#willie japt

“Luke?” His eyes quickly darted over to you, clearly surprised to still see you awake.

“Y/n..hey..” He started and you pushed your laptop away to give him your full attention. 

“What are you..doing here?..” You weren’t really sure why he was here and you felt a small bit of tension in the room from avoiding him for the past few weeks. 

“I uh..came to see you..” His voice was small and you pushed your eyebrows together in confusion. 

“At 12 in the morning?..” You knew ghosts didn’t really sleep but it was still a strange sight to see Luke in your bedroom this late at night. 

“Yup..” He trails off and pushes his glance down to the floor. You raised your eyebrow, knowing he wasn’t telling you the whole truth. You two were still best friends after all, so you could read him like an open book. 

“Luke, seriously. What are you doing here?” You ask trying to push an answer out of him. He finally meets your gaze again and you see his small expression on his face.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” 

You blinked a few times at his bluntness. This time you were the one to avoid his gaze. You picked at your fingernails slightly, knowing Luke was watching you and waiting for an answer. 

“I don't mean too.. School’s been tough and stuff.” You say cringing at how lame that sounded even though it was true. Luke stayed silent for a moment, trying to decide if you were lying to him or not. You avoided his eyes and kept your glance locked on the floor. 

“Did I do something wrong? Did I overstep by touching you? I didn’t mean to scare you or anything..” Luke trails off and you frown. You quickly shake your head to tell him no.

“No, no, no. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve just been really swamped with homework..” You grimace to yourself for coming back to your really lame excuse. You watch as Luke steps a little closer, testing the waters. When you don’t object to him moving closer, he takes a slow seat on your bed beside you. 

“You look tired..” He points out, gently reaching to touch your cheek. It warms both of your bodies as your skin makes contact. His hands were..warm..and comforting. You weren’t sure what you expected but it definitely wasn't this. Who knew ghosts were warm? 

“I told you I’ve been swamped with homework.” You chuckle and this time Luke chuckles along with you. He gently pulls his hand away and folds them into his lap. You stare down at your feet for a few moments trying to figure out what to say next. This felt like completely new territory the two of you were exploring and by the energy and growing tension in the room; this was a little bit scary. 

“Do you think you know..why we can..touch?” You ask hesitantly. Julie was filling you in here and there at school, but it wasn’t much and they didn’t seem to come up with anything as to why you had the “powers” too. 

“No..it’s still all confusing. We think Julie’s mom has something to do with us being connected to Julie but we don’t know about you.” Luke says, side eyeing you and you weren’t sure if that was a hint for you to talk about your past or not.  

You didn’t really open up about your past. No one had ever really asked so you never really talked. Julie knew a little bit, she knew that your mom and dad fought a lot and you didn’t like being at home that much, but that was about it. You didn’t talk about it further than that, so when you could feel Luke trying to dig into your past more, you shrugged. 

“My parents don’t talk much about stuff. I don’t know.” You say, keeping it short and simple. Luke frowns a little at your answer, but he knows not to push so he doesn’t. The two of you sit in more silence beside one another. You picked at your finger nails while Luke’s eyes travelled around your room. 

“I ran out on my mom. She didn’t believe in my dream and though dropping out of high school was the worst possible idea. We got into a fight and I ran out. That was the last time I saw her face to face. I died before I could make amends with her.” You glance at Luke, surprised at his openness. Even though you guys were best friends, talking about stuff like this was kind of off limits. The memory hurt too much so you never talked about at home, parent problems. 

“Wow..I’m sorry. That must have been hard on both of you.” You admit and Luke nods.

“It was, but Julie helped me make amends with them last year.” Luke smiles a little and you smile too. You knew his little story was a play to get you to start talking so you took in a little breath. 

“My dad cheated on my mom a few years ago with..a few other women. My mom keeps trying to make excuses for him to keep him around. They fight a lot because my dad doesn’t want to stay but my mom keeps pushing it. They’re both pretty heavy drinkers, too. It’s not a very good mix.” You explain. It felt weird to say it out loud, but it also felt nice to talk about it with someone.

“I’m really sorry, Y/n. I can’t imagine how difficult that is.” Luke empathizes but you only shrug. 

“It’s a good thing Julie let’s me come over so much. She’s been there for me for it all and I really love her for that.” You say, smiling at the thought of Julie’s friendship. You really couldn’t ask for a better best friend to get through it all. 

