#whoabo

“mister bo burnham. imagine if you went by bob.”

“i’d rather be dead.”

“bob burnham.” she laughed. “might start calling you that.”

bo groaned, a hand going to cover his eyes. the two were at dinner, a friendly.. best friend dinner. he kept his eyes covered as he took a bit of his food. lemon chicken..? he wasn’t sure, actually. he had panicked and ordered the first thing he saw off the menu.

“please don’t, n/n. i’d rather be called ‘subaru boy’ for the rest of my life than.. than bob!” he chuckled, finally removing his hand away.

subaru boy came from the first time they met. or hung out, really. the two had met through a mutual friend, became a trio, and now a duo. they met at a bar and hit it off that night. and bo offered her a ride home.

[ two years earlier ]

“hey, i can give you a ride if you want.” bo spoke as he watched their friend walk out with someone else. he had caught on that they were her ride once a grimaced expression crossed her face. watching their friend leave out the door.

“uh, yeah. that would be great, thank you.” she smiled. the two quickly stood up, bo handing the bar tender a quick twenty.

they walked to his car in a quiet manner to be quite honest. the only words between the two were a quick ‘this way’ from bo.

he soon pressed the unlock button on his key, making the headlights flash.

a subaru forester, lovely.

“subaru!” she exclaimed.

bo furrowed his eyebrows, a confused smile crossing his face. “what? you gotta thing for subaru’s or somethin’?”

she rolled her eyes. “oh, yeah. big turn on.” she nodded her head. bo laughed and opened the car door for her.

he crossed to the drivers side, and hopped in. he could see her teeth chattering so he cranked up the heat.

“thank you, it’s fucking freezing.”

the drive was filled with excited talking. learning about the other, her telling him her address, laughter, him getting her number, and setting up a day to hang out again.

finally, he pulled up to her apartment. her smile faltered a bit, as did bo’s.

“well, this is me. uhm, again thank you so much.” she spoke as she opened the door.

he smiled and gave a short wave. “see you soon?”

“you got it, subaru boy.”

[ present ]

she laughed, her hand covering her mouth. “i’m only friends with you cause of that car.”

bo shook his head, “not for my good looks?” he joked taking a sip of his drink. a twenty five year old drinking lemonade. cute.

“oh yeah that too. it was your messy hair, big ass round glasses and subaru that made me fall for you.”

bo looked down, feeling a heat on his cheeks and ears. ‘fall for you’, he likes that.

“fall for me, huh?” bo asked, still looking down with a small smile.

y/n looked up and stopped smiling. her heart sank with embarrassment.

“what?”

“you said all that is what made you ‘fall for me’… that’s- that’s nice.”

“i didn’t mean it like that, though—.”

“you didn’t?” bo cut her off.

her eyes widened the slightest bit as her mouth fell ajar. she tried to think of words as an awkward laugh slipped past her lips.

she looked down at her plate, as he looked up at her. he knew— without a doubt— his cheeks were slightly more colored than usual.

she laughed a little. “do you want me to mean it that way?”

bo shrugged, “perhaps. i think you’re cool.” he said a little timidly.

she laughed and bo cursed himself mentally. nice job at along it weird bo. you deserve to be called bob, just so your miserable everyday.

“i think your cool too, bo.”

okay, reel it back. maybe you don’t.

“should i just come right out and ask it?” he asked clasping his hands on the table in front of him.

she leaned forward, “ask what?”

“do you wanna be my girlfriend?”

“okay.. yeah. yes, of course.” she smiled.

bo let out a breath, he leaned over the table and pressed a short kiss against her lips.

“back to mine?” she says as the two stood up. bo was quick to grab her and lean down to press a longer and a little more harsh of a kiss to her. his smile seeped through.

“a bit quick don’t ya think? let me take you on a real date before you have your way with me, ohh!” bo replied, with an over the top flirty tone.

“shut up, subaru boy.”

“babe, i think i coughed a lung up!”

“no, you didn’t, bo.”

“well, it feels like i did.” the man pouted as he slid further into their shared bed. he had recently caught a fever which led to flu like symptoms. luckily for him, he got tested for covid and came back negative.

just a minor case of the flu.

a couching fit from the other side of the bedroom caught y/n attention. she turned around and saw bo hunched over the side of the bed, dry heaving into a small bucket.

“i think i’m actually dying.” he whispered as he sat back up. he turned to his side to look over at his girlfriend, who sat at the desk by the window. she looked back at him, seeing his red cheeks, clammy forehead and the circles around his eyes.

he opened his arms, as if he was inviting her to lay down with him.

“fuck no, babe.”

he pouted as he let his arms fall limp. “maybe, you’ll feel better if you take some cough medicine?”

he widened his eyes, as if he was appalled she would even suggest something like that. he sat up leaning his back against the headboard. lifting his hand and pointing his index finger, he starts to speak.

“shut the fuck up.” he spoke. y/n eyes widened as a small smile fixated on her lips. “you know how much i hate cough syrup. the taste is awful—.”

a small coughing fit interrupted his speech about how much he hates medicine.

she walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, her hand going to play with his hair. she frowned as he looked at her. he had small tears in his eyes from coughing to hard. he leaned forward and tried rest his head on her shoulder, but she pulled away before he could. making him stumble before he caught himself.

he looked over to y/n, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “i love you, bo. but i am not getting sick.”

he grumbled as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back down on the bed. bruce jumped onto the bed trying to snuggle up next to the ill man. eventually, bo let him lay next to him and give him soft pats. while murmuring a soft, ‘it’s not the same bruce.’

y/n laughed as she heard him. bo laughed a little too. not very long though, a small cough fit started back up again. she stood up and walked over to him and started patting his back the smallest bit.

he coughed into the sleeve of his stripped sweater. “can you-.” he stopped for a second to take a breath. “can you help me change outta’ this, please? it feels gross now.” he frowned as he sat back against the headboard.

y/n nodded and walked to the closet, grabbing another sweater. when came back out she set the new sweater on the chair in the corner and turned to her boyfriend.

