#winwinw

“You know I haven't been here since I was probably your age?” He hums along to his old radio music, watching the trees pass by. “That's like, thirty years”

“I don’t think you should be so excited to go to a funeral” There is nothing outside the car, only a bumpy road, and empty fields. If you're lucky you’ll see a tree. Even the grass looks miserable to be so alone, all brown and dying. Nothing to protect it from the sun above.

“Well he was more of your dad's friend than mine, I knew him of course, we had mutual friends. But it was more him and Jaehyun” Just when you thought you were in the middle of nowhere, Johnny takes a left turn, heading down another stretch of road. This time you can see a town in the distance. He must see you sit up more, eyes becoming wide. “There it is,” He says and you can hear his smile grow.

A sign greets you 50 meters down saying ‘Welcome to Sarton’. The colour is mostly gone, faded and peeling. At one point there would have been a bright blue river and yellow sun on the sign. Now it's a neutral tone of greys and browns. Power lines start appearing, something you haven't seen for the last half hour. By one closer to the town, you see the bottom decorated in signs and flowers, you assume the site of a car crash where someone had died. A tall boy standing by. You continue to look at him and he turns when he hears a car coming. You guess that they don't get too many visitors around here. The boy with blond hair holds a skateboard in his hand, head still turned to look at you until you're out of view.

“You don't look happy?” Johnny would be correct. This was worse than you were expecting, sure there were a few shops you had passed, but it was mainly open roads and fields, maybe a library if you were lucky.

“What are we doing here?”

“I told you, it would make Jaehyun happy” You’d snap back if it wasn't for the circumstance this was. Make him happy bullshit. Everyone used you to live through him. What about your life? No one cared about what would make you happy.

Eventually, he turned into a one-way street, all the houses looked the same, all of them old. You pulled into one near the exit of the street, this house was on the newer side compared to the surrounding area. It still was aged, but you had faith that this was at least modern AC. Not compared to Johnny's old car.

“Well, this is it'' He turned off the exhausted vehicle, and stepped out, stretching his legs from the cramped position he had been sitting in for the past five hours. The sun would soon be setting and you were just glad to get some sleep. It took you a while for you to get out of the car, watching Johnny give his greetings to the pale man at the door. For such a sunny place, not a lot of people had a tan. Johnny gestured for you to come out of the car, you looked down at your phone one last time, no reception. Reluctantly, you did so, coming out of the car and walking up the steps.

“Y/N” He gave you a big smile, pulling you into a hug that you didn't give back. Johnny gave you a scolding look. “God you look so much like your father”

When he pulled away, you simply nodded, looking over at your uncle for help. “Well Y/N this is Doyoung Kim, he was part of our pack back in the day”

“That makes me sound old” They both laughed, leaving you third-wheeling with Doyoungs hand still on your shoulder.

“Is Jeno still around?”

“Yup, kid should be upstairs” Doyoung dropped his hand from your shoulder and stepped away from the door. “Y/N, you go say hi to Jeno while John and I get your bags”

You nodded at him, heading inside. As you step up the stairs you hear his voice again outside. “She's quiet, isn't she? Is it because of her dad?” You stop for a second, anger brewing inside. You were more than your father. You knew Johnny was too polite to say anything as well. Maybe the quiet act isn't working either. You continue up the wooden stairs. The carpet trailing down worn at the edges. The walls all have family portraits and old memories on them. The doors to each room are large and chipped at the frame. Out of the three upstairs rooms, one is the bathroom, the other is what you assume is a guest bedroom with a twin-sized bed and blow up mattress and the third has its door shut. Must be where Jeno is. You contemplate knocking on his door and introducing yourself as Doyoung said, but some things are better without. An introduction between the two of you would just be awkward. You turn and make yourself comfortable on the guest bed. At the end of the room is a dresser with a vase of flowers and a mirror with a picture of four teenage boys on it. You assume that it's Yuta, Doyoung, Jaehyun and Johnny when they were younger. None of them are that old or would be that old. So for only two of them left alive makes your chest ache. Is that how life works?

You hear the door shut, followed by loud footsteps coming up the stairs. Soon Johnny and Doyung enter the room, Johnny has his luggage followed by Doyoung with yours.

“Did Jeno not open his door for you?” Before you have a chance to reply he’s already yelling out to the boy, placing your suitcase and backpack on the bed. “Jeno, don't be rude to our guests! Get out here!”

You stay seated, watching Johnny lay on the large air mattress. Soon an intimidating boy walked into the room. His fluffy black hair was a mess, sitting over his forehead and covering his furrowed brows. Compared to the semi-formal wear of his fathers' white shirt and neat jeans, he wore a casual (borderline messy) graphic t-shirt and grey sweatpants, his feet with no covering. You assumed this was Jeno.

“Hi” He raised his hand in a small wave before returning them to his pockets.

“Hey, I’m Johnny” He sat up from the ground and waved. Jeno gave him a nod and then turned his attention to you.

“Who’s she?” Instead of directing the question to you, he looked at Doyoung for the answer.

“Well if you had opened-”

“Y/N” You cut the older man off before scolding his son for your wrongdoing. Jeno finally turned to you again.

“Ok,” His tone was harsh and unforgiving. He didn't seem pleased that you were here or that you’d be living here for two weeks. And you can't say you blame him.

“Sorry, he didn't know much about the plans until yesterday. He only just got back from boarding” Doyoung gave you an apologetic smile that you didn't care to return. “John and I will go grab a beer and I’ll get dinner sorted. You guys want to stay up here and chat?”

“Good idea” Johnny heaved himself off of the floor using the bedframe, smiling to you in some sort of comfort before leaving with Doyung. Then it was just you and Jeno.

“I'm going back to my room” He left before you could reply but you still let out a soft ‘ok’.