“Yeah, Julie’s really great. She does it all.” Luke laughs and you nod in agreement. More silence fills in between you two but it was comfortable silence. This time you lean your head on Luke’s shoulder and he pulls his arm around you to bring you closer. You could feel the tension slowly fading away. Sometimes all it took was one meaningful conversation to break the barrier. 

“Oh yeah, I saw these on my way over here and I thought you might like them.” Luke smiles and you watch as he digs into his pocket before pulling out a small bouquet of those pretty Aster flowers. You sit up a little, instantly recognizing them. They were your grandma’s favorite before she passed away when you were little. 

“Asters?” You ask and Luke glances at you a little surprised.

“Is that what they’re called? They’re really pretty.” Luke smiles and hands them to you. You smile, smelling them and instantly getting that fresh scent of your grandma’s house. 

“They are very pretty. Thank you.” You smile warmly and Luke smiles again. 

“Yeah, you’re welcome. They just reminded me of you.” Luke says and you chuckle. That was something your grandma had said to you a lot. 

“You should probably get going. It’s getting late and the boys are probably wondering where you are.” You chuckle, glancing at how much later it had gotten and you still had to wake up for school the next morning. 

“Yeah, you’re probably right. I’ll see you at Julie’s tomorrow?” Luke stands up and sends you a hopeful glance. You chuckle and nod a yes. 

“Yeah, see you there, Patterson.” Luke smiles at your response. You watch as he hesitates to leave for a moment and you’re about to question him when in one quick motion he plants a kiss on your cheek before poofing out. 

You sit there, a little stunned, before allowing a small blush to creep its way onto your cheeks. You got up to put your flowers in your little vase on your desk. It added a nice touch to your room. If Luke hadn’t come in to make you more alert, you would have missed it. On your desk by the vase was a small piece of paper with writing on it. Upon examining it further, it was one of the last notes your grandma had written to you before she passed away. You thought you had lost that somewhere in your numerous papers, but there it was, front and center on your desk. 

Caleb swings his arm back like he’s going to smack Willie. Willie cries out, drops his skate board, and brings his arms up to block it.

“Oh William,” Caleb says, stroking his cheek gently, “You know I would never hit you right?”

“Yeah,” Willie says, still not looking at him, “Of course.”

“I do of course know you’re still lying to me,” Caleb says, dropping his hand and stepping back.

The abrupt loss of contact makes Willie sway forward. “What?” He says panicked, “I’m not… why would I lie… I didn’t…”

Caleb puts a hand up to silence him. “The bus William,” He snaps.

“Oh,” Willie says, collapsing in on himself.

“Yeah,” Caleb snaps, waving his hand and suddenly they’re in a dark room.

“No,” Willie cries out. “Please no Caleb I’m sorry.” He stumbles towards where Caleb stands in the doorway.

“William we both know my club is built on trust so if you are going to lie to me, I think we can both agree you need to spend some time away. It’s for your own good,” Caleb says and swings the door shut before Willie can respond, leaving him in complete darkness.

“Please,” Willie sobs, “Caleb I’m sorry. Please, please, let me out. I promise I’ll never lie to you again.” He tries to stumble towards where he remembers the wall’s being but he can’t find them. It’s like he’s in an empty abyss with no end only suffocating inky black darkness.

***

Willie doesn’t know how long he’s in there when one of the wall’s light up, he just knows his eyes hurt from crying and his throat is raw from screaming. He recognizes it’s one of the camera’s Caleb has around the club, the one’s Willie helped him set up. When he realizes what he’s being shown he knows everything’s been in vain. Caleb won. He got the boys. Caleb always wins.

He thinks Caleb’s intention is for him to watch him break them, they’re clearly still getting hurt, but halfway through they start to flicker. Alex is the first to disappear and Willie’s seen what Caleb’s stamp does to people, that’s not what it looks like. When Reggie disappears, he realizes it doesn’t look like when people pass over either.  Luke takes the longest to disappear but he’s what makes Willie realize they’re returning to Julie because a cocky grin crosses Luke’s face as he flickers and he says something that clearly shakes Caleb as he completely disappears from the club.

When the screen shuts off and Willie is left in the dark, he tells himself it was worth it because at least they’ll be free of Caleb, free to pass over. If he focuses on their freedom maybe he’ll forget that he’ll never have his own, forget that he’s stuck in this dark room at Caleb’s mercy.

