can you believe i had this blog before i got in the fucking military and made a queue to keep it going during my time in there and then wow a lot of bad happened there and

now bts is enlisting

and it really came full circle for me.

10 years.

i didn't even know bts then.

and i told myself every time i saw bts army to not get involved because i would have to unpack trauma when they eventually went in.

i prayed for a miracle with them. i never wanted this for them due to my own trauma. i begged my little brother not to get in. i told him i would do whatever. suffer whatever. please don't get in.

and he got in. following me.

because we had nothing.

america prides itself on not having a mandatory service. and then uses systemic poverty to keep the quota filled.

a lot of us millennials got in. either that or loans for college if you had a cosigner. surprise surprise we all know how the credit system works in america! hence CREDIT SCORES and SYSTEMIC POVERTY with WHITE PRIVLEGE and hoo! you guessed it MISOGYNY and SEXISM! ANTIBLACKNESS IS THE VEHICLE FOR IT ALL BABEY!!!! and omg there's more? yeah! SLAVERY IS LEGAL IN CERTAIN INTANCES!!! DUH! it all rolls into MILITARY COMPLEX AND UNIVERSAL SURVAVLENCE and woooooo GLOBAL FASCISM! why? RIGHT WING! CHRISTIAN! BELIEFS! can you fucking BELIEVE?

anyways moving on.

i think my brother alone has sent maybe 5 in memoriam posts from those of us who served in the past 10 years who committed suicide from all of this.

black kids and brown kids are preyed on by the military. at schools. in my city the really fancy hogwarts like school that gets all the funding and has alumns from harvard and shit? yeah most use the ASVAB test day as a holiday.

poor kids bust their ass on that day. because that's how their way out.

it's very insideous.

meanwhile the schools with all the black and hispanic kids? oh ASVAB is make it or break it. jrotc etc. everyone can't throw a ball or score but babey the military will use you for anything. just sign here and YOU CAN GET A BED WITH MEALS AND A DISCOUNT ON TOOTHPASTE.

to some this is a no brainer not to get in.

to those of us on free lunch, who had to debate whether to go to school every day or miss a day due to needing to work a part time job? oh, you get in. it's that or you die from lack of healthcare, get kicked out at 18 from home because "you grown now, you betta do something!", or you know you need a higher education to get a job maybe paying more than minimum wage. i say maybe because it's america. making above mimimum wage is literally useless because the cost of living is 100000000x it anyways and making just ABOVE $7.25 is a joke. an insult. i was told while using a certificate from college that i should be THANKFUL for my $8.35 job at a fucking hospital.

but let's go back to these promises that get poor americans in the military.

they promise you healthcare and college and say well at least you won't end up homeless and in jail, and our parents do anything to make sure they won't bury us at 18. 19. 20. and they ship us off.

i remember on my bus to meps, a guy enlisted to pay for his sister's gallbladder removal surgery.

he was 18. we picked him up in a 1 stop light town.

that's systemic poverty.

if you have no health care, no education, no housing, no access to clean water or food to eat, you'll do anything to survive.

that's why the american military meets quotas. it's not working anymore because a lot of us snitched and said DO NOT DO IT. you can literally do anything else, please, don't do this. it will literally eat you alive if you make. key word being if.

and then a lot of us die within 10 years of enlisting anyways. by a gun. by our own hands. suicide rates sky high. push up challenges. i think fucking captain america spoke out on it. i trust that guy. i do. he's seen some shit. he knows america is nothing but lies wrapped in a nice flag in the end. but you can be better. your leaders won't. your country won't. but you personally can be better.

but hey, the usa is #1 right?

it's funny seeing the american media say how fucked up south korea is for making bts go, and america does this and other horrors to its citizens. everyday.

i've been biting my tongue literally for months watching the bullshit thrown at bts by americans. sometimes i would say, oh that's rich coming from YOU candy ass western media, and sometimes i would just sob into my shirt. because i did the same things before i left home for the military as bts has done, and is doing.

we're two diffent worlds. i'm a black girl. they're south korean guys. we're worlds apart.

and yet i knew wow, back in 2021, i knew when i finally listened to their music and started googling their names. i knew i would be in for a world of heartbreak because i knew there was no fucking way out of their enlistment. i prayed for a hail mary and i'm not a football fan or catholic.

i've went viral on this blog sharing my experiences being followed in a fucking grocery store.

for watching black kids stay inside during the black lives matter movement starting, because Trayvon Martin were killed. Mike Brown. Eric Garner.

i've watched so many black women murdered. Sandra Bland. Aiyana Stanley-Jonesand. Breonna Taylor. we're told it's just all in our heads.

i've worked fast food

retail

in a hospital

racism and sexism in every single sector.

i've wrote about being sexually harassed. assaulted.

nothing has gotten done. i have voted blue no matter who since i was able to at 18.

america is sick.

sick to the core.

this did not start with trump.

he had a path cleared by others who gave him a path to run. to fucking run and zooooooooom

none of this is new.

none of it.

i'm 31.

i made this blog when i was 19.

none of this is new.

thank you to everyone who stuck around for this blog.

my corner on this fucked up site.

thank you for sharing your stories with me.

thank you for giving me words of encouragement.

thank you for sharing your gifts and allowing me to see them.

thank you for saying you'd remember my witness account, and you would do better for the next person.

thank you for that.

and @trustingofwinds i am once again saying it's me aka @nightwingismysun and i followed you from my new blog @rainbowlacehobi lmaoooooooooooooo

first fucking time i've linked all 3 fucking blogs in 10 years of using fucking tumblr, home of fascism on social media while saying twitter is the actual worst place. ain't that bout a bitch.

what a fucking ride it's all been.

*insert side ways peace sign cos i'm fucking bi and that's how i want to sign off this blog as of now*

or like i said, catch me at @rainbowlacehobi

I do apologize for how long things take me, especially for those that may not know my IRL situation. I know this ask isn’t really goin that deep but, it did remind me.

TLDR; I work a full time job cuz husbando has been a sick poot for the last two years and it’s insanely expensive to support two peoples on minimum wage, so that’s why this blog takes so obnoxiously, painfully long to update. 

Trust me, this hangs on my mind every single day. I want to update and be organized like so many others can be, but real life for me has been a tough one for the last few years, and still counting. It’s just my husband and I out here on our own, my family is in the midwest (we’re on the west coast) and his is in Canada. 

BUT, thank you all for still sending in asks. I don’t ignore them, I get a ton of good ones that I WANT to draw answers to! ….and end up being pushed back due to everything. I have almost 200 asks lmao, and I rather draw to them than answer with text (i answer when I can though, so if you see your ask be answered MONTHS later, that’s why 8,D I’M SORRY!!!). But even just reading them will get me thinking, and getting me thinking about this stuff saves me from thinking about adulting 8,D So, thank you all so very much for you all that you do and have done for me. 

I apologize again for how long things take me, but I hope yall understand I got a bit on my plate. I’m doin’ me best~!

You need to see this. 

More importantly,  this crock of shit. 

T- eh di na ako

T- inatablan ng ngiti at pasadyang lumilitaw na cleavage mo