I really really hate how you don't trust me. You don't trust anyone, not really. You blow off your problems like they're no big deal, like nobody should worry about you. You have so many friends, but sometimes I wonder how much they really pay attention to you. Your're so worried about making sure everyone has a good time that you drink more and become the life of the party. That's what everyone expects from you. They all want you to get drunk and act stupid and laugh like a fucking machine. Even when you're not happy. Even when you're being consumed by your darkness. But I can't save you. You know why? It isn't because I don't care, because god I care so fucking much. Too much. You make my heart ache and I think about you all the time and I'm kind of holding out for just you. I don't do that for other guys. I walk away from them. But you've shown me kindness and happiness and now I want you to have that. And you dated me too, only for a week, but I was so happy! I don't know why I'm head over heels for you. The majority of the guys I've been with just gave me this empty feeling, they never added anything to who I was. But I think you're changing me. I think maybe you're making me better, because you're making me care again about people. I stopped caring for so long. I was numb. There's absolutely no worse feeling than that. Feeling nothing makes life stretch on forever and gives it no meaning. You, though, you're still struggling. You don't trust people that easily, and I know you don't trust me. It make me want to cry or bang my head against the wall because I don't know how else to win your trust. I've stuck around after you broke down and dumped me, with no guarantee of a relationship. There's nothing in this for me except getting to be around you, can't you see that? Why can't you let me in for a little bit? Why can't you see that I'm down on both knees begging you to get better and get stronger and to have faith, please just have a little faith in something! It doesn't have to be me. But don't think that the whole world's against you when I'm standing right next to you.
