#will.sys

and it’s not even saying the people they miss in our system! god, i’m so distraught about this. do you all understand what i’m talking about? do you ever love someone so much that it physically pains you to watch them hurt?

this doesn’t even begin to explain the pain i feel because of them missing people, too. they miss someone every day of their fucking life. i want to take all of this sorrow and bury it under the sea. she doesn’t deserve this pain. she doesn’t deserve to remember someone who doesn’t want her back anymore. she doesn’t deserve the pain of loss, a someone she holds tightly onto depsite knowing he’s never coming back. and she’s trying to not face there’s someone else she’ll never see again, and probably another after that. it’s so important for us to stay because others have the tendency to not, and stevie cannot handle more loss. the pain is too much to bare. someone better not fucking leave them again or i will personally stop it from ever happening again. it’s bullshit he shouldn’t have to handle. i won’t sit here and allow it to happen over and over. it can’t and it won’t. i love him too much to watch it come and go like waves.

i’m making it my personal agenda to get johnnie to front with stevie soon so that they can have their date and have a nice time together. i firmly believe they both deserve it! i’m also aware of stevie’s plans and i’m supportive of my partner’s decisions.

i believe we keep flipping between me and stevie, and it’s a lot. they’re making us have huge waves of panicked anxiety. it’s fucking horrible.

i keep having “pink pony club” by chappell roan play in my head. i’m convinced that stevie and spen are listening to it in our headspace, or either that stevie has it stuck in their head, too, along with spen. it’s plaguing!

stevie is happy, so i’ll take that as a win, chat! :)

i think it would be a funny thing for us to each be assigned a jackass guy. because spen is steve-o and stevie is knoxville. i don’t know who i would be, but i feel like it would be a running joke that could be fun. i’ve saw someone have warrior cat assignments (or something) and i think that’s kind of similar i guess? i don’t know! just seems like a fun idea maybe!

that crim guy was cool. i wonder where she is? i hope he's well wherever she might be. i know stevie still misses him.