#wilderchose

top 5 yj pairings is becoming ships because @itchose is evil and made me choose dynamics so see here for that.

shauna/tai. they have an intimacy that will never be recreated by anyone ever. they understand each other better than anyone. betrayals by the other feel personal even if they aren't totally. they love each other, they hate each other, they can't live without each other. they're in love and they are not. they're everything.

mari/akilah. they've been gfs from the start. they went from not really knowing each other to clinging to each other. akilah becoming the most important person to mari, the one she can be the most vulnerable around, the one that she trusts the most. mari letting akilah cheat at choosing cards (and akilah deciding against it) because she's her person.

tai/van. they fascinate me sooo much. a casual hookup turned serious that could never be maintained once they leave the wilderness. the conflict in their views and the way tai shoots her down and van learns to speak up. the love that is this common thread between them even when that happens.

lottie/laura lee. laura lee as the only person to actually talk to lottie and make her feel heard and validated. no one in her life has ever done that, and in the wilderness she's probably overheard people talking about how weird she is acting and how she lost it and she's gone crazy, which isn't great when looking at her dad! but laura lee supported her and trusted her and had this long-lasting forever kind of impact on her.

shauna/nat. who am i if i don't force them to be included. they are real to me. they meet in person for the first time and it reeks of jealousy and love gone bad. i am entirely convinced they had an affair idc. they talk shit about each other. they love each other. shauna is jealous of nat, shauna loves nat, nat loves shauna. they cry over each other. shauna nurses nat back to warmth. nat begs and begs for people to help shauna. the hunter & the butcher. they are everything. i love reminding people that when nat picked the queen card we see shauna's reaction <3 it's not just because of what comes next <3 she's second because she's second to travis in this essay i---- they are real to me <3

bonus: shaunajackie. they compel me. they live in my mind. they're in love with each other. they're part of each other. the only reason they were bumped from this list is because they would never act on any of it. also honorable mentions go to: gen/melissa, jackie/nat, & lottie/nat. i also feel like i need to put travis/nat here because they are so deeply connected and influence each other in everything.

i immediately thought this was top 5 yj canon chars and then realized it could be 5 canon in general so you're getting both dohgs

yj:

mari

nat

tai

van

shauna

bonus: akilah, travis

canon in general:

christian ozera (vampire academy). tiffany told me to read this series and thought i'd attach to other people and then i came away with him and have been with him for 9 years now. he's my number 1 forever, really. snarky, lonely, caring, pushy, loyal love of mine.

bellamy blake (the 100). another long timer. been writing him since the season 2 finale in 2015. i've been with him through the trenches. he is a part of me at this point

layla keating (all american). i added her during or at the end of season 2 or maybe at the end of s1 it's hard to remember now and it was mostly for olivia/layla w/ cj reasons but the more we got of her, the quicker she became an actual and instant fave. her depression arc(s) is one of my favorites of all time, and it's handled really well imo. she's so complex and layered and fascinating, and i will defend and love her forever

spencer hastings (pretty little liars). at this point she is also a part of me. i don't even know if i can list the reasons why she's in my top 5, especially when all the pll girls are so important to me, but this show and char are a piece of me.

daisy johnson (agents of shield). while i think mari is making her way into All Time Favorite Chars territory, i need to go with another that I always come back to (and the one on this list that I Do Not Write). daisy's story is just so important to me. she finds a home, a place, a family, and a people. she finds a purpose. she finds love. despite everything she goes through and went through, she has so much heart. she fights for what she believes in, she hates herself despite being the best person ever, she shines like the sun and kicks ass like no other. she's a hacker with a heart of gold. she's everything to me.

there’s only a small part of her that’s aware of that now as she comes face to face with misty,   falling back into a place that she certainly doesn't belong anymore: she's part of the team, misty isn't, and yet, misty's the only one of the two of them that knows what it was actually like to live through the crash, more than allie's own assumptions and grasps for relevance have.