“how about you take a bath?” she asked.

bo shook his head, “i’ll fall asleep and prolly’ drown.”

“okay.. how about just a quick bath? i’ll help you.”

bo agreed and stood up. he gripped her hand as she helped him walk to the tub. he sat on the edge while she filled it with warm water and lavender bath salts that bo bought her.

once ready, she helped him strip down and as carefully as possible sit in the tub. he sighed at the warm feeling against his chest.

bo watched as she lathered up a small loofa. a small and somewhat lazy smile appeared as she started to scrub his back and chest. she lathered his arms and neck.

“do you want me to wash your hair?” she asked rather quietly.

he nodded and leaned back a smidge. as her fingers started to scrub at his scalp, he felt his eyes start to drop.

what seemed like mere seconds later, y/n was waking him up. he squeezed his eyes as he grabbed her hand, feeling his pruned fingers against her smooth skin. she handed him towel that he slowly wrapped around his hips.

his mind was foggy, and he could barely remember y/n practically dressing him. or her leaving the room for a few minutes.

“babe, sit up a little,” she whispered. bo hazily sat against the headboard, what felt like the thousandth time today. “here, drink this.”

with his eyes half way closed, he grabbed the cup from her hands. his head bobbed as he tried to get the cup to his mouth. luckily, y/n grabbed his hand and helped him lift the cup. he closed his eyes as it reached his mouth.

“ah, fuck! honey, what the fuck!” his eyes widened as he tasted .. cough syrup.

y/n laughed as she looked at him. she reached over and plugged his nose and told him to swallow. he tried to shake her hand off but to no avail.

she groaned as she continued to kept her hand plugging his nose. “swallow it, robert!”

“nuh uh, you kinky bitch!” he spoke to his best ability with his mouth open, trying not to let the cough syrup go down.

“bo! drink it, now!” she raised her voice the slightest bit.

he finally agreed and swallowed. he made a noise of disgust after.

she rolled her eyes and reached at the bedside table. “here,” she handed him a capri-sun pouch, with the straw already poked in. “drink this to wash it down, you big baby.”

he grabbed the pouch and sipped at it. his eyes closed involuntary as y/n hand started to play with his hair. it was something she did that always made him relax.

he smiled and held out the pouch to her. “do you want some?” he asked rather sleepily— loopy if you will.

she shook her head and continued to play with hair, hoping it will make him knock out soon. “no, i’m okay, baby. you drink it.” she smiled as he started sipping it again.

“how do feel?” she asked.

“a li’l better.. tired though. sleep next to me.” his eyes were practically fully shut as he slurred his words. she grabbed the juice pouches and pulled the blankets up to his shoulders. he naturally moved his body to the side, but not fully falling asleep til he felt y/n next to him.

he fought to keep his eyes open as he watched her walk to the closet, and change into her pajamas. eventually, she slid into the comforter next to him.

she sighed as bo moved closer to her, wrapping an arm around her waist and resting his head on top of hers.

“if i get sick, you better take care of me.”

“yeah, honey.” he whispered before soft snores filled the room.

she closed her eyes as her head moved on its own to his chest. her own arm went under his, putting them in a hugging like position.

when the two awoke, bo did feel a lot better. but that all changed when y/n started coughing.

four days.

four days.

three nights.

you left four days and three nights ago. not even saying ‘i love you’ back.

bo hadn’t stopped calling you since that night. the only time the phone stopped ringing was when he fell asleep. clutching a tear stained pillow with bruce asleep by his feet.

he didn’t realize how much he royally fucked up. he didn’t realize just how much harm he did. he thought you were fine while he was working in the guesthouse. she never complained, so he never asked.

he now realizes how flawed his logic truly is.

when he awoke, his face felt hot. it felt wet. lifting a hand to his cheeks he sighed and stood up. the sound of bones popping as he stretched made him cringe.

he walked down the hallway— not without bending down a smidge to block from hitting the doorway. reaching the living room he collapsed on to the couch. he stared at the wall, one that held a framed photo. it was a picture of you and him, about four to five years ago, it was when he adopted bruce.

he always laughed at the picture when lever his eyes happened to land on it. it was pretty much a selfie of you two, that he printed and framed.

looking at it now makes a feeling rise in his stomach, a feeling that he can’t really describe. it’s not painful nor is it a good feeling. it’s more dreadful, anxiety ridden, if you will.

“jesus fucking christ.” he groaned sitting up.

he could already tell the layout of his day.

sit down, get up, call, sit down, get up, let bruce out, sit down, get up, call, sit down, get up, make lunch, sit down, call, get up, feed bruce, sit down, get up, call, lay down, and eventually cry everything out.

sounds eventful.

as he stood over the stove, cooking some eggs. he made a decision to take a two week long break from his special. he’s gonna spend. that time trying to get you to come home.

grabbing his phone he noticed the time; eleven forty nine. (11:49 am) and zero calls. well one from his mother but not one from the person he so desperately wants to talk to. back to his mother, he’ll just facetime her before he goes to bed.

he opens his phone as he turns off the stove. clicking on the green phone icon, he presses the oh so familiar contact.

the sound of your phone ringing was enough to pull you out of your sleep. your eyes squinted as you lifted up your phone to your face.

the name displayed caused a feeling in your stomach. guilt, anxiety, happiness, anger? who knows. it’s hard to depict the feeling to an exact word. if that makes sense.

