#windandwater

“It seems to me that you have lost something I would like to help you find it" She replied "Oh yes, you have lost something, you've lost your life"

It’s been a few weeks since Tommy asked for his favor. Joel hadn’t come to see her about training and Tommy hasn’t brought it up again. She silently hopes something has changed and she is no longer needed.

Phoebe is leaving Ellie’s makeshift garage bedroom, tired from helping her with her history homework. She has just reached the street when she sees him. He’s facing away from her but she could spot the outline of his body and that buzzcut from anywhere. Her body freezes and her breathing picks up. He’s talking with someone and laughing in Jackson. In her town. In her home. 

Her head is spinning and she takes a step backwards. She slips on a patch of ice and ends up falling onto her ass. She barely feels the pain or the sound of someone yelling her name as the man in front of her goes to turn. He heard her and he was going to see her. Drag her back to that godforsaken group and they were going to kill her. She’ll be dead by the end of the week. Dead. Dead. De-

“Phoebe, can you hear me?” A hand on her cheek turns her face. She’s forced to look at the man in front of her. Joel. His eyebrows are furrowed and his voice is laced with concern. She can feel his breath hit her face. His thumb runs along her cheekbone. She looks past his shoulder to find the man with the buzzcut is a stranger. She’s never seen him before. “Phoebe?”

“Yeah-yeah, I’m fine. I’m good,” She sounds breathless as she turns back to Joel. His hand is still on her cheek and his eyes are searching hers, looking for an answer. She can’t bring herself to say anything and he seems to understand this. 

He stands to his feet and offers his hand. She slides her hand through his and he pulls her up. She stumbles a little into him but steps back quickly.

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah. Sorry.” She’s starting to feel some pain in her lower back and winces. 

“Do you need me to take you to Dr. Lee?” 

“No, I’ll be okay. It doesn’t hurt too bad,” She shakes her head. She takes one last look where the stranger stood but he was completely gone now. “I’ve got to go.”

Phoebe doesn’t wait for a response before she makes a beeline for her house. She can’t be near anyone right now. 

The walk home is taking too long. She feels jittery and breathless. Her legs feel like they’ll give out any minute. She’s not sure how but she makes it up her steps. She slams the front door behind her. By the time she makes it to her bathroom, her jacket and shirt have been thrown off. She shimmies out of her jeans and yanks off her underwear and socks. 

The scalding hot water of the shower burns but she likes it. She falls to her knees as the water sprays down. Her hair has become drenched and it sticks to her face. She doesn’t know how long she sits there but it’s long enough for the water to turn ice cold.

—

Sleepily, she stumbles through her house. The incessant knocking grows louder. Her eyes are half-closed when she opens the door.

“What?”

“Sorry, didn’t know you were still asleep.” That familiar voice replies and she opens an eye. It’s Joel. He’s standing there dressed for the day and a gun is in his hand.

“What’s going on? Is Ellie okay?” 

“Yeah, she’s fine. Tommy was supposed to talk to you?” Joel tilts his head in confusion. Phoebe meets his confusion with her own.

“He didn’t.”

“Of fucking coure he didn’t. I should fucking…”

“What was he supposed to tell me?” Phoebe interrupts his oncoming rant. Joel blinks.

“Right. You’re training with me today. We have our first patrol in a few days and he said you needed prep time.”

Fuck. So he hadn’t forgotten. Phoebe looks down at the oversized sweatshirt and pajama pants she’s wearing. She sighs in frustration. 

“Okay, I just need a second to change. Come inside,” She opens the door wide and he steps past her. He walks into her living room and looks around. 

“Seems like you’ve made the place your own,” He notes before taking a seat on the couch. Some books lay around the room. There are pressed flowers in frames from Georgia. A few drawings from Ellie are thumb tacked to the wall. She was able to convince someone to give her fabric and she sewed her first blanket in five years. It definitely had some mess ups but she was proud of it.

She goes back to her bedroom and closes the door behind her. Not caring what she wears as long it’s warm, she grabs the closest pieces of clothing to her. She runs a brush through her hair and throws it back up into a bun. She brushes her teeth and pulls on her boots. 

Joel stands to his feet when she comes out of the room. He puts down the copy of Pride and Prejudice and trails behind her out of the house.

The walk to the practice site may have been quiet but she can feel Joel’s stare burning into the side of her. She knows it must be about yesterday. How she freaked out about a man she didn’t even know. She must have looked crazy. But she can’t bring herself to explain her actions. 

The two of them have to leave Jackson to reach the site, Joel explains. But it’s not far from the main gates. The guards watching over would still be able to see them. So she didn’t need to worry. That didn’t stop her.

“Hey,” He says gently and places a hand on her arm. She looks up at him. “It’s okay. Nothing is gonna hurt you out here.”

She wishes she believed him.

She does her best to focus on Joel and the gun in his hand. He tells her to show him how she shoots. He does his best not to laugh in her face as she shows him.

He stands behind her, adjusting her grip. Left hand holding right tightly. Finger near the trigger, not on it, unless she’s ready to shoot.

She can feel the warmth radiating from his body. She subconsciously leans into his hold. His breath smells of mint as it hits her face. 

“You ready?”

“I’ve shot a gun before.”

“Not correctly.”

She rolls her eyes and he steps away. She tries her best to focus on the can in front of her. Shoots. Misses.

“Fuck.”

“It’s okay. We just started and you’re still learning.”

“Joel, the infected have existed for twenty years. If I can’t shoot now, I never will.

“Stop talking like that. Just-”

He repositions her gun, standing behind her again. His hand holds onto her burnt one. His slow breathing causes her to do the same.

“Now.”

She shoots and hits the can. Barely. But she still hits it. She lets out a breath of relief.

“Again.”

She does what Joel tells her to. She continues to shoot. He reloads her gun. Makes the targets more difficult. The snow crunches under their feet. Some of it has melted due to warmer temperatures. The sun shines down on their faces. Phoebe shakes off her coat in the afternoon. Joel tries not to notice.

Eventually they move onto a second practice area. It was farther than the first. Phoebe feels her anxiety growing but Joel puts his hand on her lower back and it all starts to fade. 

The next few hours are spent doing various activities. Target practice, learning basic combat moves in case of infected or people, and taking a break for lunch. Joel hands her a sandwich. She thanks him. They eat in silence.

The snow is shiny, birds are chirping, and the branches creak from the wind. Joel’s hair moves with the wind. Phoebe notices his beard has grown out a little. The grey specks have become more obvious. She likes it.

“What?” He asks in a gruff voice. She shrugs.

“I think your beard looks nice at that length,” She admits, but doesn’t know why. He looks into her eyes.

“Too long in my opinion.”

“Hm.”

“So, uh. You…doin’ okay?” Joel looks like he just slammed his hand in a car door. He must be thinking about yesterday. She contemplates her answer.

“I’m okay. Sorry about yesterday. I thought I saw someone I knew.” 

“A person from your previous group?”

Phoebe nods.

“The one that almost killed you?”

“No. His brother.” She doesn’t elaborate. She crumples up her trash and hands it to Joel. He shoves it in his coat pocket. She stands up and heads towards the practice site. She halts when he speaks again.

“When Ellie and I got back to Jackson I was…having a hard time. Tommy introduced me to Gail. It helped some. It might help you.”

Phoebe turns and sees the genuine look in his eye. He looks like he cares about what she’s going through. She softens, just for a moment.

“Maybe I will.”

The rest of the day had a different feeling to it after that. Comfortability? Honesty? Reliance? Phoebe thinks it’s probably all three.

Joel’s hand rests on her back the entire walk back to Jackson. She let him. The women keeping watch welcome them back. Dogs sniff them for bites. The two of them go separate ways, but not before they both turn and look at each other again.

Instead of going home, Phoebe heads towards the clinic. The smell of antiseptic was becoming second nature. Dr. Lee is hugging someone who is facing away from her. The doctor spots her.

“Phoebe!”

The woman turns and smiles at Phoebe. It’s Gail. It must be some sort of twisted fate.

“Hi.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Um, actually, I was going to ask you for directions to Gail’s house.” The two women look at each other. Denise’s face becomes earnest and she heads to the back.

“How are you doing, Phoebe?” Gail asks and guides her to the seats in the waiting room. Phoebe notices how striking her blue eyes and blonde hair are. She wonders if she was a model or actress before everything.

“I’m okay. Well, no. I could be doing better. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. A couple of people have recommended you to me and I thought I would come speak to you about it.” 

Gail crosses her legs when she sits. Phoebe’s hands grip onto the edge of her chair. Gail’s eyebrows furrow and her lips sit in a firm line.

“I see. You’re interested in therapy.”

“I suppose so.”

“You don’t seem too fond of the idea.”

“It’s not that I don’t like the thought of it. I’ve just never been one to openly discuss my feelings, especially not with something like this.”

“Like what?”

“What happened to me. Out there.” Phoebe motions towards the gates. Gail nods.

“I want to let you know that you’re not the only one who struggles with their past. Humans may be strong but we weren’t built to endure this sort of agony. Wanting to talk through it is perfectly normal. When would you like to start?”

“I work tomorrow but I have the day after off. Would that be okay?”

“Wonderful. Does nine am sound good?”

“Yes. That would be great. Thank you, Gail.”

Gail stands to her feet. She heads for the front door but squeezes Phoebe’s shoulder as she passes. Phoebe tenses. Gail nods.

—

The next day at work is slow. One kid’s knee got scraped from playing with the others. The weather has gotten a degree warmer. People pass by and wave to Phoebe through the window. Georgia brings a candle by. It’s all starting to feel like a routine. She likes it.

“Alright, I’m going to head out. I told Maria she has to be on bed rest and I need to see her. Are you good with handling things without me?” Denise asks as she exits one of the patient’s rooms. 

“I think so. Today doesn’t seem like it’ll be hectic.”

“Good. Come find me if you need anything.”

Denise leaves, grabbing her coat on the way out. Phoebe decides to organize files, even though they’re already organized. Waters some plants. Cleans the tables. Eats some jerky. Flips through a two decades old magazine. 

She takes a longer break than usual. Slouches in one of the chairs and closes her eyes. Sleep has been few and far between since she thought she saw Milo. The clock ticks by slowly, mocking her.

Phoebe is under the desk, reaching for a pen she dropped, when she hears the door clink closed.

“Hey, what’s- what the hell?” Phoebe asks, dropping the pen onto the desk. Tommy is standing there with a screaming Ellie. She sees Ellie holding her arm, one that now has a huge gnarly looking burn. “Oh shit. Follow me.”

The two of them quickly follow Phoebe into one of the rooms. She sits Ellie down on the bed. She reaches into one of the drawers and pulls out the necessary equipment. Gauze, water, and ointment. She wasn’t with Denise when she found - or made - the ointment. All she knows is that it’s labelled second degree burn. 

“What happened?” Phoebe asks Tommy as she starts working on Ellie. She gives her some serious painkillers and turns to the burn.

“I don’t fuckin’ know. I think she was on kitchen duty and burned herself on a pot or something. I could barely understand the kitchen lead. Fuck, is it bad? Do I need to get Joel?”

“Calm down. I’m taking care of it.”

Phoebe steadies her breath and begins to lightly cover the girl’s arm in ointment after cleaning it with water. Ellie groans in pain but seems to be a little out of it due to the meds. “I’m sorry, Els. It’s almost over.”

She gently covers her arm in gauze, careful not to wrap it too tight. She examines it one last time before looking at Ellie. “What were you thinking?”

“We’re matching,” Ellie smiles, tapping Phoebe’s hand. The teenager leans forward and rests her forehead on Phoebe’s shoulder.

“Okay, sweet girl. Let’s get you home,” Phoebe sighs and pats her hair. She helps Ellie stand and lets her lean against her. She holds onto the arm that is thrown across her shoulders. Phoebe looks at Tommy. He has worry written all over his face.

The walk to Joel’s place is longer with a drugged up Ellie. Tommy helps carry her along. Passersby give them strange looks. Ellie trips on ice but they catch her.

Phoebe doesn’t knock when they reach the front door. She swings it open and it slams against the wall. She hears shuffling from upstairs.

“Hello?”

She looks up to the landing and sees Joel standing there. It takes him a few seconds to register what’s going on before he rushes down the stairs. 

“Ellie? What happened? Is she okay? What the hell happened?”

“She burned herself,” Tommy explains and Joel takes Ellie from the two of them. He carries her into the living room. He’s whispering something in her ear and she shakes her head. Phoebe follows behind him. She watches him set Ellie on the couch. She’s staring thoughtlessly at her burn, like she doesn’t even register it.

“I just wanted to be able to wear short sleeves again…” Ellie says before laying down on her side. A crease between Phoebe’s eyebrows forms. Joel whispers something else to her before tucking her in with a throw blanket. He turns to the two other people in the room and points to the kitchen.

“Someone care to tell me how Ellie fucking hurt herself?” Joel crosses his arms. His eyes narrow as Tommy answers.

“The kitchen lead says she was just stirring something in the pot and then just put her arm against the side. Just out of the blue.” 

Joel rubs his jaw and looks at Phoebe.

“I have no idea. I cleaned it up and bandaged it, though. She’ll need to come in for check ups to make sure it’s not infected or getting worse,” Phoebe clarifies her side of the story. “I gave her some pain medicine too.”

Joel closes his eyes and sighs. No one says anything for a good five minutes.

“I’ll take care of ‘er. Thanks, guys.”

“No problem, Joel. I’ve got to get back to the house for Maria’s appointment. Let me know if you need anything.” Tommy hugs his brother before leaving. Phoebe hears the door close before she says anything. She leans against the counter and tilts her head.

“What did Ellie mean by ‘wanting to wear short sleeves again’?” 

Joel stiffens. He looks at something next to her, but not at her. 

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“No.”

“Joel.”

“I can’t tell you.”

That statement makes Phoebe’s stomach drop. She crosses her arms and takes a step towards the door. “Right.”

“Phoebe-”

“I have to go back to the clinic. Denise is with Maria so…”

“I’m sorry-”

“Bye, Joel.”

She slams the door behind her and stomps down the stairs. She clenches her jaw as she walks down the sidewalk. 

In reality, Phoebe has no right to be mad. She knows that. She’s only known Joel and Ellie for two months. That’s nothing. They don’t owe her all their secrets and honesty. She’s just a stranger hoping to be something else. She feels a sharp pain in her side. 

She makes it back to the clinic in record time. She doesn’t exhale until the door is shut behind her.