At dinner you learnt more about Yuta, he died of a heart attack at only forty-two. It was apparently a genetic thing but Johnny had told you on the way up that he hadn't been looking after himself in the recent years, meaning it could have been his own doing. When they were younger Yuta was always the one getting into trouble or hurting himself because of a dare. He and Jaehyun were close as Jaehyun was always on his tail, following in his footsteps. Johnny and Doyoung were always the ones to initiate it, sitting back and watching them go off. When Johnny and Jaehyun left as teenagers with their parents a lot changed. Doyoung continued his studies while Yuta dropped out and started a farming apprenticeship. It was hard for the two brothers to keep in touch because of your strict grandparents.

Later that night as you and Johnny got ready for bed, he spoke to you about the boy that died and why Jeno was the way he was. Chenle was his name. Five months ago he went missing. No sign of him anywhere, it had seemed like he disappeared into thin air. Although the local police put in as much effort as they could to find him, the town was small and not much could be done. People were known to go missing around the power station where he often hung so they ruled it as an accidental death before they even found his body. But two months ago, his body showed up on the side of the road. He had only been dead for a few hours before he was found and he didn't have a single scratch or sign of trauma on his body. The investigation for his cause of death and what happened to him is still open but Doyoung had said he doubts they ever hear of his story again. “What a shame,” He said. “He was a funny kid”

Jeno was one of his closest friends. When Chenle first went missing, Jeno was at the school he boarded at. Doyoung offered to bring him home but he insisted that he was fine. Doyoung knew he was lying but somehow he thought it was the right thing to do, was it traumatizing to bring him back home if Chenle wasn't there? When they discovered his body, he offered to bring him home again, but once again, he said no. He only came for the funeral where he didn't say a word, none of the friends did. All of them sitting in silence and leaving as soon as the ceremony was over. They all disappeared for a few hours afterwards, probably up at the power station to remember the kid. When he returned Jeno didn't say much to his father, asking to go back to school the same day. This is his first time home since then so you have to understand why he is acting so cold.

Apparently, their group is still pretty hung up about it but you don't blame them. The youngest is fifteen, going through something like that at such a young age is one of the worst things you could imagine. Suddenly the bad feeling you had about this town makes more sense. Maybe this is a bad place to be.

The next morning you woke to a loud Facebook playing through the room, sitting up and seeing Johnny with his phone open. “Sorry, I don’t know how to work this thing”

“It's ok” You groan and rub the sleep away from your eyes. You get up and tug your shirt down and pull your pyjama pants straight. You collect your things to get ready for the day in the privacy of the bathroom. You open the door in sync with Jeno across the hall. Jeno is dressed and ready to leave while you're only freshly awake. But he doesn't pay mind to you, shutting his own door and heading down the stairs to leave the house.

“Jeno” He stops at the door hearing his father call his name, waiting in the doorway. “Is Y/N up yet? I want you to take her out and show her around today”

Jeno turns back around to look at you only for a second before slamming the door and sighing. He makes his way into the kitchen where you hear the muffled discussions between him and his father. You assume because he came back inside he is waiting for you, and seeing that you coming along has already put him in a bad mood you don't wait long to get in the bathroom and get ready. When you open the bathroom door, he's standing in his bedroom, skateboard in hand.

“Come on” He gestures for you to follow along as he walks down the stairs. You quickly grab some things from the guest room and chase him down the stairs where you slip your shoes on. He’s standing outside on his skateboard, when you make it next to him he starts a slow walking pace, rolling down the cracked road. "I’ll lead you into the main shopping area and then I’m meeting up with my other mates”

“Thank you” You stay a metre or so behind him, enjoying the fresh breath of air away from the busy city. It's a lot quieter. Most of the town is occupied by fields full of sheep or cattle or just grass. Lamp posts are only near houses and shops while in between is empty, a small stream and a railway road now and again. Up the hill from Doyoungs house is the cemetery. Down the hill and across the stream in town. ‘Town’ doesn't consist of much either, a bus stop, a small market and a few businesses that'll soon be out of market judging by how empty the town is.

“Don’t mention it, I’m only doing this because my dad asked” Soon he comes to a stop by the bus station. “There’s a map up there” He gestures to the side of the glass guard around the bench. “Just remember your way home and you'll be ok?”

“Yeah I'll be alright” He nods and picks up a much faster pace on his skateboard, going through town and taking another turn until he's out of sight. It leaves you alone in an unfamiliar town. You don't know this area nor do you know what there is to do. But you have one thing on your mind, Chenle. You assume that the memorial you saw the boy standing near on your way into town was Chenle’s memorial. You use the map to find the exiting road and head in that direction.

As you walk through town you feel eyes on you. Everything about you makes you out of place. Sure you're not wearing farm clothing like the man you pass smoking on the bench, but you're not wearing anything nice. Not anything different than Jeno. Is it your energy? Can they tell you are new and innocent? Not exposed to the issues of the town. Did they know your dad? Do they recognize him in the dimples that flash when you try to be polite and smile? You wanted to escape the city yet is this all that is waiting for you outside of it?

When you finally reach the end of the road where the shops lie, it feels a lot lighter. The overwhelming pressure from the townspeople disappearing as shops turn into fields and the roads turn into gravel. Eventually, you find yourself standing by the lamppost, flower, pictures and candles of a dead boy just below your feet. Something became heavier in the air, the weight of his death resting on your shoulders. In all the photos of him he was smiling, a bright smile that almost brought one to your face. The flowers were fresh, possibly from the kid you saw yesterday and most of the candles burnt down to nothing. You crouch down and take a lighter out of your jacket pocket, starting to light a few of the candles left. You hope somewhere, this makes him feel remembered. Just as you got to the third one, you hear footsteps from down the round.

“Hey!” A deep voice follows you, you turn your head and see four boys heading your way. The one in the front much taller and moving a lot faster towards you. “What the fuck are you doing?”

You stand to try to explain yourself but as he makes his way to you, he doesn't stop, grabbing your collar and throwing you to the ground with the weight of your body. His knees are on either side of you, both hands gripping tight onto your shirt and keeping your neck and head off of the ground with the strain of it all. Your hands are holding onto his wrists as a way of support. You stare up and meet his eyes, they are full of anger. You assume he was Chenle’s friend. The pain in his eyes is gone, he's over the mourning. Now just angry at the injustice his friend had to deal with.