“fuck it.”

accept.

not daring to say word, you hold the phone against your ear. the sound of his breathing is almost too loud, that being the only thing audible.

“hello? did- did you answer?” hearing quiet shuffles from the speaker, you close your eyes at the sound of his voice.

“you answered.” he spoke, sounding— almost— marveled that you did.

you sigh and open your eyes, “would you rather i didn’t?”

shit. you didn’t mean for that to sound snarky. but he deserves it.

“no, no. i just— you haven’t been answering me all week so i didn’t really expect you to answer.”

you sit up, leaning against the headboard of the bed. you anxiously note the tip of your nails as you figure out what to say to him.

“i’m sorry.”

really? ‘i’m sorry’? you have nothing to be sorry for, he’s the one who should be apologizing. he ignored you for months while living in the same house together and your gonna say sorry cause you didn’t answer his calls for four days?

that’s not shit compared to what he did.

a bittersweet chuckle left bo’s lips, “you’re sorry? i should be the one apologizing. i was a total fucking douche and left you alone. i shouldn’t have put this special so far above you. and to yell at you— .. god, i’m so sorry, honey.” his voice changed a lot during his mini ramble.

it started off very emotional, then started to get louder. not yelling but not taking in his regular speaking voice. it stood directly in the middle. but. it ended with boarder line whispering.

the way his voice sounded like a plead, in some sorts made you want to just drive home and hug and hold him.

he cleared his throat, “i miss you.”

did you miss him?

of course, who are we kidding.

“i miss you too.”

a gasp was heard from the other side of the phone. it sounded hopeful, excited, happy, etc.

“oh, you have no idea how happy that makes me, honey. god, i’ve missed you so much. i truly realized how much of an asshole boyfriend i was— am. i promise i won’t do that again.” he pleaded.

you take the phone away from your ear and look at your sheets.

just go back home.

“i.. uh.” you stuttered.

“you what, baby?”

you squeezed your eyes shut. it shouldn’t be this hard you’ve said this to him a thousand times before.

“i- i love you, bo. i don’t know when, but i’ll be back. soon. okay?” you whispered. so low, bo could barely hear it. but he caught it.

a noise crackled through which sounded like a sigh of relief.

“of course. take your time. i love you too, y/n.”

two am.

two o’ one am.

two o’ three am.

eventually, two thirty am.

weird time to be waking up and deciding to leave your friends house with a small paper on the fridge thanking her for letting you stay.

with a bag thrown— quite dramatically— in the back seat, you’re off.

there was something about that call. about his voice. the way he sounded like he had been sick or crying, maybe even both. how would you know, you’ve been gone.

the time spent away from him, it was needed. but now it was time to go back and see him. hold him. or hold bruce, whoever came up to you first.

pulling up to the house, you turned you headlight off and sighed. it was relief. the relief of finally being home.

all the lights were off but you saw his car in the drive way. luckily he’s home. but hopefully his in the house.

unlocking the door and making it down the hall to the bedroom door, which was already half way open. you snuck in and saw bo facing away from the door and clutching a pillow to his chest. bruce laid comfortably at his feet. you smiled, eyes tearing up the slightest bit.

your legs and feet start to move, somewhat, on their own and you walk to the other side of the bed. slowly, you slip under the covers and place a hand on top of bo’s.

he jolts a little and mumbles out your name, not able to open his eyes fully. he feels your hand come to contact with his cheek and he sleepily smiles.

“holy fuck, you’re home. i’ve missed you.” he slurs, seemingly too tired to even say words properly. the best he can do to show some kind of affection while being half asleep is moving his head to rest on your chest.

“i missed you too, bo.”

“i’m taking two weeks.. uhm, two weeks off from making my thing.”

you laugh at how tired he sounds. not being able to remember what exactly he’s working on at the moment.

he wraps an arm around your waist and soon enough falls back asleep. you smile and pull the blankets up more. almost covering both of your guys chins.

“goodnight, bo.” you whisper, pressing a soft kiss on his forehead.

sitting in the green room of the venue, he had his chin perched on his fist as the other hand held his phone. he was waiting for a call, a text, a fucking email. anything at this point.

but nothing came.

he sighed as one of his hands started to twist strands of his hair. his eyes wouldn’t leave his screen. he doesn’t want to miss any opportunity to talk to her. for her to calm him down. help him out. make him feel loved.

while staring at a black, empty screen he heard the doorknob creak as someone opened the door. he didn’t check to see who it was. he knew it wasn’t her.

he heard a deep sigh come from behind him. is he really that depressing to look at?

his tour manager— the one who came in— walked around to the couch and sat next to the younger man. he clamped a hand around bo’s shoulder. he tensed and looked away from his phone screen for the first time in twenty three minutes. his manager got the hint and let go.

“listen, i came in here to tell you that they start the intro in fifteen so that gives you about eighteen minutes to get ready. so, i would start.”

he nodded and turned away from him. his manager stood up and walked to the door. “i’m sure she’ll check in.” he shut the door as softly as he could.

bo stood up and stretched. hearing a bone in his back pop. the sound alone made him cringe.

he shook his head and walked to the vanity like mirror. the more he stared the more he wondered why she was with him. why someone like him was so worthy of having someone like her in his life. as a lover, at that.

he felt his hands start to shake. he pushed up the sleeves of his sweater. sweat started to glaze his forehead.