“Phoebe! I was wondering where everybody was. A kid accidentally cut Liam’s hand-” Georgia interrupts her thoughts. She sees her friend and her boyfriend and a grin spreads over her face, even with blood gushing from Liam’s hand.

Haven't I given enough, given enough?  Haven't I given enough, given enough?  Haven't I given enough, given enough?  Haven't I given enough, given enough?

---

She struggles against Foster’s grip as he and another man drag Phoebe along the ground. She screams in protest as her ankle begs for mercy. She knows she can’t run but she’ll try her damn best to. If only she could get free of the hands around her arms.  

“Foster, please don’t do this. Just let me go and I’ll leave. I’ll fucking leave, I swear please. You’ll never see my face again. You don’t even have to tell him you found me. Please. I’m begging you,” She cries out, tears streaming down her face rapidly. He ignores her. As he always does.  

The darkness and the unknown of the woods cause fear to settle in her bones. She could see the light of a fire coming closer, causing a raw and painful scream to omit from her throat. 

“Please, you’re killing me. You’re killing me, do you hear me?!” Is all she can get out as she’s brought into the opening. He stands facing the fire while Milo and Marla face her. They both hold stoic looks on their faces. 

Phoebe is dropped to the ground. A dust of dirt clouds around her and a cracking sound from her ankle rings out. She doesn’t register the pain, not anymore. Not as her chest heaves and she looks up at him. He continues to look at the fire. 

“You’ve disappointed me,” He finally says. Doesn’t add anything. He turns to face her and bends down. He grabs her chin between his fingers tightly enough to jerk her head up. “You know what has to happen now.” 

“Please…I’ll be good…” She whispers and he closes his eyes. 

“You know this hurts me more than it hurts you.” 

“I’ll be good…I won’t leave again. Please don’t punish me. I’ll be good,” She tries to pull away but his grip tightens and she whimpers.  

She’s met with temporary relief when he lets go. Instead he yanks on her wrist, dragging her across the dirt. 

“No no no no,” She tries resisting but he’s always been stronger than her. And bigger. And tougher.  

He brings her inches away from the big fire pit. The light reflects in her horrified eyes as he brings her hand towards the flame. Her screams echo in the woods, causing birds to flee from their tree. 

The chirping of birds awakens Phoebe. She looks around wildly. Her hair sticks to her forehead, dripping in sweat. She sits on the edge of her bed with shaky legs. It’s been three weeks since she arrived in Jackson and her nightmares had gotten worse each night. Her burn starts to itch but she doesn’t touch it. 

Overall, her time in this new society has been going well. She met Georgia, the soap and horse girl. She welcomed Phoebe with open arms and claimed how she was in desperate need of a friend that isn’t “a million years older than her”. Ever since then, Georgia had been checking in on her at the clinic and bringing her new candle scents to test. 

Tommy, Maria, and Ellie have also been making Phoebe feel more like one of them. Tommy makes sure she’s eating and brings her something when she declines to go to the dining hall with the rest of his family. Maria comes into the clinic for check-ups and Dr. Lee lets Phoebe sit in on them. Ellie found out, somehow, that Phoebe was a music fanatic. She brought over her CD player that Joel found patrolling one day and played the first ever album she found: Tragic Kingdom by No Doubt. She claimed she hated most of the album but sang along to them all with Phoebe. She almost cried from joy.

Dr. Lee, or Denise now that her and Phoebe were coworkers, had become another rock she could lean on. She is extremely educated and offers all medical situations as a learning opportunity. Denise is kind and gentle in all the way Phoebe knows she never will be. 

Phoebe takes a shower to wash all the sweat and gets ready for work as quickly as possible. Spring was approaching and made her feel a little hopeful. For what? She didn’t know.

The front door slams behind her and the blanket resting on the swinging bench falls off the back. She crosses the porch and tosses it back on, knowing she’ll need it later. 

Her first step after turning back to the steps creaks for half a second before her foot falls through the wood. She holds her hands out just in time to catch herself. 

“Fuck.”

She pulls her foot out of the gaping hole. She stands hesitantly and finds her foot and ankle feel fine, just one little pop. She’ll have to talk to Tommy about that before she comes back home today. 

“You’re late,” Denise comments when Phoebe enters her office. Phoebe smiles to herself and puts her coat on a nearby hook. Denise is looking at her expectantly.

“My foot fell through my damn porch this morning,” She explains and Denise raises an eyebrow.

“Well, that is a good excuse. We have no time to waste. Gail is coming in for a check-up first thing this morning. She fell off her horse last night and needs her head checked again…” Denise lists off their to-do list today and Phoebe listens intently, taking notes when needed. 

The work day passes by with a speed Phoebe isn’t used to. Granted, every second of the day is filled with cleaning cuts, refilling products, and reading the few medical books Denise has. Tommy stops by the clinic halfway through the day because he dropped something on his foot. After making sure he’s okay, she mentions the new hole in her porch. He tells her she’ll have it fixed in no time. With him being the last patient of the day, she’s left with a satisfactory tiredness and leaves.

A few people greet Phoebe as she heads home for the day. People were getting used to seeing her face and felt comfortable talking with her. She’s quietly humming along to one of the songs Ellie played for her the other day as she reaches her house. She glances to her left to check on the hole and jumps with fear.

“Jesus, you scared me,” Phoebe announces her presence and Joel turns from his hunched over position. It’s clear he’s in the middle of fixing her porch with the tools strewn about everywhere and the new wood laying next to his side. He’s wearing a coat with a flannel underneath with slightly dirty jeans and boots. It’s a simple outfit but it suits him.

“Sorry. Almost done,” Joel replies and Phoebe nods.

“I’ll be inside,” Is all she can think of and he nods back. A man of few words it seems. 

Craving something warm, Phoebe begins making dinner. She’s sleepy so she goes for an old reliable. Pasta. 

She clangs around in the kitchen for a few minutes, prepping the pot and the ingredients. She’s still a little surprised with how normal cooking in a kitchen feels to her. The last time she’d done that was over ten years ago. Right as Phoebe is draining the pasta water, a quiet knock raps on her.

“One second!” She yells towards the person she assumes is Joel. She places the pot down and wipes her hand on a towel. She throws the towel down and heads for the door. 

“Looks like I’m done here. Porch shouldn’t cause you anymore trouble,” Joel begins talking as soon as the door is open. His hair has become a little messier since she’d first come home. It looks soft, like running your hands through it would solve all your problems.

“Oh, thanks,” Phoebe’s cheeks turn a light pink from her previous thought. She doesn’t know if Joel notices or not because he doesn’t say anything. 

“Have ya…have ya been likin’ it here?” Joel strains himself to ask and grips onto the door frame with one of his hands.

“The house or Jackson?”

“Both, I guess.”

“The house has been great. Whoever worked on it did an amazing job. It felt like a home as soon as I stepped in.” Phoebe thinks she sees Joel’s cheeks turn slightly redder but she must’ve been imagining it because it was gone in a split second. “Jackson’s really impressed me. I didn't think I’d ever be a part of something so close to what life was like before the outbreak. I really feel like I’m becoming one of you guys.”

“That’s good. Glad you’re likin’ it. Wouldn’t want you to leave or nothin’,” He scratches the back of his neck. A silence falls over the two of them.

Joel looks at something past Phoebe’s head and Phoebe can’t stop looking at Joel’s eyes. Something about them pull her in. She thinks that’s why she says what she says next.

“I was actually about to eat dinner. It’s nothing crazy, just pasta. Would you want to come in and eat with me?” She expects him to immediately decline. He didn’t seem that fond of her. Maybe he’s just wary around new people. To her surprise, he accepts.

He fills the space with warmth and the scent of something earthy and woody as he stands in the entryway of her house. She didn’t realize how big he really is until he got closer to her. She’s not a tiny person by any means, especially not with all the weight she’s gained since arriving in Jackson, but Joel still stands over her with a good few inches. It causes her to take a step back.

“Okay, so I’m almost done with it. I just have to mix the sauce with the pasta and we should be good. Do you want anything to drink while you wait? I have water,” She talks as they walk through her house into the kitchen. He takes a seat at the kitchen table she recently received from Georgia. 

“Water would be good,” Joel tells her quietly and she grabs a glass. She hands him the now full cup and her fingers accidentally brush against his. He pulls away like he got stung. She tries not to dwell on what that means. 

Eventually the two of them sit across from each other with bowls of food in front of them. They don’t talk and Phoebe notices he has a scar on his temple. She wants to ask where it came from but holds herself back. It’s not like they were friends. They make it halfway through their meal when Joel speaks.

“You look good.” Phoebe blinks a few times to try and understand if he was complimenting her. He must see the look on her face and quickly adds, “Your bruises, I mean. And your cut. Almost all healed.”

“Oh. Yeah, I can barely see the bruises nowadays. Dr. Lee did say the cut would take longer to heal but I didn’t think it’d take this long,” Phoebe shakes her head and a few strands of hair fall from her bun. 

“Ellie has a new CD she wants to show you,” He changes the subject suddenly and her eyebrows go up in surprise.

“I can’t wait to hear it. Who is the band?” She asks before picking up her fork and taking another bite of her food. Joel glances at the burn on her hand and grimaces. Self-conscious, she switches the fork to her other hand. She doesn’t really need to try and play it off because it looks like he’s gotten lost in his own thoughts. “Joel?”

“What?” He snaps back into reality and she almost laughs.

“The band?”

“Oh, I don’t know. All she told me was that “it was the angry girl music Phoebe likes”. Could be anyone,” He shrugs and his fork clatters in his bowl once he finishes eating. 

“At least I know I’ll like it. It’s sweet she thinks of me.” Phoebe watches Joel bring his bowl to the sink. He’s faced away from her but she sees him turn on the faucet and grab the soap. “You don’t have to do that. I can clean later.”

He grunts in response and continues cleaning. Okay, then. She hurriedly finishes her own and joins him at the sink. He takes the bowl from her, making sure he doesn’t touch her. 

The faucet squeaks as he turns it off. He doesn’t say anything and walks to the front door. She follows behind him to head out with him. When she steps out onto the porch with him, he turns to her with a confused look.

“I like to sit on the bench after dinner. People watch and stuff,” She explains, pointing to the swing behind her. He nods.

“Thank you for dinner. It was nice,” He tries to smile but he ends up looking like he wants to bolt from her porch as soon as possible. She must’ve not have been good company. She relieves him quickly.

“No problem. It’s nice cooking for someone else for a change. I’ll see you around?”

“See you around.”

He grabs his tools and shuffles down her steps. She watches him as far as she can before he turns a corner, presumably heading for his house. 

—

The next day was Phoebe’s day off. She actually slept in a little. She took her time showering and drinking tea and finishing up the book she had started almost a month ago. She realizes she’s a little obsessed with one of the characters, Fitzwilliam Darcy. She laughs to herself realizing she has a tiny crush on a fictional man. 

Ellie stops by after school and finally shows her the new music. It turns out it’s Avril Lavigne. They listen to the whole album twice. 

“How are things going at school?” Phoebe asks as the song Complicated plays in the background.

“School is stupid and I hate it.”

“School is important, Els,” Phoebe looks down as Ellie stretches her legs out and her feet rest on her lap. 

“I fuckin’ hate math. What the hell even is trigonometry?” She huffs and leans her head back and Phoebe laughs, loudly.

“I hated math too when I was in school. Had to have a tutor every year.”

“Exactly!” She shouts like somehow Phoebe’s answer was evidence enough that no one needed math.

“What about friends? I heard you got in trouble for hitting a boy,” Georgia is dating one of the teacher’s at the makeshift school and had filled in her about the fight and then, of course, Georgia told Phoebe.

“How the hell…”

“I have my ways. Now spill.”

“He was talking shit about Dina and she’s my friend. I’m not gonna let some little fucker talk about her that way,” She justifies and Phoebe considers her explanation before replying.

“Good.”

“Thank you! Joel was mad, though.”

“Of course he was. He’s supposed to be. That’s what parents do,” Phoebe backs him up and Ellie waves her off.

“Whatever,” She takes a look at her watch and sits up. “Shit, I gotta go. Told Joel we’d have dinner tonight.”

Ellie hugs Phoebe quickly and rushes out the door with her CD player. That girl was always in a rush to get to places and do things. 

Phoebe also realizes she needs to head out soon too. She’d promised Georgia a few days ago to finally go to The Tipsy Bison. She didn’t really drink so she’s never had a reason to visit.

Since this is her first time, she decides to try and dress a little nicer than what she usually wears. Maria had given Phoebe a black midi length dress that had to be buttoned up and was a little thick to be able to withstand the weather. Once she changes she runs a brush through her hair and decides to leave it down. She stares at her reflection and tries to think of the last time she had her hair down. It was always in a ponytail or a bun or a braid to keep it out of her face. She kind of likes the way she looks at the moment.

Phoebe only semi regrets wearing the dress. The chilly weather causes her to shiver and she wraps her coat around herself tighter. She knows her face will be red from the wind. 

“Phoebe!” Georgia’s voice rings out through the bar. Phoebe turns her head and spots her new friend sitting at the bar rather than a table. A grin creeps over her face.

“Hey there, southern belle.” She replies and Georgia playfully rolls her eyes.

“My accent isn’t that strong,” She giggles and Phoebe notices the empty glass in front of her. It seems she’s gotten a jump start to the night. Georgia orders Phoebe a beer from a man named Seth.

“How’s the boyfriend?” Phoebe asks and takes a sip from her beer. Her friend smiles and blushes.

“Liam is great. He was really excited today because of how much the kids got into the lesson. How’s life going on your end?”

“Fine. Keeping busy with the clinic. The craziest thing that’s happened to me is that I had a hole in my porch and Joel fixed it,” Phoebe shrugs and Georgia’s eyes widen.

“Joel Miller? I love Liam but goddamn, that is one fine man. Like I would have risked it all back in the day,” Her friend sighs dreamily and Phoebe raises an eyebrow. “Don’t you think he’s attractive?”

“Um, I guess. If one finds…his sort attractive…” She mutters and looks away.

“Wait a minute.”

“What?”

“Do you like him?”

“ What ? I am not in a position to be with anyone right now,” She shakes her head, not letting out the last part which is “I’m too fucked in the head for anyone to want me”.

“That’s not a no.”

“Georgia.”

“You have no idea what you just started.”

“Do not do anything. I’m being serious, Georgia,” Not knowing what else to say to the girl who has a devious look on her face, she throws back the rest of her beer. She asks Seth for a refill and he’s next to her in a second. 

