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lifes just been sad.
so damn fucking shitty.
lost friends. forgot how to make new ones.
relationships? lmaooo
family? done w it.
just wanna abandon everything and everyone and die for a bit. wanna not care about a few things and people. wanna be able to smile for a while. wanna go have some alcohol and dance naked maybe. wanna be alone but not feel lonely. wanna be someone but nobody is all i am.
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Dreamstate.
My lingering feelings gets worse everytime. And this time, it hit me really hard. I’ve dreamt of you. This is the fourth time since I met you two years ago. I can’t seem to understand where am I or why am I there, but seeing you in a crowded place makes me feel that somehow I might be where I should be. The scenes were all about how I feel for you, but this time, with pure sincerity. Looking straight into your eyes. Staying right beside you. Listening to every word you say. Holding your hand tightly. Gentle kisses and intimacy. For once, I knew you’re someone I can never lose grip of. But that ain’t real. It’s just a fraction of my mind’s subconscious.
I woke up feeling a heartache. What’s worse than having a nightmare is remembering every single detail of a dream you wish you never had. Like a real memory replaying on my mind. Seeing how I acted in that dream state, I knew I can never let go of what I feel. I just hope that someday, it will just disappear. Forever.
Scene.
I woke up multiple times a while ago in the middle of the night. There have been many different stories and I can only remember one. I was with you, and it seems everything turned out well. We’re back from the start. I can even recall what your mom told us. “Who would’ve thought you’d end up together again?” she said with a very cheerful smile. I was laughing. Again, I was portraying a role my subconscious is projecting at the back of her mind. The me in that dream state seems to be very happy. Like nothing else mattered when you’re with me. My mind was clouded by thoughts of you that I had totally forgotten who I am and what I ought to do with life. You’re still superior on my subconscious’ memory. But why is this happening? I’m tired of watching these scenes, my dear. I wanted a life where I won’t be able to bother you anymore, and hopefully, vice versa. I really can’t understand why your shadow won’t let me have my peace of mind. Confusing. I wish you well, dear.
Mall.
I was dreaming. I was hesitating to reach someone’s hand. From the back of my mind, I know there’s someone else who already had me. It was you. The moment I saw you looking at me, nothing else mattered. My subconcious was telling me to always choose you, never having to hurt you again, dear.
And I woke up questioning myself why.
Considering I just suffered a panic attack, eating half a package of Chips Ahoy is acceptable for today...
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Feelin' like shit!