***

The door swing’s open and Willie squints in the harsh light. “Come,” Caleb snaps and turns leaving no room for argument so Willie follows him.

“Sit,” Caleb says, waving his hand so a chair pushes into the back of Willie’s knees. “Ernesto.” He says and Ernesto turns on the screen.

Willie doesn’t know what he’s expecting but it isn’t Julie playing the Orpheum. He glances at Caleb confused but Caleb is staring at the screen unflinchingly. After a few moments he turns back to watch. He sees the boys appear in the order he watched them flicker out. He watches them all break free of Caleb’s hold on them and Willie’s so proud of them.

 It’s an amazing performance, he always assumed they were good because they got big so fast but hearing them play is something else. When Alex stands to sing Willie can’t stop the smile that crosses his face.

When the song ends and the boys bow, he realizes why they’re watching.

“Tell me William,” Caleb says, turning back to him as the video goes to the replay screen, “Does that look like crossing over to you?”

Willie looks down as it sinks in. The Orpheum wasn’t their unfinished business.

“I asked you a question William,” Caleb asks.

“No,” he whisperers.

“That was two days ago,” Caleb says and Willie’s head snaps up, “They have not returned to the club.”

Willie stares at him in shocked silence.

“This is on you William,” Caleb says. “Go help Ernesto set up for tonight’s show.” He turns and walks away without another word. He’s so caught up in his own head he doesn’t realize until the end that everyone had avoided even brushing against him.

***

Willie hadn’t been allowed to leave the club since Caleb let him out of the room weeks ago, hasn’t even tried, and Willie was so bored. He knows that that isn’t the biggest of his worries, the guilt was eating him alive. Alex was gone and it was his fault, but he hates how the boredom drains him, hates that when his brain doesn’t enjoy something it just wants to shut down and sleep, something he can’t do as a ghost. He was always just exhausted and no one would touch him. Alex would have. Alex’s hand in his. Alex’s arms around him. Alex’s hands gripping his shirt like he mattered. He’s used to the boredom making him tired but he forgot how draining, how cold, not being touched was. He hadn’t been touched, not even accidentally, since he left the room. He knows it’s intentional, knows it’s because he doesn’t deserve it, but he just wishes someone would slip up just once, he’s so cold. He misses Alex. Alex was always so warm, like a mini sun.

***

It’s days later when Caleb brushes his shoulder on Willie’s as he goes past. Willie spasms and lets out a shaky breath, caught off guard.

“Something wrong William?” Caleb asks, turning back.

“No,” Willie says, putting his head down and stepping back, “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Good. You know I worry about you, right?” Caleb says.

“Of course, sir,” Willie says, not looking up.

“You just make everything so hard for yourself,” Caleb says, “Maybe if you tried a little harder things would be easier.”

“I’ll try,” Willie mumbles.

“Good boy,” Caleb says, patting his shoulder and Willie almost bursts into tears.

“Thank you,” Willie murmurs, his whole-body trembling.

Caleb steps closer and for one moment Willie thinks he’s going to touch him again but all he does is say, “See you later William.” And step past him, this time without touching Willie and somehow that is so much worse.

***

Caleb seems all powerful but his performers, they are fallible. They don’t always hear Willie, see him coming, stop talking in time. They’re how he finds out that Alex is alive. That’s how he decides he’s going to leave. Because he would do anything for Alex. Alex, who says he would have followed Willie if he skated away. Alex, who doesn’t blame Willie for bringing them to Caleb. Alex who, despite everything, held onto him like he meant everything. Alex who he’s going home too.

***

Willie waits until Caleb leaves and slips out. He isn’t stopped and Willie realizes how much Caleb underestimates him. He expected Willie to stay like a dog and didn’t even have anyone watching to stop him.

Willie goes to check Julie’s first but hesitates outside the door. What if Alex doesn’t want to see him? What if Alex has had time to process what Willie did and hates him? Willie would risk anything for Alex, to make up for what he did to Alex, but what if that’s not enough?

His thoughts are brought to a screeching halt when a voice behind him says, “Willie?”

He whips around and halfway down the steps in front of the garage door is Alex. Amazing, perfect, beautiful Alex, okay and not crossed over or poofed out of existence Alex, and Willie doesn’t know what to do with himself. It feels like the wind has been knocked from his lungs.

