@whispershe said: ❝ men die. It’s practically what they’re for, but then... you know all about denying death for others, don't you dan heng ? ❞
the very first time he had known what it was to sever life he had been young, barely an adult by vidyadhara standards, freshly exiled and lost to the universe. no guidance save for the phrase “ away from here ” and away from everything both dan heng, and dan feng had ever known. blade’s attack had come swiftly, and without provocation, save for one defining statement. “ do i know you ? ” he did. or, he had. the lancer had known from the second the sword had been raised. it was the wrong thing to say. so began a string of marastruck blade manifesting from the shadows, each death easier than the last, each blow and strike numbing dan heng to his eventual demise until … well, until it hadn’t been that way anymore. until routine had switched between clashing weapons, then the gnashing of tongue and teeth between sheets. he didn’t need to relay this to kafka, he could tell she understood it all ; how blade had once been nothing to him, and then everything all at once.
men die. how astute. dan heng could not agree more. the human life was such an infinitesimal thing. he leant against the wall outside one their stellaron hide outs, an overcrowded industrial planet, built high from overcrowding, dystopian. the rain clattered against the thin tin awning overlooking the lair’s entrance, getting heavier and heavier with each passing hour. the vidyadhara didn’t need to guess how long the city had been in a downpour ; the weather had followed him. dripping clothes had been smeared red, cloud piercer still coated with its creator’s blood when he came to haul blade’s unconscious body to the meeting site. even in such a desolate atmosphere, kafka looked almost serene, picturesque amidst a city cowing under the weight of its own pollution. yet here she stood, ready to cleanse. dan heng could never understand what could make her so unflappable, it was an enviable thing. the vidyadhara looked a mess in comparison, most likely in need of medical care once he finished his goodbyes.
seafoam eyes, red rimmed, hurt by her accusations, but accepting all the same. dan feng’s sins were his to bear after all, and for blade he would. he wanted to see him. their fates had been condemned, and inexplicably tied to one another for centuries to come. a mirror to one another ; both could not hold one’s entire picture without the other – they were pieces of broken glass, reflecting fractales of what once was, and what could have been. even after all the damage they had done to one another, long scion could not help but feel the pull towards his beloved, the urge to hold him while his conscious was undone. when he eventually came to respond his voice was soft, worn. dan heng was in mourning, how else to explain the torrential rain about them ? the sky that cried for him, even before the heat could prick behind his eyes. but it did, even if the vidyadhara’s tone was steady and calm while the tear ran down his cheek. “ you have me confused with someone else. ” dan heng’s expression seemed vacant as he looked at the bustling city below them. he knew who made their bracers now, and what they once meant. when kafka whispered the mara away, would blade come to remember the intimacy between the strife again ? the quietude and tenderness between each fatal blow ? or would it just leave that festering hate to grow and grow once more ?
would it be better if he could forget me entirely ?
maybe dan heng was like yinyue, if the thought alone of giving blade up lanced his heart with grief. it was now his turn to carry the burden of remembering.
“ i’ll leave him in your care. ”