Luckily, Georgia gets distracted by Phoebe chugging her second beer too that she forgets what she was talking about. She moves onto other subjects like what horses she’s been training or how she swears her neighbor is purposefully shoveling snow into her yard. She listens intently. This thing called friendship is new to her and she doesn’t want to take it for granted. Georgia’s been insanely kind to her and she cherishes that. 

Phoebe finishes her third beer and starts to feel a little hazy. She feels her muscles relax and Georgia’s face lights up.

“Hey, Tommy and Joel ,” Georgia not-so-subtley nudges Phoebe and she almost asks her why she did that when she registers what she said. She doesn’t want Georgia and Joel anywhere near each other right.

“Hey, Georgia. Phoebe. Didn’t take you for a drinker,” Tommy remarks, mostly towards Phoebe.

“I’m not.”

“I made her come out with me tonight. Girl needs to know how to loosen up. Joel, do you come here often?” She laughs at herself. “That sounded like a pick up line but I swear it wasn’t.”

Phoebe moves to look at Joel and he’s already looking at her. His outfit is pretty similar to the one she say the other day - a flannel and jeans. This time she notices how taut the fabric is against his biceps. She shifts in her seat. She thinks she see Joel’s gaze dip to her lips.

“No, I don’t. Got too much to do,” He grunts out and Tommy claps his hand down onto his brother’s shoulder.

“Brought him out to bribe him.”

“Beer usually fixes all problems.”

“He’s a whiskey guy,” Tommy retorts and calls Seth over. 

Phoebe tries to slide off her seat covertly but ends up stumbling. Joel’s hands grab her and wrap around her waist. She looks up at him and sees his jaw clench.

“Sorry, I haven’t drank in years. I think the beer’s gotten to me more than I thought it did.” Joel is the first to pull away and the space feels empty. She excuses herself to the bathroom. 

“Wait! I’ll come with you,” Tommy rushes to tag alongside her. She gives him a sideways look.

“I think I can handle going to the bathroom on my own,” She laughs and Tommy pushes her playfully.

“That’s not why I’m walking with you, fool. I need to ask you for something.” Phoebe doesn’t know what she could help with but nods anyway.

“Shoot.”

“I usually do my patrols with Joel but Maria is getting closer to her due date. I want to do more work in Jackson, at least until the baby comes. In case she needs me.”

“Okay…?”

“Which means Joel needs a new patrol partner.” 

Phoebe stops in her tracks. She turns and sees Tommy looking nervous. 

“I don’t think I can do that. I mean, I’m not even that good at using a gun.”

“Joel can train you.”

“Tommy…”

“Please, Phoebe. Joel refuses to work with Brett and he’s the only other person that would fit out on patrols. I know you like workin’ with Dr. Lee so you have to know I wouldn’t ask you unless it was desperate. Please,” Tommy begs and puts his hands on her shoulders. She doesn’t know if it’s the desperate look in his eye or the three beers but she concedes.

“Fine.”

She struggles against Foster’s grip as he and another man drag Phoebe along the ground. She screams in protest as her ankle begs for mercy. She knows she can’t run but she’ll try her damn best to. If only she could get free of the hands around her arms.  

“Foster, please don’t do this. Just let me go and I’ll leave. I’ll fucking leave, I swear please. You’ll never see my face again. You don’t even have to tell him you found me. Please. I’m begging you,” She cries out, tears streaming down her face rapidly. He ignores her. As he always does.  

The darkness and the unknown of the woods cause fear to settle in her bones. She could see the light of a fire coming closer, causing a raw and painful scream to omit from her throat. 

“Please, you’re killing me. You’re killing me, do you hear me?!” Is all she can get out as she’s brought into the opening. He stands facing the fire while Milo and Marla face her. They both hold stoic looks on their faces. 

Phoebe is dropped to the ground. A dust of dirt clouds around her and a cracking sound from her ankle rings out. She doesn’t register the pain, not anymore. Not as her chest heaves and she looks up at him. He continues to look at the fire. 

“You’ve disappointed me,” He finally says. Doesn’t add anything. He turns to face her and bends down. He grabs her chin between his fingers tightly enough to jerk her head up. “You know what has to happen now.” 

“Please…I’ll be good…” She whispers and he closes his eyes. 

“You know this hurts me more than it hurts you.” 

“I’ll be good…I won’t leave again. Please don’t punish me. I’ll be good,” She tries to pull away but his grip tightens and she whimpers.  

She’s met with temporary relief when he lets go. Instead he yanks on her wrist, dragging her across the dirt. 

“No no no no,” She tries resisting but he’s always been stronger than her. And bigger. And tougher.  

He brings her inches away from the big fire pit. The light reflects in her horrified eyes as he brings her hand towards the flame. Her screams echo in the woods, causing birds to flee from their tree. 

The chirping of birds awakens Phoebe. She looks around wildly. Her hair sticks to her forehead, dripping in sweat. She sits on the edge of her bed with shaky legs. It’s been three weeks since she arrived in Jackson and her nightmares had gotten worse each night. Her burn starts to itch but she doesn’t touch it. 

Overall, her time in this new society has been going well. She met Georgia, the soap and horse girl. She welcomed Phoebe with open arms and claimed how she was in desperate need of a friend that isn’t “a million years older than her”. Ever since then, Georgia had been checking in on her at the clinic and bringing her new candle scents to test. 

Tommy, Maria, and Ellie have also been making Phoebe feel more like one of them. Tommy makes sure she’s eating and brings her something when she declines to go to the dining hall with the rest of his family. Maria comes into the clinic for check-ups and Dr. Lee lets Phoebe sit in on them. Ellie found out, somehow, that Phoebe was a music fanatic. She brought over her CD player that Joel found patrolling one day and played the first ever album she found: Tragic Kingdom by No Doubt. She claimed she hated most of the album but sang along to them all with Phoebe. She almost cried from joy.

Dr. Lee, or Denise now that her and Phoebe were coworkers, had become another rock she could lean on. She is extremely educated and offers all medical situations as a learning opportunity. Denise is kind and gentle in all the way Phoebe knows she never will be. 

Phoebe takes a shower to wash all the sweat and gets ready for work as quickly as possible. Spring was approaching and made her feel a little hopeful. For what? She didn’t know.

The front door slams behind her and the blanket resting on the swinging bench falls off the back. She crosses the porch and tosses it back on, knowing she’ll need it later. 

Her first step after turning back to the steps creaks for half a second before her foot falls through the wood. She holds her hands out just in time to catch herself. 

“Fuck.”

She pulls her foot out of the gaping hole. She stands hesitantly and finds her foot and ankle feel fine, just one little pop. She’ll have to talk to Tommy about that before she comes back home today. 

“You’re late,” Denise comments when Phoebe enters her office. Phoebe smiles to herself and puts her coat on a nearby hook. Denise is looking at her expectantly.

“My foot fell through my damn porch this morning,” She explains and Denise raises an eyebrow.

“Well, that is a good excuse. We have no time to waste. Gail is coming in for a check-up first thing this morning. She fell off her horse last night and needs her head checked again…” Denise lists off their to-do list today and Phoebe listens intently, taking notes when needed. 

The work day passes by with a speed Phoebe isn’t used to. Granted, every second of the day is filled with cleaning cuts, refilling products, and reading the few medical books Denise has. Tommy stops by the clinic halfway through the day because he dropped something on his foot. After making sure he’s okay, she mentions the new hole in her porch. He tells her she’ll have it fixed in no time. With him being the last patient of the day, she’s left with a satisfactory tiredness and leaves.

A few people greet Phoebe as she heads home for the day. People were getting used to seeing her face and felt comfortable talking with her. She’s quietly humming along to one of the songs Ellie played for her the other day as she reaches her house. She glances to her left to check on the hole and jumps with fear.

“Jesus, you scared me,” Phoebe announces her presence and Joel turns from his hunched over position. It’s clear he’s in the middle of fixing her porch with the tools strewn about everywhere and the new wood laying next to his side. He’s wearing a coat with a flannel underneath with slightly dirty jeans and boots. It’s a simple outfit but it suits him.

“Sorry. Almost done,” Joel replies and Phoebe nods.

“I’ll be inside,” Is all she can think of and he nods back. A man of few words it seems. 

Craving something warm, Phoebe begins making dinner. She’s sleepy so she goes for an old reliable. Pasta. 

She clangs around in the kitchen for a few minutes, prepping the pot and the ingredients. She’s still a little surprised with how normal cooking in a kitchen feels to her. The last time she’d done that was over ten years ago. Right as Phoebe is draining the pasta water, a quiet knock raps on her.

“One second!” She yells towards the person she assumes is Joel. She places the pot down and wipes her hand on a towel. She throws the towel down and heads for the door. 

“Looks like I’m done here. Porch shouldn’t cause you anymore trouble,” Joel begins talking as soon as the door is open. His hair has become a little messier since she’d first come home. It looks soft, like running your hands through it would solve all your problems.

“Oh, thanks,” Phoebe’s cheeks turn a light pink from her previous thought. She doesn’t know if Joel notices or not because he doesn’t say anything. 

“Have ya…have ya been likin’ it here?” Joel strains himself to ask and grips onto the door frame with one of his hands.

“The house or Jackson?”

“Both, I guess.”

“The house has been great. Whoever worked on it did an amazing job. It felt like a home as soon as I stepped in.” Phoebe thinks she sees Joel’s cheeks turn slightly redder but she must’ve been imagining it because it was gone in a split second. “Jackson’s really impressed me. I didn't think I’d ever be a part of something so close to what life was like before the outbreak. I really feel like I’m becoming one of you guys.”

“That’s good. Glad you’re likin’ it. Wouldn’t want you to leave or nothin’,” He scratches the back of his neck. A silence falls over the two of them.

Joel looks at something past Phoebe’s head and Phoebe can’t stop looking at Joel’s eyes. Something about them pull her in. She thinks that’s why she says what she says next.

“I was actually about to eat dinner. It’s nothing crazy, just pasta. Would you want to come in and eat with me?” She expects him to immediately decline. He didn’t seem that fond of her. Maybe he’s just wary around new people. To her surprise, he accepts.

He fills the space with warmth and the scent of something earthy and woody as he stands in the entryway of her house. She didn’t realize how big he really is until he got closer to her. She’s not a tiny person by any means, especially not with all the weight she’s gained since arriving in Jackson, but Joel still stands over her with a good few inches. It causes her to take a step back.

“Okay, so I’m almost done with it. I just have to mix the sauce with the pasta and we should be good. Do you want anything to drink while you wait? I have water,” She talks as they walk through her house into the kitchen. He takes a seat at the kitchen table she recently received from Georgia. 

“Water would be good,” Joel tells her quietly and she grabs a glass. She hands him the now full cup and her fingers accidentally brush against his. He pulls away like he got stung. She tries not to dwell on what that means. 

Eventually the two of them sit across from each other with bowls of food in front of them. They don’t talk and Phoebe notices he has a scar on his temple. She wants to ask where it came from but holds herself back. It’s not like they were friends. They make it halfway through their meal when Joel speaks.

“You look good.” Phoebe blinks a few times to try and understand if he was complimenting her. He must see the look on her face and quickly adds, “Your bruises, I mean. And your cut. Almost all healed.”

“Oh. Yeah, I can barely see the bruises nowadays. Dr. Lee did say the cut would take longer to heal but I didn’t think it’d take this long,” Phoebe shakes her head and a few strands of hair fall from her bun. 

“Ellie has a new CD she wants to show you,” He changes the subject suddenly and her eyebrows go up in surprise.

“I can’t wait to hear it. Who is the band?” She asks before picking up her fork and taking another bite of her food. Joel glances at the burn on her hand and grimaces. Self-conscious, she switches the fork to her other hand. She doesn’t really need to try and play it off because it looks like he’s gotten lost in his own thoughts. “Joel?”

“What?” He snaps back into reality and she almost laughs.

“The band?”

“Oh, I don’t know. All she told me was that “it was the angry girl music Phoebe likes”. Could be anyone,” He shrugs and his fork clatters in his bowl once he finishes eating. 

“At least I know I’ll like it. It’s sweet she thinks of me.” Phoebe watches Joel bring his bowl to the sink. He’s faced away from her but she sees him turn on the faucet and grab the soap. “You don’t have to do that. I can clean later.”

He grunts in response and continues cleaning. Okay, then. She hurriedly finishes her own and joins him at the sink. He takes the bowl from her, making sure he doesn’t touch her. 

The faucet squeaks as he turns it off. He doesn’t say anything and walks to the front door. She follows behind him to head out with him. When she steps out onto the porch with him, he turns to her with a confused look.

“I like to sit on the bench after dinner. People watch and stuff,” She explains, pointing to the swing behind her. He nods.

“Thank you for dinner. It was nice,” He tries to smile but he ends up looking like he wants to bolt from her porch as soon as possible. She must’ve not have been good company. She relieves him quickly.

“No problem. It’s nice cooking for someone else for a change. I’ll see you around?”

“See you around.”

He grabs his tools and shuffles down her steps. She watches him as far as she can before he turns a corner, presumably heading for his house. 

—

The next day was Phoebe’s day off. She actually slept in a little. She took her time showering and drinking tea and finishing up the book she had started almost a month ago. She realizes she’s a little obsessed with one of the characters, Fitzwilliam Darcy. She laughs to herself realizing she has a tiny crush on a fictional man. 

Ellie stops by after school and finally shows her the new music. It turns out it’s Avril Lavigne. They listen to the whole album twice. 

“How are things going at school?” Phoebe asks as the song Complicated plays in the background.

“School is stupid and I hate it.”

“School is important, Els,” Phoebe looks down as Ellie stretches her legs out and her feet rest on her lap. 

“I fuckin’ hate math. What the hell even is trigonometry?” She huffs and leans her head back and Phoebe laughs, loudly.

“I hated math too when I was in school. Had to have a tutor every year.”

“Exactly!” She shouts like somehow Phoebe’s answer was evidence enough that no one needed math.

“What about friends? I heard you got in trouble for hitting a boy,” Georgia is dating one of the teacher’s at the makeshift school and had filled in her about the fight and then, of course, Georgia told Phoebe.

“How the hell…”

“I have my ways. Now spill.”

“He was talking shit about Dina and she’s my friend. I’m not gonna let some little fucker talk about her that way,” She justifies and Phoebe considers her explanation before replying.

“Good.”

“Thank you! Joel was mad, though.”

“Of course he was. He’s supposed to be. That’s what parents do,” Phoebe backs him up and Ellie waves her off.

