#whosyourfriend

“I am thankful for many things… but mostly for good wine and my exquisite taste in friends.” 

That was written in on my 33rd Birthday Card. And it’s so true. Whilst I’m not picky with wine, I grow to be pickier with friends. Why you may ask?

Friends, for me, are Angels sent to take care of me. And I didn’t realize this until quite late, because I used to be the type that ‘Oh, I don’t want to bother them’ or ‘I can take care of myself.’ Until one day I realize, hey… I don’t really have any. I don’t really know who to call. In the midst of my lowest, I can only stare at my phone contacts, still wondering who I can call. Until one day, I met Kelly. She was my first Angel. But wait, why are they important?

A 10-year Australian study found that older people with a large circle of friends were 22 percent less likely to die during the study period than those with fewer friends

Harvard researchers reported that strong social ties could promote brain health as we age

In 2006, a study of nearly 3,000 nurses with breast cancer found that women without close friends were four times as likely to die from the disease as women with 10 or more friends

Bella DePaulo, a visiting psychology professor at the University of California, Santa Barbara, whose work focuses on single people and friendships, notes that in many studies, friendship has an even greater effect on health than a spouse or family member.

In a nutshell, friendship makes you live longer

 Let me rephrase that. Friendship makes you live. It gives you strength to live. Strength we receive from love and joy. Not the ones we get from mere acquaintances, but real friendship. True friends. How do you know if they are your true friends? If it is someone who always agrees with me If it is someone who only tells me nice things If it is someone who babies me  … I don’t think I would say they are my true friends. I’d say those are fans or groupies 

For me, they see your strengths so clearly. They call out your bullshits. They will tell you the truth, even if it hurts. They accept you with all of your shortcomings. They forgive you. They don’t judge. This will sound cliche, but they inspire you in ways that you want to be a better human being. They are your role models. And, they have this amazing ability to lift weights of your chest or shoulders by doing absolutely nothing; just by being. They allow you to see a glimpse of how wonderful you are in them. They make you feel as if you can grow wings. So, this is the question I use to measure the depth of my friendship: If you have just found out (God forbid) that you are positive with HIV, pregnant outside marriage, or simply feeling utterly low, who would you call at 4am in the morning knowing that you wouldn’t be judged?

Oh, I don’t want to bother them. I can take care of myself, I am strong. I’m not sure I have any. I have one. I have three. I have angels. Friendship is a beautiful exchange of loving energy. Like a random five hour conversation over dombrut and beer. You’re not sure what you talk about. It was food. It was movies. It was work. It was relationship. It was pilkada. It was gadgets. It was everything. And time flies. But you don’t care if you have to wake up in 4 hours, because it feels good. It makes you feel loved, without having to say the word love. Friendship is about allowing yourself to be vulnerable. To open yourself fully to another human being: your strengths, your weaknesses, your dreams, worries, and deepest darkest secrets with that risk and fear of being judged. With that risk and fear that they will not like you. Should I trust this person? Can I trust this person? And once in a while, if you allow yourself to be open, you will strike gold — and meet this league of Angels, whose wings turn that vulnerability to vitality. As I tweet once: being alone shapes your mental toughness, but being with true friends grows your heart fullness. Isn’t that what joy is? Having a full heart? And one other thing about friendship… “Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.” Because a flock of birds fly together. Because you will attract people who are a lot like you. So, if you want to know how you are as a human being, take a look at your friends. What are they like? Oh I sure hope you also have exquisite taste in friends So yes, friendship is like Wine, Wings and Wonders. Wine, because it allows me to enjoy, relax and celebrate life. Wings, because as Angels they don’t only take care of me but also lift me up to new heights. Wonders, because I continue to discover amazing things about me and life through them.

And how about you? Who are your Angels? Are you an Angel too? Are you someone’s Angel? What does friendship mean for you? And for my Angels, when you are reading this, without me having to mention names, I thank YOU