“Jisung” The boy with bleached hair comes and pulls him off and you fall flat on your back, you stay down. Watching Jeno and him hold Jisung back and try to calm him down. The fourth boy comes over to help you.

“Are you ok?” His eyes are round and wide, his flannel shirt blowing open in the wind.

“Yeah thanks” You take his extended hand and he helps you up. You can feel your heart pounding as you brush off the dried grass from your clothing. “Is he ok?” You look over to the boy that helped you, gesturing to the other three boys.

“He will be” He puts his hands into his jeans and looks to the ground, rocking on his heels. “Are you the girl who’s staying with Jeno?”

“It’s Y/N”

“Mark” Just as you finished your short introductions, you see the group of boys come over again. Once again, Jisung stands in front of the other two, looking at you with much softer eyes.

“Sorry” He mumbles his words, kicking at the grass below. Barely making an effort to be loud enough to be heard.

“Come on man” The blond-haired boy gives him a shove on the shoulder, making him step forward a few.

“It's ok, my bad” You put your hand up to stop them going any further. “I didn't mean to overstep any boundaries”

“You're good” Jeno steps forward so he’s level with Jisung. “This is Y/N, the one that's been staying with me”

“This is where he disappeared?” You look over the bridge at the lower water below. It rushes down from up the hill. The other side of the bank is just bush, you can see a road sitting on top, but you doubt it’ll lead anywhere. The side of the bridge from which you came is just an empty dirt car park and the road leading back into town. The other side is a power station, large wire fencing keeping everyone out and another smaller bridge leading into the bush.

“We think so” The bleach blond-haired boy, who you now know is named Jaemin, moves forward on the bridge, looking off into the dense forest on the other side.

“I was the last to see him and he was up here” Jisung turns to look at you, Mark and Jeno by your side as you try to listen over the running water.

“Wouldn't that mean he was up here for months?” You look up, there is no way a teenager would last up there for months and not get hurt. The bush was all hills, no doubt the fall covered in leaves making it incredibly slippery when wet. “How did he survive?”

“That's the thing, ain't no way Chenle wouldn't have lasted more than a day” Jeno walks off of the bridge, heading towards the power station and then the bush, all of you follow behind. Knowing some kid died in the trees you're about to enter makes you nervous, the energy about the place was scary. You associated the forest as a place of peace, especially in a town like this. But maybe it was something eviler. There was a small path leading up to the road portion. So one by one, you made your descent, Jeno, Jaemin, Jisung then you and Mark. They all felt comfortable here, somewhere they have lived and played since they were younger, yet you wanted to throw up. When you got to the road you were out of breath, needing to step away to catch a breather.

“God” You laugh at them when you notice they are barely phased by the ten minutes climb.

“It's not that bad Y/N” Jeno is still harsh to you, but you try to not take it to heart after hearing his story. From up here, you can almost see the whole town, it looks so much smaller from up here. But it was a nice site. It was easy to look at, if you were to do this to the city, it would be too overwhelming. Your desire to live somewhere smaller begins to grow. The five of you walk down the road a bit, to your left is where you just came from, bush. To the right and above you, is more bush.

Jeno, Jaemin and Jisung all walk ahead talking, while you trail behind with Mark. Mark tries to make you feel included but it's just another charity case. You let him talk though, enjoying the company. The three in front of you stop.

“Did you hear that?” Jisung turns to the two boys by his side, wide-eyed. They both nod silently. When they turn to you, both you and Mark are clueless. Until you hear the noise again. Rumbling and the sounds of wheels whirring from above you in the bush to your right. It gets louder and your panic shoots in. You look at Mark and he’s just as lost, eyes wide as he tries to speak his final words, a final pray. He's giving into death, but you can't accept that fate. Adrenaline is pumping through you and before you can even think this through, you grab his hand and dash into the bush. Mark is off balance because of the sudden unexpected movement and you can't keep your posture, soon you're both tumbling down the bush. The warmth from his hand is the only thing that keeps you grounded as your body rolls and smashes into oncoming branches, landing on the hard ground and sliding further. You keep your eyes screwed tight shut as a way to protect you. Your head throbs as it hits the ground for the third time, begging for relief. Finally, you come to a stop at the river bank. Mark lays next to you, hand still in yours, panting hard as he groans. You imagine he feels the same as you, bruised, cut and sticky from the mud.

A couple of moments pass and you hear more yelling from above, then Jeno, Jaemin and Jisung all follow in your tracks, rolling down in the bush and stopping as they hit into your bodies. You lay there for a moment, pulling air back into your winded lungs. Eventually, Jeno sits up and starts laughing.

“What was that?” Jaemin joins him off of the ground, trying to rid his skin of dirt.

“Who knows? Just thank god we got out of there alive”

That night the two of you tried not to tell Johnny or Doyoung what had happened or why you were covered in cuts. You both got a scolding for getting your faces cut up the night before the funeral and then you were sent away to wash up. Jeno had explained that if they knew they were out there looking in the forest, they would get in trouble again. He also explained that the noises you all heard were probably nothing but the farmers' kids on their quad bikes. You asked him how it was even possible for them to be driving in such thick bush on such a steep hill and he only replies with ‘that's how things go’. Which did not help you that much considering you didn't know how those things go. You wondered if Doyoung had started to rub off of him a little too much. He explained that Jisung only tackled you because Chenle was his person, his best friend. He was the last to see him alive and the first to see him dead. Turns out he is the youngest one and Jaemin’s little brother. All of them were hurt by the loss of their friend, but Jisung felt it the most, and in return Jaemin also felt it bad. They weren't so sure how Mark felt about it all, he wasn't supposed to be involved with any of them so it was hard for him to mourn. You didn't say anything to him about what you had been told about by Johnny, about how he didn't get a chance to mourn either.