“shit.” he whispered.

he felt tears prick his eyes, it burned. he dropped his head on his arms and started to weep.

he was so trapped in this bubble that formed around him, he couldn’t hear anything else besides his shake-y breaths, and when he sniffled. a disgusting sound that would make anyone pity him.

he didn’t hear his phone ring, or the sound of a text. or even the sound of the door opening.

“bo,” a quiet voice spoke behind him. he jolted up, making eye contact with her through the mirror.

he spun around to face her. “y/n.” he quietly cried as he walked toward her.

his back hunched as he hugged her. one arm around her waist and the other around her shoulder. and face hiding in the crook of her neck. he continued to cry. she wrapped her arms around him, the best she could.

she could tell he was uncomfortable in the stance he was in, but he didn’t seem to care. she started to gently push his chest. telling him to let go of her. each time he received a push, the tighter his grip on her got. he couldn’t let go. he just couldn’t. it’s as if he were to let go, she’d disappear forever and he’d never see her again. never hold her again.

never be held again.

despite his height, bo just wanted to be held and loved. be taken care of. y/n has been the only one to really make him feel cared for and loved. no matter how many times he tells her she deserves better. she never listens. she continues to stay with him. she moved in with him when he asked. he remembered the exact day.

it was winter of 2014. she was staying at his house. the two were in his bedroom laying down. his head on her chest as she played with his hair. some random show on in the background. he felt so content. so warm. he didn’t want her to leave the next morning and have to wait till friday for her to come back over after work. so he asked and she said yes about three minutes later. those three minutes were a living nightmare for bo. afraid she was going to say no, or say it’s too soon. but she didn’t.

she patted his head, scratching his scalp slightly. “bo, you need to let go for a second. just to move to the couch.” she spoke softly.

he reluctantly removed the arm around her waist, and followed her to the couch. when she sat down, bo sat next to her but a few inches away. just so he had enough room to lay his head on her lap. in an instant her hand went back to play with his hair.

she looked at him, seeing he had stopped crying. “do you wanna tell me what’s wrong?” she asked.

bo wrapped his arms around her waist as he faced her stomach. his nose only centimeters away from touching her.

“i just.. i love performing. i do. i’ve made it so far. i-i just can’t. every night, every show i have these panic attacks. even on fucking stage! it’s just too much for me.” he whispered the last sentence. he moved his head forward more so his forehead could touch her stomach.

she nodded, trying to be as understanding as she could in this situation. as she thought of what to say her hand stopped playing with his hair. bo noticed and nudged her hand to continue. she started up again.

“well, what do you wanna do?” she asked.

bo turned over so his back was on the couch. his head was straight forward, he could see her face. he could see the concern in her eyes. he shrugged.

he didn’t know what to do. what he should do.

he opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by a knock at the door.

“you’re on in two minutes. the intro just started.” his tour manager spoke from behind the door. bo sighed and sat up.

he looked over to y/n. he leaned forward and kissed her. his palm rested between her jaw and behind her ear. he felt her hand wrap around his neck. he pulled away while tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

“i love you, y/n.” he whispered.

“i love you, too.”

he closed his eyes, like he was relishing in the words. he stood up and walked to the door.

“i’ll see you after the show. thank you.” he said and closed the door behind him.

as he walked to stage he heard footsteps behind him. he turned around and saw y/n standing there.

she leaned on her toes and pressed a lingering kiss. bo smiled and closed his eyes.

“good luck.”

over the past year bo had locked himself in the guesthouse. it’s not that y/n never saw her boyfriend over the course of that year, but to be fair it did feel pretty rare that she did. he’d only come in if it was too cold to sleep in there or even to just make himself food and rush back into the guesthouse.

the amount of time the two spent together was minimum, almost non-existent.

bo was just so set on wanting to make this special— special! he wanted it to be different and feel the same as his old stuff at the same time. he didn’t care about how long he’s been in there, he just needs to make it perfect. if not for his fans, then for himself. he just wants to prove to himself he can still do something great. whether it was by himself in a room or even with a whole production team behind him.

however, for y/n it wasn’t nice. she was left alone in the house most days. sure, she had bruce but she wanted bo. she wanted him next to her when she fell asleep. or to have dinner with her at least once. but she just couldn’t bring herself to tell him to spend time with her. she knew how important this was for him, and she didn’t want to ruin that. but. it’s not selfish to want some time with your partner. especially if you live in the same house.

she felt like they were mere roommates.

today. today, she’s gonna go tell bo how she’s feeling. or at least tell him to come inside and spend time with her for one night. take a night off and relax.

she started thinking about what she was going to say when she heard little patters come toward her. bruce. he jumped onto the bed next to her and rested his head on her lap.

she waited till the vibration of the music stopped before making her way out there. she’s never felt more nervous to talk to bo, besides when they first started dating. but they’ve been together for almost six years, she should be fine.

she knocked on the door, hearing the man inside stumble over a few things. soon enough the door opened to a somewhat confused bo.

“y/n? what’re you doing?” he said as he leaned against the doorway.

she let out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding and started to speak. she wanted to go about calmly and take things slow. “i just wanted you to have dinner with me and sleep in the house tonight. i feel like we haven’t—.”

“honey, you know i can’t. i have to finish this.” he cut her off. he turned around and looked at the room behind him, before turning back around.

she ran a hand through her hair, “bo, one night isn’t going to hurt you. we haven’t had dinner together in months, let alone sleep in the same bed! please, just one night with me and bruce.” she pleaded.

she watched as he let out a sigh. most likely annoyed with how much she was begging him.

he lifted a hand to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose while squeezing his eyes. “why can’t you just understand how important this is to me, y/n? i need to do this, okay? get that through your mind!” his voice started to raise towards the end.

her eyes widened the tiniest bit, but he caught it. he never raised his voice at her. the only time he did was when it was in a jokingly manner.

when he saw her face change, he felt a ping of guilt hit his chest.