“Whatever,” She takes a look at her watch and sits up. “Shit, I gotta go. Told Joel we’d have dinner tonight.”

Ellie hugs Phoebe quickly and rushes out the door with her CD player. That girl was always in a rush to get to places and do things. 

Phoebe also realizes she needs to head out soon too. She’d promised Georgia a few days ago to finally go to The Tipsy Bison. She didn’t really drink so she’s never had a reason to visit.

Since this is her first time, she decides to try and dress a little nicer than what she usually wears. Maria had given Phoebe a black midi length dress that had to be buttoned up and was a little thick to be able to withstand the weather. Once she changes she runs a brush through her hair and decides to leave it down. She stares at her reflection and tries to think of the last time she had her hair down. It was always in a ponytail or a bun or a braid to keep it out of her face. She kind of likes the way she looks at the moment.

Phoebe only semi regrets wearing the dress. The chilly weather causes her to shiver and she wraps her coat around herself tighter. She knows her face will be red from the wind. 

“Phoebe!” Georgia’s voice rings out through the bar. Phoebe turns her head and spots her new friend sitting at the bar rather than a table. A grin creeps over her face.

“Hey there, southern belle.” She replies and Georgia playfully rolls her eyes.

“My accent isn’t that strong,” She giggles and Phoebe notices the empty glass in front of her. It seems she’s gotten a jump start to the night. Georgia orders Phoebe a beer from a man named Seth.

“How’s the boyfriend?” Phoebe asks and takes a sip from her beer. Her friend smiles and blushes.

“Liam is great. He was really excited today because of how much the kids got into the lesson. How’s life going on your end?”

“Fine. Keeping busy with the clinic. The craziest thing that’s happened to me is that I had a hole in my porch and Joel fixed it,” Phoebe shrugs and Georgia’s eyes widen.

“Joel Miller? I love Liam but goddamn, that is one fine man. Like I would have risked it all back in the day,” Her friend sighs dreamily and Phoebe raises an eyebrow. “Don’t you think he’s attractive?”

“Um, I guess. If one finds…his sort attractive…” She mutters and looks away.

“Wait a minute.”

“What?”

“Do you like him?”

“ What ? I am not in a position to be with anyone right now,” She shakes her head, not letting out the last part which is “I’m too fucked in the head for anyone to want me”.

“That’s not a no.”

“Georgia.”

“You have no idea what you just started.”

“Do not do anything. I’m being serious, Georgia,” Not knowing what else to say to the girl who has a devious look on her face, she throws back the rest of her beer. She asks Seth for a refill and he’s next to her in a second. 

Luckily, Georgia gets distracted by Phoebe chugging her second beer too that she forgets what she was talking about. She moves onto other subjects like what horses she’s been training or how she swears her neighbor is purposefully shoveling snow into her yard. She listens intently. This thing called friendship is new to her and she doesn’t want to take it for granted. Georgia’s been insanely kind to her and she cherishes that. 

Phoebe finishes her third beer and starts to feel a little hazy. She feels her muscles relax and Georgia’s face lights up.

“Hey, Tommy and Joel ,” Georgia not-so-subtley nudges Phoebe and she almost asks her why she did that when she registers what she said. She doesn’t want Georgia and Joel anywhere near each other right.

“Hey, Georgia. Phoebe. Didn’t take you for a drinker,” Tommy remarks, mostly towards Phoebe.

“I’m not.”

“I made her come out with me tonight. Girl needs to know how to loosen up. Joel, do you come here often?” She laughs at herself. “That sounded like a pick up line but I swear it wasn’t.”

Phoebe moves to look at Joel and he’s already looking at her. His outfit is pretty similar to the one she say the other day - a flannel and jeans. This time she notices how taut the fabric is against his biceps. She shifts in her seat. She thinks she see Joel’s gaze dip to her lips.

“No, I don’t. Got too much to do,” He grunts out and Tommy claps his hand down onto his brother’s shoulder.

“Brought him out to bribe him.”

“Beer usually fixes all problems.”

“He’s a whiskey guy,” Tommy retorts and calls Seth over. 

Phoebe tries to slide off her seat covertly but ends up stumbling. Joel’s hands grab her and wrap around her waist. She looks up at him and sees his jaw clench.

“Sorry, I haven’t drank in years. I think the beer’s gotten to me more than I thought it did.” Joel is the first to pull away and the space feels empty. She excuses herself to the bathroom. 

“Wait! I’ll come with you,” Tommy rushes to tag alongside her. She gives him a sideways look.

“I think I can handle going to the bathroom on my own,” She laughs and Tommy pushes her playfully.

“That’s not why I’m walking with you, fool. I need to ask you for something.” Phoebe doesn’t know what she could help with but nods anyway.

“Shoot.”

“I usually do my patrols with Joel but Maria is getting closer to her due date. I want to do more work in Jackson, at least until the baby comes. In case she needs me.”

“Okay…?”

“Which means Joel needs a new patrol partner.” 

Phoebe stops in her tracks. She turns and sees Tommy looking nervous. 

“I don’t think I can do that. I mean, I’m not even that good at using a gun.”

“Joel can train you.”

“Tommy…”

“Please, Phoebe. Joel refuses to work with Brett and he’s the only other person that would fit out on patrols. I know you like workin’ with Dr. Lee so you have to know I wouldn’t ask you unless it was desperate. Please,” Tommy begs and puts his hands on her shoulders. She doesn’t know if it’s the desperate look in his eye or the three beers but she concedes.

“Fine.”

She struggles against Foster’s grip as he and another man drag Phoebe along the ground. She screams in protest as her ankle begs for mercy. She knows she can’t run but she’ll try her damn best to. If only she could get free of the hands around her arms.  

“Foster, please don’t do this. Just let me go and I’ll leave. I’ll fucking leave, I swear please. You’ll never see my face again. You don’t even have to tell him you found me. Please. I’m begging you,” She cries out, tears streaming down her face rapidly. He ignores her. As he always does.  

The darkness and the unknown of the woods cause fear to settle in her bones. She could see the light of a fire coming closer, causing a raw and painful scream to omit from her throat. 

“Please, you’re killing me. You’re killing me, do you hear me?!” Is all she can get out as she’s brought into the opening. He stands facing the fire while Milo and Marla face her. They both hold stoic looks on their faces. 

Phoebe is dropped to the ground. A dust of dirt clouds around her and a cracking sound from her ankle rings out. She doesn’t register the pain, not anymore. Not as her chest heaves and she looks up at him. He continues to look at the fire. 

“You’ve disappointed me,” He finally says. Doesn’t add anything. He turns to face her and bends down. He grabs her chin between his fingers tightly enough to jerk her head up. “You know what has to happen now.” 

“Please…I’ll be good…” She whispers and he closes his eyes. 

“You know this hurts me more than it hurts you.” 

“I’ll be good…I won’t leave again. Please don’t punish me. I’ll be good,” She tries to pull away but his grip tightens and she whimpers.  

She’s met with temporary relief when he lets go. Instead he yanks on her wrist, dragging her across the dirt. 

“No no no no,” She tries resisting but he’s always been stronger than her. And bigger. And tougher.  

He brings her inches away from the big fire pit. The light reflects in her horrified eyes as he brings her hand towards the flame. Her screams echo in the woods, causing birds to flee from their tree. 

The chirping of birds awakens Phoebe. She looks around wildly. Her hair sticks to her forehead, dripping in sweat. She sits on the edge of her bed with shaky legs. It’s been three weeks since she arrived in Jackson and her nightmares had gotten worse each night. Her burn starts to itch but she doesn’t touch it. 

Overall, her time in this new society has been going well. She met Georgia, the soap and horse girl. She welcomed Phoebe with open arms and claimed how she was in desperate need of a friend that isn’t “a million years older than her”. Ever since then, Georgia had been checking in on her at the clinic and bringing her new candle scents to test. 

Tommy, Maria, and Ellie have also been making Phoebe feel more like one of them. Tommy makes sure she’s eating and brings her something when she declines to go to the dining hall with the rest of his family. Maria comes into the clinic for check-ups and Dr. Lee lets Phoebe sit in on them. Ellie found out, somehow, that Phoebe was a music fanatic. She brought over her CD player that Joel found patrolling one day and played the first ever album she found: Tragic Kingdom by No Doubt. She claimed she hated most of the album but sang along to them all with Phoebe. She almost cried from joy.

Dr. Lee, or Denise now that her and Phoebe were coworkers, had become another rock she could lean on. She is extremely educated and offers all medical situations as a learning opportunity. Denise is kind and gentle in all the way Phoebe knows she never will be. 

Phoebe takes a shower to wash all the sweat and gets ready for work as quickly as possible. Spring was approaching and made her feel a little hopeful. For what? She didn’t know.

The front door slams behind her and the blanket resting on the swinging bench falls off the back. She crosses the porch and tosses it back on, knowing she’ll need it later. 

Her first step after turning back to the steps creaks for half a second before her foot falls through the wood. She holds her hands out just in time to catch herself. 

“Fuck.”

She pulls her foot out of the gaping hole. She stands hesitantly and finds her foot and ankle feel fine, just one little pop. She’ll have to talk to Tommy about that before she comes back home today. 

“You’re late,” Denise comments when Phoebe enters her office. Phoebe smiles to herself and puts her coat on a nearby hook. Denise is looking at her expectantly.

“My foot fell through my damn porch this morning,” She explains and Denise raises an eyebrow.

“Well, that is a good excuse. We have no time to waste. Gail is coming in for a check-up first thing this morning. She fell off her horse last night and needs her head checked again…” Denise lists off their to-do list today and Phoebe listens intently, taking notes when needed. 

The work day passes by with a speed Phoebe isn’t used to. Granted, every second of the day is filled with cleaning cuts, refilling products, and reading the few medical books Denise has. Tommy stops by the clinic halfway through the day because he dropped something on his foot. After making sure he’s okay, she mentions the new hole in her porch. He tells her she’ll have it fixed in no time. With him being the last patient of the day, she’s left with a satisfactory tiredness and leaves.

A few people greet Phoebe as she heads home for the day. People were getting used to seeing her face and felt comfortable talking with her. She’s quietly humming along to one of the songs Ellie played for her the other day as she reaches her house. She glances to her left to check on the hole and jumps with fear.

“Jesus, you scared me,” Phoebe announces her presence and Joel turns from his hunched over position. It’s clear he’s in the middle of fixing her porch with the tools strewn about everywhere and the new wood laying next to his side. He’s wearing a coat with a flannel underneath with slightly dirty jeans and boots. It’s a simple outfit but it suits him.

“Sorry. Almost done,” Joel replies and Phoebe nods.

“I’ll be inside,” Is all she can think of and he nods back. A man of few words it seems. 

Craving something warm, Phoebe begins making dinner. She’s sleepy so she goes for an old reliable. Pasta. 

She clangs around in the kitchen for a few minutes, prepping the pot and the ingredients. She’s still a little surprised with how normal cooking in a kitchen feels to her. The last time she’d done that was over ten years ago. Right as Phoebe is draining the pasta water, a quiet knock raps on her.

“One second!” She yells towards the person she assumes is Joel. She places the pot down and wipes her hand on a towel. She throws the towel down and heads for the door. 

“Looks like I’m done here. Porch shouldn’t cause you anymore trouble,” Joel begins talking as soon as the door is open. His hair has become a little messier since she’d first come home. It looks soft, like running your hands through it would solve all your problems.

“Oh, thanks,” Phoebe’s cheeks turn a light pink from her previous thought. She doesn’t know if Joel notices or not because he doesn’t say anything. 

“Have ya…have ya been likin’ it here?” Joel strains himself to ask and grips onto the door frame with one of his hands.

“The house or Jackson?”

“Both, I guess.”

“The house has been great. Whoever worked on it did an amazing job. It felt like a home as soon as I stepped in.” Phoebe thinks she sees Joel’s cheeks turn slightly redder but she must’ve been imagining it because it was gone in a split second. “Jackson’s really impressed me. I didn't think I’d ever be a part of something so close to what life was like before the outbreak. I really feel like I’m becoming one of you guys.”

“That’s good. Glad you’re likin’ it. Wouldn’t want you to leave or nothin’,” He scratches the back of his neck. A silence falls over the two of them.

Joel looks at something past Phoebe’s head and Phoebe can’t stop looking at Joel’s eyes. Something about them pull her in. She thinks that’s why she says what she says next.

“I was actually about to eat dinner. It’s nothing crazy, just pasta. Would you want to come in and eat with me?” She expects him to immediately decline. He didn’t seem that fond of her. Maybe he’s just wary around new people. To her surprise, he accepts.

He fills the space with warmth and the scent of something earthy and woody as he stands in the entryway of her house. She didn’t realize how big he really is until he got closer to her. She’s not a tiny person by any means, especially not with all the weight she’s gained since arriving in Jackson, but Joel still stands over her with a good few inches. It causes her to take a step back.

“Okay, so I’m almost done with it. I just have to mix the sauce with the pasta and we should be good. Do you want anything to drink while you wait? I have water,” She talks as they walk through her house into the kitchen. He takes a seat at the kitchen table she recently received from Georgia. 

“Water would be good,” Joel tells her quietly and she grabs a glass. She hands him the now full cup and her fingers accidentally brush against his. He pulls away like he got stung. She tries not to dwell on what that means. 

Eventually the two of them sit across from each other with bowls of food in front of them. They don’t talk and Phoebe notices he has a scar on his temple. She wants to ask where it came from but holds herself back. It’s not like they were friends. They make it halfway through their meal when Joel speaks.

“You look good.” Phoebe blinks a few times to try and understand if he was complimenting her. He must see the look on her face and quickly adds, “Your bruises, I mean. And your cut. Almost all healed.”

“Oh. Yeah, I can barely see the bruises nowadays. Dr. Lee did say the cut would take longer to heal but I didn’t think it’d take this long,” Phoebe shakes her head and a few strands of hair fall from her bun. 

“Ellie has a new CD she wants to show you,” He changes the subject suddenly and her eyebrows go up in surprise.

“I can’t wait to hear it. Who is the band?” She asks before picking up her fork and taking another bite of her food. Joel glances at the burn on her hand and grimaces. Self-conscious, she switches the fork to her other hand. She doesn’t really need to try and play it off because it looks like he’s gotten lost in his own thoughts. “Joel?”

“What?” He snaps back into reality and she almost laughs.

“The band?”

“Oh, I don’t know. All she told me was that “it was the angry girl music Phoebe likes”. Could be anyone,” He shrugs and his fork clatters in his bowl once he finishes eating. 