He doesn’t have to do anything though because before he can respond Alex is running towards him and Willie takes a step back on instinct. But when Alex collides with him, he wraps his arms around him and it surprises Willie so much he stumbles backwards and pulls them through the garage doors. Alex’s stops them from hitting the ground, Willie doesn’t know how, he just knows that he definitely didn’t do it.

“Are you okay?” Alex asks, pulling back to look at him. A pitiful sob rips its way out of his throat at the loss of contact. Willie hates himself for it because Alex didn’t even go that far, his hands are still cupping Willie’s face so how pathetic is Willie for that?

Alex’s smile falls and he asks, “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”

“No…” Willie is sobbing and gasping for air and he doesn’t know how to tell Alex to stop or never stop or please… he can’t breathe… what’s happening? He needs… he wants… he…

“He’s having a panic attack,” One of the other boys, Reggie he thinks, says.

“I know Reggie,” Alex snaps but he doesn’t sound mad, just stressed.

“Okay,” The voice, definitely Reggie, says this time, “You do well with mine you got this just don’t panic yourself.”

A door opens and a girl’s voice, probably Julie he vaguely remembers her being outside with Alex when this all started, asks, “What’s going on?” This was definitely not how he planned to meet her.

“Willie, you can’t see him, is here. We should give them space,” Reggie says.

Willie’s whole body is buzzing and he feels like he’s floating in a sea of TV static. But then suddenly Alex is back in front of him. “Hey,” he says softly. “I know it’s scary but the human body can only maintain a panic attack for 30 minutes.”

“What?” Willie gasps out and he realizes at some point he was sat down on the couch.

“Have you ever had a panic attack before?” Alex asks. And yeah if that’s what this is then he’s had them before but it’s nice to have a word for it. He doesn’t have the words for that so he just nods.

“Okay what can I do to help calm your breathing? Just do your best to tell me,” He says, his voice is so kind Willie doesn’t think anyone’s ever been this kind to him. He realizes he has no clue what helps he’s never had anyone care enough to help before.

“I… I don’t…” He gasps, “I don’t know… I never…”

“Okay,” Alex says, gently, “Let’s just start somewhere. Can I touch you?”

Willie nods and Alex lifts his hands to his chest. “Can you try to breathe with me?” he asks, taking a deep breath. Willie tries, he really does he promises he wants to do what Alex asks, but he can’t get his breathing to calm down and that only freaks him out more.

“Hey, hey,” Alex says, “It’s okay if you can’t. Can I try something else? I’m going to touch you more but if at any point it’s too much and you can’t say anything just squeeze my hand and I’ll stop.”

Willie nods again and Alex pulls him fully into his chest and rests his head on Alex’s chest. Willie swears that he can hear a heartbeat even though he knows that’s impossible, although he supposes he isn’t supposed to be able to breathe either. Alex keeps deep steady breathes and eventually Willie feels his begin to match.

As he slowly starts to calm down, he realizes Alex is now softly whispering to him and running his fingers through Willie’s hair. “Good job. You’re doing so good. It’s going to be okay. I got you.”

Once his breathing comes back to normal Alex leans back a little but reaches up to cup Willie’s face with one hand. “Hey.”

“God Alex I’m so…” Willie starts.

“Please don’t apologize,” Alex says, gently rubbing his thumb over Willie’s cheek. Willie can feel every point they make contact and he feels on fire.

“I know but still.” Which is not an explanation.

“What happened?” Alex says.

“I was just so worried and you’re okay and it’s been so long since any one… and I’m just so glad you’re okay,” Willie says, pushing their foreheads together.

“All thanks to you,” Alex say softly.

Willie’s eyes scrunch close and he shakes his head. “No,” he says, “this is all my fault.” his voice cracks.

“Willie no we’ve been over this…”

“No but I’m why Caleb found out and I couldn’t stop him.” Willie mumbles.

“What?” Alex asks, softly, and he doesn’t even sound mad.

“When I got to the club Caleb knew about the bus and he put me in the room and I couldn’t stop him and I’ve been so lonely and I’m so sorry I couldn’t stop him,” Willie sobs, breathing picking back up.

“Hey,” Alex says, “Hey it’s okay. Don’t panic. You did your best. I’m so proud of and grateful for you. I’m so sorry we left you with him for so long.”