#whydoisucksomuch

Witchtober Day One: Tarot Wonderful exercise to commit to making art every day without pressuring yourself to make a masterpiece every time! At least, that is what I thought. This sucks so much, I want it out of my apartment and I also want to cut my own head off now 😗 Also I am sick now. Fuck #witchtober #witchtober2019 #artoflillysternmann #blasfemina #Tarot #thedevil #whydoisucksomuch https://www.instagram.com/p/B3F1R1Ro-Me/?igshid=m33mgslidfen

I hate feeling like an outcast and I hate being fat and knowing I'm fat and hating it and not doing anything about it.

Seeing as people have been posting things about /dramatic/ stuff, I've decided to follow suit, from a need to fit in. Today, was a sorta good day. I got high on mushrooms (don't ask) and EQ had to come get me. I was riding a consort, thinking it was a unicorn. Must've been glorious. I don't remember much from it >_< and then I chatted on the memo for a while, things were okay. Then I went to HQ and got everyone to go dungeon crawling with me. A few people left, so it came down to me, Sogwa,(SB) Niki,(SJ) Kimura,(CP) Hannah,(EQ) Ash,(FP) Katelynn(PK, who is a guy xD) and his AI, CAFAI.(AR) (Sorry to anyone I missed >_<) We went to an underwater dungeon on LOCAL. it was fun for a while, I got a new strife specibus, and punched a Sea Ogre in the snoz. (Glorious!) ....then things got real. We came into a room with a chest and a lost-and found. In that lost in found....were the bones of past dungeoneers. I remember thinking, "that could have been me. Or my teammates."I just stood there. I didn't say a word. How could I? I guess after that, I kinda... checked out. I couldn't feel...anything. I walked along, and when we got to a room with an Imp Drake, I didn t say anything. The thing just wouldn't /die/. I shot it with a laser pistol, and all of us attacked it pretty well. But then.... Hannah got hurt. She used her hookshot to hang onto It's neck. It thought it would be a GREAT îdea to spin like a tornado. Hanna was thrown off it, ànd crashed into a wall, KO'd. I thought of the bones. And flipped out. I started yelling things i don't remember now, and charged it. That, along with Kimura's Cherry Bomb, màde it fall over. On me. I basically said "Fu*k you" to the Drake, caught it, ànd threw it against a wall. Said wall broke, and made water come rushing in. I was about to make a dome over us all, when we were teleported out. I guess I killed it. I quickly calmed down, and went stone-faced again. I just left, going back to LOZAL. I fixed my microphone (which exploded >_<) añd tried to say something...and failed. Not one word escaped my lips. I read some people were going back to HQ, and for some reason I felt like I had to go too. I pchoo'd over on my rocketshield and sat around, silent. But I realized...that I needed to talk. I had to vent or risk being a mute. I talked to Sogwa, and got my thoughts together. Was I that much of a pansy that I was gonna freak out over a few bones? No time to sissy around, here! And yet.... The bones won't leave my mind. So, Sogwa and I helped out this guy Tounks(SP) and we wènt back and played some truth or dare. It was fun! I drank pure, lîquified PAIN. 'Twas excrutiating. And awesome. But then it was my turn... and I think I hurt Sogwa. I go and ask her to dance to gangnam style, while wearing a dinosaur costume, and she got angry and left,. The game ended immediatèly, and I vamoosed. I hurt her. Darn it, why do I do that? The person that rose up to help mè, I have to go and hurt! I just wish I could talk to her... -perpetuallyOptimistic