“At least I know I’ll like it. It’s sweet she thinks of me.” Phoebe watches Joel bring his bowl to the sink. He’s faced away from her but she sees him turn on the faucet and grab the soap. “You don’t have to do that. I can clean later.”

He grunts in response and continues cleaning. Okay, then. She hurriedly finishes her own and joins him at the sink. He takes the bowl from her, making sure he doesn’t touch her. 

The faucet squeaks as he turns it off. He doesn’t say anything and walks to the front door. She follows behind him to head out with him. When she steps out onto the porch with him, he turns to her with a confused look.

“I like to sit on the bench after dinner. People watch and stuff,” She explains, pointing to the swing behind her. He nods.

“Thank you for dinner. It was nice,” He tries to smile but he ends up looking like he wants to bolt from her porch as soon as possible. She must’ve not have been good company. She relieves him quickly.

“No problem. It’s nice cooking for someone else for a change. I’ll see you around?”

“See you around.”

He grabs his tools and shuffles down her steps. She watches him as far as she can before he turns a corner, presumably heading for his house. 

—

The next day was Phoebe’s day off. She actually slept in a little. She took her time showering and drinking tea and finishing up the book she had started almost a month ago. She realizes she’s a little obsessed with one of the characters, Fitzwilliam Darcy. She laughs to herself realizing she has a tiny crush on a fictional man. 

Ellie stops by after school and finally shows her the new music. It turns out it’s Avril Lavigne. They listen to the whole album twice. 

“How are things going at school?” Phoebe asks as the song Complicated plays in the background.

“School is stupid and I hate it.”

“School is important, Els,” Phoebe looks down as Ellie stretches her legs out and her feet rest on her lap. 

“I fuckin’ hate math. What the hell even is trigonometry?” She huffs and leans her head back and Phoebe laughs, loudly.

“I hated math too when I was in school. Had to have a tutor every year.”

“Exactly!” She shouts like somehow Phoebe’s answer was evidence enough that no one needed math.

“What about friends? I heard you got in trouble for hitting a boy,” Georgia is dating one of the teacher’s at the makeshift school and had filled in her about the fight and then, of course, Georgia told Phoebe.

“How the hell…”

“I have my ways. Now spill.”

“He was talking shit about Dina and she’s my friend. I’m not gonna let some little fucker talk about her that way,” She justifies and Phoebe considers her explanation before replying.

“Good.”

“Thank you! Joel was mad, though.”

“Of course he was. He’s supposed to be. That’s what parents do,” Phoebe backs him up and Ellie waves her off.

“Whatever,” She takes a look at her watch and sits up. “Shit, I gotta go. Told Joel we’d have dinner tonight.”

Ellie hugs Phoebe quickly and rushes out the door with her CD player. That girl was always in a rush to get to places and do things. 

Phoebe also realizes she needs to head out soon too. She’d promised Georgia a few days ago to finally go to The Tipsy Bison. She didn’t really drink so she’s never had a reason to visit.

Since this is her first time, she decides to try and dress a little nicer than what she usually wears. Maria had given Phoebe a black midi length dress that had to be buttoned up and was a little thick to be able to withstand the weather. Once she changes she runs a brush through her hair and decides to leave it down. She stares at her reflection and tries to think of the last time she had her hair down. It was always in a ponytail or a bun or a braid to keep it out of her face. She kind of likes the way she looks at the moment.

Phoebe only semi regrets wearing the dress. The chilly weather causes her to shiver and she wraps her coat around herself tighter. She knows her face will be red from the wind. 

“Phoebe!” Georgia’s voice rings out through the bar. Phoebe turns her head and spots her new friend sitting at the bar rather than a table. A grin creeps over her face.

“Hey there, southern belle.” She replies and Georgia playfully rolls her eyes.

“My accent isn’t that strong,” She giggles and Phoebe notices the empty glass in front of her. It seems she’s gotten a jump start to the night. Georgia orders Phoebe a beer from a man named Seth.

“How’s the boyfriend?” Phoebe asks and takes a sip from her beer. Her friend smiles and blushes.

“Liam is great. He was really excited today because of how much the kids got into the lesson. How’s life going on your end?”

“Fine. Keeping busy with the clinic. The craziest thing that’s happened to me is that I had a hole in my porch and Joel fixed it,” Phoebe shrugs and Georgia’s eyes widen.

“Joel Miller? I love Liam but goddamn, that is one fine man. Like I would have risked it all back in the day,” Her friend sighs dreamily and Phoebe raises an eyebrow. “Don’t you think he’s attractive?”

“Um, I guess. If one finds…his sort attractive…” She mutters and looks away.

“Wait a minute.”

“What?”

“Do you like him?”

“ What ? I am not in a position to be with anyone right now,” She shakes her head, not letting out the last part which is “I’m too fucked in the head for anyone to want me”.

“That’s not a no.”

“Georgia.”

“You have no idea what you just started.”

“Do not do anything. I’m being serious, Georgia,” Not knowing what else to say to the girl who has a devious look on her face, she throws back the rest of her beer. She asks Seth for a refill and he’s next to her in a second. 

Luckily, Georgia gets distracted by Phoebe chugging her second beer too that she forgets what she was talking about. She moves onto other subjects like what horses she’s been training or how she swears her neighbor is purposefully shoveling snow into her yard. She listens intently. This thing called friendship is new to her and she doesn’t want to take it for granted. Georgia’s been insanely kind to her and she cherishes that. 

Phoebe finishes her third beer and starts to feel a little hazy. She feels her muscles relax and Georgia’s face lights up.

“Hey, Tommy and Joel ,” Georgia not-so-subtley nudges Phoebe and she almost asks her why she did that when she registers what she said. She doesn’t want Georgia and Joel anywhere near each other right.

“Hey, Georgia. Phoebe. Didn’t take you for a drinker,” Tommy remarks, mostly towards Phoebe.

“I’m not.”

“I made her come out with me tonight. Girl needs to know how to loosen up. Joel, do you come here often?” She laughs at herself. “That sounded like a pick up line but I swear it wasn’t.”

Phoebe moves to look at Joel and he’s already looking at her. His outfit is pretty similar to the one she say the other day - a flannel and jeans. This time she notices how taut the fabric is against his biceps. She shifts in her seat. She thinks she see Joel’s gaze dip to her lips.

“No, I don’t. Got too much to do,” He grunts out and Tommy claps his hand down onto his brother’s shoulder.

“Brought him out to bribe him.”

“Beer usually fixes all problems.”

“He’s a whiskey guy,” Tommy retorts and calls Seth over. 

Phoebe tries to slide off her seat covertly but ends up stumbling. Joel’s hands grab her and wrap around her waist. She looks up at him and sees his jaw clench.

“Sorry, I haven’t drank in years. I think the beer’s gotten to me more than I thought it did.” Joel is the first to pull away and the space feels empty. She excuses herself to the bathroom. 

“Wait! I’ll come with you,” Tommy rushes to tag alongside her. She gives him a sideways look.

“I think I can handle going to the bathroom on my own,” She laughs and Tommy pushes her playfully.

“That’s not why I’m walking with you, fool. I need to ask you for something.” Phoebe doesn’t know what she could help with but nods anyway.

“Shoot.”

“I usually do my patrols with Joel but Maria is getting closer to her due date. I want to do more work in Jackson, at least until the baby comes. In case she needs me.”

“Okay…?”

“Which means Joel needs a new patrol partner.” 

Phoebe stops in her tracks. She turns and sees Tommy looking nervous. 

“I don’t think I can do that. I mean, I’m not even that good at using a gun.”

“Joel can train you.”

“Tommy…”

“Please, Phoebe. Joel refuses to work with Brett and he’s the only other person that would fit out on patrols. I know you like workin’ with Dr. Lee so you have to know I wouldn’t ask you unless it was desperate. Please,” Tommy begs and puts his hands on her shoulders. She doesn’t know if it’s the desperate look in his eye or the three beers but she concedes.

“Fine.”

She struggles against Foster’s grip as he and another man drag Phoebe along the ground. She screams in protest as her ankle begs for mercy. She knows she can’t run but she’ll try her damn best to. If only she could get free of the hands around her arms.  

“Foster, please don’t do this. Just let me go and I’ll leave. I’ll fucking leave, I swear please. You’ll never see my face again. You don’t even have to tell him you found me. Please. I’m begging you,” She cries out, tears streaming down her face rapidly. He ignores her. As he always does.  

The darkness and the unknown of the woods cause fear to settle in her bones. She could see the light of a fire coming closer, causing a raw and painful scream to omit from her throat. 

“Please, you’re killing me. You’re killing me, do you hear me?!” Is all she can get out as she’s brought into the opening. He stands facing the fire while Milo and Marla face her. They both hold stoic looks on their faces. 

Phoebe is dropped to the ground. A dust of dirt clouds around her and a cracking sound from her ankle rings out. She doesn’t register the pain, not anymore. Not as her chest heaves and she looks up at him. He continues to look at the fire. 

“You’ve disappointed me,” He finally says. Doesn’t add anything. He turns to face her and bends down. He grabs her chin between his fingers tightly enough to jerk her head up. “You know what has to happen now.” 

“Please…I’ll be good…” She whispers and he closes his eyes. 

“You know this hurts me more than it hurts you.” 

“I’ll be good…I won’t leave again. Please don’t punish me. I’ll be good,” She tries to pull away but his grip tightens and she whimpers.  

She’s met with temporary relief when he lets go. Instead he yanks on her wrist, dragging her across the dirt. 

“No no no no,” She tries resisting but he’s always been stronger than her. And bigger. And tougher.  

He brings her inches away from the big fire pit. The light reflects in her horrified eyes as he brings her hand towards the flame. Her screams echo in the woods, causing birds to flee from their tree. 

The chirping of birds awakens Phoebe. She looks around wildly. Her hair sticks to her forehead, dripping in sweat. She sits on the edge of her bed with shaky legs. It’s been three weeks since she arrived in Jackson and her nightmares had gotten worse each night. Her burn starts to itch but she doesn’t touch it. 

Overall, her time in this new society has been going well. She met Georgia, the soap and horse girl. She welcomed Phoebe with open arms and claimed how she was in desperate need of a friend that isn’t “a million years older than her”. Ever since then, Georgia had been checking in on her at the clinic and bringing her new candle scents to test. 

Tommy, Maria, and Ellie have also been making Phoebe feel more like one of them. Tommy makes sure she’s eating and brings her something when she declines to go to the dining hall with the rest of his family. Maria comes into the clinic for check-ups and Dr. Lee lets Phoebe sit in on them. Ellie found out, somehow, that Phoebe was a music fanatic. She brought over her CD player that Joel found patrolling one day and played the first ever album she found: Tragic Kingdom by No Doubt. She claimed she hated most of the album but sang along to them all with Phoebe. She almost cried from joy.

Dr. Lee, or Denise now that her and Phoebe were coworkers, had become another rock she could lean on. She is extremely educated and offers all medical situations as a learning opportunity. Denise is kind and gentle in all the way Phoebe knows she never will be. 

Phoebe takes a shower to wash all the sweat and gets ready for work as quickly as possible. Spring was approaching and made her feel a little hopeful. For what? She didn’t know.

The front door slams behind her and the blanket resting on the swinging bench falls off the back. She crosses the porch and tosses it back on, knowing she’ll need it later. 

Her first step after turning back to the steps creaks for half a second before her foot falls through the wood. She holds her hands out just in time to catch herself. 

“Fuck.”

She pulls her foot out of the gaping hole. She stands hesitantly and finds her foot and ankle feel fine, just one little pop. She’ll have to talk to Tommy about that before she comes back home today. 

“You’re late,” Denise comments when Phoebe enters her office. Phoebe smiles to herself and puts her coat on a nearby hook. Denise is looking at her expectantly.

“My foot fell through my damn porch this morning,” She explains and Denise raises an eyebrow.

“Well, that is a good excuse. We have no time to waste. Gail is coming in for a check-up first thing this morning. She fell off her horse last night and needs her head checked again…” Denise lists off their to-do list today and Phoebe listens intently, taking notes when needed. 

The work day passes by with a speed Phoebe isn’t used to. Granted, every second of the day is filled with cleaning cuts, refilling products, and reading the few medical books Denise has. Tommy stops by the clinic halfway through the day because he dropped something on his foot. After making sure he’s okay, she mentions the new hole in her porch. He tells her she’ll have it fixed in no time. With him being the last patient of the day, she’s left with a satisfactory tiredness and leaves.

A few people greet Phoebe as she heads home for the day. People were getting used to seeing her face and felt comfortable talking with her. She’s quietly humming along to one of the songs Ellie played for her the other day as she reaches her house. She glances to her left to check on the hole and jumps with fear.

“Jesus, you scared me,” Phoebe announces her presence and Joel turns from his hunched over position. It’s clear he’s in the middle of fixing her porch with the tools strewn about everywhere and the new wood laying next to his side. He’s wearing a coat with a flannel underneath with slightly dirty jeans and boots. It’s a simple outfit but it suits him.

“Sorry. Almost done,” Joel replies and Phoebe nods.

“I’ll be inside,” Is all she can think of and he nods back. A man of few words it seems. 

Craving something warm, Phoebe begins making dinner. She’s sleepy so she goes for an old reliable. Pasta. 

She clangs around in the kitchen for a few minutes, prepping the pot and the ingredients. She’s still a little surprised with how normal cooking in a kitchen feels to her. The last time she’d done that was over ten years ago. Right as Phoebe is draining the pasta water, a quiet knock raps on her.

“One second!” She yells towards the person she assumes is Joel. She places the pot down and wipes her hand on a towel. She throws the towel down and heads for the door. 

“Looks like I’m done here. Porch shouldn’t cause you anymore trouble,” Joel begins talking as soon as the door is open. His hair has become a little messier since she’d first come home. It looks soft, like running your hands through it would solve all your problems.

“Oh, thanks,” Phoebe’s cheeks turn a light pink from her previous thought. She doesn’t know if Joel notices or not because he doesn’t say anything. 

“Have ya…have ya been likin’ it here?” Joel strains himself to ask and grips onto the door frame with one of his hands.

“The house or Jackson?”

“Both, I guess.”

“The house has been great. Whoever worked on it did an amazing job. It felt like a home as soon as I stepped in.” Phoebe thinks she sees Joel’s cheeks turn slightly redder but she must’ve been imagining it because it was gone in a split second. “Jackson’s really impressed me. I didn't think I’d ever be a part of something so close to what life was like before the outbreak. I really feel like I’m becoming one of you guys.”

