#windowsinheaven

I lost my dad at the age of 23. I had finished college, was about to start Graduate school and it was summer time. He had heart disease, ever since third grad when my dad had is second heart attack the first since i was alive, I had been scared of loosing him. he was older when he had me and I was always cognizant of the fact he was old. because of this I was fearful that my dad would pass away, and miss out on many millstones of my life. he would see my brothers marry and meet their wives and play with their children his grandkids. but for me that wouldn’t happen. I was scared. I knew when he went into the hospital he wasn’t coming back and I fought the voices telling me that but it was true. My father died in July of 2014. So this will mark his second year gone and my second fathers day without him. So heres my little list of things nobody tells you 

1. Its okay to not feel a sudden rush of grief and feel numb 

2. Its okay to not instantly want to be consoled, and to feel like be consoling other members of the family is a chore 

3. Its okay to want to run. 

4. You may think you are stronger than you are

5. Its more than okay to Cry. 

6. You may unexpectedly cry at the weirdest thing like a restaurant. (For me its Joe’s Crab shack)

7. you may feel jealous of your friends with a parent that they lost that they get a relationship that you no longer receive. thats okay 

8.  You may get angry and not know why. it happens 

9. weddings may be hard 

10. Father daughter dances may make you leave a room. or consume too much alcohol, both happened 

11. You may feel like you are running out of pictures with them/ of them 

12. Fathers/mothers day may be really hard for you. Its been hard for me 

13. you’ll think of them often and smile or cry or both.. Its okay 

14. you may be jealous of the people who had more time with him (older bro’s looking at you.”

15. You may find really sad songs on the internet to help with the grieving and make you cry when you know thats what you’ll need. I recommend forever my father by Go Radio- its an Instant sob story. Windows in Heaven by We are the in Crowd is another tear jerker for me. 

16. When someone asks you about your parent there may be a knot in the back of your throat. it may happen. But its a happy knot i promise 

17. people will ask how. don’t feel obligated to tell them