#whatthehellisthis

I know, I don’t update much these days after having baby. Life has been status quo besides battling some ppd, body image issues and the normal sleep deprivation.

Then yesterday happened. Baby has slept through the night 3 nights in a row and I still felt so tired. My boobs were hurting. My period was a few days late maybe (it’s been irregular since having baby). I decide to take a pregnancy test and I get a blaring positive on a cheapie. See pic. I freak out, call my doctor and go in for a beta. I get the beta back this am, 39. Because of the holiday I can’t go in again until Tuesday. But I’m pretty sure this will be chemical pregnancy. With baby I was 182 pretty early on. This is all just so weird to me. I’ve never even had a chemical pregnancy on my own before. Despite all the medicated cycles and IUI, it was all totally negative. The only chemical I had was with a fresh transfer. I have mixed feelings. I’m ok with only having my one sweet baby boy. I’m old (40 now) and I don’t know how my body could even handle another pregnancy. I don’t know if I want to chase after 2 little ones. I haven’t told my husband yet. I sort of invisioned giving him a little Christmas present with the news of a pregnancy. But that scared me. And I don’t know how he would react. We haven’t been exactly the happiest of couples lately.

I really was looking forward to drinking a lot of good wine this weekend. 39 is most likely chemical right? I’m planing on monitoring the darkness of the lines.

With my history of abnormal embryos it really would be a miracle to have a natural normal embryo implanted in my uterus right now. This also scares the hell out of me.

Sorry for the jumbled mess of this post. I’m just still freaking out and scared. And the line today is just the same.😱

Tubi's original Best Friend

Commentary:

-Who sleeps like that on a couch? He looks uncomfortable

-This music knows it’s trash

-I’m glad Hakeem's kids mother landed on her feet after she left Empire

-Not the uncle from The Stepmother popping up

*6 minutes in and I’m ready to call it quits

-This is so corny

-LAWD NOT LIGHTSKIN VILLAIN AGAIN!!

-Marques really dressed like he about to knock on some doors

-Why would you wear an outfit that’s damn near the same thing you wore at work🙃

-Is he eating off a serving tray???

*googles pineapple sprite*🤢

-Not lightskin villain😓

-Ma’am why do you have so much cleavage showing at work??

-He asked her a question Jamie he didn’t accuse her but I’m sure he thinks she did it now…

-all this talking and nobody saying nothing of importance

-Kyle the cop cute

-Now marques please get a life and leave this woman alone

-SLAP HIM AGAIN!!

-Why y’all got pictures up like y’all married??

-This music is ungodly bad

-Why does she have to apologize???

-Not Jamie acting like he really Batman getting justice

-Girl why didn’t you go to that fine man house

-So we’re gonna skip over him confessing that he killed someone??

-He showed up to work refreshed like he wasn’t outside that man house sitting in the car crying

-this has to be the dumbest twist

-10 minutes have past and I have nothing to say

-Lightskin villain didn’t deserve this

-This nigga took his nickname too serious. That girl was not in danger the night you broke into that man house

-Stalking is bad!! I could see if he was just looking at her social media but no he burning gas following her and the people she talking to around

I was scrolling through the possible symbols, and I came across one that is u002020, or 2020.