You tried not to think about the noises you heard in the forest, or why Jeno dismissed them. You had to believe it was out of fear. He was watching over Jaemin and Jisung, protecting them from the hurt. But he didn't tell them it was nothing. Was he trying to not scare you? Or was he trying to scare them? Did he need to keep the hope alive that one day they'd find out what happened to their friend? You try not to let it get to you, whatever the reason was. Instead, focusing on Johnny's loud snores. Something to keep you on earth while the unknown was happening.

When you were once again woken by Johnny in the morning, you could tell that today was going to be different. His mood was off, for the first time since Yuta’s death, he seemed upset. Maybe it was the first time he registered that he really did. And for the first time, you registered that maybe he took Jaehyun's death the hardest. Everyone felt bad for you because he was your dad but you barely knew him. But for Johnny, that was his best friend. You don't say much to him, getting up and leaving the room for him to get ready.

The ride to the church was mostly silent, occasionally Johnny or Doyoung would bring up an old memory about their friend while you and Jeno sat in the back of Doyoungs wagon. Everyone had a neat suit on, while you wore a black dress. When you arrived at the venue you were greeted by Yutas wife and children, welcoming everyone into the church. The four of you took your place at the front row of pews. Walking up the aisle, you saw Jaemin and Jisung with their parents. Mark was nowhere to be seen but Jeno had warned you not to expect to see much of him, he only came when he could. The funeral was a blur to you, not a word was spoken between you or Jeno and you knew nothing about the man who you were attending for. The after-party you were stuck by Johnny's side, the anxiety of being your fathers' messenger for Jaehyun's old friends. When it was over you walked to the car with Johnny, Doyoung already waiting in the driver's seat.

As you climb into the backseat of the car, you can feel the energy shift. The older men up the front feeling deflated, while you just feel out of place. Doyoung takes a deep breath and turns back to you. “Jeno is going out with his friends if you want to go.'' Johnny looked back at you with a sad face, you could hear the pain in the older man's voice and your uncle gave you a nod. Meaning, he would appreciate it if you left. Neither of them seemed ok. You stepped out of the vehicle and stood there as you watched them drive away. It was getting late and you would probably just walk home from here, if you knew where it was.

Your arms pull over yourself as you try to keep in some warmth from the cooler night air. You assume to follow the road in which Johnny and Doyoung had just driven away down, it’s not like he told you where Jeno was either. You didn't get very far before you heard your name being called. You turn and see Jaemin and Jisung walking away from their parents' car towards you. You stop and let them catch up.

“Are you ok?” Jaemin was more of a talker than Jisung, Jisung always stood to the side not saying much. You don't know if this because of his loss, or he was always quiet.

“Yeah, Mr Kim just needed some time”

“So they left you here?”

“I guess” You smile to the ground, still shivering. “Do you know where Jeno is?”

“He said he was going to court, that's where we're heading if you want to come?” You can see Jisung tense out of the corner of your eye at the mention of you coming, Jaemin must see it as well. Reassuring you with a smile.

“If that's ok, I don't know where else to go”

“Of course and” He stops and takes off the jacket of his suit, laying it over your shoulders to stop the cold getting to you. “You seem cold”

“Oh thanks” You feel your cheeks heat up at his actions, you pull it around your front and you can't tell if you're warmer now because of the jacket or because of his actions. You eventually get to what looks like tennis courts, although you assume they haven't been used for actual tennis in years. The wire fencing cut, the turf filled with moss and torn. Jaemin offers you his hand to help you down the loose dirt hill to get into the courts but you deny. Already feeling Jenos eyes on you at Jaemins jacket over your shoulder.

Compared to the environment of the funeral, it's a nice contrast to be sitting with people that make you feel comfortable. They're so used to hatred coming from the adults around them that the friendly face of a teenager helps them. Maybe it's good for them to see a fresh face? The four of you sit there until it gets dark, just looking into the sky. The night is quiet, something you haven't experienced in a long time living in the city. The only steady noises are the breathing of those around you. A constant reminder that you are alive, you are existing. Despite all that, the sky is empty. No stars, no clouds, not even the moon to give you some light. You're all alone. The four of you, only existing with each other and no one else.

You didn't get much sleep that night, you and Jeno heading home in the early hours of the morning, only to find both of the older men sleeping in the lounge, the smell of alcohol in the air. You helped Jeno wake them up and bring them to their beds. But the sun had barely risen when you were woken to frantic banging on the door. You shot out of bed, Johnny less enthusiastic with his hangover. By the time you stumble out of your room, Jeno is standing at the open door, a panicked Jaemin frantically pouring out words to him. All you can make out is ‘Jisung’ and ‘missing’ before you lose time. Because one moment you're standing shocked up the stairs and the next, you have Jaemin in your arms as he begins to cry.

Jaemin sat in the lounge with Doyoung and Johnny, the older men being better at comforting as you and Jeno rushed to get dressed. Last night when the two of you went your separate ways, Jisung went to visit Chenle. The whole subject of death is something very sensitive to him, so to sit through hours of a funeral hit him hard. But he never came home after that. The police have been contacted and once again, it was assumed he had hurt himself in the power station or at the dams. Jaemin was certain that that's not where Jisung would have been, we would have gone to the memorial. Yet he knows that if they find him, he’ll be up there. As soon as you get your shoes on you're being dragged out the door.

You're already out of breath by the time you make it to Marks house, you can’t imagine running another ten minutes to the power station. But you get a new burst of energy seeing the panic in Mark's eyes. The police and some locals were already searching the area by the time you all got there. They were reluctant to let you help but Jaemin’s dad insisted, besides, the boys knew the area better than anyone here. And if this was going to be a repeat of Chenle, Jisung is still alive at the moment. You have to be quick.

The later it got, the less hope everyone had of Jisung being found alive. The police had to call it a day after the light left the sky, it became too dangerous for them to continue. Jaemin's mother stands at the bridge, begging for Jaemin to come home with them, his father not saying a word as he fights back tears. Jaemin doesn’t say anything, standing by the three of you. None of you do anything to persuade him to go or to stay. Eventually, his mother gave up, collapsing on the ground and saying a prayer that her older son came home safe. A part of you wanted to curse Jaemin out for doing this to his mother. Parents are more precious than he knows, and you know all too well how much they mean to people. But you don't know what siblings mean to people, so you leave it.

