#whyisitsohard

making friends on twt/ tumblr is so hard if you’re scared of interacting with other people and have them thinking you’re really stupid and i KNOW you can relate to this

I live in America, and I've lived in the same state for the almost 26 years. I have been alive. I hate it here. I feel no control, and I am the definition of someone who would be on the street if I didn't have my mom's support. My stress levels feel immeasurable most days. I am on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication currently, and sometimes it feels like it doesn't work. Sometimes I feel okay, sometimes I wonder if I stop taking it....what will change. My sister gave me covid, and I tried to have a doctor's appointment today to hopefully get medication for it. My appointment was canceled because I have an amount in "collections." But but but I am sure it has been paid. I just can't figure out when and who ran it. My memory is shit now. This lady at the office called me at 830 am and hour before the appointment being a bitch and saying my name wrong saying that had to be paid, which fine whatever don't talk to me like I'm stupid. Your office fucked up not me. I always say there should be a co-pay. Called me back 5 minutes later to say it had to be paid over the phone. HA. No, thank you. I don't trust people like that. Next time I come in the office I'll pay it in person. This same office I've had issues with my prescriptions and appointments. On top of that, we moved in October, which means this doctor is officially an hour and a half away from me. If I don't get a job by February, by the time I turn 26, I will get kicked off my mom's insurance and won't be able to afford insurance. So no meds, no doctors, no therapy, no dental, and no vision. I am so blind. Why is the system set up like this? Sure, there are other options, but there is no telling those will cover what I have now. There is no telling that these options will accept me in the program. I may have a disability by definition (ADHD, Autism, anxiety, depression), but they require proof. Can't get proof without doctors. Which cost money. Can't get money without a job. Can't get insurance without a job. Jobs don't hire mentally unstable people. Jobs won't hire me. I can't do customer service again. It brought back the unalivent thoughts, my stress, and overwhelming anger. Most people don't care about others. I want to help, I don't want to serve anyone. Most jobs require a degree. I don't have one of those.... I probably won't get one. Schooling in America isn't made for neurodivergents. I struggle so much. I live in America and I don't want to anymore.

I deserve more in life... right?