#why exist

I started panicking then mom and stepdad said they did it since its nice out and they wanted a cool breeze as they sat on the couch.

My room opens right into the living room.

Then they got annoyed with me. Questioning why I never open my window.

I told them I DO open it but only when I am home.

They told me I could open more often since they are home.

Which ?????? They are not always home. Mom works weird hours sometimes. They go out for shopping, meals or hang out with family/friends.

I never know when they are gonna be home or not. They got all huffy but stopped talking with me to focus on their show.

Thought it was all over. I wanted to discuss them entering my room, that I pay rent for, without my premission but didn't since it would do nothing but make them furious and no good would come of it.

But then! Eating dinner and they tell me they are furious with me for how messy my room is. And they will not stand for it. Demanded I reply and tell them I understand.

My room is a little messy i admit. I have my clean clothes in my clean clothes laundry basket waiting to be put away. I messy made my bed this morning because I was rushing to work. And I have a small store bag with papers and such that I am gonna toss.

I have a stack of old old paperwork on my desk I want to go through and toss the stuff I no longer need.

I have a pair of jeans and zip sweater laid over the back of my desk chair. I was gonna wear them but changed my mind but hadnt put them back in my closet yet.

And I have three plastic bins full of arts and crafts and sewing material stacked against one wall.

And yet my mom and step dad made it out that my room was disgusting and horrible.

I know and WANT to keep my room clean and organized but I work 6 days a week. 2 jobs. Drive my sister everywhere. I get tired and I try to set a goal of one two small things a day.

Like do laundry. Put laundry away. Organize desk. Organize nightstand. Pay a bill(s). Clean bathroom. Vaccuum. Ect.

I was so proud of getting myself to accomplish these little goals.

A lot of the time its one small goal achived but I did it! And it motivates me to try again tomorrow. And maybe get 2 done the next day!

But they are not happy and then my sister joined in and added fuel to the fire. It was horrible and I had to sit and listen as they tore into me. About how I only work a couple days a week for a few hours. And I so badly wanted to say, "Six days a week is a couple days? 7:30 am to 6-7 pm is a few hours? Picking my sister up, dropping her off, taking her shopping/to appointments at all hours of the day and night isnt enough? I am barely home and when I am, its mainly to eat, sleep and get ready to go back to work. But oh!! I have hours and hours of free time!"

But I cant.

I feel so horrible. They invaded my privecy and just ripped into me. Making me feel so small and scared.

Step dad mentioned kicking me out if I don't shape up.

Then they went on and on about how they keep their living space clean and clutter free.

They have two huge walk in closets. They have the largest room in the house. They also have full use of the large garage.

I have a small closet that is no way walk in and the smallest room in the house. I got yelled at for putting 2 coats in the hall closet. A closet that have a bunch of their coats.

And I they told me I could put 1 bin the garage but when I did. They threw a fit and made me put it back in my room.