Once they leave, the four of you are left in silence on the bridge, you all sit on the edge, railing sitting under your armpits and legs dangling over the water. There's a thick bit of tension in the air, you know you don't belong right now, this is their second friend lost, this is someone's brother they are losing. And you're just there. It's selfish to be thinking about yourself at the moment, but your anxiety hurts you so much. It bubbles up your throat and you can't take it anymore. You stand up, away from them all to go to the other side of the bridge. It's the first any of you have moved in at least an hour. You look up at the sky and just like the night before, it was empty. You turn back down to the rushing water, trying to focus your eyes to see anything, anything to stop you from crying. But you feel the tears form, and you can't stop them from falling. The single drop getting lost in the river currents. You cover your mouth with your hand, stopping any sounds from coming out as you breathe heavily through your nose. You are aware of how loud you're being and you wish more than anything to disappear at this moment. In the past four days, you travelled across the country, got chased by someone (or something) in a forest, attended a funeral and now a boy has gone missing. It didn't hit you all until right now until you stopped and thought about how alone you were. You got a wave of dizziness, crouching to the ground to stop your world from spinning. Frantically, you take the Zippo lighter out of your pocket and flick it open to create some light. The silver casing has the letters “J.J” engraved, and it makes you feel at home, a home you've never known.

You're so focused on trying to calm yourself that you don't notice the rest of them standing up, nor do you hear the screaming coming from Jaemin until he kicks the old bridge, feeling the impact from where you are. It snaps you back to reality and you stand, putting out the light and focusing your attention back to him.

“It's not fair! It's not fucking fair!” He's not yelling at anyone, only yelling into the dark abyss in front of him. But his anger is felt through everyone here, the forest carrying his energy and pain into all of your hearts. “We're all going to fucking die here and no one cares!”

“Jaemin” Jeno steps forward, attempting to grab his arm in an attempt to calm him down but Jaemin shoves him away.

“Why do I even bother? Why does it even fucking matter?”

“Why does what matter?” Jeno is the only one who has the confidence to help Jaemin or try to help. Mark looks just as scared as you do.

“Life? Why does it fucking matter if we’re living in this shit hole waiting to die!” He turns around and locks eyes with you. Someone you once considered quite friendly with you is now burning into your skin with his gaze. “First Chenle, now Jisung. Who’s next? Tell me who the universe is!” He yells into the sky, arms wide.

“I hope it's Y/N, she's been here, what? A week? Things were just going back to normal but she came and fucked thin-”

“Jaemin!” Jenos voice is a lot more stern as he sees your shaking start again, no doubt he saw you cry just moments before. You try to hold it together and not take it personally. He's hurting more than you are, and no one, no adult is listening to him. No one is truly hearing what he has to say about his brother.

Jaemin scoffs and runs his hands through his hair. Muttering something under his breath and looking at Jeno with disbelief in his eyes. Before any of you can make a move towards him, he stands on the railing of the bridge, arms extended. He gives you a wink and lets his body fall down, hitting the water hard.

“Jaemin!” You all scream out at him, running off of the bridge and down the ridge to reach the bank, the water moves fast, it would soon wash his body away. Without thinking, Jeno dives in after him. You and Mark hold your breath, powerless as to what is happening, unable to see the events in the water. Just like the forest incident, Mark's hand finds yours, squeezing it as more time passes. Eventually, further down the riverbank, Jeno emerges with a gasp. Dragging a motionless Jaemin onto the shore with him.

“He's not breathing” His voice is pained, on the verge of breaking. You run over to him, sliding onto your knees next to him. Your hands interlocked and found a place in between the lower part of his ribs. You begin chest compressions as fast as you can. Trying to keep your breathing steady yourself was a challenge, but you had to focus on the kid below you. After what felt like years, he started coughing. It starts small until he's heaving his lungs up, water coming out of his mouth. You stop your actions and help him remove the water from his mouth but as soon as he comes to your senses and sees your panicked face he shoves you off. Leaving you falling onto your back. His eyes search around and see the lonely sky and that's when the tears start. You can only watch as he begins to shake, screaming into his hands. Once again, Jeno is quick to move into action, holding him in his chest and rubbing his back.

The four of you went home, Mark leaving first and Jeno going to stay the night at Jaemin. This left you by yourself to walk to Doyoungs and explain what happened. But he's understanding, telling you he’ll be in contact with Jeno tomorrow and that you shouldn't worry about him. As much as you want to stop worrying and just go to sleep, thoughts plague your mind about tomorrow and the future that those boys hold. They can't seem to catch a break.

It was weird waking up in the house without Jeno, and for once you woke up before Johnny. You get up and get ready. You had no plans for today, every other day you had simply followed Jeno and his group of friends. But now two were dead or missing and he was away. You see Doyoung in the kitchen, wishing him a good morning and letting him know you were heading out. You still don't know much about this town or what there is to do, but you find yourself sitting at a park bench, watching birds pass by. You're not there for long before you hear wheels passing by then coming back. “Y/N?”

There stands Mark one foot resting on his skateboard, his hand scratching the back of his head. He flips his board into his hands and comes to join you on the bench. “Did you get home alright last night?” He doesn't look at you and you don't look at him, both staring off into the empty park.

“Yeah”

“Have you, um heard from Jeno at all? Or has Mr Kim?” Panic floats inside you as you turn around to finally see him.

“No, have you?” He does the same hearing your reply.

“Shit, I haven't heard from them since last night, I texted him asking him if they got home safe but I didn't get a reply”

“Fuck” You freak out a little, the shakes and tears from last night coming back.

“We should go look for them,”

“What?” From your time here, Mark hasn't been the most confident. But he managed to be by your side the whole time. He mainly stuck at the back of the group. And once again, maybe Chenles death changed him into that. But for the first time in five days, you see him take control.

