#wheeee rant

Firstly, I'm not really fond of who I am right now.  I'm angry all the time.  It just doesn't stop.  And I lash out when I don't have to.  Being on Tumblr, while for the most part is fun for me, exposes me to a lot of things that make me angry.  And I think I've internalized some of the 'get angry now, think it through later' attitude that come along with some of those parts of Tumblr (really any social media, but I don't usually go on much aside from Tumblr, so.).

Secondly, I had an episode that was in all reality a long time coming.  I'm really not in a good place right now.  I'm confused and sad and angry and just generally not good all the time right now.  But it came to a head recently and I'm really just one stupid conflict away from freaking out again.  I really don't want to go through that.

Thirdly, I just don't care enough to do anything aside from reading fic, watching some tv, and just sort of switching my brain off.

So, I probably won't post much or engage in much conversation via inbox or whatever.

Most of the people I talk to a lot are on my Skype or know my number anyway.  If you want to talk to me, feel free to ask for my Skype, or talk to me there if you have it already.

She found out my mom is paying for half of my Portugal trip next year, and now she's making demands that my mother pay for trips for reading week and cruises and shit.

The concert was amazing.  As much as I loved the Fall Out Boy concert at the Sound Academy in May, I do love the Echo Beach venue a lot.  I had a bad experience there at Warped Tour 2012, but this was a lot smaller and I was more prepared to, you know, not get pushed down and have ten people fall on top of me.  (Seriously, I still have nightmares about that.  As stupid as it sounds, it really scared me shitless.)

We got there kind of late, as Zea and I getting into our cosplays took a bit longer than expected.  This is the second time I've done a concert in cosplay and it was fun.  Fem!Axel just felt appropriate for the show, since Save Rock and Roll was pretty much an Axel-muse album for me.  Zea was fem!Roxas.  They were kind of last-minute casual cosplays, but they were fun all the same.  And then it seemed like every bus and streetcar was working against us.  We were pretty far in the back of the line, but when we got in we still managed to find ourselves a pretty decent spot.

So, the opening act was Twenty One Pilots, and I had never heard of them before.  They were really great, I kind of fell in love with them right away.  I think the deal was sealed when Tyler brought out a ukulele and sang a really sweet song that he had written for his mother.  Usually I find myself just being bored through opening acts waiting for who I came to see, but these guys were really great.

Then Panic! at the Disco started.

So, a bit on my background with P!atD and FOB.

I started listening to both of these bands in high school, Fall Out Boy before Panic!, but I was pretty in love with both throughout most of high school and after.  But, of course, I didn't think I'd get the chance to see them live.  So, seeing FOB in May was amazing, because I got to see one of my favorite bands live.

So this time around, as pumped as I was to see FOB again, I was more excited for Panic!, as it was my first time.  And I wasn't disappointed.  The show was amazing, and singing along to their new stuff was fun, but being able to see them perform the first songs I heard by them was kind of incredible.  After about five years, seeing them live was about the most satisfying thing I could imagine.  It was the same satisfaction I felt when leaving the FOB show in May.

And the Fall Out Boy part of the concert, of course, was great.  The stage was set really well, and I'm amazed that no one wound up hurting themselves on these sets.  It was freezing and pouring rain the whole time, that stage was pretty much a slip-n-slide, as Brendon demonstrated during the Panic! portion of the show by sliding across the stage (which was kind of adorable).  The acoustic portion where they switched stages to be further back was great, too, and nice for the people at the show who were further back.

And the part where Brendon came out to sing with Fall Out Boy was all kinds of fantastic, I have to say.

The show ended about 10:30, but really, it felt like it was far too soon.  But this show was a huge deal for me.  I finally got to see Panic! and got to see FOB again, which made me happy.  But a bigger part of this was that I wasn't scared this time.  I didn't hang back for fear of having another anxiety attack like the one at Warped.  I had Zea and Eric (itsamystere) with me, and that made a big difference.  Eric made sure to let me cling to him when rushes happened and told me when crowd surfers were coming, and Zea didn't seem to mind me clinging to her so we didn't get separated.

So, no panic attacks this time around.  Though there was this jerk in front of me who didn't move around at all during the show.  He just blew the smoke from his joint back at us (as Zea put it; "Come on, either be less obvious about it or share), and decided partway through to lean not only all of HIS weight on me, but his girlfriend was leaning against him as well.  I spent a good five songs supporting the weight of him and his girlfriend while trying to dance.  Dude, if you're not going to dance or sing along, then maybe at least support your own weight or move to the back.  That was a piss off.  Though when I started aggressively dancing and jumping (which, because of how we were positioned, wound up with me punching him in the armpit repeatedly and grinding against him), he finally stood up on his own.