#whenilearnedtofly

To My Darling Son,

Okay, first of all, you need to stop being so hard on yourself. You are in a horrendously difficult position, and you are doing the best you can to save the most possible people given the circumstances. You are fighting a good fight, despite how it may seem sometimes. And someday, whether you live to see it or not (you’d better fucking live to see it, though) all your sacrifices will surely result in humanity’s freedom. Hopefully. Either way, stop beating yourself up over things beyond your control. 

And for fuck’s sake, stop blaming yourself for what happened to your dad. You were a fucking child, you didn’t know any better than to trust people. And I’m sure it would break your father’s heart if he knew you’d been blaming yourself for his death all these years. That was not your fault, okay? 

Basically what all of this boils down to is, you are not nearly as bad a person as you seem to think you are. You’re not evil, you’re not a monster, and you’re not going to hell. You are a wonderful, intelligent, handsome, brave Commander and everybody loves you. Except probably the Government. And the Titans. But who really cares what they think. 

But yes you are a wonderful son and I am very very proud of everything you have accomplished.

Lots of love,

“Careless! Stupid!” Each word is punctuated with a rough shove from behind. “What were you thinking?” Levi hisses, shoving Erwin into his private bathroom.   “How reckless can you be, getting your arm eaten like that?”

Levi draws up his sleeves, scowling, and Erwin knows that he messed up.  “Get into the washtub.” The water has already been drawn,the damp heat making the ends of Erwin’s blonde hair curl.  He strips off his clothes and folds them under Levi’s watchful eye before toeing into the tub.  The temperature borders on scalding.  He eases himself in, his knees bending to fit inside.  “Keep your arm out of the water.”

Levi turns away, rummaging through Erwin’s cabinet until he finds what he islooking for.  He pours the sweet-smelling soap onto his hands andrubs them together.  He scrubs Erwin’s hair hard and thoroughly, likea mother would to an insolent child.  “I was gone for oneday, and you go and nearly get yourself killed.” Hepours more soap into his hands before sinkinghis fingers back into Erwin’s hair, rubbingin circular motions.  “You’rehopeless without me.”

“Iam,” Erwin agrees.

Leviis taken aback, stalling in his movements for a moment beforescrubbing Erwin’s hair with renewed vigor.  His damp sleeves unrollat his forearms.  “You’re goddamn right you are.”  Erwin hums asLevi’s blunt nails scratch into his scalp and dislodge the dirt andoil.  Satisfied with his work, he takes the pitcher of water besidehim and pours it over Erwin’s head to rinse out the lather.  He jerksat the coldness.

“Tiltyour head back so I can get your face.”  Levi reaches for thestraight razor on the counter, tossing Erwin the cream so he canapply it himself.  One hand cradles Erwin’s jaw to hold him in placewhile the other hand brings the razor down the curve of his face, hishold on the blade steady and the pressure applied just so to achievea clean shave without breaking the skin.  The foam hisses asit makes contact with the water and dissolves.  Leviturns Erwin’s head to the other side.  From this vantage point, thescar on Erwin’s neck is visible.  After so many years, it has becomea thin white line, barely visible to anyone who didn’t know it wasthere.  Levi thinks of how Erwin will always carry a part of him onhis body, even in this terrible way.  It makes the fingers wieldingthe razor twitch, as if some vestigial part of him hasn’t unlearned that old violence.  Adark, impulsive part of him wonders what would happen if he pressedthe razor a little harder and marred that skin again, but he brushes thethought away as quickly as it had been conceived.  He doesn’t want tohurt Erwin, not anymore.  He wants to put his mouth on the scar and absolvehimself.  He’s so conscious now of how much power he has and howwillingly Erwin has acquiesced it.  The weight of the blade in hispalm becomes heavier, and he hesitates to apply even theslightest pressure.  He finishes with a shaky hand.  

Erwin’sgaze spears into him questioningly but Levi pushes his head to faceforward and he retrieves a bar of soap.  It has a spongy texture andsmells of ash and lye.  He uses it to clean the rest of Erwin’s body,careful not to jostle what remained of his right arm in the process. Erwin’s skin is a canvas of scars and bruises.  He welcomes the touchof Levi’s small hands, soft and soothing when they chase away thesoap not rinsed off by the pitcher.  Erwin twitches when one handdips lower beneath the clouded water, not shying away from cleaningbetween his legs.  No part of Erwin is hidden from him.  He runs hishand up thoughtlessly over the pale scar on his neck.  I’m sorry.

Finishedat last, Levi helps pull Erwin out of the bathtub.  The waterrolls off of his body and down the planes of his abdomen, and despiteLevi’s aggravation, the sight of him heats his face.  Levi guides himback into his private quarters and shoves his left shoulder downforcibly onto the bed.  He disappears into the bathroom and returnswith a towel and bandages.  He unfolds the towel and uses it to patErwin dry.

“Thankyou, Levi.  I can take it from here.”

“Oh,no.  I’m not letting you out of my sight yet.”

Leviresumes his fussing.  Erwin isn’t used to this, being cared for,being treated as something ephemeral, vulnerable, somethingsusceptible to death.  He feels warm.

“Sitstill.” Erwin obliges.  Levi carefully removes the dirty bandagesaround what is left of his arm.  Out of some morbid fascination, hecan’t stop looking at it.  The flesh smells raw and decayed, the evenstitches sealing it together stained with blood and a clear yellowfluid.  He grumbles under his breath, “Can’t even last ten secondsoutside the wall without me.”  Levi wraps fresh bandages around theamputated limb, dressing the wound with meticulous neatness.  Histouch is disarmingly gentle.

Thanks to all the eruri gods! Your nsfw eruri is priceless.

erwinsboy ha dicho: i still haven’t started writing 3 fics… xD when i will be finished with these fics, summer eruri week will come ha ha ha :’D

Hahaha and hell yeah!! I totally love everythig you write, you always give me warm feels or heat, or both... I'm not even sure XD

whenilearnedtofly ha dicho: I’m still working on eruri week stuff. I am so slow.

I always like how you draw Erwin, I'll be waiting!

O:Choose a song at random, what ship does it remind you of?

love love love , and eruri /oop.

Y:A fandom you’re in but have no ships from.

D: What was the first thing you ever contributed to a fandom?

Man, I don't even remember... probably fanfic? Was it Torchwood fanfic? It might have been Torchwood fanfic ( - __ -);

L: Your favorite fanartist/author gives you one request, what do you ask for?

Aaaah I don't even know. I'd probably just let them do whatever they want-- like, "draw/write something you always wanted to do but didn't think anyone would be interested in."

O: Choose a song at random, what ship does it remind you of?