“They’ll probably be at the power station,” He stands and begins to walk, looking back at you to follow. “Come on”

When you make it to the bridge, you feel like your legs are going to give it, this is the most exercise you've done in months cramped into a week. Mark is still fueled by his anxiety, grabbing your arm to drag you along. “Mark” You pant out, physically unable to move. “Give me a second''

He groans but listens to your request, dropping your arm but still searching around for any signs of Jeno and Jaemin. His high energy suddenly disappears into something cold, you notice the shift and look up at him from your crouched positions. His mouth is open as he tries to get out the words he doesn't know. Instead, you follow his gaze and lose your energy as you realize what he's seen. From up on the road is a man, he’s too far away for you to be able to see any details of him. Apart from the all too familiar sight of Jenos bright skateboard resting on his shoulder. The man acknowledges your presence, waving down at the two of you.

“M-mark” You try to get out what life is left of you, the rest being consumed by fear as you feel the tears come down your face. Your hand finds his arm gripping on tight for support, although he's shaking just as much.

“Is that... Jenos?” Mark can barely speak either, his eyes don't leave the man on the top of the hill. The three of you staring at each other with an intense gaze.

You try to swallow your next words, to keep them down, anything other than accepting the fate of what is happening. “Yes”

“Is that Jeno?”

Sure, it's hard to tell who the mysterious figure is from down here. But his stance, his shoulders, height, build and the faint outline of a beard on his face. None of it is familiar to Jeno. “No”

You wait quietly in the police station, Mark by your side, waiting for a detective working on Jisungs case and Johnny to arrive. Whoever gets there first. The door from the left opens and a tired man with too many papers in his hands walks in.

“Y/N and Mark?” He looks over at the two of you, the only people in the station other than the receptionist. You both stand and follow him through the empty halls of the building, you're left silently wishing Johnny had arrived first.

He takes you into his office, a small room with his desk and posters with messages such as ‘If you’re drinking, you’re not driving’ and ‘Be smart, don’t start’ on a poster with cigarette butts. The ugly design reminds you of your fathers' nasty habit.

The man sits down with a sigh, groaning when he stretches his back against the desk chair. “Detective Sicheng” He doesn't bother with any other formalities, opening the notepad in front of him to start taking notes. “So what did you see?”

There isn't much of a story to tell, but you walk him through the events of last night at the bridge, Jaemin and Jeno going off on their own and then this morning. Running off to the power station and seeing the man. The man didn't look surprised, you doubt he would have the energy to be surprised right now. With all that was going on, he sure deserved a break.

“And you’re sure that it was Jenos skateboard?” Mark looked over at you, you were the one to confirm with him that it was his.

“I'm sure of it sir. It's bright orange, so unless that man also has a bright orange skateboard” You trail off, he understood where you were coming from. They still couldn't confirm that the man you saw wasn't Jeno, or that if it was not Jeno that he was somehow involved in this case.

“Ok, we’ll send a team up to look around the surrounding area” He stands and collects the paper he wrote your statement down on. “You two are welcome to wait in here if you want, I’ll leave the desk a note to lead your uncle in here” He looks at you as he speaks and you nod.

When he leaves you and Mark continue to sit in silence. The experience was traumatizing, to say the least. It was a fear you were sure would follow you for a long time after you leave this place. But for Mark this is home, these are his friends and this is what he’s been living through for the past year. You look over at his face, his eyes are low and drained. You can tell he's barely keeping it together but the biting of his lip and the occasional sniffle he lets out. You want to comfort him but you're afraid of asking if he's ok in fear he'll break down in front of you. But it doesn't worry for you long as the office door opens to a panicked Johnny.

“Oh kid” He comes over and pulls you into his arms as soon as you've stepped out of the chair. His grip is tight and he keeps you against his chest for a long while before finally calming down and letting you go. “I'm so sorry”

“It's not your fault” You don't look at Johnny, keeping your eyes on Mark who's slowly gaining a sense of reality again. “Can we go back to Doyoungs now?”

He nods, patting your shoulder. “You need a ride?”

“Yes please, sir” Mark shakes his head and stands, grabbing his jacket off of the back of his chair. As the three of you exit from down the hall and into the main waiting area, you cross paths with people you weren't prepared to see. Doyoung, hair a mess and eyes red. He gives you a sad smile as if to say 'It's alright' but you know that things aren't. Next to him is a woman you recognize as Jaemins mother, balling her eyes out. Poor thing, two of her kids missing in a couple of days. You don't say anything to any of them, looking down as you walk out of the station and into Johnny's car.

Despite the group of you being allowed near the power station in the other disappearances, you and Mark had been told to stay away for the time being. Danger lurks in those forests and the police were not willing to let something like that happen again. Not that you wanted to go there alone anyway, and you're sure Mark felt the same. Your trip to Sarton was extended, Johnny didn’t want to leave Doyoung alone during these times. He had offered to drive you back or even drop you to the nearest bus station but you opted to stay. Feeling a weird need to stay to protect Mark. Not that you saw him a lot.

The house was already quiet even when Jeno was around, he was a quiet kid. But the silence that took over the house as you and Johnny entered without him for the first time was overwhelming. Regardless of how long the two of you had known the kid, it was easy to get a sense of how he affected everyone around him. And the emptiness of his house. Johnny did the cooking while you sat in the lounge, eyes stuck on family photos of Doyoung and Jeno. Every now and again Johnny would stick his head through to see how you were doing, every time he felt like a failure seeing you so distraught. He should have been there for you when Jaehyun died, but he didn't and the regret ate him alive. And now that you're going through the same thing again, he still struggles to reach out and help you.

With your mind stuck on Jeno you couldn't help but think about what it would be like whenever Doyoung arrived home again, whenever that may be. You had no idea how to help someone, what you could possibly say to someone with a missing kid? Clearly, your uncle doesn't either. Would he want you to not bring it up and pretend everything's ok? Or would he like to talk about it, to explain the happenings of the case to you? Your thoughts are interrupted by the front door opening, your heart sinks knowing that now is the time for your questions to come to life. But you're taken by surprise by the sound of two footsteps, he's not alone. You stand from the couch and make your way to the kitchen with Johnny to see who he's with.

