#wingsoutstretched

To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee

For myself, I grew up without friends for the most part.  I was abused and I had what you could put lightly as a rough childhood.  I've been abandoned by people that I love and it's been hard.  One of the biggest hurdles for me has been coming to terms with who I am and that I am just fine as I am.  In fact, I'm great and you're welcome.  Not everyone is going to leave me.  People love me.  People care.  Maybe not everyone and maybe not even members of my family, but there are people who care.  There are people who will still care about me even as we grow old and time marches on.  Not everything is going to change and then some changes aren't bad either.  I'm not saying that my life is just like Sherlock's, but speaking as someone who grew up and spent most of their life, even part of their adult life, in isolation, I understand how hard it can be to accept that you are loved and that not everyone will one day leave you or hurt you.  It's actually quite easy to continue as someone who identifies as a loner because once you accept that you are unaccepted, it's hard to change that thought.  You can't kill an idea.  Not once it's made a home there *boops own head*. Caring can be an advantage because it can make your life better, but that's hard to learn as an adult.  It can be hard to see that other people care even if it's plain as day to the rest of the world because you don't feel you deserve it.  You think you are obnoxious and ridiculous and it takes time to see that not only are there people out there who don't care that you're that way, but they can also love you.  Sherlock points out to Mycroft in TEH that so what if someone is different why would people care, but he needs to see more than that. Not only do people not care, but they value him for who he is.  John, Mary, Lestrade, Molly, Mrs. Hudson... they value him for being just Sherlock before they value him for being Sherlock Holmes.  Sherlock has grown so much and in TSOT he really put himself out there in many ways that he would never have previously done.  I just hope that he can see that he doesn't need to leave the party alone.  He can stay because people value him and his company for the person he is and not just for being Hatman.  I am so glad that this character hasn't stagnated.  I had so many thoughts and feelings watching TSOT tonight and I can't tell you the number of times when I just wanted to reach through the screen and talk to Sherlock about this.  Crazy?  I don't care.  I want him to learn what I've learned. 

There is so much talk about how Sherlock needs John and I don't debate that, but can we talk about how Sherlock needs Lestrade and Lestrade needs Sherlock?  Let's talk about all the people who Sherlock loved and left.  Lestrade is clearly stressed and now turning to smoking to calm himself.  No more nicotine patches and "let's work together" in the last two years.  Sherlock and Lestrade had a particular way of working and, while we see in the mini-sode that Sherlock worked on cases while he was away, it could not have been anything like helping Lestrade.  Sherlock missed Lestrade and Lestrade missed Sherlock and they met up in the same place as part of The Great Game.  Hold me.  Can you imagine how hard it was for Sherlock to go after Moriarty's network on his own, presumably without help?  I wonder how many times he thought it would be helpful to have his friends around.  I wonder how many times he thought about things that his friends said to him when he was still in their lives and they were in his.  So that he could at least press on with their words in his memory to help him get through that two years.  I wonder how many times he turned robotic just to get through the pain of torture.  We saw one scene.  One scene of him being beaten.  We saw how he got himself out (shut up Mycroft, Sherlock was the one who cleverly distracted his tormentor before you even got up) and I wonder how many times he had to deduce a way to save his own life.  I wonder if he had to remember old times just to shut out the pain of his current situation.  I wonder how many times he wished he could contact his friends for help and support and just to let them know that he was out there so that he could take comfort in the thought of alleviating some of their pain.  And now he knows what loneliness is like because he's experienced it for two years after having people in his life who cared about him and valued him.  And let's not forget Mrs. Hudson.  They adore each other even though only one of them shows it most of the time.  And John.  Such a short, common name for such an extraordinary friend and man.  Can we just talk about how it is important to have different types of relationships and how devastating it would be to go without those.  It's no wonder Sherlock's disintegrated in the last two years.  Being without those people, preparing to die, escaping the city you call home, running around the world trying to dismantle a group of people who would have no problem killing you.  Now coming back and trying to explain things to people and take up the name of Sherlock Holmes without even wholly knowing what that means anymore.  Who really is the man behind the hat.  HOW DOES ONE DEAL.  TELL ME.

eee thank you ginny <3