“That’s good. Glad you’re likin’ it. Wouldn’t want you to leave or nothin’,” He scratches the back of his neck. A silence falls over the two of them.

Joel looks at something past Phoebe’s head and Phoebe can’t stop looking at Joel’s eyes. Something about them pull her in. She thinks that’s why she says what she says next.

“I was actually about to eat dinner. It’s nothing crazy, just pasta. Would you want to come in and eat with me?” She expects him to immediately decline. He didn’t seem that fond of her. Maybe he’s just wary around new people. To her surprise, he accepts.

He fills the space with warmth and the scent of something earthy and woody as he stands in the entryway of her house. She didn’t realize how big he really is until he got closer to her. She’s not a tiny person by any means, especially not with all the weight she’s gained since arriving in Jackson, but Joel still stands over her with a good few inches. It causes her to take a step back.

“Okay, so I’m almost done with it. I just have to mix the sauce with the pasta and we should be good. Do you want anything to drink while you wait? I have water,” She talks as they walk through her house into the kitchen. He takes a seat at the kitchen table she recently received from Georgia. 

“Water would be good,” Joel tells her quietly and she grabs a glass. She hands him the now full cup and her fingers accidentally brush against his. He pulls away like he got stung. She tries not to dwell on what that means. 

Eventually the two of them sit across from each other with bowls of food in front of them. They don’t talk and Phoebe notices he has a scar on his temple. She wants to ask where it came from but holds herself back. It’s not like they were friends. They make it halfway through their meal when Joel speaks.

“You look good.” Phoebe blinks a few times to try and understand if he was complimenting her. He must see the look on her face and quickly adds, “Your bruises, I mean. And your cut. Almost all healed.”

“Oh. Yeah, I can barely see the bruises nowadays. Dr. Lee did say the cut would take longer to heal but I didn’t think it’d take this long,” Phoebe shakes her head and a few strands of hair fall from her bun. 

“Ellie has a new CD she wants to show you,” He changes the subject suddenly and her eyebrows go up in surprise.

“I can’t wait to hear it. Who is the band?” She asks before picking up her fork and taking another bite of her food. Joel glances at the burn on her hand and grimaces. Self-conscious, she switches the fork to her other hand. She doesn’t really need to try and play it off because it looks like he’s gotten lost in his own thoughts. “Joel?”

“What?” He snaps back into reality and she almost laughs.

“The band?”

“Oh, I don’t know. All she told me was that “it was the angry girl music Phoebe likes”. Could be anyone,” He shrugs and his fork clatters in his bowl once he finishes eating. 

“At least I know I’ll like it. It’s sweet she thinks of me.” Phoebe watches Joel bring his bowl to the sink. He’s faced away from her but she sees him turn on the faucet and grab the soap. “You don’t have to do that. I can clean later.”

He grunts in response and continues cleaning. Okay, then. She hurriedly finishes her own and joins him at the sink. He takes the bowl from her, making sure he doesn’t touch her. 

The faucet squeaks as he turns it off. He doesn’t say anything and walks to the front door. She follows behind him to head out with him. When she steps out onto the porch with him, he turns to her with a confused look.

“I like to sit on the bench after dinner. People watch and stuff,” She explains, pointing to the swing behind her. He nods.

“Thank you for dinner. It was nice,” He tries to smile but he ends up looking like he wants to bolt from her porch as soon as possible. She must’ve not have been good company. She relieves him quickly.

“No problem. It’s nice cooking for someone else for a change. I’ll see you around?”

“See you around.”

He grabs his tools and shuffles down her steps. She watches him as far as she can before he turns a corner, presumably heading for his house. 

—

The next day was Phoebe’s day off. She actually slept in a little. She took her time showering and drinking tea and finishing up the book she had started almost a month ago. She realizes she’s a little obsessed with one of the characters, Fitzwilliam Darcy. She laughs to herself realizing she has a tiny crush on a fictional man. 

Ellie stops by after school and finally shows her the new music. It turns out it’s Avril Lavigne. They listen to the whole album twice. 

“How are things going at school?” Phoebe asks as the song Complicated plays in the background.

“School is stupid and I hate it.”

“School is important, Els,” Phoebe looks down as Ellie stretches her legs out and her feet rest on her lap. 

“I fuckin’ hate math. What the hell even is trigonometry?” She huffs and leans her head back and Phoebe laughs, loudly.

“I hated math too when I was in school. Had to have a tutor every year.”

“Exactly!” She shouts like somehow Phoebe’s answer was evidence enough that no one needed math.

“What about friends? I heard you got in trouble for hitting a boy,” Georgia is dating one of the teacher’s at the makeshift school and had filled in her about the fight and then, of course, Georgia told Phoebe.

“How the hell…”

“I have my ways. Now spill.”

“He was talking shit about Dina and she’s my friend. I’m not gonna let some little fucker talk about her that way,” She justifies and Phoebe considers her explanation before replying.

“Good.”

“Thank you! Joel was mad, though.”

“Of course he was. He’s supposed to be. That’s what parents do,” Phoebe backs him up and Ellie waves her off.

“Whatever,” She takes a look at her watch and sits up. “Shit, I gotta go. Told Joel we’d have dinner tonight.”

Ellie hugs Phoebe quickly and rushes out the door with her CD player. That girl was always in a rush to get to places and do things. 

Phoebe also realizes she needs to head out soon too. She’d promised Georgia a few days ago to finally go to The Tipsy Bison. She didn’t really drink so she’s never had a reason to visit.

Since this is her first time, she decides to try and dress a little nicer than what she usually wears. Maria had given Phoebe a black midi length dress that had to be buttoned up and was a little thick to be able to withstand the weather. Once she changes she runs a brush through her hair and decides to leave it down. She stares at her reflection and tries to think of the last time she had her hair down. It was always in a ponytail or a bun or a braid to keep it out of her face. She kind of likes the way she looks at the moment.

Phoebe only semi regrets wearing the dress. The chilly weather causes her to shiver and she wraps her coat around herself tighter. She knows her face will be red from the wind. 

“Phoebe!” Georgia’s voice rings out through the bar. Phoebe turns her head and spots her new friend sitting at the bar rather than a table. A grin creeps over her face.

“Hey there, southern belle.” She replies and Georgia playfully rolls her eyes.

“My accent isn’t that strong,” She giggles and Phoebe notices the empty glass in front of her. It seems she’s gotten a jump start to the night. Georgia orders Phoebe a beer from a man named Seth.

“How’s the boyfriend?” Phoebe asks and takes a sip from her beer. Her friend smiles and blushes.

“Liam is great. He was really excited today because of how much the kids got into the lesson. How’s life going on your end?”

“Fine. Keeping busy with the clinic. The craziest thing that’s happened to me is that I had a hole in my porch and Joel fixed it,” Phoebe shrugs and Georgia’s eyes widen.

“Joel Miller? I love Liam but goddamn, that is one fine man. Like I would have risked it all back in the day,” Her friend sighs dreamily and Phoebe raises an eyebrow. “Don’t you think he’s attractive?”

“Um, I guess. If one finds…his sort attractive…” She mutters and looks away.

“Wait a minute.”

“What?”

“Do you like him?”

“ What ? I am not in a position to be with anyone right now,” She shakes her head, not letting out the last part which is “I’m too fucked in the head for anyone to want me”.

“That’s not a no.”

“Georgia.”

“You have no idea what you just started.”

“Do not do anything. I’m being serious, Georgia,” Not knowing what else to say to the girl who has a devious look on her face, she throws back the rest of her beer. She asks Seth for a refill and he’s next to her in a second. 

Luckily, Georgia gets distracted by Phoebe chugging her second beer too that she forgets what she was talking about. She moves onto other subjects like what horses she’s been training or how she swears her neighbor is purposefully shoveling snow into her yard. She listens intently. This thing called friendship is new to her and she doesn’t want to take it for granted. Georgia’s been insanely kind to her and she cherishes that. 

Phoebe finishes her third beer and starts to feel a little hazy. She feels her muscles relax and Georgia’s face lights up.

“Hey, Tommy and Joel ,” Georgia not-so-subtley nudges Phoebe and she almost asks her why she did that when she registers what she said. She doesn’t want Georgia and Joel anywhere near each other right.

“Hey, Georgia. Phoebe. Didn’t take you for a drinker,” Tommy remarks, mostly towards Phoebe.

“I’m not.”

“I made her come out with me tonight. Girl needs to know how to loosen up. Joel, do you come here often?” She laughs at herself. “That sounded like a pick up line but I swear it wasn’t.”

Phoebe moves to look at Joel and he’s already looking at her. His outfit is pretty similar to the one she say the other day - a flannel and jeans. This time she notices how taut the fabric is against his biceps. She shifts in her seat. She thinks she see Joel’s gaze dip to her lips.

“No, I don’t. Got too much to do,” He grunts out and Tommy claps his hand down onto his brother’s shoulder.

“Brought him out to bribe him.”

“Beer usually fixes all problems.”

“He’s a whiskey guy,” Tommy retorts and calls Seth over. 

Phoebe tries to slide off her seat covertly but ends up stumbling. Joel’s hands grab her and wrap around her waist. She looks up at him and sees his jaw clench.

“Sorry, I haven’t drank in years. I think the beer’s gotten to me more than I thought it did.” Joel is the first to pull away and the space feels empty. She excuses herself to the bathroom. 

“Wait! I’ll come with you,” Tommy rushes to tag alongside her. She gives him a sideways look.

“I think I can handle going to the bathroom on my own,” She laughs and Tommy pushes her playfully.

“That’s not why I’m walking with you, fool. I need to ask you for something.” Phoebe doesn’t know what she could help with but nods anyway.

“Shoot.”

“I usually do my patrols with Joel but Maria is getting closer to her due date. I want to do more work in Jackson, at least until the baby comes. In case she needs me.”

“Okay…?”

“Which means Joel needs a new patrol partner.” 

Phoebe stops in her tracks. She turns and sees Tommy looking nervous. 

“I don’t think I can do that. I mean, I’m not even that good at using a gun.”

“Joel can train you.”

“Tommy…”

“Please, Phoebe. Joel refuses to work with Brett and he’s the only other person that would fit out on patrols. I know you like workin’ with Dr. Lee so you have to know I wouldn’t ask you unless it was desperate. Please,” Tommy begs and puts his hands on her shoulders. She doesn’t know if it’s the desperate look in his eye or the three beers but she concedes.

I know you had a temper, but I guess I thought I was immune Felt it as you severed my mind, tore it all of the way through And the shrapnel digs in, my mind has not been silent since you What did I do wrong? Will you tell me what I did wrong, what did I?

---

Phoebe flinches as something hits her face lightly. Eyes still closed, she uses her finger to touch her cheek. Water has dropped onto her face. She gradually opens her eyes but gasps at the sight in front of her. A gun pointed straight in her face. The two men from the day before stare down at her with suspicion. She doesn't dare speak first.

The quick glance at them from the day before didn't give the men justice. The older one - the one holding the gun - has tanned skin, a scruffy looking beard, and sad looking eyes. The man that stood behind him with his hand on his holster has kinder eyes but a frown on his face.

"What are you doin' here?" The younger one asks Phoebe and she takes a moment to adjust her position so that she is sitting up. The older one cocks the gun. She freezes.

"I'm just passing through," She replies with an edge to her voice. Her voice is still raspier than she expected since being choked. Her answer doesn't bring the duo any comfort.

"Where are you going?" The gun wielder's voice is quiet but strong. It unsettles her.

"Not sure. Haven't figured that out yet," Phoebe doesn't know why she offers up the truth. She has a feeling these two have a good bullshit detector.

"How'd you find this area if you don't know where you're going?"

"I'm just going straight. No clear direction."

"Are you with anyone?"

"No, I'm by myself. I was with a group but I left."

"Why?"

"It was just time for me to go," She snaps but regrets it as sad eyes comes even closer with the gun. The younger man takes a second to process what Phoebe looks like. She has a mixture of dried blood and mud all over her, a gash that was barely healing, and fading bruises around her eye and throat.

"Looks like you got attacked. A person do that to you?" He speaks up and he sees a flash of fear in her eyes.

She nods.

"Did they deserve it?"

"Yes," Phoebe states with conviction. The two exchange a look before the younger one drops his hand from his holster.

"I'm Tommy."

"What the hell-"

"And this is my brother, Joel."

"Phoebe."

The man named Joel turns and grabs Tommy's sleeve, yanking him far enough away from Phoebe that she can longer hear their voices. She watches as an obvious argument ensues before looking at her surroundings. There was a small clearing between trees she could run through and hopefully lose them. She goes to move closer before Joel's eyes snap to her. They had turned from sad to hard and angry.

"Don't even fuckin' think about it."

Her body reacts more so than her brain and she goes back to her previous position. Fingers are pointed and a shoulder is smacked by the time the two finish arguing. Joel returns with a defeated look and Tommy a victorious one.

"As long as you're willing to go through our screening protocols, we'd like you to come back to Jackson, our settlement, with us," Tommy offers his hand to Phoebe. She reaches out slowly and he helps her up.

"Why?" Confusion is clear in her voice even without the raised eyebrows. It's odd a stranger would be so willing to share what sounds like a good thing with someone he doesn't know.

"I'd like to think after twenty years of living in an apocalyptic hellscape that I've gotten good at reading people. And I think you're good people," He says with a kindness Phoebe is unfamiliar with.

"Well...I'm not sure I want to join you." Joel scoffs in response to her.

"Like you got someplace else to be?" His tone shows impatience. Phoebe side eyes him.

"You may think I'm a good person but I don't know shit about you guys."

"Fair enough but we don't actually know shit about you either. Just take a chance on us," Tommy points out and it makes her think. She really has no plan on where to go. She's almost out of food and water. She hasn't slept more than a few hours over the past few days and it's taken a toll on her body. Realistically, shit couldn't be worse than what she dealt with back in her old group, right? She looks between the two a few times before sighing.

"Okay..." She may be agreeing but that doesn't mean she fully trusts them, particularly Joel. She didn't really appreciate the gun in her face, no matter how warranted it may have been. Tommy was a little easier to trust.

The three of them walk in silence to the horses. Tommy declares that Phoebe will ride with him back to Jackson. He helps her onto the horse but stops for a split second after seeing her burned hand. Phoebe is thankful when he chooses not to ask about it.

The ride back to this new place seems short but she knew if she had to walk it would take her almost the entire day. There are tall walls and guards taking stand as they approach a gate. Joel calls for the dogs as the doors open slowly.