The light from the hall blinds you for a moment as you take a moment to see the other figure. His stance, his shoulders, his height, his build, it's all the same. Your heart feels like it's about to burst in your chest, drowning you. It's him. Your frozen feet stuck to the floor and eyes stuck on him. He smiles at you knowingly, he sees your fear. And when he waves at you, it's him acknowledging that he knows you know.

“Taeyong!” Johnny's loud yell brings you back to it.

“John!” Taeyong walks past Doyoung and brings your uncle into a hug, you watch with wide eyes and from over the taller man's shoulder, he gives you a wink. “I didn't know you were in town”

“And I didn't know you were still living in this place”

“Oh, you know how it is. Doyoung invited me round for a drink, caught him on my smoke break” He laughs and slaps Johnny's shoulder before turning his attention to you, the recognition he had given you earlier fading away into a fake look. “Now who's this?”

You avoid Taeyongs gaze the whole dinner, forced to sit across from him at the table makes you sick. Your food was left mostly untouched as you tried to stomach what you could. The seat across the table was supposed to be for Jeno, and now the man who took him is sitting in his place. No comments were made about your weird behaviour, Doyoung acting similar. You were just waiting for the moment that you could be excused from the table, waiting until you could go to bed and cry. Anything to be away from Taeyong. When you finally got the courage to leave, you placed your plate in the sink and made your way up the stairs. Trying to keep your composure as you felt his eyes on you.

“Ah Y/N” You didn't look, knowing too well that it was Taeyong who had stopped you. “Mind showing me to the restroom while you're up?"

“Yup” Your voice was weak but you stood and waited for him to come up the stairs. Doyoungs house was big, but it wasn't confusing. One look up the stairs and you'd be able to tell which door led to the bathroom. You had a feeling this was leading to something more. And just as you suspected, when you pointed him to the bathroom, he didn't move. Turning his head to look at you. You only nodded and went to the guest room. Just as you were shutting the door, his foot got in the way.

You freeze, stepping away as the door opens more. You keep your head down and swallow the fear. He won't do anything to you, not here anyway. You can feel your legs shake under your weight but for now, you have to keep it together.

When he comes into view again, it's only his silhouette, the light coming from the hall coming into your darkroom and illuminating his outline. But he doesn't say anything, just looking at you silently. Is he waiting for you to break? Wanting you to cry?

“You smoke?”

“W-what?” His question surprises you enough for you to look up at him and he's gesturing to the lighter sitting on your bedside table. “Oh no. It's my dads, it was Jaehyuns”

“Hmm” He steps into your room and grabs it off. You're stuck and unable to stop him despite the voice screaming at you to move.

“What are you doing with that? It's-it’s mine” Your feel your throat strain at the weight of your words.

“Left mine at home” You know it's a lie by his smile, and by the fact he had already gone out for a smoke earlier in the night. “I’ll return it to you later sweetcheeks” He winks at you again, shutting the door and finally leaving you in the darkness, where you break down. The fear finally crushed you and ate you up.

You were woken to light talking and a dim light on your face. As you slowly came to your senses you saw Johnny at the door, it barely opened as he spoke to someone on the other side. You could only assume it was Doyoung. The clock on your nightstand flashed ‘2:12’ in your face. You sat up fully and waited for them to be done before asking any questions. As Johnny shut the door, he jumped a little, seeing you awake.

“Jesus kid, you scared me” He groaned as he sat on the bed next to you, leaning his elbows on his knees and head in hands.

“Are you ok?” He looked tired, going through a relapse of your childhood is taking a toll on him and only now did you stop to consider it.

“I should be asking you that” His voice is aggressive, darker than he's ever spoken to you before. You don't say anything for a few moments, waiting for him to ask, giving him a chance to ask. But he still doesn't. After all this time he's still a coward. You want to push it over like you always have, pretend that it's ok. But you really can't. You get out of bed and grab your jacket. Heading out of the room as you pull it on. Even then he doesn't attempt to stop you.

The night is colder than you expect, your thin pyjamas not being much to protect you. Not only that but the wet concert and occasional bit of broken glass make it difficult for you to walk comfortably. You want to be anywhere but a house that contains Taeyong, your useless uncle and the remains of a missing kid. But who else is there? You don't know this town, and everyone you did know is gone. Apart from one.

“Are you sure it was him?” Mark has gone pale as he listens to your story.

“God, you sound like that detective” You wince a little as you wash your feet off with a hot cloth, sitting on Mark's bedroom floor while he paces around. “Yes, I’m sure. He knew it was me as well”

“This is insane” He's almost pulling out his hair by the time he sits down with you.

“And he stole my lighter. He said he’d return it but he never did” You huff and finally dry your feet, turning your attention fully to Mark.

“What do we do?”

“It's too late to tell anyone now but in the morn-” Your words are cut off by your phone ringing in your pocket. You had forgotten it was there in your mad rush to get to bed after dinner. You take it out and deflate a little at the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Oh thank god you're ok kid” You can hear the relief in Johnny's voice. “Where are you? Do you need me to come get you?”

“It's fine, I'm at Marks”

“Oh,” The line goes into an awkward silence.

“Did Taeyong give you dad's lighter?” You see Mark freeze at the mention of his name.

“No, did he take it or something?”

“Yeah, he needed to borrow it. Can you get it off him?”

“I'll text him after. But um.. are you sure you’ll be alright kid?” You can tell this is him finally reaching out, but right now your mind is too preoccupied.