“god, robert, why are you being such an asshole? i’m just asking you to spend time with me!”

it was bo’s turn to be surprised. his eyebrows rose as he heard her say his full name. she never called him ‘robert’ unless she was actually angry with him.

“because,” he started. “you complaining about me not spending time with you is taking away valuable time i could be working! do you not understand that i have a fucking deadline?” he was borderline yelling. his voice barely tip-toeing just being loud and full blown yelling.

he brought both hands to his face, using the heel of his palms to rub his eyes. only one of his hand traveled up to his hair, gripping it slightly as he smooths it back.

“you’re being selfish at this point, y/n.” he finished.

she laughed bitterly, “i’m being selfish?” she turned away from for a second, not wanting to look him into the eye. “do you not hear how you sound? you’re calling me selfish cause i want to spend time with my boyfriend! god, you are so hard to be around sometimes!”

“then leave!” he yelled. a full on yell. “go somewhere else if i’m so hard to be around!”

that was it. that was her breaking point. tears started to fill her eyes. she wipes her eyes before they could fall.

she nodded, “fuck you, bo.” she spoke boldly and started walking back towards the house. before she reached the house, she heard the guesthouse door slam. followed by what sounded like his camera equipment falling.

it was about eight twenty eight (8:28pm) by the time she finished packing her bag. she wasn’t packing all her belongings, just an overnight bag.

she was planning on staying with her friend for a few days, just until the dust settled. that was really their first huge argument.

as she was grabbing her keys, she heard the back door open.

“y/n.” she heard from behind ber.

she shook her head, and continued walking.

“where are you going?”

“why does it matter? you told to me to leave, so that’s what i’m doing, robert.” she responded.

he let out a sigh. “please,” he grabbed her arm, turning her around to face him.

she tried to pull herself out of his grip.

“no—.”

“please, just let me talk—!”

“bo, stop!—.”

“y/n! please, no. listen to me, damnit!”

“fuck off.” she pushed him away. he stared at her, semi shocked. but what could he expect after the things he said.

she started walking away. as she reached the car, he spoke again.

“are you leaving me? like-like.. are you breaking up with me?”

she swore she heard his voice crack. but she played it off as her imagination.

“no. i never said that, did i? i just need time away from you and from the house, especially after the things you said.”

she opened the door and walked out, not closing the door behind her.

“i love you.” she heard him speak from the door way.

she didn’t respond.

that ping of guilt hit his chest again, but harder.

“god, i don’t know anymore..”

“well, do you still want to be with me?”

the question rang in her ears, did she? he’s hardly never home, always out, and always too tired to do anything with her.

no. no, no, what is she thinking? of course she wants to be with him. she loves him more than life itself.

“are you gonna answer me?” he spoke. his voice sounded raspy— probably because he just got back from a month full of shows.

his eyes fought their way to make contact with hers. but, nonetheless it never happened. she continued to stare at their coffee table. he remembers when they picked it out together at ikea, he hates ikea.

she sighed and shook her head slightly. “of course i do. i just can’t.. handle you being gone all the time—.”

“that’s my job, y/n. there’s not much i can do about it.” he cut her off. his tone was calm but had a slight edge to it. he threw a hand into his hair, a nervous tick he developed.

“i know that bo, but it feels like you don’t even care.”

he looked back at her and sighed.

his heart ached, “look at me.” he spoke. she didn’t, she just continued to stare at the coffee table.

“y/n, look at me.”

she shook her head, “i cant. if i do then.. i don’t know bo. i can’t do this right now— anymore. please.”

his bottoms lip quivered at her words. a burning brim of tears filled the outline of his eyes.

“y/n,” he whispered as he felt a tear finally fall. “would you just look at me! please, please.” he pleaded.

nothing.

this is it, she’s gonna leave him. she’s gonna leave him and never come back. he leaned back in chair and held his head in his hands as the tears came out, out of his control.

“i—.. bo, i love you. i do, so much. but, i need you around me more. and i know you can’t exactly help your schedule, but there’s gotta be something y-you can do to.” she barely spoke above a whisper. so soft and fragile that bo could almost not hear it.

he picked his head up, “i promise, y/n i’ll do everything in my power to make it able for me to be home more. fuck, i’ll even bring you on tour with me, i-if you will.” he stood up and walked to stand next to her and kneeled down. he picked up her hands and held them close to him.

“just.. just please don’t leave me.” he whispered.

she raised, and she nodded. slowly but surely.

“i promise”

he opened his mouth as a sigh of relief rolled out. he leaned up a bit and pressed a kiss to her lips. he let go of her hands and moved them up to cup her cheeks.

he shuddered when he felt her hands rest in his shoulders. “i love you,” he spoke in between kisses. “i love you so fucking much.”

he pulled away and hugged her, burying his face her neck. she hugged him and and rested a hand in his hair, softly playing with it.

“i’m glad you don’t hate me, and still play with my hair.”

“shut up, bo.”

he sat up and and pulled her by the hand up to their room. she laid on the bed, as bo laid next her. laying his head on her shoulder.

it had been about three days since y/n and bo reunited. well, can’t really call it that.

(three days ago)

“y/n?”

her eyes widened as she quickly grabbed the orange juice bottle and walked away. she could hear his footsteps following behind.