Phoebe hops off the horse that Tommy told her is named Justified. She stands back as he moves the horse off to the side. A man with a couple of dogs approaches them. Phoebe's breath starts to quicken as their aggressive growls get closer. She takes a step back and Tommy sees her anxiety.

"They're just gonna check out you to make sure you're not bit," Tommy clarifies, raising a hand up to calm her. She nods silently. The dogs eventually reach her and sniff at her legs and ankles. Once they're satisfied, they sit and look up at her with their tongues hanging out and panting. It brings little comfort to her as their sharp teeth look her right in the eye. "Looks like you're all clear."

"Tommy!"

Phoebe looks past the dogs and sees a very pregnant woman rushing towards them. She holds her belly as she waddles with a grin plastered on her face. Tommy meets her half way and kisses her. They part and Tommy points behind him, at Phoebe. The woman's face turns resigned.

"I hear Tommy offered a spot here at Jackson. Phoebe, is it?" The first thing Phoebe notices about this woman is that she's beautiful. She looks powerful but soft as she drags her eyes up and down Phoebe's face and body. Phoebe feels like this lady sees right through her, exposing all her secrets and hurt.

"Yes." A slight nod is all she can give. Phoebe can tell the lady is contemplating something.

"Alright, well, I trust Tommy's judgement. I'm Maria, one of the leaders here at Jackson," She extends her hand and Phoebe takes it gently. Her skin is soft compared to Phoebe's burned one. "Let's get you examined by a doctor. You look like hell."

A tiny laugh escapes Phoebe's lips and it surprises her. She doesn't recall the last time she laughed.

"Joel! I told you to get me when you got back! What the hell, man?" A young girl comes stampeding past the trio and slams into Joel's body. Phoebe had forgotten Joel was even there.

Joel hugs back the girl with obvious love and protectiveness. He murmurs something to her and she hits him lightly. They pull apart but the young girl only looks at him for a second longer before spotting Phoebe. The girl has dark brown eyes, dark brown hair in a ponytail, and an eyebrow scar. She doesn't look older than fifteen. "Jesus Christ, who beat the shit out of you?"

"Ellie. We need to get goin'. C'mon." Joel interrupts her and she rolls her eyes. He guides her away before Phoebe can reply.

"Ignore him," Is all Maria says before pulling on her wrist, farther into the town of Jackson.

The area is covered in snow but still somehow full of character. People pass her in the street, staring a little longer than she'd like. Buildings look old but like people were doing the best to keep them maintained. String lights that were off filled the area and she was shocked by the idea of light coming from anything other than the sun or a flashlight.

Maria holds the door open of a building not far from the entrance of where they came from. Phoebe thanks her quietly before stepping in. The room is very clean and sterile looking. A woman with black hair that is slowly turning grey rounds a corner and has a look of surprise at Phoebe, Maria, and Tommy standing in the entryway.

"Hello, there. What can I do for you?" She asks before going back to a desk and placing some documents in it.

"Dr. Lee, I'm glad we caught you. We have a newcomer, Phoebe, who needs to be looked at. She's gotten multiple bruises and a cut on her forehead," Maria explains and Dr. Lee turns to her new patient.

"I see. Phoebe, please come with me to a more private room," The doctor wastes no time with asking questions. Phoebe opens her mouth to say something but nothing comes out. She looks to Tommy.

"It'll be okay. She just needs to take a look at you. We'll be here waiting," He reassures her and Phoebe bites her lip. Reluctantly, she follows the doctor.

Dr. Lee closes the door behind Phoebe once they reach a small room. It has a stool, a bed that very loosely resembles one you'd see in a hospital before the outbreak, and a side table with a lamp.

"Please, take a seat on the bed." Phoebe follows the direction. Dr. Lee pulls out a paper and pencil before looking up.

"Could you tell me your full name?"

"Why?" Phoebe asks. No one has asked for her full name in years.

"For documentation. Some sort of organization is needed in this clinic with how many people live in this town," She explains before tapping her pencil on the side table.

"Oh. Um, Phoebe Wells is my full name."

"Age?"

"Thirty-six."

"Can you give me a brief description of your injuries before I inspect them myself? Also, any old injuries or medical conditions I need to know about." Dr. Lee's straightforwardness doesn't surprise Phoebe but she does feel a little uncomfortable being asked about her injuries. She decides to start off easy.

"I'm allergic to almonds. I had a broken ankle about three years ago that I don't think healed correctly because it makes a popping noise when I walk sometimes. And a burned hand from the same time as my ankle."

"I'll make sure to take a look at your ankle and hand. Describe your current injuries, please. And when they happened."

"Sure...I have bruises around my throat from being ch-choked. A black eye from being punched. A cut from hitting a dresser. It happened about four days ago, give or take. The days are kind of mixing together," Phoebe unconscious runs her fingers along her burn. Dr. Lee continues to write down what Phoebe has confided in her before slowly looking up.

"Due to the nature of your injuries I must ask...were you sexually assaulted?" Her voice softens as well as her eyes. Tears begin to well in Phoebe's eyes as she shakes her head in silence. Dr. Lee writes that down.

"Alright, sweetie. I'm going to have a look at you now. I'm letting you know I'll have to touch you to examine you. Let me know if you need me to stop at any point," The older woman crosses the room and stops in front of Phoebe.

Dr. Lee examines her ankle and Phoebe flinches. Her burn is next, then her bruises, and her cut all while the doctor makes small noises, bandaging where needed, and jotting things down as needed. Phoebe grips the edge of the bed, body tense. She almost grabs the doctor's wrist when she touches her burn but holds herself back.

Thirty unbearable minutes pass before Dr. Lee says she's finished. Phoebe lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

"I can't do much about your ankle or burn but your bruises are already healing nicely, which is good. You will have a scar from the gash on your forehead and it will take longer to heal than anything else but you'll be okay. At least physically," Dr. Lee eyes the woman sitting across from her.

"Okay. Thank you, Dr. Lee." Phoebe goes to stand but Dr. Lee stops her, putting her hand on her shoulder. Phoebe pulls back instantly and Dr. Lee puts her hands up, surrendering.

"If you need to talk to someone about whatever it is you went through out there, we do have a therapist here. Her name is Gail. I can send you her way at any time."

"I don't need to talk to anyone about anything," Phoebe replies sharply and Dr. Lee narrows her eyes. Phoebe instantly regrets her tone. "Sorry."

"It's okay. If you change your mind, you know where I am. Time to get you back to Tommy and Maria."

The only person in the waiting room is Tommy. Before Phoebe can question where Maria went, Tommy jumps the gun.

"Maria went to find housing accommodations for you and clothing considering..." The two of them look down at the mud caked and ripped clothing. Phoebe feels heat rush to her cheeks. "And then she had a meeting she had to attend."

"Right."

"I'll show you your new house," He goes to guide her by resting his hand on her back but stops himself right before touching her when he notices her visibly tensing.

The two walk in silence. Phoebe doesn't mind it, she thinks she may actually prefer silence nowadays.

Tommy comes to an abrupt stop, catching Phoebe off guard. She has to take a few steps back to reach him again. She looks at the house in front of her in surprise. When he said house she wasn't expecting an actual, sturdy house. Like a place that could pass code pre outbreak. Tommy sees her look.

"Some of us used to be contractors before. Just finished this house last week, actually. It's nothin' fancy but it'll do the job," Tommy rubs his jaw in anticipation. Phoebe walks across the yard and pauses a moment before climbing the first step to the porch.

The wood creaked beneath her and the front door squeaked a little but it felt like a real house. She walks in and sees cream colored walls and warm wood flooring. Most walls are bare but a few hold paintings of landscapes or animals. She touches the corner of one that has two deer. The short hallway has two entrances.

The first entrance is made up of a small kitchen. Brown cabinets and off-white countertops. Surprisingly, a fridge and stove are also in the kitchen. Phoebe drags her finger across the stove. Tommy is the first to break the silence.

"The stove and oven are usable but the fridge is partly for decoration. Only the freezer is really useful if you put in some ice," He clarifies and Phoebe nods silently.

She looks in the second entrance and sees a decently sized living room. A two seater green couch and a brown chair fill most of the room. A small coffee table and a bookcase fill the rest, alongside a table that would have had a TV sit on top of it in another life.

The wall to her right has three doors side by side. The first room is bare with only a bed frame and dresser. The second door is a bathroom but it's only big enough to fit about one person in there at a time. The last room is the master bedroom.

There is an entire bedroom set, making the room feel slightly smaller than it already is. She touches the dresser and feels that it's real wood. A burnt orange blanket covers the mattress but the pillows and sheets are white. She takes a seat on the bed and it groans underneath her weight. Her fingers spread over the unbelievably soft comforter. Some sort of feeling blooms in her chest. One that felt eerily close to excitement.

"I know it ain't much..."

"It's perfect," Phoebe whispers and looks up at Tommy. His face settles into a tiny grin.

"Good. Then I'll leave you to it. I'll come back around later to pick you up for dinner at the dining hall. Introduce you to the town and people and all that," Tommy backs out of the room and Phoebe follows. He opens the front and gives her a nod. He steps out and Phoebe slowly closes the door behind him, watching him walk away until he's out on the street and not in her yard. Her yard. Realization sets in that this whole place belongs to her.

The first thing Phoebe does with this new found ownership is run the shower. Hot water forces itself out of the showerhead and Phoebe almost squeals in excitement. Almost.

She finds towels and washcloths under the sink. She undresses as quickly as she can. The water hits her back harshly but she embraces it. She realizes that she has a bar of soap and two bottles of some sort of liquid on a tiny shelf.

Phoebe scrubs her body harshly, doing her best to get all of the dirt off her skin. The water runs a muddy brown color for the first few minutes she uses the soap. It smells like jasmine and sandalwood. The two bottles that she finds out are a shampoo and conditioner smell similar to the soap. She works hard at cleaning her hair, roughly running her hands through it all to get the mats and chunks of who knows what out. Her hair has grown a few inches past her shoulders since her last cut, so it takes some time.

The room is steamy and sticky when she steps out. The towels are rough against her skin but she feels something reminiscent about twisting her hair in a towel.

The dresser, she finds out, is half filled with clothing. She thinks Maria had to guess her size. She was a little off, the long sleeve shirt that was supposed to be tight hung loosely off her. Luckily, the jeans fit a little better. Her new boots had some space at the end where her toes were but she didn't mind. She just puts an extra pair of socks on.

It took quite a bit of time to brush through her hair and for it to air dry. Once it is fully dried, she ties it into a bun to keep it out of her face. Her breath was minty for the first time in a long time due to the makeshift toothpaste she found on the shelf behind the mirror in her bathroom.

Too antsy to rest, she examines the collection of books in her living room. Most of them she has never heard of so she picks one at random and stretches out on the couch as much as she can. She opens the first page and falls into the world of some town in England named Hertfordshire.

A loud bang causes Phoebe to jolt up. Her book falls to the floor. She searches the room for danger but is met with a semi dark room, only the moon was offering any light as it splayed across the room through the windows. She flicks on a lamp and picks up her book. What the hell was that noise?

Before Phoebe can investigate, the loud bang happens again. She realizes it's someone banging on the front door. Tommy must be here to take her to dinner. She grabs a thick brown coat lined with fur from her closet. Phoebe opens the door right when Tommy raises his hand to knock again.

"Was gettin' worried."

"Sorry, I must've fallen asleep," Phoebe replies sheepishly and shuts her door behind her. They begin walking.

"Don't apologize. Thought you were gonna pass out when we first got here with how big your bags are."

"Way to make a girl feel pretty," She jokes and Tommy's cheeks turn red.

"Sorry, didn't mean it like that."

"I know, just pulling your leg."

They fall into what is becoming their usual silence. It was starting to feel comfortable. The dining hall turns out to be fairly close and is only a ten minute walk. Tommy holds the door open for her and she steps in. The room is filled with people eating at tables and the warm glow of string lights. Her new friend leads her to where the food is. She ends up with some stew and mashed potatoes. Maria is already waiting for them at a table with the younger girl from earlier, Ellie.

"Hey, Phoebe," Maria greets her warmly. Phoebe smiles tightly.

"Hi."

"Phoebe's a cool name. Anybody ever called you Fee?" Ellie locks eyes as Phoebe sits across from her. She's a little surprised by her bluntness.

"Uh, no. Only nickname I ever had was when I was a kid and my brother called me Bee." Parker's face flashes across Phoebe's memory and she feels her heart crack. It's been seven years since she's seen him. She doesn't even know if he's alive or dead.

"Why'd he do that? Bee is a dumbass name."

"Ellie," Tommy scolds the girl but she ignores him, waiting for Phoebe to answer.

"I think he was trying to be funny. Make fun of his little sister and all that." Ellie only replies with a hum of acknowledgement before going back to her food.

"So, how are you liking it in the new house? You'll have to let me know if you have any problems." Tommy asks while kissing Maria's temple.

"I love it. The water pressure is insane. And the fact that it's hot water? I never thought I'd see the day again. I swear -oh! And the soap. It smelt so good. I need to thank whoever made it, honestly." She exclaims as she starts to eat. Her stomach rumbles with the first bite.

"That'd be Georgia. She's honed her skills with scents. She's mastered soaps, shampoos, and conditioners. She's working on candles now. Says she's tired of it smelling like horse shit around here."

Something about that statement makes Phoebe smile. "She sounds interesting."

"She's fucking amazing! She works the stable sometimes and she's taught me some pretty cool shit about how to take care of horses," Ellie interrupts to recall her own stories. Phoebe's a little surprised at her language but isn't shocked. When she was her age, she was cursing like a sailor too. "Joel! Get over here!"

Phoebe looks over her shoulder and sees Joel with his own food. His lips set into a firm line. He takes a seat next to Ellie.

"Speaking of jobs, that's part of what makes Jackson Jackson. Everyone helps out with various jobs and earns their keep. I'd like to start you with something you feel more comfortable with. What kind of skills do you have?" Maria pulls apart some bread waiting for Phoebe to reply. She takes a moment to think.

"I do know how to sew clothing and blankets but I'd like to think I do well regarding medical care, if that matters. I've taken care of a decent amount of breaks, cuts, stuff like that," She leaves out the part that most of the injuries she'd taken care of were her own. It couldn't be that different working on another person, could it?

"Dr. Lee did state she was feeling overwhelmed a few weeks ago," Tommy reminds his wife. She nods in agreement. Phoebe uses her periphery vision to see Joel staring at the side of her head. Phoebe traces the burn on her hand.