❝   oh, come oooon,   ❞ they drawl out, propping their weight up against the palm of their hands. across their expression is a look of longing. using the heel of their foot they tap the skateboard just enough to send it across the pavement in bea's direction. it's like when they were kids and van would talk their way through five minutes of reprieve before ultimately going back home. not even because it ultimately fucking sucked there, but because they enjoyed her company, and no passage of time could change that fact. ❝   what're you really in a rush for huh? it's 1am. you been holdin' out on me or something? ❞ she teases, itching to give bea a reason to stay; even if it's to defend herself against an inclination that van doesn't even mean to push for.

almost as quickly as the words leave their mouth, she waves them off, letting them sift away on the breeze because it isn't like they meant anything by it. not really. aiming for light and airy and reminiscent of the everything they've all left behind. ❝   i mean, have you met taissa?   ❞ van says it like the answer is obvious. to her, it is, and even when she says it she scans the surroundings in search of taissa. when they find her there's a twinkle they couldn't hide even if they wanted to. after all, there hasn't been a single day in van palmer's life where she could stop her face from reading like an open book. (real smooth, i know) it makes them smile to think that if anyone asked taissa, smooth would probably be the last word she'd use to describe them, and she's a-okay with that.

❝   what's not to uhh - like like about her?   ❞ van follows lauralee's lead despite the word love hanging from her tongue. they're not there yet. it'd be impulsive and full of a feeling they don't even know where to arrange inside of themself. it's there though, lingering and clawing and blooming. they still can't believe it's anything more than just the two of them in stolen moments. ❝   she's a helluva lot more than people give her credit for. hell, even the shit she is credited for! maybe i'm just biased. or lucky. probably both, yeah. it just kinda happened.   ❞

but they're all going to have to eventually,   right?    that's the conclusion melissa's come to after the circle,   after the hunt—     if they're not willing to kill,   then they're not willing to do what it takes to survive out here.    while they were chasing nat,   everything felt so hazy,    the memory of it now mostly just a blur,   but melissa still remembers the energy she felt when misty first yelled,  'she's getting away.'    only one thing mattered in that moment,   and it was following misty towards the target and not stopping until they could feed.    she respected nat,   she admired the kind of person she is here and who she was before it all,  too —   but that didn't matter when they were running.   what mattered was giving into the call of the wilderness,   letting that ignite them all in an effort of survival.   in the circle,  she was their friend,  someone who was giving herself to them out of love and honor.   but outside,  she was just meat,   and reflecting on it now,   melissa can't shake just how easy it was to make that shift once they were all moving together.   

she can't shake how easy it was to turn on the kid once an opportunity rose for nat to be spared,   nor can she shake the idea that if it were her,   they all would've done the same thing,   too,   because they were all laser-focused on what it would take to survive another day.   misty's words are getting to her now that she remembers what it felt like to watch him fall,   to know almost instantly the decision they were all about to make.   melissa's never been sure of where she stands on what it means to leave their decisions up to the wilderness—    but in that moment,  it was easy to justify their actions by blaming it on their surroundings.   in the aftermath,   it comes with a lot of guilt that only lands her on one conclusion:   they're all responsible for not saving javi,   and doesn't that just mean they've all killed?

❝   y'knooooow -   ❞ this could go one of two ways: van could offer a piece of advice sans of snark to try and make up for all of the pent up frustration they have building inside the crux of their core that they've willingly decided to put on jackie because it's easier to think oh hey you left me to fucking die than to delve into we're all gonna fucking die or van could choose now to really whip out every last stop just to nail jackie since the prospect of being rescued seems a lot less likely than whatever the hell is coming next for them. or maybe it could go three ways. they could just say nothing at all. it isn't like they owe jackie a pass. hell, if they weren't stranded in the middle of nowhere she wouldn't even be considering it. then again, what burning plane would've almost taken their life if they weren't? ❝   i know this all really sucks but maybe it would suck a little less for you if you didn't try to go all claire standish on the one bringing us food. or anyone. just a thought.   ❞