#when ashes fall

Adam felt entirely numb as he walked off the NYADA campus for the last time. He didn’t bother turning back. The last few minutes he spent with Elliott seemed like a blur. The brownies had no taste to them but he ate them anyway as an excuse to sit with Elliott just a little longer. He had gone to Elliott’s room with the intention of telling him he was leaving but would be back for him. Instead, Adam left with a broken heart and without a boyfriend. He hadn’t wanted to break up with Elliott. He supposed it was only fair, but when it came to Elliott Adam had always been selfish.

His eyes were red from crying and there were no tears left for him cry even though Adam was certain he could continue for a long time. He paused a moment and looked down at his phone, Elliott’s face smiling up from him from the background. Adam bit his lip and went into his settings and changed the picture to just a plain blue. He shoved his phone back into his pocket and crossed his arms over his chest. It wasn’t just Elliott he was leaving, he was also leaving the only friends he ever really had.

It took nearly forty five minutes to make it to the hotel where Adam had paid for a room for him and the Shedim, at least for a few days until they could figure something else out. He stood in front of the door to their room and he could hear the TV coming from inside. Adam took a deep breath and entered, closing the door behind him. The blinds were drawn closed and on the bed surrounded by nearly two dozen candy wrappers was a very content looking Shedim, unglamored. The glamor had worn off two days prior and trying to get him into the hotel unnoticed was enough of a challenge.

“You’re back.” The Shedim said, his accent matching that of Adam’s which always through Adam off just a little. Especially since the only other Shedim he had ever met before was Elliott.  

He smiled and looked over to Adam. When he saw the expression on Adam’s face the smile faded. “Are you okay, Adam?”

Adam tried to smile but it didn’t feel right. He nodded. “I’ll be fine. I uhh, I see you ate the candy I got for you.”

The Shedim ducked his head a little. “Sorry. They didn’t give me anything like this when I was with Mast--with them.” He corrected himself and cleared his throat. “I hate that I still do that.”

“It’s quite alright. You’ve been with them for decades some habits, magical or not, may be hard to break from right away.” Adam looked the Shedim over.

He didn’t look like Elliott did when he was unglamored. Not that he expected all Shedims to look the same, but Adam wasn’t sure what to expect having only seen one Shedim before. This Shedim was a little shorter and less built than Elliott was. His hair was still stark white except it was longer and wavier. It sat just at his shoulders. His eyes were still milky white like Elliott’s were in this form, with long sharp claws, but his horns were just a bit thicker than Elliott’s. Still, he was quite handsome and appeared to be in better spirits than the day Adam initially saved him.

“We’ll need to find someplace to get a few glamor potions.” Adam mused.

The Shedim looked down at himself and frowned. “I like me like this.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I do too.” Adam said quickly. “It’s just for travel purposes. It will make things much easier to blend in when traveling. So, did you pick a name yet?”

“I did!” The Shedim sat up a little more and opened to a page in one of the baby name books Adam had got him. “Ezekiel.” He pointed to the page. “I liked the sound of it. I guess it means God strengthens but I just think it sounds really neat.”

Adam smirked a little. “I like it. Mind if I call you Zeke, for short?”

Ezekiel paused a moment and thought over the question, letting the word roll off his tongue a few times until he seemed satisfied with the sound. “Yes. I like that.”

Adam sat down on the edge of the bed and took his bag off from over his shoulder. Zeke watched him for a moment, picking up a Snickers wrapper and sliding his finger across what little chocolate remained there. Zeke frowned as he licked the chocolate from his finger.

“Adam, you don’t have to do this for me. You’re incredibly kind. Aside from your Aunt Helene, you’re the kindest witch I have ever met. I don’t want you to be sad because of helping me.”

Adam turned himself to face Zeke. “Goodbyes are always sad.” He said. “I want to help you, Zeke. My aunt tried to that years ago but she wasn’t able to finish it. For her memory and for you I want to succeed. Besides...you’re not the only reason I’m not going back. This last year at NYADA was amazing. I’ve met so many people that helped make me stronger but I also encountered things that...well, I don’t think I know who I am right now.”

“But...you’re Adam. You’re a kitchen witch. Which, by the way, I was watching this show on the telly about these pies and other things with sugar and I was hoping you could..I don’t know, show me how to make them?” Zeke’s eyes were wide with wonder. It made Adam’s heart swell with how innocent Zeke seemed even after the decades of torture he must have gone through with that spell.