"I'll talk to her tomorrow."

"Where are you from, Fee? You say stuff weird." Phoebe is guessing Fee is going to stick with this fiery brunette. Joel nudges Ellie. Ellie elbows his back harshly.

"Originally? Chicago. But that was a long time ago. I'm surprised you picked up my accent. I thought it was long gone."

"Chicago. That's a cool fuckin' name. What was it like there?"

"Hard to remember. I was only a little older than you when the outbreak started. I liked it a lot. It was a little dangerous, a lot busy, but it was home," Phoebe tries to remember more about that time of her life but she's only met with memories of her mom's death. She shakes her head, pushing that far away. Ellie only nods, like her brain has already switched subjects and she was thinking of something else.

Joel doesn't say a single thing during the entirety of dinner. Tommy and Ellie fill the empty space with chattering. Phoebe has a second bowl of stew at Maria's urging. Everyone ends the evening with full stomachs and happy smiles.

Phoebe heads for the door first but Joel reaches it before her. He holds it open for her and she nods at him. The bitter cold shocks her system from being in the warmth for so long. Tommy and Maria bid their goodnights and head home. The empty street now only holds Phoebe, Ellie, and Joel.

"Oh, quick question before I head home. Where does Georgia work when she's making her soaps and stuff?" Phoebe remembers at the last moment. Ellie answers.

"Out of her house. If you take that street, it's the first house on the left," Ellie points and Phoebe follows her finger. It's a slightly bigger house than her own and all the lights are off.

"Thanks, Els."

"Els?"

"You're calling me Fee, I'm gonna call you Els. Seems only fair." Ellie gives her an indescribably look for just a second before collecting herself.

"Whatever floats your fuckin' boat, I guess."

"Well, I'm exhausted so I'll see you guys later. Thanks for the warm welcome," Phoebe waves and turns away. She doesn't mention how much Jackson is weirding her out. Ellie tells her goodbye as she starts to walk.

Phoebe makes it about ten steps before she hears Ellie shout something. She glances behind her shoulder again and sees Ellie pulling on Joel. But Joel is just staring at Phoebe. Her eyes widen and she faces forward again. She lightly touches her burn.

The walk home was dark and cold. She could feel the darkness pulling her in. Her house offered no warmth except for the lamp she left on. She found pajamas, a sweatshirt and plaid pants, in the first drawer of her dresser. She can feel the weight of her body with every move as she climbs into bed.

Phoebe lays on her back and stares at the ceiling. The window in her room offers little light. She closes her eyes, trying her best to fall asleep. No longer needing to be alert 24/7, she tries to relax. Flashes of rough hands, unbuttoned jeans, and blood take over her mind and she opens her eyes quickly. A single tear slides down the side of her face, landing on the soft pillow.

"Devil", you call me But seem to be enjoying The fruits of my labour that came to me too young When he stole my virtue I'm glad it seems to serve you That I was born a daughter and not a son For if I'm going down I guess I'll take you with me Screaming birds sound an awful lot like singing And I will tell you now That I'm not even singing There's no escape for some

---

His blood splatters onto her face as she hits him one final time. She leans back, chest heaving, as she stares at what once was a handsome thing to look at. She watches as his blood spreads on the wood flooring, seeping in as deep as possible. Grunting, she shifts so she is no longer straddling him. The moon shines brightly through the window. She blinks repeatedly as the realization sinks into her.

Buttons. Scratches. Rage. Blood. Brother. Brother. Brother. His brother would be up soon. The whole camp would be. She flexes her fingers and they burn, her blood and his mixing together. She hastily buttons up her jeans and glances around the room. Her things. She needs her things.

She finds the emergency duffle under the bed. Food, water, a knife, a handgun. She throws a blanket and as much of her clothing into the bag as she can before pulling a long sleeved shirt over her tank top and pulling her winter coat onto herself tightly. She trips as she tugs her boots onto her feet, hands shaking and legs wobbly. She feels her breath quicken as she gives him one more look. 

His face is unrecognizable but his brother would know. He would know who it was and he would know it was her that did it. She rushes towards the door and she briefly sees her reflection in the mirror. The deep gash on her forehead, the black eye already forming, the deep bruises forming around her throat, the cold look in her eyes. Is that her? Is this who she is now?

With little time to ponder, she yanks open the door and she's met with a cold winter wind. It was January, the coldest month in Wyoming. Snow covered the ground - it had been for weeks now. It crunches under her feet as she slinks off the porch and towards the woods. She knew where to go. Where the weak spots were. When shifts changed. When people came and went. It's not hard to slip through the cracks. Not when the men are cocky and egotistical and useless. Always useless.

The wind is nipping at her skin and causing her cuts to sting. She tries her best to ignore it as she reaches further and further into the forest. There's this feeling in her chest with every step she takes. Every second she gets farther away. She doesn't recognize it and she can't name it but it feels good. Even with the death on her hands, it feels good.

She fights through branches, and roots, and ice, and the fact that she knows she is not the only thing in these woods. That it isn't only man she should fear. The anxiety bubbles up but she pushes it away, not allowing it to seep into her bones like it's done before. She didn't need to be afraid of him anymore and the infected would be kinder than him. Anything is kinder than him.

She feels her hair slipping out of her ponytail the more she runs. Her legs are burning but she never waivers, not for a moment. Not until she can barely see straight and the sun is rising. She doesn't know how long she's been running but it doesn't feel long - or far - enough. But she's sensible. She has to be. She won't make it if she's not. That is the only reason she stops and leans against a big rock. The only reason she takes a moment and looks at her surroundings.

She can't see camp anymore. Good sign. She has no fucking idea where she is. Bad sign.

Too scared to start a fire, she focused on her injuries instead. The blood has dried on the side of her head, her eye is throbbing, her fingers have gone numb, and it hurts every time she takes a deep breath. Could be better but most definitely could be worse. The phantom pain of her hand reminds her of that.

She let herself sit and sigh. She pulls some jerky out of the duffle bag. She only takes a couple of bites before shoving it back in. She takes a few sips of water before doing the same. She doesn't know the next time she'll find people - if she even wants to. Maybe being alone would be best. No one to hurt her or bother her or trick her.

She listens to the birds chirp and the sky becomes a beautiful color as dawn approaches. She needs to get back on her feet and get at least two days between her and them but this is the first dawn she's gotten to herself in seven years. It is the first thing that belongs to her. The sun shines, not willing to hide to its winter foe. Its bravery clear and here to stay.

She huffs, climbing to her feet and looking around. With no clear destination, she grabs her duffle and continues the way she was going: straight. You could laugh at the simpleness of it, knowing how convoluted and confusing and hard the last twenty years have been. How not simple it has been.

She can feel how shitty and old the boots on her feet are on the second day of this treacherous journey. The snow has finally seeped in and her feet feel soaked and numb after hours of traipsing around. The evening has come and the night engulfs her as she spots a cabin. The first sign of shelter she's seen. Sleeping under a tree which had no snow but was definitely sopping wet wasn't exactly ideal. Remembering that a cabin may mean people, she pulls out her gun. Luckily, she hasn't had to shoot anything...yet.

She approaches the cabin quietly. The porch croaks with the first step she takes and she cringes, freezing. Nothing happens. No bullets grazing past her or people yelling. Good sign.

She looks through the dirty and foggy windows but doesn't see anyone. There is no back door so she twists the handle of the front and it creaks as it opens. Stupidly, she speaks.

"Hello?" She calls out and watches where she walks cautiously. Nothing. She gives the cabin a run-down. Nothing in the living room, kitchen, or bathroom except for dust and the cold. The last room is the bedroom but she doesn't hear anything. She twists the door knob and pushes against the door, causing it to open. Nothing jumps out or shoots at her. She sighs, seeing a bed. She takes one step into the bedroom before a painful shrill hits her ears.

She feels her back hit the floor as an infected pins her to the floor. Before she can take a chance to process what's happening, the infected is diving for her neck. She pushes back with all the strength a person can have with two days of exhaustion. She sees her gun across the floor, out of reach. She tries for the knife that's in her pocket. She slipped, letting the infected fall closer to her. She feels herself grow sweaty and her heart races.

She tries for the knife once more and she feels the familiar wood handle against her fingers. She pulls it out swiftly and feels the knife sink into the infected's neck. It goes limp, laying on top of her. She squeezes her eyes shut, trying to catch her breath. Fuck.

She pushes the infected off and it lands with a thud next to her. She stares at the ceiling as she tries to reel herself back in. It wasn't the first infected she'd ever killed but it's been a damn long time since she's had to.

She believes it is only minutes that passed, but it could have been hours before her shaky hands fall to the hardwood floor and they push her up. Her jeans are covered in dirt and mud with a slit on the knee, her coat has a rip on the side, and her long sleeve shirt has a slit across the stomach showing her tank top.

She drags the infected's body outside of the house. She drops its legs and takes a moment to catch her breath. She thinks she can stay here for the night and keep going in the morning. She hasn't seen any sign that she's being followed but she can never be too sure.

She's able to start a fire in the fireplace and the room is alight with a soft glow. She sits on the raggedy couch, welcoming the slightly comfortable cushions. She stares at the flames, watching them act unpredictable. She blinks slowly. Her body starts to relax.

"I can't believe you're drunk! You know we have to leave early in the morning, right? Or did that slip your mind? I mean, you said we could look for my brother-"

"I fucking know we're leaving early tomorrow, Phoebe. Can you giving me a fucking second?" He snaps at me, sitting on the bed. He starts to untie his boots and she clenches her jaw.

"Don't curse at me." She replies, pointing a finger in his direction. He scoffs.

"I'll do whatever the hell I want, girl." He stands up again and walks towards her. She backs up a little but that doesn't stop him from stomping over to her. She can see anger in his eyes and his fist is curls. 

"You better stay over there. I'm being serious. You've been putting off looking for Parker for weeks and I'm sick of it. I mean, what is your problem? Are you so far up Milo's-" 

She feels the sting before she realizes she's on the floor. Her fingers lightly touch her cheek and she flinches. She looks up at him in shock.

"You're not gonna fucking talk to me that way, you hear me? I'm the only reason you're alive you fuckin' bitch. Start acting fuckin' grateful," He shouts at her with his teeth bare. She felt spit hit her face and her jaw drops. He's never done this before. Never hit her. Never-

Her eyes shoot open and she feels breathless. She looks around the dark room, confused before remembering that she reached a cabin a few hours ago. That she ran two days ago. That she killed him two days ago. She brings her fingers up to her cheek, feeling the ghost of that first sting.

The fire has almost completely gone out since she fell asleep. She looks out the window and it's still dark. Her body aches as she swings her legs over the couch and leans forward, resting her arms on her legs. Her breathing starts to slow. She runs her hand through her hair and it gets stuck on a knot.

After sitting on the couch for about an hour, she realizes she's not going to go back to sleep. Not with him in the back of her mind. She eats some of the jerky, her food supply quickly dwindling. She heaves the bag onto her shoulder again and heads towards the door. Better to get some more distance anyway, she thinks.

Snow must have fallen while she was out because her tracks from before are gone. A small win. A puff of white fills the air as she breathes heavily.

The sun has fully risen, making the snow almost blinding as she weaves around trees that are in her way. She thinks she's been walking for about seven or eight hours just based on where the sun is at in the sky, but it feels a lot fucking longer. She wonders if Milo has given up looking for her. Or maybe he sent Marla out to do his dirty work. Or Foster. None of them really ever liked her, no matter what she did to try and get their approval.

She trips over a snow covered root, lost in her thoughts. She puts her hands out before she faceplants. Her hands feel something close to a burn from being sunken into the layers of snow. She looks up and she's faced with a tree that has some sort of symbol carved into it. Her eyebrows furrow.

She dusts the snow off of her as she collects herself. She traces the symbol, not recognizing it. The bark feels rough under the pads of her fingers. She hums quietly in response. Maybe it means people are close. She needs to keep an eye out for more.

The day passes by slower than the day before. Maybe it's her lack of energy or the cold that has her eyelids drooping and her hand slowly falling from her knife to her side.

Phoebe stumbles upon a stream of water after two hours of walking. She hasn't seen another symbol on a tree in the past hour and she felt a tiny sense of peace. She drops to her knees, only asking for a momentary break. She realizes just how tense she'd been walking. Her body is still aching and it hurts her a little to reposition herself.

Not used to having to check every corner for infected leaves Phoebe feeling a little defeated. Having no direction or idea of what to do doesn't help either. A headache starts to form near her temple. Her breathing starts to get a little shaky as she really takes in her situation. No one is around. No one is going to help her. She's vulnerable to raiders and infected with such a limited bullet supply. She has no shelter and almost no food.

Phoebe closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Her agonizing screams echo in her head as she flexes her right hand. The burn scars cover almost her entire hand and ends right where her wrist begins. The weeks of anguish and fear ironically start to calm her, knowing he would never hurt her again. She'd never let Milo take her back and suffer the consequences of her actions, no matter how justified they were.

"You know what I mean, Joel. Maria is gettin' closer to her due date and I can't be out on these three day patrols while she could be giving birth at any moment," An unfamiliar southern drawl fills Phoebe's ears. Her eyes widen and she glances all around her, searching for the voice.

"Fine. But I'm not partnerin' up with Brett. Kid is too trigger happy," Another, deeper, voice rings out. Phoebe scrambles to her feet and tries kicking snow over her tracks. She runs behind the closest, biggest tree she can find. Not the best spot but anything is better than sitting in the middle of an open area.

The sound of horse hooves in snow comes closer and closer to her and she holds her breath. Phoebe's burned hand grips at the bark on the tree and her other hand covers her mouth.

She knows there's at least two of them so she doubts she could take them down. She'd have to be patient and wait for them to leave, assuming they don't find her in the most obvious fucking hiding spot ever.

"Are those footprints?" The man with the deeper voice asks. She can't hear what the other man says but she can take a guess when she no longer hears hooves stomping. She still hears the crunch of snow, signalling that the men were investigating.

"I can't tell where the person ran off to, only where they came from," The original voice remarks and the other grunts.

"At least it's only one person. Can't be too much of a problem."

Phoebe moves slightly and she can see parts of the men. One with dark brown hair with grey specks and the other with black hair. Both very big and could definitely knock her on her ass. She goes back to hiding.

"Let's just keep moving. We'll probably run into 'em. Ain't much anywhere else to go in this weather."

"I don't like this, Tommy."

"We need to get to the checkpoint."

"...Fine."