“y/n, wait. please, just stop for a second.” he pleaded from right behind her, not wanting to make a scene in the middle of set.

she shook her head as she continued walking to her trailer. as she closed the door behind her, she could hear him knocking on the door. the sound of his voice asking to let him in.

soon enough he stopped, and a gentle british voice spoke.

“y/n, hun. can i come in?”

carey. the leading woman of the movie, who y/n had become very close with since the start of production. y/n was actually the one who had carey in mind while writing the movie alongside emerald fennell.

she had told carey all about what had happened between her and bo over a glass a wine at dinner. carey herself, remained pretty neutral about the situation, considering she did have to work with the man in question.

when emerald gave the thumbs up for bo to play the leading man, y/n had no clue. she wasn’t really in charge of casting as she had no real clue as to how. she only gave her word on who should play the leading woman. when she was told the finalized cast, she did get a little winded. but she’s professional, she can’t put her own problems aside for the sake of her job.

or so she thought.

y/n stood up and walked to the door, opening it slightly. there stood carey with a soft expression on her face. she opened the door a bit wider letting the woman in. as she widened the door, she saw bo standing with his hands over his face talking to emerald.

“are you okay, sweetie?” carey asked as she sat on couch. she moved over a bit making room for y/n. as she sat down carey wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

“i thought i was strong enough, and over it. i told myself i’d be professional, and not let our past get in the way, but all that went out the window when i actually saw him.” she rambled.

carey rubbed a soothing hand done her back.

“you are strong enough. look at how far you made it, you’re directing a movie, who cares about bo! you are amazing, babes. plus, if you’re in here crying we’ll never get the movie done and not get paid.” she joked at the end.

y/n laughed rolling her eyes as a tear rolled down her cheek. carey wiped it away and stood up, pulling y/n up with her.

she smiled, “now come on. i need my good luck charm for this next scene!”

(present)

y/n and carey stood in the middle of the fake coffee shop set, discussing her lines and alternatives she could possibly say.

“okay, so when he comes in, look almost.. disinterested. remember, cassie doesn’t really care about the costumers.” she spoke, what she was saying almost sounded obvious for the scene.

carey nodded and fixed her hair as y/n walked behind the camera next to emerald. emerald placed a hand on y/n knee, giving it a quick squeeze. she mouthed a few words that y/n couldn’t make out.

something along the lines of, ‘you’ll be alright.’

as the scene started, she was doing fine. it wasn’t until he came out, she looked away at her clipboard. the sound of his voice made her almost wince.

why? why now was he making her life a living hell? she was doing so good for the past eight or nine years, but seeing him again made her want to spiral.

“cut!” someone yelled snapping her out of her thoughts.

she looked up and saw carey and bo looking over at her. she couldn’t sputter out a word before emerald stepped in.

she stood up walking towards them. “i feel like the scene wasn’t enough. how about, when cassie says ‘do you want milk?’ instead of saying yes and then some banter. bo, i want you to say no but you can spit in it or something like that. y/n?”

she raised her eyebrows. a hand resting under her chin as her fingers cover her mouth.

“thoughts on spitting in the coffee.”

she tilted her head as she made brief eye contact with the leading man. “uhm, yeah. seems like.. like something cassie would do.”

“should i actually drink it, or we gonna cut before?” bo asked desperately trying to make eye contact with her.

she didn’t dare meet his eyes, she continued to look at her co director. “uhm, if you’re okay with that, yeah. or ya know, pretend to sip it.”

he nodded, defeated. emerald walked back behind the camera and smiled at her partner. y/n nodded and gave a small smile back.

the scene restarted and the part where cassie spots in his coffee came up.

“uh, no no. but you can spit in my coffee. i deserve that, uh.” his character stammered.

she watched as carey picked up the cup and spat. bo picked up the cup, squinting his eyes. she covered her mouth as to muffle her laugh as he drank from the cup.

“cut!”

her and carey looked at each other and laughed as bo was handed a water bottle. he gargled the water before spitting it out into a paper cup.

“oh my god! you actually drank it!” carey exclaimed as she ran behind the camera to y/n.

he shook his head as he watched the girls laugh. “hey, i take my work seriously!”

“i have you the option to fake it, my god!” y/n laughed. bo’s eyes widened as she actually responded to him.

bo watched as she try to calm herself down, hiding her face behind her clipboard. his heart started to ache as he started to sweat the slightest bit.

the two made eye contact as emerald called for a twenty minute break. she shook her head as she walked alongside one of the camera men to talk about placements.

he hung his head low as he walked out to his trailer. he hated himself for losing touch with her. he just couldn’t handle upcoming fame and deals along with a relationship and never being with each other. so he decided to an asshole and completely ghost her.

(seven years ago)

y/n held the phone to her ear the second time that week. no answer.

“god damnit, bo.” she exclaimed.

her graduation is in two days, all she wants is for bo to be there for her and watch her on her big day.

but he wasn’t answering or calling, not even a text.

she sat down on her bed, tears started to swell in her eyes. it burned but she didn’t care at this point.

meanwhile; bo watched as the phone rang and rang, before eventually shutting off again. he sat in his tour bus, curled up in the corner of the couch, tears streaming down.

he can’t handle it. he can’t handle this.

he’s ruining her by not being there. he can’t even bring himself to fake it anymore. he cant— no, he won’t even tell her how much of a toll this is taking on him. he knows she would be worried and force to take a break.

he won’t do that, he can’t do that. his craft means to much to him.

“fuck.” he sobbed as he bit down on his fist.

the next few weeks passed and less and less bo tried to keep up with y/n. eventually, it all stopped.

she must’ve gotten tired of trying. must’ve gotten tired of bo.