“I’d be happy to.” Adam replied. “But, it’s not as simple as saying ‘I’m Adam.’ I wish it were. The last few months it’s hard to explain what has been going on but I don’t feel much like myself right now and I think I’m going mad. I’ve been a rubbish friend lately and it hasn’t been fair to Elliott either. Honestly, it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while. Otherwise mentally I think I’ll just go mad. It’s..it’s not healthy for me right now.” Adam ran his hands through his hair.

“Can’t say I have much advice when it comes to friends. I’m not sure what those are. Like, I understand the concept but I’ve never experienced it except maybe with Miss Helene. She was very kind to me. I was sad when she left, so I know about sad goodbyes, I suppose. It was her kindness that I held onto. She gave me hope. And then the other day when you helped free me and showed me that picture of your and your boyfriend, I knew I could instantly trust you. I never thought I could trust anyone else.”

Adam turned his gaze to the ground and was silent. Ex-boyfriend. He thought bitterly and he blinked out a few more tears.

“You’re a good person, Adam. I hardly know you and I can tell. I can only assume you would surround yourself with others who are just as kind. So maybe there are more witches out there than I realize that are trustworthy.” Zeke smiled, he pushed away some of the candy wrappers and moved over to sit next to Adam. “Maybe...maybe your purpose is to show the world of LNs that witches and our kind can live together. That trust can be formed. It could lead to some big changes for my kind.”

Adam liked the sound of this and he thought back to Elliott. He wiped his eyes dry with the back of his hand. “Maybe you’re right. But, I’m sorry if this sounds rude, I always sort of hoped I’d get to do that with Elliott..”

Zeke put his hand on Adam’s shoulder. “I understand. I’ve never been in love myself but I hear it’s something people die for. I’m not trying to replace Elliott. But, since he is stuck at that school maybe I could fill in for the time being. I mean, you freed me Adam and you’re giving everything up for a Shedim that you only just met. That’s the story the whole magical community should know.”

“You’re right.” Adam said. “Thank you, Zeke.”

“No worries!” Zeke hesitated a moment. “So. Are we...are we mates?”

A smile appeared on Adam’s face. “I would say so.”

“Brilliant.” Zeke replied with a toothy grin. He spotted a candy bar he hadn’t opened yet and snatched it up and moved back against the headboard and continued to watch TV.

Adam smiled fondly at Zeke a moment and dug through his bag to pull out his grimoire and set it on the table. Zeke was very kind for having been with his family for decades and decades. Then he remembered what Zeke said about his aunt.Helene had shown him kindness and gave him hope that he would see it again. Adam hoped that Helene was watching him right now and beaming at him with pride. He also hoped that she was with Rosie, the woman she fell in love with in school.

He pulled out his phone and would have to let his mum know they were safe. She was currently under fire about her son and the missing Shedim. Melinda was very cunning though and she could handle herself. The only thing that worried Adam was his dad. He hadn’t been around since before the funeral. It worried Adam to leave his mum alone, but she insisted she would handle things there in London.

MUM: Not to worry Moonpie! I’ll be alright. Your dad still hasn’t come around, I shouldn’t be surprised. Can’t say it isn’t hard but I’ve got other things to focus on. I’m sorry about you and Elliott though, I love you. You’ll find another worthy of your love. I know it.

ADAM: You too.

Adam swallowed thickly and he reached up to hold the pendant around his neck. Adam had his friends with him always. They would be locked inside the amulet in his memories that he could relive at his choosing. He could relive the moment Elliott told him he loved him and the sensation of his kisses and his touches. Adam yanked the amulet chain from his neck and it broke with medium effort.

He flipped through the pages of his Grimoire and in the back there was a page blank and alone. Adam set the pendant on the page and whispered a spell, letting the pendant sink into the page and becoming nothing more than an imagine. Adam stared at the page as words appeared next to the image.  “Pendant of Grand Supernumerary.” Here the pendant could stay out of sight and out of mind for Adam. It would be less tempting to live in his memories this way.

“Adam, can I ask you a question?” Zeke was now gathering the wrappers in his arms. “Are you going to miss them?”