HELLO RATS!! I NEED TO VENT THIS HAS BEEN IN MY MIND FOR SO LONG
(No pressure you don’t have to read this I just need to get this out of my chest bc it’s been bothering me ever since)
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It’s been happening for a while but recently I’ve been feeling so stressed and upset for the past few months so I’m in a group there are six people in the group Me three of my closest friends and two of my friends I’ve recently met I’ll call closest friends A, B, MY, and M. And the two others AY, and T. So a few months back T and B started talking THIS year and they started dating back in December??
(I think) and they’re still together this feeling that has been going for months one day I think December it went to a breaking point where I yelled at them btw at the time A wasn’t there since B and A stopped being friends I was friends with both of them btw A left the group because of B and T. It all started when A,B and I moved to MY and T’s table and we all were in a group we all made a joke and that’s when B and T started becoming closer A,MY, and I noticed A and I talked about it we thought it was off but we brushed it off thinking it was a joke the joke was abt A and B getting a ‘divorce’ and B ‘cheated’ ended up being with T A got ‘custody’ of Me and MY later MY moved sadly but I still keep in contact with them. But now when they started talking I started noticing more things like how B and I barely call or text and even if we did B would talk abt T since B caught feelings for T btw B said they had ‘commitment’ issues. I guess you could be in a relationship while having commitment issues but they bring it up over and over again and we’re only in middle school in my opinion I think they should work on the issues instead of being in a relationship since we’re young and we should have fun and it would make the friend group feel awkward and I don’t want it to be like that. But they date anyways.
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Back as I was saying abt the yelling thing yeah one day I finally had enough of it and I just snapped and I yelled at them cried in the cafeteria bc T was saying how they felt ‘left out’ because I could actually have a conversation with B since T always talked to them leaving me out. But eventually we made up I love B they’ve been my close friend for years and for once I felt like we started talking again having a good time and when T said that I just felt upset and I felt like I wasn’t seen since I’ve been left out for so long by them I started talking to A about it and I felt like I could understand why A felt that way why they left. And they gave me some advice I took it I talked to B. A and B became friends again. But now it’s January-March M and AY joined our table and we’re all a group and A LOVES Vocoloid and it’s pretty good I listened to a few songs and I liked it but when A introduced it to B and T they started judging A. BTW T and B thought it was ai but A confirmed multiple times that it wasn’t and they know that and they continue to judge especially T both B and T always get together and start judging either me or A ,and the thing is B doesn’t even defend A btw A and B have been friends since elementary A had to ask B to defend them which I felt bad bc I don’t think you should a friend to do that especially to your closest friends that’s what a friend should do. And B was defending T and same goes to T and B even when their in the wrong. B was disrespecting who I shipped in Stranger Things (I shipped MILEVEN) B literally called me homophobic just for shipping mileven (Which I’m not I don’t rlly care abt your sexuality that’s rlly none of my business) it literally got me to the point where I almost left the group bc it frustrates me bc they know I’m not homophobic either way if it was a joke or not I wouldn’t be comfortable about that. And T got into it and they said they shipped both Byler and Mileven but then B said they would break up with them if they didn’t ship Byler later T said they shipped Byler and B was judging mileven in front of me and T joined in they can ship Byler but T didn’t have to join in judging me for who I shipped. Btw B and I agreed to not disrespect or judge who we ship. And when B was judging me I mentioned how we agreed to not do that and B goes “I can’t help it!” That took me so much self control to actually not cry. I know it’s not a big of a deal but I just felt like my opinion was wrong and it didn’t matter. That’s why I don’t share my opinion to T and B anymore because of how rude that was. But there was another time where T was VERY aggressive as they talk not just towards A it’s also towards kinda towards me but towards M, and AY, except for B. Whenever it comes to B. T never uses an aggressive tone with B.
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I feel like so bad for feeling like this bc I feel like it’s kinda my fault and I feel awful for feeling like this it’s stressful and I don’t know what to do at this point bc B goes with everything T does and I rlly hate how they go together judging on what someone likes what someone is interested in. How they judged me, A, and more I know the group is sometimes judgmental we can be at times but the thing is it’s a constant thing that has been happening and I don’t even talk about what I like bc I’m afraid that they will have a comment abt it or won’t even care bc they’re so focused on each other I’m afraid they will change the subject I even get talked over by everyone and I said that talking over each other was getting annoying and it has to stop before it turns into something bigger. But whenever I talk someone has to say something it’s just tiring for me. I just hope A, M, and AY are okay I just hate how I don’t feel comfortable sharing what I actually like since I’m afraid they would do the same to me before there are days I’m just rlly moody I don’t want to talk or share anything that I want to share. There are some days I wanna cry I sometimes feel exhausted and I suck at communicating and I hate sharing how I feel I’m not so good with feelings and sharing them like at all. I’ve talked to B abt it but they never actually acknowledged how I felt or even A’s feelings too. B also kinda defended T abt their actions and B was trying to shut down the conversation or be silent abt it and ignoring what T has been doing. But yeah that’s me venting sorry for you if you read all that I’m so sorry for writing so much so yeah I just needed to let all of that out tysm for reading.
(I need some advice and I might post more updates if i feel the need to vent again.)
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