(present/two weeks later)

as bo was changing into his costume for the day there was a knock at his trailer door.

he sighed as he walked over and opened it. his eyes widened as he saw y/n standing there.

“uh, hey. uhm was i needed on set?” he asked as he let her in.

she shook her head and sat on his couch. he closed the door behind him and sat on one of the few chairs. he pushed the rim of glasses up his nose a bit as he stared at her.

she played with her fingers, trying to figure out what to say. “i think,” she started looking up towards the ceiling.

“i think we should put our.. whatever it is.. behind us. we’re both professionals, this is our job. i know i’m not gonna put my job on the line cause of some guy i had a falling out with is back.”

bo leaned in his seat at the statement. sure, he was most to blame for how things ended, but it’s not like it didn’t hurt him either. he wasn’t listening to his heart or whatever the corny line is.

“some guy? good to know.”

she looked at him with her eyebrows furrowed.

with her body turned to him, an angry expression of her face. “yeah, some guy. a guy who promised me things that he couldn’t make. no matter how easy those things were.”

“maybe the guy was under a lot of stress and had no clue what to do. ever think of that? no, cause you only think of yourself.”

“i only think of myself?” she stood up. “how do i only think of myself, bo? tell me? cause i sure as hell don’t know. i called you everyday for weeks trying to check up on you and you never answered. and when you did you seemed so uninterested in me that i cried after every call. not that you give a shit, you fucking ghosted me!” tears threatened to fall from her eyes, but she held them back— even though it made her vision incredibly blurry.

he shook his head. “i’m sorry, okay? i had no clue as to what i was doing. going out on the road was not at all what imagined. and it was taking such a toll on me, i didn’t want you to see that— hear that.” he breathed slowly, trying to keep himself at bay.

his head fell as he clasped his hands together. “i would curl up in a ball and cry so hard— i would shake. i-i.. i didn’t want you to know that. fuck, i loved you too much to let her see that side of me.”

she stared at him watching the man crumble in front of her. his cries were quiet but he was shaking. he was obviously trying to be as silent as possible but the sniffling and hiccuping was a dead give away.

as much as she wanted to keep a stone cold face on, seeing the man she once loved break, it hurts. she knelt down and placed a hand on his back. he looked up, his eyebrows slightly raised. his bottom lip in between his teeth as he held in any more tears.

she placed her other hand behind his head, guiding him to her shoulder. as soon as his head fell in between the crook of her neck, he could no longer hold them back. the feeling of her holding him again was almost too much. it burned, it felt hot against his skin.

he felt like he was dreaming.

she began to rock the two of them slightly, a hand soothingly rubbing his back. his cries soon turned into hiccups, which soon turned into sniffles, which then turned to uneven breaths. he didn’t want to move. he wanted her to hold for eternity. he wanted her to never let go.

“i’m sorry, i’m so fucking sorry. i am the biggest piece of shit.” he whispered. she squeezed her eyes at his words. her hand made its way to his hair, slightly scratching his scalp.

after a few more moments, bo felt her loosen his grip. “no, please. don’t let go, please.”

she chuckled. “we have to get to set. you’re on in ten, bo.” she said as she let her arms fall back to her sides.

he sat back— his arms wrapping themselves around him. he closed his eyes, slightly wincing at the burn from crying.

“does.. does that mean we’re gonna go all.. not talking to each other again. cause this is the most you’ve talked to me in four months.”

“well, actually more like.. eight years.”

he smiled not having enough in him to laugh.

“you know what i mean. i don’t want to go back to that. i mean, it’s not like we’re together again.. or something. but i still wanna be friends.”

“can we be friends?” she asked.

he looked up with a confused face. he nodded his head. his hands rested in his lap as he asked her what she meant.

“what if i don’t want to be friends.” she spoke softly.

bo’s glasses slipped as he’s head slumped down.

“oh.”

she shook her head. “shit, that’s not what i meant. i meant.. i wanna go back to how we used to be. seeing you again after all these years brought back feelings i thought i was over. i thought i was finally over you years ago but when i saw you grabbing a coffee a few months back, it just. i- i don’t know. i just can’t—.”

before she could say anything else, bo stood up grabbing her face and bringing it up to his. their lips met and for the first time in a while the two felt content again.

memories of college, watching his first special, asking for notes, even that one eventful night years back.

she was the first to pull away, resting her head on his chest. he wrapped his arms around her while resting his head atop of hers.

“as much as i’d like to do that all the time. uhm, i wanna take this slow.” she spoke as she pulled away again.

he nodded placing his hands on her waist. “of course, of course, honey.— oh shit sorry. can i— can i call you that? if not that’s fine, i can wait. i mean i’ve waited how long now? i’ll be fine—.”

“bo, shut up.” she laughed. he laughed as well looking down at her. “you can call me that, just when we’re alone.”

he nodded, pulling her the slightest bit closer to him. “can i kiss you one more time before we go on set.”

she nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down so she can reach.

“what about.. oh! what about being an actor?”

zachs eyes widened as he looked at the camera, his signature grin crossing his face. he started writing down more ideas. but being an actor is one that really stuck out for him.

his partner, y/n, looked at him with a small smile. “zach, do you know anything about acting?” they asked as they laid their head on his shoulder, watching write out other jobs to become famous.

he stopped writing and looked at them. “have faith in me, baby!” he said with a somewhat smolder look on his face. he looked back to the camera, “look out america, you’re lookin’ at the next oscar winning actor!” he exclaimed happily.

the camera pans to y/n, there’s no other expression but love and hope for their boyfriend.