“I'll be fine, I'll see tomorrow” You place down your phone, taking your head in your hands. The weight of the past week with Johnny becoming overwhelming. Just like your uncle, Mark is unsure on what to say either, choosing to let the both of you sit in silence as you try to calm yourself down. Just as you think it's over, your phone goes off from Johnny one more time.

uncle j: he sent his address

uncle j: 23 queen street

uncle j: he said ur welcome to come round anytime tmw

“What is it?” Mark must be able to tell by the life draining out of your eyes that something is wrong right now. You only pass your phone over, finally lying back on the carpeted floor of Marks bedroom and accepting defeat. “Oh shit”

“Mark I can't do this” You stop on the footpath, Mark not noticing until he's metres ahead, his figure hardly to be seen in the dark light of the night. When he steps back towards you, it's almost as if it's a stranger. His posture was hard, eyes cold and smile evil. Something in him had snapped. But you don't feel afraid, he took your hands in his.

“Y/N please, we have to do this”

“No we don't, it's just a lighter” You beg him, eyes shaking as you dread going into the horror house. He breaths in his bottom lip, holding it in between his teeth and avoiding your eyes.

“I'm going in, I've lost too many people and I can't lose more” He puts your hands down, rubbing his eyes. You could see his reluctance to go, the fear in his stance. “Are you going to come with me?”

The fear in your system is still alive as Mark boldly knocks on Taeyongs front door. In the short period from the knocking to the door opening. The door flies open, the man on the other end standing with a dirty look on his face. As soon as Mark laid his eyes onto him, it was no doubt he felt the same fearful recognition that you did. His whole demeanour had changed from confident to one of a lost child. You watch as he clenched and unclenched his fist, trying to find his words.

“Hello Y/N” Taeyongs eyes move off of Mark who's still frozen. You see him visibly relax, catching a breath as Taeyong turns to you. “You’re here for your lighter?”

You nod your head, and he changes positions, turning into his house to go receive it. You and Mark still stand in the dead of the night, unable to think, speak or even look at each other. You swear you see a ball of sweat roll down his forehead but maybe the fear is making you hallucinate. Mark's eyes are still focused into the open door where Taeyong has left when he suddenly stands straight. You turn your eyes to see and soon reflect the panic displayed over him.

“Y/N” Blindy his hand reaches out, grabbing your sleeve and pulling you over to his perspective. It feels like a punch in the stomach when you take notice of what Mark was talking about it. An orange skateboard, a denim jacket and three pairs of sneakers sat on top. Jenos skateboard, Jaemins jacket and all of their shoes. You look at Mark for help and it seems he's doing the same. Your lips curl in tightly and you can't stop your muscles from pulsing as tears come out of your eyes. It's a silent cry. One that breaks Mark down. You don't even notice Taeyong is back until he speaks.

“Is she o-” But it's cut off with Mark's scream. Your cries turn into a yell, breathing heavily as you watch Mark grip at Taeyongs collar. Pushing him to the ground where he kneels on his chest.

“Where are they?!” Mark was always the quiet one, the one that stayed behind for you. Not someone you expected to be so aggressive. Taeyong doesn't fight back, only holding onto the younger boys wrists for some stably. A smirk comes over his face. “Answer me, you bastard!”

Even if Taeyong wanted to reply he couldn't. Marks hands grabbing at his throat tightly. The panic truly set in Taeyong's eyes. Both of them struggle for dominance while you're stood at the door, legs shaking and eyes wet.

“Go Y/N! Call the police!” Mark snaps you out of it just as Taeyong gets him onto the ground, a punch landing on his face. You don't stay to watch unfolds as you follow Marks instructions, running down the empty street as fast your legs will take you. You stumble with your phone but hope comes back when you hear the line ring.

After your mad rush back to Doyoungs, your feet were bleeding and you almost were unconscious from exhaustion and fear. Johnny says you stayed awake the whole time but everything turned into a blur after you saw the safety of Doyoungs house.

You were taken to the hospital with Mark not far behind you. Taeyong was restricted and taken to the infirmary as well, for a much-needed questioning. They didn't find the three boys at his house. But the next morning they showed up by the bridge at the power station, walking into town for help. None of them had any memory of the events leading up to their disappearance.

You never really got an explanation as to what happened to Jaemin and Jeno that night, or how they went missing alongside Jisung. They were all very clearly shaken up by the events following their discovery. But no one got hurt at that was the important thing. After hearing that news a wave of relief came over it, it was over. They were safe. That night you spent outside alone, thinking about the news and how to relax now that things were back to 'normal'. Your eyes landed on the sky, the moon present and shining brightly, things were ok. They couldn't find anything wrong with any of the boys (apart from the amnesia). It was hard for them to testify anything against Taeyong with no memory. Not that Taeyong pleaded his innocence anyway. But you weren't here to hear that story, Johnny felt terrible for dragging you along to a town you didn't want to go to only for you to have such a horrible experience. He ended up cutting your trip short but before you went Mark got your number.

You and Johnny went home and you tried to push the events of Sarton to the back of your mind. Although Mark persistently sent you updates about him and the boys. You hardly reply to him. You know it was just your poor timing, but you can't help but blame yourself for what happened that week. They were kids trying to go through an experience that no one should have to go through, and there you were, in between all their drama and trauma.

Being there, seeing them experience death and seeing how death had changed them, it changed you. It made you more forgiving. It helped you to be more kind to your father, to those who wanted to say goodbye to him through you. But it's been a year, no more kids have gone missing. They still haven't got a definitive answer as to what happened to Chenle and Jisung. Or maybe Jeno and Jaemin gave them their answer and they are choosing to ignore it. The one time you replied to Mark and asked what happened, he didn't give much of an answer either and you assume Jeno and Jaemin never spoke about it. Jeno moved back home after school to start an apprenticeship with his father. Jisung still had another year left of high school. Jaemin wanted to become a detective, wanted to become someone who cared about missing kids more than the police in his life did. But he felt sour towards that career choice so for now, he would find work in town. Mark already had a job lined up with his father in the Church, something he wasn't so happy about but what was there to do about it. While you, you sat on the beach with your friends, fireworks going off in the distance, looking at the sky. The moon was back and she comforted you, after everything that had happened, you knew you could always return to her.