kurt, unsure if he should be serious or try to make Blaine laugh, carefully said, “As stupid as you may have been, Blaine,” glancing at the boy sitting next to him, “I don’t understand why you’re crying…” he finished, hoping that last part came across confused and worried as opposed to rude and demanding; Kurt didn’t want to upset Blaine more.          

Blaine, not picking up on his joke (or anything for that matter), continued to sob. “I’m so sorry,” he repeated, over and over, hugging his knees, gaze unfocused.

Kurt wondered what Blaine was crying about, but managed to say, “It’s okay, Blaine.” When Blaine showed no sign of believing him, Kurt tried, “I forgive you,” hoping it would elicit a different response. As much as he felt Blaine really didn’t need to apologize, it was probably the only way to get through to him; Blaine always blamed himself. Kurt wanted to say more, to ask Blaine if he thought he might feel the same way, but the situation had just changed dramatically and…well, the original cause and source of the argument weren’t important anymore.        

“Really?” Blaine asked, looking vulnerable. He wondered why on Earth Kurt would forgive him. It was just so…unlikely to find someone who would still talk to him after this…wait.

“Really,” Kurt answered solemnly.

Nervous, Blaine asked, “Are we still friends?”       

                Kurt pulled back quickly, barely glancing at an immensely confused Blaine. Kurt stumbled as he stood up. Running out the doors, he heard Blaine calling, but he didn’t stop.

                “Kurt! Kurt, wait! We need to talk about this!”

                Kurt wasn’t paying attention and nearly ran into … is that Mr. Shue?

                “Whoa,” the curly-haired man said, “Kurt? Where are you going? And why are you running?”

                Avoiding the topic, Kurt asked, “Mr. Shuester? What are you doing here?”

                “I was coming to pay you a visit … What’s wrong?”

                “I … uh … um …”

                “Kurt!” he heard someone running from behind him.

                “Shoot … uh … I need to go …” the boy mumbled, but as he tried to step passed, his old teacher stopped him.

                Panicking, Kurt shouted, “Let me through!”                 Will shook his head, just as Blaine caught up to them. He put his hand on Kurt’s shoulder, turning him around. “Kurt. You don’t just kiss someone and run away afterwards,” Blaine said, trying to catch his breath.

                Mr. Shue’s eyes widened and he walked away to give the boys a little space and privacy.

                “Umm … I … uh …” Kurt stuttered.

                Blaine leaned in and gave the other boy a quick kiss on the lips. “Ooh, your lips are delicious …” he sang.