———

zach told y/n to come over to his asap. when they walked into his bedroom any and greg sat there on his bed.

“where’s zach?” y/n asked. greg and amy shrugged, greg started to snoop around his room.

amy looked over to y/n and patted the spot next to her. they sat down and started to chat while they waited for zach to arrive from wherever he was.

the camera crew came in and started to roll. “zach’s comin’ up soon, he told us to start filming.”

the trio nodded and started chatting again. soon enough zach came in with a small cd player. he smiled as he walked in the room and made a beeline for y/n. he pressed a small kiss to their lips.

“alright! so, had a bit change of plans. i’ve decided to become a singer!” he said.

greg and amy looked skeptical, even making eye contact with the cameras.

y/n smiled but had a confused look on their face. “what about being an actor?”

zach shook his head and with a wave of his hand he dismissed them. “i think i could make some easy money off of singing, and plus i’m like.. incredibly good.” a smug look was thrown at the camera.

“uh, camera dudes. make sure to get a close up of me and y/n when i press play!” he whispered.

he walked back to his desk and sat down the cd player. he hooked up his ipod to the small aux cord and pressed play.

“it’s friday night, we’re feeling alright so let’s get drunk on some alcohol!”

zach started dancing around the room and mouthing along to the words.

“take off your pants, dance, dance, dance! cause we’re young and we’re never gonna die!”

almost as soon as it started, it ended. the three looked at each other.

“i-it was good. play the rest of it.” greg said, clamping his hands together on his lap. zach furrowed his brows and shot a small glance at y/n.

“that was it.” zach said. the three tilted their heads. so zach started to explain. “people now.. only wanna listen to their favorite part of song. well! i’m beating the system.” he smiled while he extended his arms.

y/n nodded and smiled, while amy and greg shrugged.

———

it’s been at least a week since zach showed his friends and partner is new idea on to become famous. not much has come from it other than— what seems like— disappointment from his father.

but, zach was gonna prove him wrong. zach got his first gig tonight and couldn’t be more happy. sure, his songs were about fifteen seconds long but he knew people would love them. he called y/n to come over and help him get ready. when they arrived, they greeted zach’s parents.

“hey babe— whoa.”

zach turned around and faced them. he smiled and hugged them, placing a kiss on their cheek.

“what do you think?” he asked as he did a small spin. he was wearing what seemed like a cardigan with the sleeves ripped off. and a leather jacket over it.

“you look great. different, but i could get used to it.”

zach smiled and turned away from them. he felt heat rise to his cheeks as he grabbed an eyeliner pencil.

he handed it to them, “i need you to do my makeup.”

as the couple sat on the bed zach grabbed y/n free hand and held it as they did his makeup. it seemed as soon as they were done there was a knock on the door.

“hey zach, we’re going to bed. be quiet— what are doing?” zach’s father— andrew— came in his eyes filled with confusion.

zach stood up, “got a gig tonight, at the punk hole. won’t be back til after midnight.” he said with a smug grin. he saw the camera crew behind his father and flashed a smile.

andrew scoffed, “no chance zach. you really think you can just leave after that stunt you pulled earlier? your mother paid good money for the sweater.”

zach rolled his eyes. y/n could feel the tension rising in the room.

“you know, i’m sick and tired of my life being dictated by uh.. a uh b-by a dictator, okay! you know, for your infomation y/n,” zach motioned to them, who was sitting in the bed. “doesn’t even have a curfew anymore.”

andrew pointed a finger at zach and then at y/n. “let me tell you something about y/n, alright? y/n didn’t throw their life away to just stay home and play dress up!”

zach’s face slowly started to drop. the confidant facade no longer showing. y/n could see his lips start to tremble, but he hid it by biting down on them.

“y/n had earned their freedom cause their parents are actually proud of them!”

zach looked at the ground before looking back up at the camera men. he waved his hand, telling them to put them down. zach’s mom had came into the room do to all the commotion. zach stared at his shoes while his mom walked over to y/n.

“will you take him to your house tonight?” she whispered into their ear. y/n nodded and stood up grabbing zach’s hand.

as they walked down the stairs, zach told the camera crew to not follow them. told them to just take the night off.

zach didn’t say anything in the car. he just hunched over in his seat and rested his forehead against the glove box. y/n removed one hand from the wheel and rubbed his back as they drove.

———

y/n led zach to their room and made him sit on the bed. they walked to the bathroom and grabbed sleep wipes. as they sat on the bed next to zach, they grabbed ahold of his chin and started to wipe away the eye makeup as gently as they could.

once all the makeup was and he was changed into some pajamas that he kept there and laid down. his head rested on y/n chest. he felt them start to play with his hair.

y/n could feel his shoulders shake slightly as small sniffles and breaths came out. they wrapped their arms around him as tight and as comfortable as they could. the longer they held him, the more he seemed to cry. 

“i just.. i want him to be proud of me. even if i’m not like andy or don’t g-go to collage, you know? i wanna make a name for myself and b-be someone.” zach whispered. he moved his face closer to their neck as he tried to calm himself down.

“well, i don’t know about your father but i’m sure he’ll come around. but you have me, i’ll be your number one fan as long as you want me to be. i believe in you zach.” they kissed his head and started to play with his hair again.

“thank you, y/n.” he said as he lifted his head up. he leaned fowrward and pressed his lips against theirs and smiled through it. no one has ever believed in him or loved him as much as y/n had. he was forever grateful for them.

he pulled away and laid his head back down on their chest.

“i love you, y/n.”

“i love you too, zach stone.” they smiled.

“ugh, that would’ve been perfect if the cameras were here.” zach jokingly spoke.