#will.neg

i think it all boils down to them wanting to feel loved and wanted in the way that they need it, for it to be shown in ways without directly telling them because it’s all serious when it’s said in a direct way.

and it’s not even saying the people they miss in our system! god, i’m so distraught about this. do you all understand what i’m talking about? do you ever love someone so much that it physically pains you to watch them hurt?

this doesn’t even begin to explain the pain i feel because of them missing people, too. they miss someone every day of their fucking life. i want to take all of this sorrow and bury it under the sea. she doesn’t deserve this pain. she doesn’t deserve to remember someone who doesn’t want her back anymore. she doesn’t deserve the pain of loss, a someone she holds tightly onto depsite knowing he’s never coming back. and she’s trying to not face there’s someone else she’ll never see again, and probably another after that. it’s so important for us to stay because others have the tendency to not, and stevie cannot handle more loss. the pain is too much to bare. someone better not fucking leave them again or i will personally stop it from ever happening again. it’s bullshit he shouldn’t have to handle. i won’t sit here and allow it to happen over and over. it can’t and it won’t. i love him too much to watch it come and go like waves.

ender’s mum tells me to rinse a bowl and gets mad when i didn’t wash it? sorry we have autism and listen to specific directions! fucking hell. say you’re gonna blow your brains out and say you don’t know about us for being autistic. goddamn.

remembering why i drank alcohol now.

my brain doesn’t feel right, chat.

i’m frustrating myself so much.

why does ender’s mum say the r slur?